A couple days after Christmas, but a Christmas story for all you Bensler lovers like myself.
I don't own the beautiful lyrics or the beautiful characters. Unfortunately.
So, without further ado, I present to you a Christmas songfic (I promise it isn't a cheesy songfic((I hope))) to The Snow Came Down by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Ps. look up the song. do it.
The Snow Came Down
"I'll miss you, Daddy," the little boy mumbles as his father wraps his son in an engulfing hug.
"It's okay, buddy. I'll see you in a couple days. You get to spend Christmas with your brother and sisters and Mom. And we can Skype tomorrow, so you can show me the cool things Santa brought you. How does that sound?" he says to his discouraged son.
The boy contemplates that. "Okay," he agrees with a toothy smile.
"Okay, Eli. I'll see you soon. Don't forget to put cookies out for Santa!"
Eli's face brightens. "I won't!" He scurries off to the kitchen in search of the perfect cookies to leave Santa.
"You have a merry Christmas, Elliot," Kathy says to her ex-husband.
"Yeah," he huffs angrily, turning towards the door.
Unable to drop it, she says, "We had an agreement, Elliot. You had him for Thanksgiving, and you get him for New Year's."
"Kathy, he's my son, and he's not going to be young forever. He isn't always going to believe in magic or Santa, and because of this agreement, I don't get to see him while he does. And I'm his father!" He was careful not to raise his voice loud enough for Eli to grow suspicious.
She sighs in defeat, knowing he's right, and knowing she will feel the same way next year. "Elliot. You will be with him on Christmas next year, and I won't. So don't make me feel guilty for enjoying this time with him," she snaps. "How about you spend tomorrow with Olivia? You don't have to be alone."
With that, he's pissed. He opens the front door and steps outside into the brisk winter night. Before shutting the door, he turns back to his ex-wife, and his voice is cold, "She moved away in case you forgot, which obviously you have." He doesn't allow her to respond and slams the door shut behind him.
Kathy, however, is not the only one with the idea of Elliot spending Christmas with Olivia, for Olivia has the same thought. While Elliot is dropping Eli off at Kathy's, Olivia is outside Elliot's apartment, waiting for him to open the door and see her face for the first time in almost a year. She wanted to visit sooner, but she had been afraid. Afraid of her past and afraid of confronting those in her past. She'd never expected to push anyone she cares for out of her life, but she also never expected all the pain and suffering she would have to go through. You don't have to go through this alone, everyone always told her. But she did. No one was there with her when Lewis had her handcuffed to a bedpost. No one was there when his gun was jammed in her mouth. The pain was her only companion. Her partner always told her, "I'm here for you, Liv." But she knew he couldn't be. He was going through a divorce and didn't have time to comfort his work partner suffering from PTSD, and she accepted that. So she always told him, "I'm fine, El." But she wasn't. So she ran. And she never looked back.
Of course until Christmas Eve.
She can't help but feel utterly ridiculous, standing outside the apartment of her ex-partner of 15 years, braving the bitter cold with a small, wrapped box in her coat pocket. She shakes her head at her own foolishness, understanding her mistake of coming here and appreciating the fact he isn't home. She considers leaving the gift at his door, but decides it's not a good idea.
When awaiting a taxi to arrive and take her to the train station, she glances back once at the building for false hope he would open the door and invite her inside. She shoves her hands into her pockets, regretting the decision of not bringing gloves.
Elliot arrives home and pulls at the side of the road rather than into the parking garage. He isn't anticipating sitting in his lonely apartment, staring at the Christmas tree with nothing underneath it. Instead he puts the gear back in drive and pulls away.
He decides to take a train ride, to leave Manhattan, but with no specific place in mind. He figures staring outside a train window at the snow falling and the Christmas lights passing by with each mile would be a better time-killer, than staring at four walls with a glass of Scotch in his hand.
A railway station
On a long forgotten line
No destination
But it always leaves on time
The train station is nearly deserted, only a couple passengers awaiting the train's arrival. He goes up to the window and is greeted by a woman he suspects to be about his age. "One ticket, please."
"Will that be a round-way or one-way, sir?" she asks.
"One-way, I suppose. Is the train running tomorrow?"
"No, it's not, but it is on the 26th. Are you going to visit family?"
He reaches for his wallet, but pauses briefly at her question. "Um, no I'm not. I, uh, don't really have a reason to go. Just to leave, I guess, because I don't get to see my family on Christmas." He furrows his brows in confusion as to why he's disclosing this to a stranger.
He buys his ticket
As the train prepares to leave
"I understand. They took my boy from me two years ago. Said I couldn't raise him on my own. I was doing everything I could, let me tell you, but nothing was enough. I know what it's like not to have anyone on Christmas," she sighs.
He opens his wallet and finds one of his business cards. He pulls it out and hands it to her. "I'm a cop, if you want to give me a call sometime. I'll do everything I can to help you get your son back. As a parent, I know what it's like to want to be there with him and watch him grow up. Oh, and how much is the ticket?"
A smile widens across her face. "Thank you so much." She hands him the ticket. "No charge. It's on me. Merry Christmas. The train's 'bout to leave. You don't wanna miss it. This is the last one for the night."
He takes the ticket from her, thanks her, and wishes her a merry Christmas as well.
Don't want to miss it
On this night Christmas Eve
He boards the train while brushing snow flurries from his coat. The train is almost empty, a few single passengers evenly spread out among the seats. He finds an empty row, and takes a seat beside a window. He reads the brochure he had grabbed at the ticket window to see which cities the train would be stopping in. Six different stops.
The train pulls away and Manhattan fades into the distance. Snow flies around the train in a white blur as Elliot watches.
He stared into the night no expectations
He watched the world go by without a sound
He saw the city lights arrive and fade away
While all that night
All that night
The snow came down
Only one person boards the train within three stops, two has left. No one says a word to each other. A silent night, indeed. The elderly man who recently boarded the train sits across from Elliot in the same row. He greets Elliot with a tip of his hat, and Elliot returns the greeting with a nod.
No conversation
As the snow fell from the sky
He notices the man holds a single red rose in his wrinkled hands and is curious of his reasoning behind the flower, but he stays silent. His thoughts then drift to the woman who was selling tickets at the train station. He would never have guessed the burden she carries of having lost her son. No one would've guessed her story given the bright smile and compassion she shares with strangers. No one could predict the old man's story, riding alone on a train on Christmas Eve, with a single rose in his hands.
His consolation
That the world is well disguised
No stranger would ever know Elliot's story. Another passenger on this train wouldn't assume Elliot is leaving Manhattan tonight because he will not see his family tomorrow on Christmas. Someone wouldn't look at him and consider that he has false hope of finding his ex-partner, his once best friend, who ran away in fear to Philadelphia and never even shared with him her new address or number.
He stared into the night no expectations
He watched the world go by without a sound
He saw the city lights arrive and fade away
While all that night
All that night
The snow came down
And no one could assume Olivia left New York because was she a sergeant who was sexually assaulted and could no longer face the cases she dealt with on a daily basis or could not let go of the unfortunate circumstances she experienced in the past. And no one, absolutely no one, would be able to interpret the feelings Elliot has towards Olivia. The desire he's had for her for years, the protectiveness and concern he feels for her when she is in danger, the pain when she's hurt, the sadness he felt when she left, when he knew he wasn't enough to make her stay.
And with all these feelings, he still has a glimpse of hope that somehow, someway, he will find her tonight.
He stared into the night, no expectations
But in his heart he wanted to believe
That somehow someone would be waiting there
Upon this Christmas Eve
The final stop is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Holding on to his fragment of hope, he departs the train in this city. Even in this abundant city, the station was nearly vacant aside from a couple people waiting for taxis. A light dusting of snow covered a pair of footprints leading to the station from the train.
And when his train it pulled into that station
He saw there was a single pair of tracks
Within the snow and leading to that
Station door
And he followed those steps back
He takes a seat on the bench under a shelter next to a brown-haired woman awaiting a taxi to arrive. "Merry Christmas, Liv," he says to her.
Without looking to see whose voice it belongs to, she knows. "It's not Christmas yet."
"I'd say it's close enough, right?"
"I suppose so. Merry Christmas, El." She turns to face him and wraps him in a hug, comfort both of them had been yearning for. The comfort of simply each other, the feelings of compassion, empathy, and kindness all with a hint of sorrow. After not seeing each other for almost a year, the two don't want to let go for the worry of losing each other again.
And on this night of our salvation
Where dreams that have been lost
Can there be found
When she pulls apart, her fingers graze the side of his face. "Your hands are freezing," he tells her.
"I forgot gloves," she shrugs. "I didn't expect to be waiting in the cold for so long. I'm convinced the taxi isn't going to show up."
Before she finished talking, Elliot already had his gloves on and was putting them over Olivia's hands. "There you go, Liv," he smiles. "What are you doing at the train station anyway?" he asks.
"Well, I came to visit you earlier, but you weren't home. I was planning on giving you this." She pulls the small box from her coat pocket and hands it to Elliot.
"You didn't have to get me anything, Liv. I'm sorry, I-" He was about to tell her he didn't have a gift for her when he was interupted by a hand on his shoulder. He looks back to see the elderly man with the rose in his hand.
"Sweetheart," the man says to Olivia, "your friend here seemed to have left this rose at his seat on the train. I'm assuming it is for you." He hands Olivia the rose, and tips his hat once more to Elliot. "Merry Christmas to you both."
"Merry Christmas," the two say to him in unison. Elliot watches in disbelief as the man walks away, but turns his head once to give Elliot a wink, and he is speechless, but once more nods to him in response.
Olivia smells the rose with a smile on her face while Elliot unwraps his gift which is a silver watch. On one side the numbers 4015 is carved into it, and on the other, engraved in it is 6313. "Oh, Liv, it's beautiful. Our badge numbers?"
"Partners for life, right?" she smiles, her eyes misty.
"Right," He agrees, and pulls her close and leaves a light kiss on her forehead, "thank you." She smiles at the contact of his lips to her skin.
She lifts her head up and gazes into his eyes. "I've missed you, El."
"I've missed you, too. More than you can imagine. You can't leave me like that, Liv. Not without a word."
"I'm sorry, Elliot. I was scared." The tears pool in her eyes.
"I know. But I was there for you. I've always been there for you. You should've talked to me, not left me." He wipes away a runaway tear from her cheek.
"I know," she whispers, then states, "I don't think there's a taxi coming for us. Let's walk. It isn't too terribly far from here."
They walked away together
On that Christmas Eve
While all that night
She links her arm with his as they continue down the sidewalk to her apartment, the snowflakes swirling through the air and gracefully landing on their coats, their exposed skin, and Olivia's dark curls. Elliot can't help but notice how beautiful she looks, with snow crystals sticking delicately to her eyelashes and brown hair and her cheeks and nose tinted pink from the brisk air. She tilts her head back to allow a snowflake to land on her tongue, and Elliot chuckles at her. "What?" she asks, a giggle escaping.
He notices her eyes are brighter than usual. "Nothing, just you. I don't see this laid-back side of you very often." And he feels lucky he is now.
"Well, what can I say?" She releases his arm, and her hand trails down to his, so she can link their fingers. "I haven't had the need to be 'Badass Benson' lately. I've been able to let go a little." She stops walking, and Elliot does the same. She faces him while taking his other hand in hers. "And you know what?"
"What, Liv?"
"It feels nice." She smiles, a true smile that reaches her eyes.
Elliot lets go of one of her hands, and holds her other one above her head. "Do it," he encourages. "I know you want to."
"Do what?" she asks him.
He responds with an encouraging smile, so she gives in, spinning around with snow flying from her hair in every direction. And she laughs, a wholehearted laugh filled with so much joy, which Elliot has never heard before and is convinced it is the most beautiful sound. When she stops, she falls into Elliot's chest, dizzy, and he supports her, laughing along with her. "You're so beautiful," he tells her.
And although she normally would, she doesn't argue, but accepts the compliment with a bright smile, "Thank you." She holds the sides of his face and reaches up to press her lips to his, caught up in a moment of blissfulness and never feeling more content. The kiss is short, simple, but filled with passion. Elliot's new watch beeps, informing them the time is now midnight.
"Merry Christmas, Elliot."
"Merry Christmas, Olivia. I love you." He tilts her head and brings his lips back to hers to share a deeper kiss, the frigidness of that Christmas morning forgotten as their kiss warms them.
All that night
The snow came down
I do hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading.