Sometimes, it still amazes me just how fucked up my life really is.
Maybe it was the pressure. Yes, that must be it. Regardless, I can't help but blame my parents, or my father, rather. Mom was never really a part of it. I can't help but think it was his constant demand for perfectionism that pushed him to it.
But in the end, I'm still the one that let it start. And in the end, I'm the one that lets it continue.
I'm not going to try to explain his actions, nor will I try to excuse my own actions(or lack thereof). Perhaps if, just once, I'd done what I should have, I could have stopped this whole thing before it started.
Or maybe nothing would have changed. Maybe I'd be instigator in all this. I suppose it doesn't matter any more. All that matters is that he still comes to my bed at night. All that matters is the things he does to me. All that matters is the hushed whispers of an unnatural love, spoken in the dead of night.
And all that matters is that I allow it to happen. Every touch, every kiss, everything that goes on is my goddamn fault.
Because, disgusting though it sounds, even to me, I want it to go on.
I hate what we've become, this perversion of our brotherhood. I hate that even though I know it's sick, and wrong, and so many other awful things, I still allow myself to enjoy it. I hate loving him.
I've given up trying to fight myself. I've given up trying to stop these feelings that come unbidden from the back of my mind.
You may say that I'm evil. That I'm sick. That I'm an abomination. And you may be right...
...But Sasuke is still my brother. And I love him.
A/N: Gah! I can't believe I even thought this up. Am I going to hell yet?