Avenged: My Immortal

By SunFrog

Note from the Writer: I was a late comer in life to "My Immortal", and found it so horrible but in a wicked fun kind of way. I believe this treatment of it is both fair and fun. Enjoy!

Three days in decompression allowing my Essence, the total sum of what I am across reality, to adjust slowly but surely to where I was having to go. I was… nervous to say the least. My first case as an agent of R.A.S.H, Reality Altering Super Humans, on my own. God our name is dumb. If you didn't let your Essence adjust to the new 'reality' stream you're entering then you'd die the second , or at least very shortly, after you entered it. Another side effect is that it'd be like splitting an atom, all of them for a hundred square miles since the basic energy and reality patterns that made you up, wouldn't mesh at all with the localized reality.

The reason we go into other realities? To stop 'anomalies' or 'Freaks'. Honestly no one gives a flying flip about a reality that crashes into itself, that happens all the time. But ones that are corrupted in a fundamental way are terrifying. Think of a string of sibling realities as being a leg on a person, and say a corrupted reality is a toe that has gangrene. You cut off the toe before it poisons and kills the good parts of the leg or the host body. So to put it bluntly, our job is to cure, if we can, the gangrenous sections of reality, failing that.. Cut it off.

This reality was something, unique. Totally alien from my home stream. The three days gave me a chance to study up on it. The further a stream is from your indigenous reality, the longer it takes for you to adjust to its stream. It may not seem like much but consider it takes less then ten seconds for an individual from cousin streams to adjust to each other, three days was pretty substantial. But, back to what's at hand.

Reading up on it, this was a world of not high magic but potent magic that was kept from normal people's eyes. And British, everything was overly British for some reason. I would actually be exiting from the dunk tank into a Pseudo-English place called "Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft". Ah, now I know why the captain sent me. Coming from a reality stream where science was king, I'd have a natural resistance to magic and charms. But the courtesy wasn't extended in their direction since science exists in their reality stream. This entire reality stream and its sibling streams are Pillared by one Harry Potter. To explain, Pillars are individuals who reality rests upon for stability, often jokingly called "main characters". Him and his little friends kept the fabric of this reality together, or did till there was a disturbance and from that disturbance things went off in a very weird direction.

Ok, the "Freak" was a hiccup of reality called Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way, an incestuous monster, I think some sort of… zombie? Vampire?… who has wrapped itself in the idea of a 'goffic' teenager, who was so insecure about her own lack of quality and character hated anyone who was different then her narrow scope of reality and called them 'preps'. I have no idea what the hell a "goff" or "prep" are, and a not so good feeling starts to settle nice and tight into my guts.

Again, to explain a "Freak" is an anomaly that set itself up as a living person able to interact and do correct corruption instead of being passive. What's worst is that none of them even know they are "Freaks", it's like how your body can't tell the difference between Cancer and normal cells till the cancer starts to spread and kills healthy living ones.

I stepped out into a … cafeteria ? Dining Hall? What the hell was this place? … among a throng of students. From their point of view I was just another kid attending school here, and always had been. Some might even have memories of interacting with me or something like that. All creations of the reality stream attempting to get a handle on a new random element being interjected into it. This also started my ticking clock. If I were here too long I would start to buy into what the localized reality was doing.

So, the place looked like Medieval Times on steroids. I'll be honest, it was kind of cool, I was especially impressed with the floating candles in the air. That would be an unholy fire hazard in any reality where magic wasn't real. Looking around it took only about five seconds till I spotted her. The only way I could describe her is that she got her clothing from the 'Lil' Miss Prostitute' section of Hot Topic and then rolled around in pink and purple spray paint in the back alleyway. She was scribbling 'Die Preppy Scum' or something on the wooden table she was seated at. When a normalized started to walk toward her. No, not normalized, he was starting to show signs of the corruption in his pattern. The Freak was making her first victims. Draco Malfoy, a student here that was a minor column often set opposite to Harry Potter for Akashic Balance.

Quickly, a "column" is a person/place/thing who reality depends on to a smaller extent but can be removed if another is promoted in its place quickly enough. The danger is you don't know how many columns you can remove or change before you start to destabilized the whole of the localized reality. Akashic Balance is the total health over all of a stream of realities and the whole of all things in all realities. IE like the Buddhist ideal of Total Balance. Did you know God is a Buddhist, he is.

Looking out the window there was both snow and rain coming down sideways, opposite directions… conflicting weather or events, are a sign that things were escalating quickly. Worse is no one notice this wasn't right. In fact I kind of got the vibe from the area of reality around Ebony was similar to Jones Town before they started to pass out the Cool-Aid.

Draco was making his way toward her through the students. "Hey Ebony."

She looked up, "What's up Draco?" she almost sounded real, for a second just a second.

"Nothing." Draco said with a bit too much shyness in his voice. They locked eyes for a second, him of a being with a soul and mind, her of an empty automation of corruption. It all ended when a few of the 'girls' from her 'house' called her away. I couldn't tell if this was teenage angst mess, or the fact that reality was starting to chug like an old computer that hadn't been defragged in years.

I lost track of her, I cursed myself. A quick and brutal action I could have ended this all and been back home in time for supper. Not being able to find her due to the fact that the entire school apparently is a death trap where the following things move: Halls, walls, stairs, paintings, doors, windows… and so on, every five seconds. I wouldn't be surprised if you check under some of the swinging walls and stair landings you won't find students who 'went away and never came back' balled up dead under them. To get around more or less 'safely' and reliably I went ahead and carved nooks out of the rock so I could climb around.

You'd think it'd be easy to find a woman who was dressed like a prostitute among a population that wears more or less fancy bathrobes and pointy hats. But it wasn't to my dismay. Fog of reality was starting to set in on me. She was becoming 'acceptable' in the confines of this reality. I needed to work fast. Recon time.

As an agent of RASH, I have a few things going for me, being an outsider means that our place in reality is more soft then a person who belongs in it and also our training teaches us how to … nudge… things through suggestion. So I did what anyone sane would do, after I climbed up to a level that had students on it I walked toward a random Hufflepuff girl.

"Hey." I nodded and introduced myself with a random name that came into my head. "I'm a new student… I heard there's a vampire here.." I dropped my voice into a low conspiratorial tone and leaned in to speak closer with her. I was me, but through her perception inflicted by the soft reality carrying around me I probably came off as a totally normal average student who belonged at Hogwarts. "I was wondering if I could meet her…"

She nodded in the over enthusiastic way that either the drunk or simple minded do, "That's E-boney Way! She's so cool." She chirrs out like a parrot that's been taught naughty words for someone's amusement.

"What?" I asked. "I thought her name was Ebony."

"That's what I said!" The Hufflepuff girl let out. I ignored this … stutter in reality and moved on.

"Do you know where she's at right now?" I politely asked.

"She's probably in the Slytherian Common room or her room. I heard her and Draco are an item now… I hope she comes down and has breakfast with us." I left before she could continue on with more mindless drivel, but I left before she could go into the entire dried and tired spiel about how they were the most perfect couple ever. Now the hard part was remembering how to get there, or at least get to the path that leads to the way there.

Wait. Breakfast ? It was just lunch a little bit ago. Another bad sign, time was starting to spool and re-spool itself oddly. At least it wasn't jumping around too much I'd lost maybe less then fifteen hours, when entire days start to fade in and out, that's when you're knee deep.

The climb to the painting, who hides a door behind a freaking painting? … and tried to open the door.

"Who are you?" It asks. Great. A talking painting.

"Listen, I don't have time for this. Open-says-me.." I leaned in close and whispered softly. The fog of reality only covers so much, getting into a fight with security always brought unneeded difficulties. It didn't budge, and as a matter of fact it seemed to now take to ignoring me. "Come on, open up damn you." I banged my fist against the surprisingly strong fabric of the canvas.

"And what house are you from?" The stuffy poet shirt wearing man in the panting asked looking down at me.

"I don't know. House Harry Potter." I said the first thing that came into my mind.

"Well then, young sir, thirty points from Gryffindor." He replied in a snide tone that had an edge of delight to it. I hit my limit.

"Well then, sir painting. Fuck you." I literally ran off trying to form a new plan of action. If I could get this "Freak" quick and alone reality would heal a lot quicker and hell she might even be forgotten. The painting yelled about more point reductions.

My new plan worked but only because the outside of Hogwarts didn't shift and change around like the inside. It took fifteen minutes to get to more or less outside the window of the girls dorm of House Slytherin, I would like to note there is evidence leading from the boys dorm of climbing done before me. A new unknown voice cut through me like a knife and caused that unpleasant sensation in my semi-functional sixth sense.

"Oh, my fucking god!" she squealed out in a way that made me want to eat a bullet. "I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday." I think she was on the verge of pissing her pants with excitement. She was a being created by the "Freak", a "Minion", more or less an anomalies version of a Column. Minions exist only to support the anomaly and further it.

"Yeah so?" Ebony, or E-Boney, take your pick … said while she was either blushing or forcing blood to shoot out the stage make up she wore, it was thick enough to where Bozzoo the Clown looked natural.

I decided to make my move, swing back and forth to where I built up a decent amount of force and speed. I was going to go Hell Bent for Glory on this one. In my mind it played out like this:

I crash through the window, flame grenade in one hand, machine pistol in the other raining hell down on Ebony World of Darkness Bat-shit Crazy Bird Ghost Dog Way of the Samurai and whoever the hell her little "Goff" friend is. Maybe something awesome like Papa Roach's "Last Resort" blaring as I do so. Yeah, that would be so Wizard.

That is not what happened.

I repeat, that is not what happened.

I under estimated how powerful 'magic' is or the fact that it can be used for real useful things as opposed to tricks. I hit that window with enough force to have shattered it. It didn't even rattle. The last thing I heard was "Willow" shrieking, "Do you like Draco?" and then Ebony screaming out, "No I …"

Having fallen I hit the ground at that point, like a sack of old potatoes. Hard. The world went blissfully black and I escaped from this all for a time. Some giant who I think is a Welshman-and/or shack dwelling pedophile… happened on me and carried me to the hospital wing. When I started to come too, I found out I'd been out for a day. Go-Go magical death coma. I made up some story about magical flying brooms, and as it turns out that is a real thing here. Who'd have guessed.

The world I woke up to was worse then the one I got knocked out in. I.Q.s seemed to have violently dropped and people became more focused on Ebony and Draco… and over all… more… creepy. The rumor mill was going full blast, apparently Draco had decided to poke Ebony, or E-Boney, again depending on how you prefer it - and the head master had caught them … while he was being all creepy.. Stalking out in the middle of nowhere. Also, I heard the distressing news that the Pillar of this reality, a boy named Harry Potter had become corrupted now, into 'Vampire Potter'. I swear to God, it came right out of left field. Of course myself I would have gone with 'Vam-Potter', but that's just me.

Ebony was down in the feast hall and dear god, she was eating cereal with human blood on it. That I could stomach, she was a vampire/zombie/Prostitute thing. I was going to sneak up and pop a silenced round into the back of her skull when again my plans got upset. A boy probably about sixteen, seventeen and in need of new clothing and a shave , bumped into her and blood went all over her. Think like Carrie at the end of the prom and you'll get an idea of how bad it was.

She went from lost in her own world to homicidal rage in under two seconds flat, "Bastard!" She shrieked out, her fingers curled up and I was expecting eye gouging any second now. I wasn't happy with the boy myself, he'd cost me a good silent hit. I put the gun back into my robe and sat down at a random spot and started to eat someone's unattended food. Yes, things might be too magic for my taste here, but the clothing is surprisingly comfy. I might actually get a variation on this for my normal garb.

"I'm so sorry." The boy said backing away from her, slowly.

"That's alright… what's your name?" She questioned him, her eyes reminding me of some deranged predator. I was still expecting eye gouging.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days…"

"Why?" Ebony asked, probably the only person in the world not aware on an instinctual level that there was something just… wrong with this metamorphosis.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." He giggled like a person who'd suffered brain damage through oxygen deprivation. Oh Jesus Christ no. Things were far worse then I expected. If the Pillar had been corrupted to this extent this reality was a ticking time bomb and if did remove the anomaly there's a chance it'd die. Yes, this section of a reality stream would die but the others would recover quickly. I would also like to state that eating blood raw destroys a human stomach as it's not designed to get sustenance from hem.

They blathered on, something about her being a real vampire, and him being really impressed and thinking that was awesome. And then the corrupted Draco Malfoy showing up and taking her off to do god only knows what and Vampire Potter, I still prefer 'Vam-Potter', went off with some ginger kids and complained about how his true love had run off with… blah … blah… blah.

I was in an extreme situation now. Saving this section of the reality stream was pretty much off the table at this point. I got up and moved to the library. Even apparently in a magical school kids don't go to the library often. This would be my war room. I swept some of the books off a shelf and put down my items. A silence pistol, one small explosive, door trigger and universal key. I may not have magical power but I had the ability of "gun shootus a bunchus!"

Now this might be the part where you're thinking, "Oh god. He's a monster! He's going to kill a "Uber goff" girl." She's not a girl. She's an anomaly of reality created by freak accident. She's realities version of cancer. Wouldn't you shoot cancer if you could? Especially if you can't go home till its dead.

Now, back in the days when the agency started they didn't have a lock in rule. But after a group of agents got called into a reality where not only where there super heroes but they were infected with some sort of horrible fucking zombie plague … and all of them contacted it and almost brought it back to base… tighter protocols were created. Now do you understand? Anyway I had so failed this mission. I was in deep shit when I get home.

Libraries are great and wonderful places, a good place for research which should have been given to me when I was ordered to this mission but live and learn. Or die and forget everything. Okay, I found out that Harry Potter was mortal enemy of another pillar called Tom Riddle who had become some sort of horrible necromancer or something. So if I had to take out Potter I would have to take him out too to keep a semi-balance.

My chance would come soon. Out in the halls I heard kids yelling and running. I had witnessed in the course of under three days it going form a serious and esteemed school.. To the what it had become. Apparently again, Draco had tried to poke Ebony and it all went bad. She pretty much made a bunch of homophobic rants, one of which I believe was: "You probably have AIDS anyway."

Time was getting really soft so I knew that time itself was running out. I managed to track her down she'd apparently gone out to the tree line. None of the teachers noticed, not that I think they were able to at this point. Things had become pretty fucked up to the point where I'm sure that "Mc-Gargamel" lady was freebasing meth off the chest guy who looked like Alan Rickman.

When I found her she was at a tree doing as close to 'angry' and 'sad' as she could. Which came to be calling people 'fucking preps' under her breath and chanting 'MCR is awesome.' whatever the fuck a MCR is. The school's Head Master stormed off cackling like some demented old man, again an uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. From what I'd read he'd gone totally away from who he was supposed to be. Harry 'Vampire Potter' was there too but he seemed like he'd been smoking previously mentioned meth and was out of it.

You've probably noticed a change in my tone since the start of this mission. But a broken ankle and frustration / disgust tends to do that to a person. But then things just got retarded around here. Not to be disparaging against the mentally infirm - but really retarded. You have been warned.

"It's ok!" Harry 'Vampire Potter' had said as he burst blood vessels in his eyes as blood starting to gush down his cheeks. I do not see how this is ok. "I have an idea."

"What?" Ebony wheezed out in her annoying shrieking voice.

"You'll see." And then they ripped a hole through time space. No warning, no obvious magic… stuff… just bam. Hole in time space. Oh sweet Jesus, what fresh hell was this? It took me a minute or two to gather the courage to move through this … I have no idea what it was. I'll call it a portal. I went through, and reality was… like ice cream… yummy rich and soft and filled with crazy. I give thanks to god it came to an end but that was redacted when I ended up in the BSDM dungeon.

Reality became more solid, not totally but at least more solid and I viewed Ebony knifing down a fat man who looked like he came from middle management. I was expecting her to either chant, "I knife you down, down, down, down!" or "Fuck you preppy fuck!" but to my surprise she was quiet. For some reason Draco was chained to the wall.

"Snaketail…" Came a voice the sounded like Captain Crunch doing Bella Lagosi, "What are thou doing?"

Ebony, Harry 'Vampire Potter', and Draco 'The Gimp' Malfoy were planning to make an escape so I had to move and stop this, this would be my only chance.

"No. Stop where you are!" I said coming into view. About this time a gaunt looking old man with no nose and dressed similar to what I suspected Ebony's parents would , that is if she had them. Ebony, the corrupted Pillar and Column and now … Tom Riddle … that was his name right? All here in one place.

"Who the fuck are you preppy? I'm Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way! Are you hating me because I'm "goffic" and a Satanist and lead singer of…" I didn't let Ebony finish, my answer was a quick squeeze, not pull but squeeze of the trigger and her "goffic" brains were on the "goffic" wall. I prepped the fire bomb and fired a couple of more rounds into her to make sure she stayed down.

"I'll see you all in Hell!" And chunked the metal can toward Harry 'Vampire Potter' and leapt back through the hole in time space that they'd ripped open. Now try to think of it this way, they'd never seen me before and in the space of five seconds I just took out Ebony and pretty much sentenced them all to a fiery death. Yeah, confused would be the way I described the look on their faces. But it was pretty wizard.

I made it through just in time as a backwash of flames stung my backside and tossed me an extra twenty feet into the air. Yeah, this hurt. A lot. But it was going to hurt a lot less then what the agency would do to me after going sick-house on the fundamentals of this reality. And again, I was knocked the fuck out when I hit the ground.

Again, that wandering Giant/Welshman/Pedophile found me. "What happened young master?" He asked me after I had come around.

"It was Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way." I gasped out, playing it up all I could. "She was really 'He Who Should Not Be Named'! She was stealing the life force of Hogwarts students by sucking their life force out… through their … assholes…using her … mouth. Harry.. Stopped… her… He gave his…" I pretended to pass out again.

I was carried from the yard into the hospital wing where I did catch a quick catnap to rest up and woke up to the sounds of a more normal Hogwarts. Things were starting to flow back in normalcy. With the anomaly dead it was certain that things would start to heal. It would be very different then any other reality in the reality stream that surrounded them but at least it was healthy.

With Ebony gone, there was no holding the strings of her corruption together. People went back to their proper houses, and started to act like themselves again. It was all blamed on Ebony since they thought she was 'He Who Must Not Be Named' and all their… weirdness was part of some evil spell worked by him. Yeah, it all turned out pretty wizard.