Bribing the Devil
~Be sure to check out http :/ / fanfiction . net/topic/74868/48350094/1/ (remove the spaces) to nominate someone for the 2011 Profiler's Choice Awards!
"Come on Hotch, please! Pretty please, with sugar on top?" JJ begged, looking at her boss with puppy dog eyes. She didn't beg often, but when she did, she went full tilt.
"I told you JJ, I can't, I have an old law school friend coming into town tonight and I'm getting together with her. Hell, I'm using a babysitter myself tonight," the unit chief told her.
"Who are you using?" JJ asked with narrowed eyes; God help her boss if he'd gotten to their team members before she had.
"One of the neighbor kids is saving for college, so I'm using her. Garcia vetted her to within an inch of her life and she came up clean, so I decided to take the chance. Besides, I'll only be at a bar around the corner from the apartment, so I can be back in less than a minute if anything happens." Hotch sounded as if he was trying to convince himself as well as JJ.
"So you're not going to help me in my time of need because you're chasing some tail? How do you know this woman isn't married? Or that she hasn't gained 110 pounds since law school?" JJ asked.
Hotch glared at her, "I've seen her facebook photos and they all look nice, but thank you for putting that doubt in my mind."
"Good God, you're just as shallow as the rest of the male species! You checked out her facebook photos before agreeing to go out with her?"
JJ had pushed the normally stoic man's last button. "I may be shallow, but at least I'll be going out tonight, unlike you."
Thankfully for Hotch, at that moment Garcia entered his office with a file he'd requested and she was able to catch JJ before she leapt at their boss.
"Whoa, what's going on in here?" The quirky woman asked as she caught JJ's upper arm in a vice grip.
"This man had the nerve to tease me about not being able to go out tonight!" JJ hissed as her eyes narrowed even more upon her boss.
"Are you insane?" Garcia asked him as she tightened her hold on her friend. "Did you miss her high levels of stress over the past few days? Do you want to die?"
Hotch, realizing he was in trouble with both women, began to backpedal. "No, of course I don't, I was just making a joke. I'm sorry JJ; I didn't realize your plans tonight meant so much to you." He genuinely felt bad because he considered JJ to be a close friend and he wished he could help her.
JJ perked up, "Do you feel bad enough to cancel your own plans so you can watch Henry tonight?"
"Not a chance," Hotch replied as he thought of the female friend he was meeting. "Why can't you watch Henry, Garcia?"
"I have plans tonight, bossman," the blonde replied.
"Everyone has plans tonight! Emily is going out with her mother, Reid has something going on at the planetarium and Derek has, and I'm quoting, a "hot little honey" waiting for him after work."
"You were going to leave Henry with Derek?" Hotch asked in awe. "Man, you are desperate!"
"You didn't ask Rossi," Garcia said jokingly as she saw the man cutting through the bullpen on the way up to his office. "What about him?"
JJ thought for a minute, "Hmmmm."
Garcia, upon seeing JJ's consideration of the idea, shook her head violently. "I was just joking, Sweet Pea! You can't leave my precious godson with that man!"
"She's right JJ, the one time I left Jack with him, I came home and he was all hyped up on sugar. It turns out 'Uncle Dave' let him have ice cream for dinner and then they split a giant canister of triple fudge frosting for dessert! The kid didn't sleep a wink that night, which meant I didn't sleep a wink that night!"
"What else can I do Hotch? My college friend is only going to be in DC for one night, and even then we have to meet at the airport since she's only here on a layover. Then it's back to Iceland and I won't see her again for a few years," JJ told him.
"Seriously Jayje, Dave will have Henry smoking cigars and swilling scotch by the time you pick him up from the infamous 'cabin'," Garcia said, horrified. "There has to be some other way!"
"There is no other way! I'm at the end of my rope here people! I need one night off to visit with my friend. Besides, Rossi probably already has plans with some floozy."
"Not likely," Hotch muttered, knowing his best friend only had eyes for the media liaison standing in front of him.
"Well, anyway, he's my last resort," JJ said as she turned to leave.
"JJ wait," Hotch said, reaching into his desk drawer. To both women's surprise, he pulled out a bottle of expensive looking scotch and handed it to her. "You'll need a bribe and I've always found Talisker scotch to be a good way to get Rossi to do my bidding."
JJ examined the bottle and nodded, "Thanks Hotch, I owe you."
He nodded and as the small blonde left the office. Garcia, who was still in the room, looked at him in open-mouthed shock. "What?" He finally asked.
"You yelled at me for keeping Oreo's in my desk drawer and now I find out you keep scotch in yours?" The pitch of her voice had wandered into 'bat's only' range by the end of her sentence and Hotch knew if he didn't explain, he would find himself in electronic ruin.
"Have you ever tried to get David Rossi to do something he didn't want to? Sure, I might be his superior, but that's only in title. Everyone here knows that Rossi is a man unto himself and he does what he wants, when he wants…thank god, we both usually want him to do the same thing, but not always; hence the scotch."
"Are you afraid of him, Hotch?" Garcia asked and the unit chief could hear the laughter in her voice.
"Hell yes I'm afraid of him, god knows the man probably has dirt on God himself; I'm afraid to know what he has on me!"
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Dave looked up as he heard a knock on his open office door. He felt a smile overtake his face when he saw the object of his unrequited desire standing in the doorway.
"Come on in JJ," he said as he motioned towards one of the chairs in front of his desk.
JJ entered the office, sat down and set the bottle of liquor on his desk. Dave gave a low whistle when he saw the brand. "Wow, this must be some favor you're about to ask me for, Hotch usually only gives this stuff up when he wants to leave me in charge of the zoo for a couple of days."
"It's not a huge favor, it's just a teensie, weensie little one," she said as she played with her hair. That mannerism also clued Dave into the enormity of her request; she only played with her hair when she was depressed or nervous and since she didn't look particularly sad…
"Are you busy tonight?"
"Noooo," he said hesitantly, wondering where this was going to go.
"Oh thank god," she breathed. "Can you watch Henry for a couple of hours?"
Dave's face took on an uncomfortable look. "I don't know JJ, I don't know much about babies."
"He's not a baby, he turned three last month," JJ told him.
"Still…."
"Please Dave, I'm desperate, a friend is only in town for a few hours and I really want to see her before she goes back to the great, white north. I'll do anything!"
"Anything?" He asked as he waggled his eyebrows.
"Within reason," she told him and his brows lowered.
"I'm going to hold you to that, JJ," he warned. "I'm going to have a marker to call in at the time of my choosing."
JJ paused when she heard the condition but she finally nodded. "Fine," she said, feeling like she just sold her soul to the devil.
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Two hours later, JJ pulled into the driveway of Dave's 'cabin,' which was really a mansion, but he never called it that. She parked the car, opened the back door, got Henry and his toys out of the vehicle and started up the front walk. When they were about halfway there, the door opened and Dave stepped out.
"Uncle Dave!" Henry shouted and ran the rest of the way in his footie pajamas.
"Howya doin' Henry?" Dave asked as the little boy ran into his outstretched arms.
"Mommy said I'm stayin' with you tonight!"
"That's right, buddy, you are," Rossi said with a smile at the little boy's exuberance. He let JJ into the house, where she set a bag full of toys and other toddler items down on the ground.
"Thank you SO much for doing this, Dave."
"Sure thing JJ, just remember, you owe me."
JJ swallowed hard; maybe she could give him his payment in sexual favors. Wow, where did THAT come from? Sure, she'd always had a crush on the older profiler, but she'd never thought anything like that! Thank god the filter between her brain and mouth was working and she hadn't said it out loud, although she did turn bright red, which Rossi noticed and stored away for future reference.
Dave refrained from commenting on JJ's red hue and instead asked about instructions for Henry. JJ told him the toddler had already eaten but he needed a bath and, since his bedtime was eight o'clock and it was already seven, he would probably sleep most of the time she was gone.
After giving Dave the instructions, she kissed Henry on the forehead, warned Dave not to give him any sugar and let herself out the door. She was in her car with the music playing and she missed the shrill scream from inside the house.
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David Rossi was exhausted. Who knew that such a little person could wreak such large-scale havoc on him and his house? Hell, the kid had scared Mudgie so much that the mutt had curled up in the laundry room closet for the night and nothing scared that dog! For the love of god, Dave had seen Mudgie tangle with a bobcat and win, so for Henry to make him retreat…well, it described the night perfectly.
He was sitting on his sofa, flipping through the channels as he tried to catch his breath, when he heard his front door open. "I'm home!" JJ said brightly as she strode into the great room.
"For the love of all that's holy, keep your voice down woman!" Dave ordered as he stood up. "Do you want to wake him?" Once he was in a standing position, JJ got a look at him and realized he looked tired. No, not tired, exhausted. Not only did he look like he was about to pass out, his hair was disheveled, his posture was stooped and he looked very damp.
"What happened?" JJ asked as she sat down on the sofa.
"What happened?" Dave repeated as he joined her on the couch. "Your son happened, that's what! Seriously JJ, when did you find time to sleep with Satan? Because your son is definitely the devil's spawn!"
"Now wait just a minute, Rossi!" JJ huffed, offended on her son's behalf. "My son is a cute, smart and well-behaved child; he's just going through a phase, one I probably should've warned you about."
"You think?" Dave practically shrieked. "Your son started screaming the moment you left the cabin and he didn't stop until about five minutes ago! I thought maybe a bath would calm him down, but no, he managed to wail through the entire thing and then once I got him out, he squirmed away from me and I had a wet, naked three year old running through my house for over an hour! He just went to bed and it's almost midnight!"
JJ held back a snort of laughter and thought of every sad thing that had ever happened to her in order to stop a smile from spreading across her face, but it didn't work.
"You find this FUNNY?" He yelled and then clamped a hand over his mouth when he realized he might've awoken the demon child upstairs. Thankfully the house stayed quiet.
"Not funny, per se, I just never thought the Great David Rossi would be brought to his knees by a three year old."
"I'm not kidding, JJ, your kid was a terror tonight. He pulled every book from all of my lower bookshelves and put them in a huge pile, he snuck back into the bathroom when I wasn't looking and started swimming in the filled bathtub and splashed the hell out of me when I tried getting him out of it, he tried to ride Mudgie like a horse and then, when I wouldn't give him chocolate milk, because I don't HAVE any, he bit me!" Dave rolled up his sleeve and sure enough, there was a set of small bite marks on his forearm.
"I'm sorry Dave, he's usually a good kid, but the terrible two's have turned into the terrible threes," she told him with a sigh.
"How do you manage by yourself?" He asked softly as he scooted closer to her. Even though she had been out all night, she looked just as exhausted as he felt.
"It's hard, but we make it work," she said as his hand found the back of her neck and began massaging. She unconsciously leaned in towards him and before she knew it, his mouth descended upon hers.
As he kissed her, Dave thought he'd died and gone to heaven. How many times had he imagined doing this? Five hundred? Six hundred? Too many to count. She surprised him by sliding her tongue into his mouth and he could feel it exploring, so he returned the favor. Suddenly, she pulled away from him with a pant.
"What are we doing, Dave?" She couldn't believe she'd let her passions get the best of her. This was lunacy! There was no WAY the man sitting next to her felt the same way about her as she did about him.
"I would say I'm collecting my favor, JJ," Dave said calmly, but inside he wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go.
"What do you mean? I thought you were saving that for work?"
"I was going to, but I find this type of payback much more satisfying, don't you?"
"But-but," she sputtered, "You could have anything you want at work. Yeah, I'm not as powerful as you are, but I have contacts Dave, very important contacts you might need someday."
He shrugged, "I may not have the contacts you do, but I'll bet Hotch does and I can scare a favor out of him. Now can we please get back to what we were doing?" He leaned in towards her but she put up her hand to block him.
"Again, what were we doing?"
"I would say we were enjoying each other's company. Immensely." He told her and then decided to put all of his cards on the table. "Look JJ, no matter how hard I've tried not to, I have feelings for you and they are not at all brotherly or friendly. I want you, both physically and emotionally and, unless I misread your red face earlier, you harbor certain feelings towards me as well."
She almost played dumb, but at the last second she realized this was her one chance with the man who had been a regular in her fantasies and she nodded her agreement. "You're right Dave; I've wanted you since I first saw you at Georgetown as an undergrad."
"Then I think we should pick up where we left off and save the heavy conversation for tomorrow, don't you?"
"I think that's a great idea," she said just before his lips crashed against her. Their kissing intensified and Dave was just reaching under her shirt to unhook her bra when all of the sudden they heard, "Mommy?"
The two of them pulled apart like they were on fire and looked at young Henry Jareau. "What is it, baby?" JJ asked as she reached out to him.
"I heard your voice and I wanted to hug you," he said as he threw his arms around her.
"You have great timing, kid," Dave groaned as he contemplated a cold shower.
"I'm firsty," he said as he looked from JJ to Dave. "He wouldn't let me have any chocate milk!"
"Well let's see what else he has, okay?" She suggested as she stood up with the toddler in her arms. She looked over the boy's head at Dave. "I'm sorry our thing together ended so suddenly, but that's the joy of parenthood."
Dave stood up and joined them in their walk to the kitchen. "That wasn't the end JJ; that was just the beginning."