(A/N: I've been writing this for ages now, and i'm finally done! So happy! Some of the characters, especially L may seem out of character, but for some reason I felt like it suited L. So yeh, it gets a bit dark. When I started this I intended it to be a one-shot, but maybe I could make another chapter? Maybe just to finish it off, im not sure.
Disclaimer: As much as it saddens me, I do not own Death Note or any of the characters.
Trigger warnings: Self harm mentions and strong drug use)
EMOTIONLESS
L and Light sat at the computers, faces illuminated by the strong light. They hadn't slept in days, and Light wondered how L did it. Yes, he had bags under his eyes and he was in a pretty awful state, constantly eating sugar. But despite this, Light still didn't understand how he did it. Whilst staring into the emotionless eyes of the detective, Light noticed how his pupils seemed strangely dilated. His eyes had always been dark, but they'd never seemed this… distant. L had never seemed this distant.
"Ryuzaki?"
"Yes, what is it, Light-kun?" His voiced seemed strained.
"Are you okay?" Light asked, concerned about his friend, "it's just, I haven't seen you eat anything but sugar, or sleep in the past few days. I'm starting to get worried about you, Ryuzaki, why don't you take a break?"
L refused to look Light in the eyes as he replied, "This case won't solve itself you know, I have a whole nation watching me, waiting for me to catch Kira. I can't stop until I catch him."
Light scowled at him as he returned to work. Maybe I should tell Watari about him… he's the only one who has ever been able to talk some sense into L… no, he'll just get mad, I'm probably just being paranoid. Light tried to stop his train of thoughts as he continued working.
L had been in the bathroom for ages; what was he doing in there? Light was quickly noticing a rapid change in his behaviour. Should he tell Watari? Maybe. It might help both him and L if he was just honest about his concerns. Light stood up from his bed and headed to Watari's room, lightly knocking on the door.
"Come in" Watari called as Light walked in. He was drained of energy.
"What makes you come by at this time then?" he asked, with a hint of friendliness as he signalled for Light to sit down, "I've actually been wanting to speak to you too!"
"Oh. What business did you want with me, first of all?"
"Well, I've spoken to Roger at Wammy's, and he agreed with me that it would be a good idea to arrange for Mello, Near and Matt, the three most gifted students there, to come and visit L, active in the Kira investigation. One of them could succeed him; L should know who they are" Watari sounded rather pleased with himself as he continued to talk "although, I have noticed L being slightly stressed recently, so I'd like you to be there"
Light's eyes opened wider, "that's what I was here to talk to you about!"
"I see..." Watari replied, wanting Light to expand on his thoughts a little more.
"Well, he seems so... distant... I'm not sure, I may be paranoid, but..." Light swallowed before finishing, "L's losing himself. He needs help"
"Light, whilst I appreciate your concern, L is mysterious and he can seem to be very distant at some points. He's gifted, and he has many ways of fuelling his mind. I shouldn't worry"
Light nodded. He left the room, thanking Watari for his advice, as he reassured himself that L was fine.
Everything was OK.
L sat on his bed, filled with the urge to get more. However, Light was right there. He had to control himself. Light could never know.
The was a knock on their room door. Light knew who it was.
"L, you should answer it" Light indicated.
"If you insist" L replied, rolling off his bed sounding in pain and walking towards the door. He opened it slowly.
L didn't recognise the three teens at first. There was a small albino child in a long baggy shirt, who was significantly smaller than the other two. Next to him, there was a long haired blonde wearing all leather and a rosary hung between the cut in his black vest. Lastly there was a red head in black and red strips and big orange goggles. After observing them for a minute, L finally remembered who they were.
This was Near, Mello and Matt; the three smartest residents of Wammy's house. L's successors.
"What up?" Mello said, taking a bite of chocolate and trying to look tough. L admitted, the leather vest and rosary did make him look slightly intimidating.
"Why are you here?" L asked, trying to control himself.
"Watari said we should visit" Near informed, almost sounding nervous and edgy, "we've been on a plane for the last 10 hours. I apologise if we seem agitated."
L examined the three geniuses. Mello looked fine, but both Matt and Near looked half dead. Both of them clearly needed something. What was it?
"Yes, please come in" L replied "do you need anything?"
He obviously asked this in an attempt to get to the bottom of Near and Matt's half-dead attitudes. Matt was slightly worse than Near, and if L remembered correctly, Matt was a chain smoker.
"Yep" Matt said, dropping onto the couch and pulling out a cigarette, "I need a smoke, like now"
L was right, like always.
"No Matt, not in here please" Mello insisted.
"But- but-"
"What?"
"I need it..."
Mello couldn't care less. He plucked the unlit cigarette out of his friends mouth and threw it across the room as he grabbed Matt by the shoulder and threw him at the door, "outside!"
"Fine!" Matt yelled, about to cry. He wouldn't though; this happened a lot. He proceeded to outside the building and finally, lit the cigarette, taking the first and much needed drag. Smoke filled his lungs as he breathed out calmly, "that's better"
Meanwhile, inside, Light just stared at them. Wow, I never knew you had to be emotionless, bossy and unstable to be L's successor. He noticed Near getting more unstable. He almost looked like he was going to cry.
"Near?" Light asked, concerned at the young boy's anxiety.
"Yes?"
"Are you ok? You don't look to good"
"Yeh" Near replied, realising he had to do it, "can I use your bathroom?"
"Sure." Light was suspicious. But L had made the bathroom sound proof, so there was no way of finding out what him or Near did in there.
"So," Light said awkwardly, trying (and failing) to make conversation, "Matt, Mello, Near, what's it like growing up in Wammy's house?"
"Alright I guess" Mello muttered back, taking a bite of his 5th chocolate bar that hour.
"It's decent" replied Matt, his fingers shaking, "unless you're forced to live with a blond bastard who only let's you smoke one fucking cigarette ever few hours!"
Silence came shortly after that. Near was sitting in the floor playing with his toys, trying to ignore everyone.
L walked out of the bathroom, his face looking tired, but better; he wasn't as shaky and edgy as before.
"Shit" Light said to himself, "my laptop chargers broken. I'm going to the shops to get a new one. I'll be back in like, 10 minutes"
No one bothered to reply as they were too engaged in what they were doing. However, once he was sure that Light couldn't hear, L spoke up.
"You are doing well. I am also lead to believe that you are following in my footsteps."
"What do you mean, L?" Near insisted, getting slightly worried that L had figured them out.
"Well, to begin with, I think that all of you understand that being 'L' is a very demanding job" he continued, "and I think we all have found different ways by now of how to cope with the pressure. I for one know that what I do is bad, but when you have the weight of the world on you, sometimes..."
L's voice faded out as he carried on, "... you do things which you regret, and you don't tell the one that always wants to know." he paused, "I haven't told Light about it"
The three boys stared up at their mentor. Was he implying...?
"What do you mean by that?" Mello was the first to break the silence.
"I mean, Mello, that we all have addictions which help us to cope. For one, Mello, tell me when the last time was that you went 1 hour without eating chocolate, other than when you sleep?"
Mello hesitated; L was onto something, "does it matter?"
"Yes. It controls you" L said, looking down, "but you, Mello, you have the least deadly addiction, I believe. Near, Matt, believe me, I have you figured out."
Near gulped, how did he...?
"Near?" L asked.
"Um, yes?" the emotionless but yet panic filled boy replied.
"Please roll up your sleeve."
"Why?"
"Just do it, Near, we have to face up to our problems."
Near swallowed and breathed deeply and he rolled up his perfectly white shirt sleeve. He looked away, ashamed at what he knew everyone was about to see. His arms were covered in scars; some old and some new.
"What?" Mello asked, lowering his voice, "Near? Why do you do this?"
He looked up blankly at Mello, his eyes shaking as tears built up in them, trailing down his face as he looked down at the floor and spoke quietly, "Because I don't want to feel anymore."
L, Matt and Mello looked at Near as he tried to cover up the shame of what he'd done to himself.
"Near" L said whilst crouching down next to the broken child, "it's okay, you know, you're not the worst here"
L instantly glared up at Matt, seeing him subconsciously edge back a bit.
"What?" asked Matt, seeming both nervous and pissed off at the same time.
"Don't pretend you're, innocent Matt," L hesitated, "we both know that what you're doing is technically drugs, and illegal since you're underage."
"Yeh, so?"
"It's slow suicide, Matt" L said as he watched Matt light up a cigarette, right there, almost like he hadn't heard anything he was saying.
"Matt!" Mello shouted, attempting to take the cigarette from his lips, only to fail, "L's right you know"
Matt's eyes looked between Mello and L, back and fourth. What was happening? Why was he getting it all?
"It's a powerful addiction, Matt" L spoke again, "and no matter what you try, you won't be able to stop it without professional help."
Thinking about it for a second, Matt took a drag of the cigarette and continued "I can stop smoking if I want to! I just don't" he crossed his arms as glared at L, and confronted him, "What is the fucking point to this L? Huh? You trying to make us feel like shit? God, its like you're all fucking high!"
L hesitated before responding "Hmm, yes I suppose you're right."
His successors' eyes widened. What the-?
Rummaging through his pocket, L finally pulled out a bag of white powder and spoke slowly, "It's bad but it helps me, if only I hadn't become addicted over the past year"
"A year?!" Mello yelled, standing up and walking over to L "What even is it."
"Cocaine" replied L, without even getting nervous at this sudden confrontation from Mello. Silence came once again to the room, until L broke it, finally speaking.
"As I said before, we need to face up to our problems, we could all die here. We need help. Near will bleed to death, Matt will die of lung cancer, Mello will probably die of diabetes, and I'll-" he paused for a second, "I'll probably die of kidney failure, or something similar"
The four guys sat with no sound. Nothing had really been resolved, and this visit was pointless. L had gained nothing.
Light carefully placed the key in the door to his and L's room. Leaving L alone at the current time may not have been the best idea, but he needed to leave and L wouldn't have left the room. When he slowly opened the door, he dropped the purchased items in shock at what he saw.
On the sofa was Mello, sitting with a shocked facial expression and chocolate bar in hand. Matt, who was next to him, had a similar face, only with a cigarette burning forgotten between his lips. On the floor was Near, sat with his head to the floor, a knee up to his chest and his crystal white shirt rolled up. Lights eyes widened at all the scars on the boys wrists. Despite the shock of this, it was NOT the most disturbing this he saw.
L sat crouching, refusing to look into Light's eyes. He had a small bag of white powder in his hands with a tiny label which read 'cocaine.' Everything made sense; the dilated eyes, being so distant, getting shaky, frequent bathroom trips, not sleeping properly and the occasional random withdrawal.
"L!" Light yelled, smacking him around the face and grabbing the white bag, "YOU FUCKING DRUG ADDICT! HOW LONG?!"
L felt sick; he knew that Light would tell Watari. Dread overwhelmed him when he heard Watari approaching.
"What's all the shout- L! What is this?" Watari asked, trying to stay calm.
"Oh, nothing much" Light replied sarcastically, "other than the fact your precious L is a FUCKING COKE ADDICT!"
Watari gasped in shock, "L! You promised you were clean! Do I really have to send you to rehab again?"
"AGAIN!" Light screeched,
"Um, yes" L replied nervously, "a while ago, back at Wammy's in England, I had an issue with alcohol, it wasn't this bad though. I don't believe that I was really addicted"
"That's it!" Watari put his foot down, "L, Mello, Matt and Near, you're ALL going to rehab. I can't have three geniuses like you throwing your lives away like this."
L's face dropped as he fell onto the floor. Light smirked at him. Whether it was rage, withdrawal or surrender, it didn't matter; L had given up. The three other teens just stared, realising that they too would not be able to get out of this.
Light thought about yelling something like 'I told you so,' but instead he knelt down next to L and smiled sympathetically, "L, this is because we care about you." L didn't reply.
The next morning came around fast and Light came in to wake up L. He had passed out the previous night, and Light had had to put him to bed. Part of him felt bad for putting him through this. Watari entered silently, with all of L's things.
L hadn't spoken that morning, and neither had Mello, Matt or Near. They all just went along with it, realising how difficult the next few weeks, or even months would be.
Without hesitating or resisting, the four drained youths sat into the car, ready to be driven to the rehab clinic. As they got closer, nerves built up, in L especially.
Once they arrived, L simply gazed up at the building, like it was going to kill him. Technically it would, but it would be the withdrawal which was worse. L gulped. The next few months would be hell.
(A/N: Rate&Review for chapter 2 please!)