A/N: So, this is my new little pet project. I don't know how far I will go with this, but it will be a longer project of maybe 10-20 chapters, depending on chapter length… as well as what kind of response I get from you guys – of course. So, below is the full summery since FF only allows you so many characters in the official summery. After that, we're off on our adventure.
Full summery: At the beginning of time there was only God and His angels in Heaven. He loved them all equally, and they loved him the most. When two of His most beloved angels found each other, He made them learn the meaning of 'falling for someone'. One, He locked away from the eyes of the others, to keep for himself. The other, He sent to walk the earth, always remembering, always being reminded of his treacherous actions. Only Armageddon would be his saving grace.
Chapter One
They are standing in the shadow, hidden from view. It is warm and bright and they are standing close together. So close he can feel the heat coming off other creature's bare chest.
"I love you."
It is the first time he says it out loud. He has known it forever, and the creature knows, but the words had never left his mouth.
"And I you, Blaine," the beautiful being in front of him answers. He turns his bluegreen eyes so that Blaine can see them. The pure love and utter adoration that fills them almost overwhelms him, but he cannot look away. He knows he will never be able to look away.
A warm and soft hand is placed on his cheek and he leans into the touch, bringing his own hand up to hold the other hand in place.
The being leans in and lets his sweet lips softly touch Blaine's. They don't stay for long, but it is a promise of something more, something so much more.
Blaine is as happy as he has ever been, just like he always is when they are together. It does not matter what they do or do not do, as long as they are by each other's sides, they will always be happy – content with existence.
Suddenly the light grows dim, and they are being pulled apart by a massive force. He sees the one he loves with all his being, being locked behind bars deep within the darkest clouds. The once bright bluegreen eyes that held so much love, now hold so much pain that Blaine wants to look away. But he cannot do so. He will never be able to look away.
Then he falls, and without his wings he cannot catch himself.
As Blaine's eyes flutter open he has trouble remembering where he is. He lies on his stomach in an unfamiliar bed. The mattress is too hard, but he feels the soft, thin sheets around him, wrapping his body in its cool embrace. The pillow is nice, big and soft, under his head, and as his eyes gazes out over the room he sees it bathing in the early morning light.
His mind goes back to the dream; Blaine thinks it's out of habit. It's always the same dream; their last moments together replayed and relived. It took him years to realize that it was not going away, that it was a part of the punishment to constantly be reminded of what he had lost – what he never could have again.
He focuses on the now, he needs to figure out where he is and how to get home before it starts. The room is unfamiliar, with unfamiliar things filling it. As he studies his surroundings further he notices the many textbooks on marketing strategies, the dotted papers strewn on the cluttered desk and the dirty coffee mugs that appears in any and all places.
Blaine sighs. He remembers the blond economics student that looked just a little like the reason he was here. He remembers all the alcohol he consumed to be able to see the blond in just the right light to make himself think that it might be him. But he knew he wasn't. Even if the alcohol made him see what he wanted to see, touch, what he wanted to touch – even if in reality it was miles above him, hauntingly out of his reach – the morning after always stuck him like a sledgehammer.
You could call it a massive hangover if you wanted, only it didn't affect your body. If the alcohol made your mind see things, the loss of the effect of it ripped your soul to pieces.
That's why Blaine never stays. On days like these he's always out before the sun's first rays hit whatever room he's in. He's out before he falls again. Before he can feel the devastating loss tear pieces of his soul from his body – slowly and steadily, like a practiced torturer.
He tried to fight it, in the beginning. After that first time, when his loss was still so fresh, and he tried to adapt the human way of dealing with sorrow, he had wanted to die. At first, when he saw him standing at the other side of the long hut, where a moment ago another man had stood, he was excited. Could their Father really had changed his mind so quickly?
That night was the last night he was happy, and it was a lie.
The morning brought with it the truth – and the truth had never hurt so much. Blaine felt the searing pain of being torn apart, limb by limb, accompanied with the stabbing truth that he had not gone to bed with the one he loved, but with a human man of flesh and blood.
The guilt nagged at him, and that betrayal felt far worse than the one their Father accused them of.
Time passed and it happened again. This time he searched for it. He searched for the oblivion he could pretend he was in while feeling his lover's body next to his. The physical pain, the guilt that would not be tamed and the constant grief seemed a fair price to pay for half a night of semi-happiness.
He had learned to fool himself better. He told himself it was okay, for it was the only way to get a moment of peace in an existence he was doomed to inhabit until the End of Days. Or possibly longer, since judgment had already been passed on him millennia ago, and immortality had that fine print that said 'living forever means you cannot die – sucker'.
Blaine sighs again in a lame attempt to push the pain he know is coming to a later time.
Now is not the time to crawl into a ball and cry his name until the effect wears off.
He gently pushes the soft sheets off his naked body and sets his bare feet on the wooden floor. He slowly sits up, before standing up without making the mattress move enough to wake the blond man still sleeping on it.
He's walking slowly towards the hallway, picking up his scattered clothes on his way there. A slow, cold breeze caresses his body as he walks by a poorly shut window. He stops to pull on his boxers and jeans; the belt shakes in his hands when he tries to buckle it. He leaves it for later and picks up the white t-shirt he wore the night before and slips it over his head. His hands seem unable to grip the hem of the shirt to pull it down properly.
He doesn't have much time now, twenty minutes, tops.
He finds his shoes, but doesn't bother looking for the socks. Trying to lace up Chucks while shaking like a leaf during a late summer storm is something Blaine doesn't have the time for. He needs to get out now.
He doesn't look back to the sleeping figure on the bed – it's not him, just a vessel anyway – as he crosses the rest of the apartment. The fragile looking door makes an unnecessarily loud squeaking noise that Blaine fears will wake the blond. It doesn't.
He walks down the old and dirty staircase and out of the building. It's still early, but humans are filling up the busy New York streets as he makes his way to the small apartment he holds.
It's not a smooth walk as his knees are starting to give in and he becomes unable to avoid stepping on his own shoelaces. The sun is rising higher in the sky and the bright light burns cold on the exposed flesh on his arms, and stings his sensitive eyes.
He should not have stayed. Why did he stay?
Taking a cab is out of the question, and so is getting on the subway, so he has to walk. It's not that far of a walk, only a few blocks east and another few north. He'd be home soon. Then he'd give in.
Blaine staggers along, trying not to bump into too many humans. The will only think he's drunk, or perhaps that he's coming down from a high, if they get to glimpse the pain that is so obvious in his eyes. The fact that he still hasn't managed to buckle his belt or pull his shirt down properly probably doesn't help.
Walking into the familiar building holding his apartment, he's sweating like he has a deadly fever and his body is aching with every move it makes. His feet can barely carry him anymore but he needs to climb the eight stories to his floor because standing in an elevator when in this much pain is not an option.
The climb is slow, agonizingly slow, and he knows he needs to move faster.
Just as he reaches the third floor the first assault comes. It's a stabbing pain within him that burns cold once it hit. His knees buckle and he falls to the brown and filthy carpeted floor.
Somehow he keeps himself from screaming. He knows the pain will not go away, that it will not lessen only get stronger, more intense. And he knows that he needs to keep moving.
He makes it to the seventh floor before the next one. This is more intense, ripping at him until he's lying on the floor, shaking violently. Tears prickle his eyes and a small whimper escapes his tightly shut lips.
Come on, one more floor, he tells himself, then you can scream as much as you want.
With the last of his strength he pushes himself up the last flight of stairs and to the door that leads to his apartment.
He has to greatly concentrate to get the key into the keyhole, but manages just as he gets another hit. He falls against the door, grabbing at it in a failed attempt to hold himself upright. The tears are falling freely now, as his memories start to take physical form. He knows he needs to get inside the soundproof walls before they hit. He won't be able to hold anything in when they go to town on his heart and soul.
It feels like forever, the movement of his hand from where it lay in his lap to the bronze key stuck in the keyhole. He finally gets there and manages to turn the key and push the door open. He crawls in and shuts the door behind him. Leaning against it, he lets it come.
"…Kurt…" he whispers just before dull claws start to slowly scratch at his heart.
A/N: So… that was chapter one… What'd you think? Please R&R and let me know what you think and if this is something I should consider continuing.
Thanks for reading!
xx