Growling under her breath, Abby turned and stormed back towards the ER,
nearly bumping into Chuny. At first, she tried a tired smile - no point
taking Carter out on anyone else. But the sheer nerve of him galled her.
Just because she was officially his 'girlfriend', she wasn't allowed to
care about Luka?
Slowly it dawned on her that Chuny was talking - and it was something about Luka. Wondering quickly if that meant he was back, she tilted her head, waiting for the other nurse to repeat herself.
And was flooded by a wave of grief and pain so intense that she staggered.
~
"Abby? Abby, it's okay..."
Numbly, she sat there, letting Susan think she was being comforting. Again and again, her brain presented her with the simple and orderly fact that Luka was dead. Again and again, her heart retaliated with a stream of memories, pictures and sounds that throbbed with an intensity of emotion. Lying beside him all night, waking with a smile because she just couldn't help it. "I miss you, Abby." Him slipping into the bench at her mother's hearing. "...forgot how pretty you are." Talking to Gordana, her heart tightening unexpectedly at the other woman's words.
"Hold down the fort." Abby could still feel his arms around her, even now. How could he be gone, when his face formed so easily in her mind's eye? She fancied the corridors, noisy with machinery, still echoed with his voice; impossible that that voice had been silenced. His eyes, dark and deep and familiar to her as her own - it was absurd to think that they were now closed forever. Absurd. Impossible. A litany, now. Absurd. Impossible. It was a mistake. They meant some other doctor; or else he was very sick, but not...don't even think the word. Absurd. Impossible. No. No. No. No.
"Abby?"
Susan's puzzled stare made her realize that she'd been speaking out loud. Shoving off the other woman's arm roughly, she fled admit, eyes glittering with tears.
She fled, not even knowing where she was going. Stumbled into an empty exam room, all but collapsed onto the bed. Her face dropped, buried in her hands. No.
She was cold, so cold. Just like every time she felt that way, she let herself think of Luka, circling her in his warm hold. Resting his chin on the top of her head, telling her with soft murmurs that everything was going to be all right. Making her believe that was true. Wonder where he is now, she thought as always. Wonder...
If she'd been cold before, it was nothing to now. Because he wasn't anywhere. His arms weren't warm anymore, and she'd never again feel them. Luka, Luka who comforted her, confused her, above all cared for her more than anyone she'd ever know, Luka who she cared for in return, Luka who made her heart feel like it was finally home...was out there in the Congo; abandoned, forgotten...dead.
No. Absurd. Impossi-
Dead. Gone. She was alone.
Slowly it dawned on her that Chuny was talking - and it was something about Luka. Wondering quickly if that meant he was back, she tilted her head, waiting for the other nurse to repeat herself.
And was flooded by a wave of grief and pain so intense that she staggered.
~
"Abby? Abby, it's okay..."
Numbly, she sat there, letting Susan think she was being comforting. Again and again, her brain presented her with the simple and orderly fact that Luka was dead. Again and again, her heart retaliated with a stream of memories, pictures and sounds that throbbed with an intensity of emotion. Lying beside him all night, waking with a smile because she just couldn't help it. "I miss you, Abby." Him slipping into the bench at her mother's hearing. "...forgot how pretty you are." Talking to Gordana, her heart tightening unexpectedly at the other woman's words.
"Hold down the fort." Abby could still feel his arms around her, even now. How could he be gone, when his face formed so easily in her mind's eye? She fancied the corridors, noisy with machinery, still echoed with his voice; impossible that that voice had been silenced. His eyes, dark and deep and familiar to her as her own - it was absurd to think that they were now closed forever. Absurd. Impossible. A litany, now. Absurd. Impossible. It was a mistake. They meant some other doctor; or else he was very sick, but not...don't even think the word. Absurd. Impossible. No. No. No. No.
"Abby?"
Susan's puzzled stare made her realize that she'd been speaking out loud. Shoving off the other woman's arm roughly, she fled admit, eyes glittering with tears.
She fled, not even knowing where she was going. Stumbled into an empty exam room, all but collapsed onto the bed. Her face dropped, buried in her hands. No.
She was cold, so cold. Just like every time she felt that way, she let herself think of Luka, circling her in his warm hold. Resting his chin on the top of her head, telling her with soft murmurs that everything was going to be all right. Making her believe that was true. Wonder where he is now, she thought as always. Wonder...
If she'd been cold before, it was nothing to now. Because he wasn't anywhere. His arms weren't warm anymore, and she'd never again feel them. Luka, Luka who comforted her, confused her, above all cared for her more than anyone she'd ever know, Luka who she cared for in return, Luka who made her heart feel like it was finally home...was out there in the Congo; abandoned, forgotten...dead.
No. Absurd. Impossi-
Dead. Gone. She was alone.