When he opens his eyes, he's standing in a patch of cut grass and he's barefoot.
He looks around and spots familiar trees and walkways and benches. He's in the park that he and Bones run through when they are Earthside and when he turns, he expects to see the Golden Gate Bridge but instead, his attention is brought to a bench with two men sitting and laughing companionably. They look familiar, and Jim frowns in thought before his eyes widen in a mixture of fear and astonishment.
George Kirk looks young like he did when he died and David McCoy looks a bit older but still young, younger than when he died-when Bones had to help him die.
Jim hesitantly makes his way over to them, his bare feet feeling almost weightless against the verdant green grass. He comes to an uncomfortable stop in front of the two men and they both look up at him, smiling.
Jim's father stands and he has the overwhelming urge to cry when the man pulls him into a bone-crushing hug after saying that he's glad to finally meet him. Jim hugs his father and buries his face into George Kirk's shoulder as he cries, his father rubbing his back soothingly for a good while before they pull apart.
Jim looks to Bones' dad and says how much of an honor it is to meet him and David McCoy laughs and says that the honor is his.
A couple of baseball gloves appear on the bench along with a ball and David tosses them to the Kirk's telling them to go catch up but before he leaves, David hugs Jim and whispers, "Tell Leo I love him and that I'm proud of him. Tell him, the only peaches ever worth a damn are the ones from his mama's tree in the backyard so he'll know it's the truth."
Jim agrees, though he's not sure if he'll ever get to tell Bones that- he thought he was in heaven already. How could he tell Bones when Bones is still alive? Jim made sure he was safe by fixing the ship.
George asks Jim if he feels like having a catch and Jim nods, remembering when he was a kid and he wished he could have played catch with his dad.
They throw the ball back and forth a few times before Jim finally has the courage to speak.
"Is this heaven?" He asks.
"This is your heaven. Each person gets their own small version of heaven and then all of those places are held together and are able to be shared with whoever you want."
"So, my heaven is the old park where Bones and I run when we're Earthside?"
"It appears so. Were you thinking about this place when you were making your way through the core?"
"I guess I was. I remember thinking about racing Bones up the hill to see the Golden Gate Bridge from across the river. It helped feeling calm when I had to hurry to fix the ship; to not think about all the lives that would have been lost if I didn't make it in time."
"And maybe just thinking about Leonard made you keep going." George smiles softly.
"Yeah." Jim says quietly.
"I know that you love him Jimmy. I'm basically in your head you know. And David and I have been watching over you boys for a long time: we know love when we see it."
"You've been watching over me?"
"Of course I have. I wish sometimes that I could do more than just watch but ever since you were born, I've been there with you. You just weren't able to see."
"And you're okay with me wanting to be with Bones?"
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? The way you two look at each other is all I've ever wanted for you, James."
"Really? Wait, how does Bones look at me?" Jim frowns.
"The same way you look at him. Like you're the sun, moon, Earth, and the entire universe all wrapped into one. He looks at you like you're the only thing worth seeing; the only thing he wants to see."
"Bones really looks at me like that?" He whispers.
"Yup. The next time you see him you should pay more attention." George says.
"How will I ever see him again, dad? I'm dead."
"Hardly." The elder Kirk chuckles.
"What do you mean?"
"Did you really think you could die and Leonard wouldn't try and do anything about it?"
"There was nothing he could do. If I had had Scotty comm him, he probably would have opened the door and got himself killed because he's stubborn and selfless and he's always saving me."
"Well, he's a man in love, kiddo. Would you want him to act any different and not give a damn if you lived or died?" George asks after tossing the ball back to Jim and then standing with a hand on his hip.
"No. No, not at all. He wouldn't be 'Bones' if he wasn't saving me."
"Well, he's 'Bones' and he's doing everything he can to save you."
"How do you know that?" Jim asks as he tosses the ball back to him dad.
"Because David and I have been watching him try and cure you for a while now. I was wondering when you would show up since he took you out of the cryotube today."
"He froze me?" Jim balks.
"He had to while he worked to figure out how to use Khan's blood to cure you." George explains.
"So, he's trying to fix me right now?"
"Yes."
"Can you take me to him?"
"I don't know if you'll want to see." George looks a little apprehensive and Jim is suddenly filled with worry for Bones' sake.
"What do you mean?"
"You've been basically dead for a few days Jim. Leonard's not himself and he doesn't look well."
"Please, dad. Take me to him." Jim begs as he walks over to his dad, the baseball and gloves disappearing out of sight, though Jim pays them no mind.
George takes Jim's hand and from one second to the next, they are standing in what Jim assumes is a hospital room. He sees himself lying on a biobed and he looks like total shit.
He's pale and he still has cuts healing on his face and he looks like death warmed over. There is a man sitting by his bed in white scrubs with his face in his hands and Jim would know that build anywhere. Bones rubs his hands over his face and through his hair before he sits up in his chair, giving Jim the chance to see his face. Bones looks as if he hasn't shaved in days or eaten or slept. His eyes are tired and bloodshot with dark bags under them and Jim has never seen them look so broken and dull; the light from those gorgeous hazel eyes dimmed and haunted.
Jim lets go of his father's hand and walks over to Bones. He sits on his own hospital bed, ignoring his lifeless body hooked up to many different machines as he gazes at Bones. The good doctor's eyes are locked on Jim's fragile form and Jim reaches out wanting to touch him, to grip his shoulder and tell him everything is going to be okay. But he pauses, looking over to his father and now Bones' father standing together across the room.
"He won't feel me, will he?" Jim asks forlornly.
"I'm sorry, Jimmy." George says. "The living almost never feel us."
"Unless it's in a situation with overwhelming circumstances and emotions are all over the place." David says. "But still, it's something they could brush off as cold chill or a breeze."
Jim nods, crestfallen and keeps his hands to himself.
"Please Jim."
Jim jumps at Bones' words, barely recognizing the man's voice it's so quiet and small, just a feeble, exhausted, breath of air.
"Please." Bones begs. "Don't leave me."
Bones reaches forward and takes Jim's body's hand, his arm passing by Jim's side.
Jim looks down at his hands and he doesn't feel Bones. He can't feel Bones' warmth or the slightly rough pads of his fingers. He can't feel the tingles he usually gets from the man's touch or the pull in his stomach whenever Bones is near. He doesn't feel anything and he's desperate for Bones' touch, he's always desperate for it.
"Dammit Jim." Bones breathes. "Damn you and your self-sacrificing bullshit. Why couldn't you have called for me? I would have climbed with you, that way we could have fought to have the last word. You didn't give me a chance to bitch at your crappy plans or tell you how stupid you were for doing what you did or call you an infuriating infant. You didn't give me the chance to go out along beside you, like I knew I would the day I met you. You took away my not-goodbye, Jim. I don't do goodbyes, but I would have liked the chance to say 'I'll be seeing you' like I did with my dad." Jim looks over at David and the man is looking at his son with admiration and sadness and Jim has to look away before he starts to cry again. "You took away my last chance to tell you how I feel, but what really hurts Jim is that you took away my last chance at seeing your goddamn eyes. Damn your eyes, Jim."
Bones' tears fall and the man looks to the ceiling with a haggard breath pushing through his chest and Jim aches to touch him. His eyes are damp and all he wants is to feel Bones under his fingertips.
"Damn those azure eyes." Bones croaks. "You know, the first time I saw those eyes behind the bruises and cuts on your face, I thought they weren't human. I thought to myself, there's no way those are normal. But they were- they are. They are, and they're the only things that have ever completely taken my breath away. They're the last thing I picture before I go to sleep and they're the first thing I think about when I wake. Whenever I'm in the conn with you and the others and I can't see your face, I picture your eyes in front of me instead of the open black through the window. It sounds corny as hell, I know, but just thinking about your eyes calms me. They make flying in a tin can through space easier and worth the bullshit I have to deal with on a daily basis." Bones leans forward in his chair, his face just inches away from Jim's waist and Jim slides down to the floor, kneeling so that he's looking into Bones' hazel eyes, though Bones is basically looking through him. "I can barely breathe just thinking that I'll never see those eyes of yours again, Jim."
Jim blinks and tears slide down his face and without thinking he reaches up and cups the side of Bones' face. Bones' eyes close and he shivers against Jim's hand before his hands come up to wipe his own tears away.
"I know I'm not much," Bones whispers. "But I'm desperately in love with you. And I promise that I'll spend the rest of my life, simply loving you. Because loving you is like breathing- it's easy, natural, and all-consuming; without conditions or limit."
Jim's really crying now and he can't seem to stop and he can't look away from Bones, he doesn't ever want to. Bones is looking at his hands, covering Jim's unmoving one and Jim feels like screaming. He feels like screaming into his own ear and telling himself to- Just move! Move! Feel! Bones needs you to do something!
And just when he thinks he can't take it anymore, Bones gasps and Jim follows his line of sight to see that his face has a tear sliding down his cheek.
His body is finally doing something and Jim doesn't care that it chose to cry in front of Bones. Bones is the only person he ever wants to see all sides of him, even his weak ones.
"Jim?" Bones breathes and Jim stretches to rest his forehead against Bones', feeling Bones' shiver course through him.
"I love you too." Jim whispers.
Bones jerks his head around frantically, looking around the room as if he's searching for something and Jim thinks that Bones must have heard him.
"Jim?" Bones croaks and looks to Jim's body once again, looking for answers.
Jim leans forward and kisses the side of Bones' mouth and Bones reaches up to touch the spot where goosebumps have formed.
"I love you." Jim says again and Bones smiles as he cries.
Jim looks over at his father and David McCoy and smiles at their happily ecstatic faces.
"I'll miss both of you, but I'm ready to go home now."
"I love you, James." George says.
"I love you too, dad." Jim says.
And as if from one second to the next, Jim Kirk opens his eyes and blinks up at Leonard McCoy.
"Bones." Jim smiles tiredly.
"Oh don't be so melodramatic." Bones sasses as he checks his vitals. "You were barely dead."
Jim huffs out a laugh but holds his tongue when he sees Spock, hoping that he'll get his chance to speak with Bones after Spock leaves.
It's a while, but when Jim is finally alone with Bones, the good doctor tries to tell him to get some rest.
Jim is not having that.
"No. Bones, will you just give me 5 minutes?"
"Dammit Jim, you need to rest." Bones growls.
"I've done enough resting."
"I'm the doctor here dammit, and I'll tell you when you've had enough resting."
Jim sighs as Bones turns out the light in his room so now he can only see Bones from the bluish glow from his monitors.
"Bones, please. Can you just do one thing for me, no questions asked?"
He hears Bones sigh and Jim smiles a little, picturing Bones' giving-into-Jim face.
"What is it Jim?"
"Will you let me hold your hand until I fall asleep?"
"Jim, wh-"
"Ah! No questions asked!"
Bones growls and Jim smiles when he hears the knowing sound of a chair being moved over next to his bed. Bones takes his seat and Jim reaches out for Bones' hand just when Bones is reaching for him and they meet in the middle. Cold meets warm and smooth meets slightly callused.
Jim sighs contentedly as he grips Bones' hand and rubs his thumb along Bones' wrist. He missed the feel of those hands, he always misses them.
"Happy now?" Bones grumbles roughly and Jim smiles to himself knowing that Bones is enjoying this just as much as himself.
"Euphoric." Jim breathes.
"Well, good." Bones clears his throat. "Now go to sleep."
Jim closes his eyes, his thumb still stroking Bones' skin.
"Bones." Jim whispers.
Bones sighs. "What?"
"I can't go to sleep yet."
"How do you know? You won't even try." Bones quips and Jim chuckles.
"But seriously Bones, I don't think I can go to sleep until I tell you a story."
"Don't you have that backwards? Aren't I the one that's supposed to tell you a story so you'll fall asleep?"
"Not this time." Jim smiles.
"You're not going to shut up and go to sleep until you tell me a story, are you?"
"Affirmative."
"God, fine. Tell me a story."
Jim grins and scoots himself over on his biobed, making enough room for Bones to join him.
"What are you doing?" Bones grumbles.
"Making room so you can lie next to me."
"These beds are made for one Jim."
"Too bad. Now, get up here so I can see your face as I tell you the story."
"God, you're infuriating." Bones sighs.
Jim smiles and watches as Bones climbs into bed with him, still holding his hand.
Bones gives off natural warmth and Jim finds himself curling up against the good doctor once he's settled, much to Bones' surprise.
"Jim-"
"Shh." Jim says softly. "I'm going to tell you my story now."
"O-okay." Bones stutters and squeezes his hand.
"My story, like most good stories, starts at the end."
"The end?"
"The supposed end Bones. Now be quiet, I'm building up suspense."
Bones chuckles and Jim smiles up at him, happy to hear that beautiful sound again.
"Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the end. The supposed ending to the life of a ship Captain."
"Jim-"
"Bones. Please, just humor me."
"Fine." Bones grits but his hold on Jim's hand tightens.
"What seemed like a noble ending to the life of the ship Captain really was just a new chapter; a turning of the page to reveal the beginning of what would become the greatest love story to ever be."
Bones is now eerily silent and Jim starts stroking Bones' wrist once again with his thumb, hoping that he'll have the courage to continue.
"But before the love story could begin, the ship Captain had to die. So the Captain made a great climb, thinking of the one that he loved and hoping that if he could just reach the top, his love and all of his crew would be saved. And he did, but at a cost. He reached the top but he knew that he would soon fall and his love would be lost to him."
Jim brings up his other hand so he can trace along Bones' shaking fingertips and surges on with his story.
"The Captain did indeed fall and in his last moments, he wished that his love was with him but he knew that his love was safe and helping people that could be saved, unlike him. The Captain instead shared his last moments with a friend and as he started to drift off, his thoughts were only of his love, wishing that he had had the courage to tell his love of his feelings before it was too late."
Jim sits up a bit so he can look at Bones and Bones looks right back, his expression sad and hopeful all at once.
"But what the ship Captain wasn't expecting, was to awaken in what he thought could only be heaven."
Jim notes the slight twitch in Bones' eyebrow before continuing.
"And even though this heaven looked just like the park he and his love would run in on sunny days, he knew that it could only be heaven because of the two men he saw sitting together on a bench. The ship Captain knew who the two men were, but he had never had the chance to meet them before. For one was the father whom died at his birth and the other was his love's father, a man he never got to meet because he had died many years before he met his love."
Bones' hand is gripping his so tight; Jim knows that if he could see their hands better, Bones' knuckles would be white.
"Both men looked young and happy and appeared to be good friends and it made the ship Captain happy to see both men together, ecstatic that he could finally meet them at last. And when the ship Captain found the courage to walk over to them, both men welcomed him with open arms."
Jim can see the disbelief and unshed tears in Bones' eyes and he scoots closer to Bones so he can rest his head on the bed a few inches away from Bones'.
"The ship Captain enjoyed his time with his father and his brief time with his love's father, but once he learned that his love was working to save him, he asked his father to take him to see his love. For the ship Captain desperately wanted to see his love again. And once he saw his love's crestfallen form hunched over in a chair, next to his body's bedside, the ship Captain ached to hold his love and tell him that everything would be okay."
Jim squeezes Bones' hand and continues even though Bones' eyes are still filled with saddened disbelief.
"The ship Captain sat in front of his love and listened to every whisper, every plea, and every breath his love made by his bedside. And the ship Captain became starved for the touch of his love's skin and he thoughtlessly cupped his love's cheek, causing his love to shiver and move away. But his love's words continued and the desperation for his love to feel him became too great and the ship Captain's tears flowed freely. His emotions were so great that it caused a single tear to slide down his earthly form's cheek for his love to see. And once his love became filled with hope again, the ship Captain placed his forehead against his love's and whispered, 'I love you too'. And when he spoke, the ship Captain and his father and his love's father were shocked to see that his love had heard him. His love had heard him, and so the ship Captain gave into hope and placed a kiss on the side of his love's mouth and said, 'I love you' once again. The ship Captain watched as his love reached up to cover the spot he had kissed with his hand and his love smiled as he cried. The ship Captain now knew he was ready to go home and once he said goodbye to his father and his love's father, the ship Captain found himself opening his eyes to what he knew was a sight better than heaven. It was the sight of his love looking down at him."
Jim smiles at Bones and reaches up to wipe Bones' tears away with his thumb.
"And so, the beginning was the end and the end was the beginning." Jim says softly.
"It was real." Bones whispers roughly.
Jim nods and laces his fingers together with Bones' tightly.
"So you, you saw George and my dad?"
Jim nods again.
"And you saw me, beggin' you not to leave?"
Jim once again nods, knowing that Bones just needs time to wrap his mind around everything.
"Do you remember what I said to you?" Bones asks.
"Every beautiful word."
Bones huffs out a laugh and Jim smiles.
"You want to know my favorite part?"
"Sure." Bones cringes and Jim reaches up to grip the side of Bones' neck, rubbing his thumb into Bones' skin as to feel his pulse point throbbing under his fingertips.
"The part where you said, 'damn those azure eyes' and how they made flying around in a tin can through space worth it."
Even in the bluish glow from his monitors, Jim can make out the slight blush across Bones' face.
"God, this can't be happening." Bones says quietly. "You died, Jim. And you met your dad and hell, my dad. Jesus, Jim, you died."
Bones sucks in a harsh breath and Jim pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around the good doctor as he shakes and breathes roughly.
"Shh. It's okay." Jim whispers. "It's okay, Bones. You brought me back. You saved me, just like you always do."
Jim holds Bones for a while, neither of them needing words; just holding each other for comfort as Bones' breathing calms and he ceases his shaking.
"Hey, Bones?" Jim says tentatively.
"Yeah?" Bones sniffs and looks up at him and Jim cards his fingers through Bones' hair.
"Just so we know that what happened was real, I have to tell you what I promised your dad I would. Okay?"
Bones visibly swallows but he nods and squeezes Jim's hand. "Okay."
Jim takes a breath and focuses to try and remember David McCoy's exact words for his son.
"He said, 'tell Leo I love him and that I'm proud of him' and he also said, 'tell him, the only peaches ever worth a damn are the ones from his mama's tree in the backyard so he'll know it's the truth'."
And just like that, Bones is laughing and smiling and crying and taking Jim's face in his hands carefully before slotting his mouth against Jim's.
The kiss is soft and unrushed at first, almost cautious, like most new things being tried out. Then it becomes something else entirely. It becomes unguarded and heady and perfectly natural. It's the kind of kiss where you can't tell where one person ends and the other begins. And where breaths are taken quickly and so impossibly close that you're breathing the same air.
They only break away when Jim's heart monitor goes off and Jim is smiling at Bones' unabashedly smug face while the on duty nurse gapes at them after running into the room.
The nurse leaves without comment, her hands thrown up in the air in exasperation.
Bones smirks at Jim and Jim punches him in the arm as best he can from their close proximity.
"Stop it." Jim laughs. "You try making out with a heart monitor on and not having it go off."
"Hum. Maybe we can experiment with that some other time." Bones smirks.
"Yeah?" Jim shivers.
"Yeah. But right now, you should get some sleep."
"Fine. But we're making out more when I wake up."
Bones chuckles. "Okay, Jim."
"You sleep too. You might have showered and shaved earlier but I can tell that you're exhausted. I can always tell."
Bones raises a prominent eyebrow and Jim tries to copy him as best he can before he gives up and just rests his head on Bones' chest, making sure that the cantankerous doctor stays where he is.
"Alright." Bones sighs, his arm coming up to wrap around Jim. "I'll sleep too."
Jim smiles. "G'night Bones."
"Night Jim."
A few silent moments pass and Jim closes his eyes, feeling blissfully content.
"I love you, Bones." Jim breathes, holding tight to one of Bones' hands, their fingers naturally lacing together.
Bones exhales into Jim's hair and his arms become more secure around Jim as he holds him ever closer.
"I love you too, Jim."
And so, the beginning was the end and the end was the beginning.