It Should've Been Me

I saw the coldness run through your body. ThepPain spread across your face. And I couldn't take it, couldn't look. But help but wonder, was it pain? A calmness seemed to blend with the pain on your cold, unflinching face. I watched you with a sorrowful espression, wishing that it was me rather than you in this position. It should've been me...

And since that day, I see your face everytime I stare into a mirror. I hear your voice everytime I speak. I dress my body, but is it yours? I easily confuse my name, wanting it to be you instead of me. And I still can't help but wonder why it wasn't me.

You were always the funny one, you know. At least to me. You'd always give me the courage to be me. Inspired me to use my imagination. You were my reason. And every morning when I looked up from my sleep, you're head would appear from the top bunk, and your voice would greet me with a warm "Good-morning!". Oh, Merlin! Why wasn't it me?

Together we were the always the commotion. Inseparable to the end. So if you went, why didn't I go with you? We couldn't just leave one another here. You couldn't just lleave me here! And it should've been me.

Your hazel eyes danced with laughter every waking moment of your life. Your broad grin lightened every tarnished mood; lightened everyone's hearts. Your laughter brought laughter out in the most peculiar places. Your being, you personality, your everything, was something I'd never dream of letting go. So why wasn't it me?

And I blame myself every morning. I blame myself for being the twin that wasn't in your position, but fighting off a weaker opponent rather than that blood-thirsty fool who killed you. For your sudden death, your departure of the life that you had so much to live for! That should've been me.

And even now, eleven years after you left me, I STILL BLAME MYSELF! I blame myself for the horrible misfortune that plagued upon you! And even though the murderer that did it is dead as well, I can't rest until you're back with me. I still see your face, hear your voice. I see you in me, and it kills me to realize that it wasn't me that died but you, my twin, my best friend. It was you that went through that torture of your instant death rather than I. But I'd know you'd be like me right now, if it was me in your place. And I can't stand to know you in pain, even now. But i can't not take the blame. Because I know it should've been me, Fred. I know that I shouldn't be here and you should.

Your were my best friend. My brother. My twin...

R.I.P
Fred Weasley
Animated jokster, loyal friend,
Model son, perfect brother

If tears could build I stairwell
And memories a lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you down again