Disclaimer: Am I Rick Riordan? No.
Chapter 1:
Annabeth:
Im the kind of girl who likes a routine. I also like to be organized, make lists, and read books. These are all reasons people think I have OCD. I don't! Just because a girl likes to wear clean socks, shower every morning, and write down reminders to replenish her tampon supply does not make a person obsessively compulsive. And gods forbid someone actually likes to read for FUN! Luckily people know if they talk shit about me to my face I'll use their own weapon to slit their pathetic little throat.
So basically, my routine consists of sleeping 8 hours, waking up and showering, eating breakfast, practicing swordsmanship, and then going back to my cabin to indulge in my secret obsession with My Little Pony. Applejack is my homie. I would take a bullet for that bitch. All the rest of the day is left up to chance.
So here I am in the middle of season 2 episode 7 where Spike is just about to admit he's a closet lesbian when my "best friend" Piper burst into my room. I put quotes around best friend because in reality, I fucking can't stand her. She won't shut up about how hot her boyfriend Jason is. If only she knew how many times i'd seen him role playing as Cinderella through the window of his cabin. And yes I do freely admit I spy on people through windows with night vision goggles. What can I say? I have no life.
So basically this bitch just pops in whenever she wants because that's what best friends do, they surprise each other. I wonder how surprised she'd be if I tackled her to the ground and slapped her silly.
"Hey Annie!" she says. " I was just going to the beach with Grover and Leo, wanna come?"
"Why yes, I do wanna come, just not to the beach with you and those idiots." I reply.
Piper gives me a disgusted face and hastily retreats out the door. Since she ruined my MLP mindset, I decide to look up pictures of sexy mustaches. I have kind of a thing for them. My favorite one was of some guy named Adolf Hitler. The name sounds familiar to me but I can't quite place it. Maybe he was in some music video or on Dancing With the Stars.
After that, I decide to go check on my real best friend and secret crush, Percy Jackson. Everyone thinks he's a real weenie since he accidentally tripped and fell tearing the golden fleece and rendering it useless last year. Chiron managed to fix the problem of monsters killing everyone in sight with his brilliant idea. He had us make a huge steel fence around the entire camp and he charged the monsters one drachma each to get in. And he even made it so they agree to eat only the insignificant side characters that nobody gives two shits about. How great is that? So yeah anyway I stroll out of my cabin dressed like the total slut that I dream of being and on my way to the Poseidon cabin I try to prefect my pimp walk. I get a few weird looks but I knew they all secretly thought it was hot. I bang on Percy's door five times. Someday I hope to be banged on Percy's door five times...or six..or seven. Percy opens the door wearing only a pair of hot pink boxers with rainbow dash on them.
"Huh waah?" he gurgles. "Omigah! Is that rainbow dash?" I squeal pointing to his lower region. His eyes suddenly come into focus and he looks at me blushing bright red. "Annabeth! What the hades are you doing here? It's like 2 in the afternoon!" he shouts. "Never mind that! I didn't know you liked MLP!" I say. "Of course I do. What's not to like? Colorful ponies with big bright eyes going on adventures, having torrid affairs, and going on killing sprees on a whim. Not to mention all the not so subtle innuendos!" he exclaims. We then proceed to have a forty five minute conversation about the joys of MLP and planning the perfect murder. I even had him get his sketchbook so we could draw detailed diagrams. "No no no Percy, that's not sensible at all. If we were to drown the pope we could just have your dad get rid of the evidence, it's much more logical!" I say erasing the picture of a crude stick figure burning at a stake and replacing it with a heartwarming picture of Dora the Explorer covered in chains and sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic. As I furiously draw her transgender backpack, Percy starts to speak again. "Hey Annabeth?" he says slowly like I am a two year old kid with autism. "Yes Percy?" I bite out bitterly. Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesnt get on my nerves. " I was wondering if perhaps you uh, maybe um...do you want to go to the movies with me on Saturday? We could see that new film about the apple named Greg who discovers his sexuality through a series of different drug induced hallucinations. I heard it's really good and it's supposed to win an Oscar." I didn't hear anything after he said movies. He asked me out! He's so totally in love with me! Or maybe not in love but he at least likes me. I mean he did ask me out to the movies and even the dumbest preschooler on the playground knows that he's really just asking for sex. And boy am i going to give it to him! This could be just what I need to kick off my reputation as the camp slut and put the selfish bastard Drew in her place as the rebound slut. "Hell yeah I'll go out with you Percy!" I hastily reply pumping my fist in the air like a Japanese school girl from an anime show that I like so totally don't watch because I'm like completely above that like definitely...yea. I'm a shitty liar. I then grab Percy and engulf him in a very long and very awkward hug in which he never hugs back. When I finally pull away and grin at him he gulps loudly and gestures toward the door. I give him a quick two finger salute (two middle fingers that is) and walk out of the cabin making sure to over exaggerate the swinging of my hips. I head back to my cabin to pick out some attractive lingerie for our date Saturday and to finish drawing Dora's ass.