Disclaimer: I do not own "The Borgias" or any of it's characters.
Lucrezia spied on Cesare out of scientific interest. At least that was what she told herself when she settled in front of his bedroom window for the first time and peeked. Her skin felt heated – if from the burning sun tickling her neck or from what she saw, Lucrezia could not say. She flushed as soon as she watched Cesare move on top of the pretty woman, his nude body completely exposed. Lucrezia knew that she should close her eyes out of modesty, but she had to learn – and curiosity already got the best of her anyway. So she stayed and watched with flushed cheeks and tried very hard to memorize everything that they were doing. Lucrezia was fourteen by now – she knew that it would not be long till she needed that knowledge to please her husband.
Her spying sessions repeated themselves three or four times until Cesare caught her. Lucrezia had been deep in thought about why they were not always doing the same things or which one was best, so she did not notice Cesare raising his head to the window while he got dressed. His eyes met hers and widened in astonishment while Lucrezia froze. She watched her brother head out of the door and half considered running before realizing that it was already too late. Lucrezia made sure to look apologetic when her brother stormed out of the door. She expected him to be angry, but he looked really more worried when he said: "Lucrezia! How long have you been standing here?"
She could not bring herself to lie to him. "A while", she replied shyly.
Cesare looked taken aback, as if unsure what to say. His little sister interrupted him before he could speak. "Please don't be angry with me, Cesare, I need you to teach me all these things!", she exclaimed near to tears.
Cesare's brows furrowed in confusion. "Teach you?", he repeated startled. "What for, my love?"
"For marriage!" Lucrezia cried out desperately. "I know that father is already picking out possible suitors and he cares so much about his alliances, but if an alliance is grounded on my marriage and I can't do… marriage-ly things, then…" Her big eyes filled themselves with tears, "then everything will fall apart and father will be very angry."
She started to sob uncontrollably, causing Cesare to pull her into his strong embrace. The look of shock on his face had been replaced by sorrow while he stroked her back and kissed her hair soothingly. Lucrezia buried her face in his muscular chest and hugged him even tighter.
"First of all", Cesare stated softly, "you are far too young to be married already and even if you get married, father's alliances will not be based on how… pleased your husband is with you."
"But my husband will be angry with me", Lucrezia disagreed, "if I'm not to his liking."
"Look at me." Cesare dissolved from her embrace and gripped her shoulders firmly. His dark eyes locked with her bright ones. "You are Lucrezia Borgia. Any man who doubts that you are the best thing that could ever happen to him is a terrible fool."
Lucrezia smiled despite her sadness. Cesare always sounded so earnest when he said those things. "And if he does so anyway?", she whispered quietly.
"Then he will answer to me." The thought alone darkened Cesare's eyes even further. Lucrezia smiled weakly at him, still not fully convinced. After a moment of hesitation her brother offered: "I can tell you some things anyway, if it soothes you, about what men and women do with each other."
"Mother told me some things", Lucrezia answered quickly, not wanting her brother to think that she was a child without the slightest clue. She blushed again. "She is just very vague about it."
Cesare snorted as if he wanted to point out the ridiculousness about wanting to marry her and not wanting to tell her anything that was going on behind closed doors at the same time. His features softened as he said: "It is not like there is a secret trick to decode, it is more like learning by doing – not learning by spying!" He smirked at her warmly. "You just do what feels right."
"But what if it's not?" Unsurely Lucrezia chewed on her bottom lip. She lowered her voice as if she was about to say something inappropriate. "I heard some girls talk before going to confession, about… activities that would not get them with child. They called it sodomy. And sin."
Cesare smiled and rolled his eyes, his thumb caressing her cheek. "They also say that men of the church should live in celibacy, which I, as you know –" He nudged her nose playfully, "- do not do. And I haven't been struck by lightning yet, have I?" He smiled and finished earnestly: "As long as you like it, everything is fair game. But if you don't", he continued with a suddenly very dark expression, "say so. And if your husband does not listen, tell me immediately. I will not let anyone hurt you."
Lucrezia swallowed hard. "How bad can it hurt?", she questioned, suddenly afraid. "Mother said that it could sting, but your women… they always look like they truly enjoy, I mean, they sigh and they moan, some even scream… these are not cries of pain, are they, Cesare?"
He smiled slightly amused. "For sure not", he confirmed her suspicion, but the smile did not stay long on his handsome face. He considered his answer for a long second before saying: "It might be a little unpleasant at first, but as soon as you really know your husband, maybe even love him, it will get better and better."
Love him. For some reason the expression did not feel right to Lucrezia. She had never loved anyone but Cesare and did not think she ever would. Lucrezia let out a small sigh. Things would be some much easier if she could just get married to Cesare.
"I don't think that I can love him", she confessed concerned.
Cesare pinched her cheek with an almost sad smile. "Wait till you see him", he proposed, "he might be the prince of your dreams."
No, Lucrezia thought stubbornly, you are.
"But even if I can love him", she wanted to know shyly, "what do I do if I can't enchant my husband like he does me? What if he does not want to lie with me?"
Now Cesare gave a full-hearted laugh. "That, my love", he promised and tugged a blonde lock behind her small ear, "will not happen. Men are so easily enchanted by beautiful women."
Lucrezia blinked unbelievingly, yet relieved. "So every beautiful woman could arouse you?", she asked with wide eyes.
"I suppose so", Cesare responded with a sly smile, "physically, at least."
"What about me?", Lucrezia demanded to know eagerly. "Could I arouse you like these girls in your room did?"
Cesare's smile fell from his face. His eyes darted nervously and he was speechless for a moment. At last he managed to say: "I… that's different, Lucrezia."
Her smile faded as well. Suddenly she felt betrayed and terribly stupid for being so naive. "So you lied then", she stated accusingly, "by saying that I'm pretty and that every man could be happy to have me."
"I – God, Lucrezia, no!" Cesare grimaced in despair and squeezed her hand. "You are easily the greatest beauty of Rome, of the whole of Italy, but you are my sister."
"And if I weren't?", Lucrezia asked blankly.
Her brother let out a deep sigh. "Then I would maybe – possibly – be aroused by you. Or even head over heels in love with you." He wet his lips nervously. "But that is hard to imagine, isn't it? For brothers and sisters it does not… work like this. I mean, you aren't aroused by me either, are you?"
He looked as if he regretted the words as soon as they slipped his tongue. Lucrezia stared at him in wonder, suddenly realizing that she could not truly answer this question. If she was honest she had to admit that she not even fully knew what that word meant – she only knew that her cheeks burned and that there was a pull between her thighs when she watched Cesare in bed with another. Nevertheless she shook her head, just because she knew that was what he wanted.
"You see", Cesare responded with relief. He grabbed both her hands and pressed them to his chest. Lucrezia could feel his heart beat underneath his thin shirt, slightly faster than usual. "And even though you are an excellent little spy –" He clutched her hands with a wicked smirk, " – I will catch you the next time you take a peek on me!"
It sounded much more like a loving promise than a threat. "I'm a fast runner", Lucrezia retorted with a bright smile and stuck her tongue out. For a second she thought her brother might bite it playfully, but he just started to tickle her without warning. Lucrezia screamed in excitement and tried to run from him. Cesare however caught her by the waist and attacked her again. Their wild laughter was interrupted by a young woman in a nightgown appearing in the doorway. Lucrezia recognized her because of her long, black hair cascading down her back – the same black hair that had partly covered her full breasts less than an hour before. The woman smiled a little bit confused.
"Cesare?", she asked the man who looked like he had completely forgotten about her. This expression filled his sister with proud excitement. "Are you coming back or…?"
Cesare smiled at her absent-minded. "Yes, sure", he answered and pressed a quick kiss to Lucrezia's cheek. His stubbles scratched her skin softly. "Don't spy", he whispered playfully, breath hot on her ear, "I can feel it if you do!"
He gave her a last wicked smirk before following his lady down to the bedroom. Lucrezia waited a few minutes, knowing as well as he did that she would not keep her promise. Then she peeked through Cesare's window again, the two of them were already undressing each other. When they took things to the enormous bed and the woman kissed down his chest, Cesare shot a few quick glances to the window. The fourth time he looked, he smirked widely, and Lucrezia pressed herself against the wall, hiding from his sight giggling and squeezing her legs together. She thought that they had just established her favorite game.