Manic Panic!
…also known as "Snake in the Grass"…
Emma and Jimmy laughed ferociously as they thought of ways to exterminate the "evil one"!
"Jimmy, your mom is here," shouted Spike, from the bottom of the stairs. Jimmy frowned and promptly gathered his things. He galloped up the old, rickety brown stairs, out of the door, and into his mother's dusty silver Convertible. Emma hated having Jimmy leave because Jimmy was her only protection against the evil monster that had invated HER home! She could do anything to dispose of that dirty bald man! If only her mother could see that she had married Satan.
He pretended to be a nice, loving, fun guy when her mother was around. Boy, what a well-whipped man he pretented to be! "darling, you know I was only put on this earth to please you!" he would say. Snake was a cheater. A well-bred con artist and a master in the art of taking advantage of single mothers.
Golly, his nickname sure fits with his personality, I thought. I frowned. My poor mother, I hated seeing her suffer like this. I had to tell her the truth. That his suave and stylish ways were just a grotesque compensation for all he was stealing from us! If only mother could see what I see, that he was a vampire on the prowl, looking for a meek creature to devour!
Spike was blinded by
False conceptions of love and security. The truth about Snake was too horrifying to admit. His ex-wife had conveniently stepped off the cliffs of Mt. SI!
"Whoops," he liked to say to his buddies on the phone. "That's too bad!"
Snake was a worthless, unemployed Prozac user. He pretended to look for jobs while Christine was away at work. What he was really doing was spending all their savings at the local porn shop and bar! Emma was furious. He only married her mother for free rent! Emma knew the cancer thing was all a ruse to get out of teaching Media Immersion.
"Mother," Emma whispered. "I want to talk to you about the evil one, Snake. He's been leaving the house, and instead of going to the doctor he's been going to the porn shop and bar!"
"Nonsense!" Mother said in a stern voice.
"Mother, he was playing darts on my door today with butcher knives. He even spanked me for answering the phone. Mother, you don't even spank me! I'm thirteen!"
Emma's mother put her arm around her child and sighed, "You sure do have an active imagination."
Emma started blubbering, "Mom, you never believe me. I don't lie. I am just trying to warn you; he is not who you think he is."
"Snake," Christine yelled, "Did you spank my daughter?" Christina started exploding into mass hysteria, her veins were bulging from her neck, and her face was turning purple.
Snake responded in a quivering voice, "No, honey, I would never hurt Emma. She means the world to me; I think of her as my own."
Emma pulled Christine off to the side, and said, "You know, Spike, how Emma has those wild tales, she just wants attention. Oh, by the way, Mr. Raditch called today, I guess she got into another fight against school politics. There's a meeting tomorrow with the principal, but I know you have that big presentation for work, so I'll go for you."
"Thanks, Snake" Christina moaned, "I don't know how to handle her fantasies, they're just getting worse. It's time to call Doctor Norton."
Doctor Norton didn't help. Snake had fooled everyone into thinking she was delusional. Her relationship with snake grew more malicious ever day. Jimmy was her only refuge, and she spent as much time with her as possible. The more time she spent with Jimmy's loving family, the more her hatred for that scum grew. He only occupied a small corner of her home, but that was enough for revenge!
"Jimmy," said Emma, "do you want to come on the camping trip to Oscar Lake this weekend?"
Jimmy responded with a disgusted look, "Is the evil one going to be there?"
"Yeah," Emma declared, "He'll be there, all right. Jimmy, it's time we make final preparations for operation COMPLETE DESTRUCTION."
"Righteous," Jimmy declared.
The two friends giggled. The plan COMPLETE DESTRUCTION was in full swing. In no time, Snake would be begging for mercy, or so they thought. As they loaded up the van to Oscar Lake, the girls gathered the needed supplies to exterminate the evil one. Emma's mother, made her final preparations by popping three sleeping pills. The ride was agonizing as usually. The stench of gas loomed over the van from Spinner. Snake, the King, had to drive in his furious way swerving all over the road as if he were drunk. The ride reached deeper levels of agony as they traveled along. The constant swerving and violent accelerations made Emma toss her cookies. The smell of gas and projectile vomit made it the ride from hell, and Satan was the driver.
"I am so sick of Spinner and his Jappy Japjap sister. You bastards are all going to pay for what you've done to me!"
Emma and Jemma where getting restless and started to laugh hysterically in a high-pitched manner that irritated Snake's ears. He started to crack. They where fed up of respecting their elder; it was time for pay back! Every ugly and hideous word ever imagined rolled off their tongues like a flood. The truth came out like a tidal wave, and it severed Snake's ego in half. The torturous words echoed in Snake's mind, and it felt like a dagger had been thrust into his stomach.
A loud, raccoon squeal came belting out from the front, "S.T.O.P. I mean, stop right now; I'm going to cut you into small pieces and feed you to the fish! I hate you, all of you; I am going to kill you, just like my wife!"
"Oh no!" Toby cried.
"But wait, you haven't been married!" said Ashley.
"That's what you think!" Snake growled. Emma and Jimmy clutched their hands in fear. This was turning out worse than they had ever imagined!
The chaotic van was serving out of control on the free way. Snake violently ripped off the driver's mirror, so he wouldn't have to stare at the hysterical duo in back. As the beat up, blue van drove angrily down the road: Snake reached new peaks of insanity. Snake violently turned the steering wheel and started to side-swiping any cars in his way. The Astro was barely hanging on by a thread; it was loaded down with camping equipment and the passenger side was torn to shreds. They were flying down the freeway, at 110 miles per hour, when the Astro blew its tire, and it started to spiral out of control. Fortunately, everyone was smart enough to pull off the road, or stayed miles behind. We made it safely to the side of the road where Snake fixed the tire and started violently kicking the van and screaming KILL, KILL, KILL…He went to the back of the van, popped the back, and started frantically searching for something. He closed the hatch, went around to the side door, opened the door, and there he stood, extremely mad, with a riffle in hand, pointed straight at us.
"It's time to die, bitches!"
We chuckled, and Jimmy spit in his eye. She said, "No, you die." We laughed harder. "You know, Snake, it's going to be hard to kill us with no bullets."
"What," Snake exclaimed, wiping his eye, "No bullets! What?"
Emma said, "We got rid of all the weapons of mass destruction at the last rest stop."
Suddenly, the county and state police, along with a chopper, surround the van and arrested Snake, the evil one. Wow, how many cars must a person side swipe before getting the attention of the police? Snake now enjoys his days at the state mental institution, that he had escape from two years earlier.
The state troopers helped fix the van so Emma, Jimmy, and Spike could continue to Oscar Lake. They had to get their minds off the events somehow! Spike apologized to Emma for not believing her.
"It's okay, mom. We're okay now. Thanks to Jimmy."
"Aw, Em. You helped, too."
"Hey look, there's Sean!"
"Okay."
"Hey Brookes! You wanna fight?!"
Jimmy looked over to find his nemesis, Jay. "Don't you be starting shit with me, Jay! I can never be defeated!"
"But you only have one foot!"
"I'll kill you!"
Jay and Jimmy entered the most fierce battle of all the ages! Jimmy swung like a mad hatter who knew this day would come, but refused to back down! Not even for an instant!
"You're getting good, man," Jay sneered.
"Hey, thanks."
"You wanna go for ice cream?"
"Sure!"
Jimmy and Jay trotted off to the local ice cream stand, and they realized that the entire time, they were really just best friends who refused to realize the truth.
"Hi, Ellie," Jimmy said.
Ellie looked up, mortified at the fact that her biggest crush, Jimmy Brookes, saw her in her ridiculous ice cream uniform! "Oh my god, Jimmy! What are you doing here?!"
"Getting ice cream, of course!"
Ellie blushed at how clever Jimmy had gotten. "Hey, have you heard about Clay Aiken?"
"Clay Aiken? What about him?" Jay asked.
"Oh, I just think he's dreamy." Ellie, realizing what she said, blushed even harder. Her face was red enough to bring back Russian Communism!
Meanwhile, Emma ran over to Sean.
"Hi, Emma."
"Hi, Sean," Emma said shyly.
"How's Jimmy doing?"
Emma beamed. "Oh, he's the best friend a girl could ask for. We finally got rid of Snake, the evil one!"
"That's great, Emma!"
"But Sean, about last night…"
"Yes, Emma?"
"What if I'm pregnant?"
Sean smiled at his loving girlfriend. "That's for you to decide, Emma."
"Oh, Sean. I love you."
"You're welcome."
THE END.