You should really listen to Seether and Amy Lee's "Broken" while reading this.
Jess2002 made a wonderful job with the story – thank you!
I made a banner for this one-shot. You can find the link to my blog on my profile.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and the plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I didn't know how many bottles of beer I had drunk, I couldn't remember, not that I could remember much now, especially not the joyful memories. However, the painful ones were still there, burned into my brain.
I had just walked out of the bar, where I had drunk most of the money I had been given earlier that day by merciful people. There was a time when I entered the bar and the bartenders smiled at me, talked to me somehow joyfully. Now, they still smile, but you can see the pity in their eyes.
As a car passed by me, loud music blaring from it, I remembered how much I used to play my black piano and my acoustic guitar or singing for my loved ones. I missed music, listening to it, playing it.
'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
These lyrics kept playing in my head, remembering me of everything that had happened.
Once upon a time, I had everything.
Once upon a time, I couldn't be any happier.
Once upon a time, I had an extraordinary family.
Once upon a time, I always came back home from the hospital into my beautiful Bella's loving arms.
Now, I had nothing – absolutely nothing. Not even my voice.
As a doctor, I knew I had PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, common for people that have been shocked by something, but as a man, I couldn't care less.
As I continued walking aimlessly down the street, I remembered how it had all begun, how I became that homeless broken man.
Two years ago, I went to see my sort-of-crazy sister, Alice. She was one of the kindest people knew, with crazy ideas, obsessed by fashion and shopping (shopaholic, as she liked being called), and a bit of a psychic. Earlier that day, she had texted me, saying "I love you all. Eventually, everything will be alright."
What in the world was I supposed to think?
It was already 7 PM and by the time I arrived to her house, she had to be back from her date with one of my high-school acquaintances, James Hunter. I didn't like nor trust him too much, he always seemed to be dangerous, but Ali told me that 'this is how it's meant to be'.
As I drove closer to her house, the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up, just like when you know something bad is about to happen and I started feeling afraid. However, I told myself that I was just being paranoid, nothing more and I ignored it.
When I got to her house, I parked my silver Volvo and got out of it. Looking around, I could see her yellow Porsche and James's black Chevrolet. I thought I might be interrupting them, so I wondered if I should leave or not.
In the end, I decided to go inside, have a word with Alice and then let them alone, because I had this odd feeling. I wanted to tell her for the nth time to be careful; I didn't want anything bad to happen to her.
When I got to her doorstep I reached for the key in the pocked of my jeans and tried to unlock the door, but it was already open. This was a very strange thing; Alice never ever left the door unlocked, although she trusted people easily.
You could say that paranoia was a family thing.
I pushed the door wide open and stepped inside the house. I hung my coat in the hall and looked around.
The only lightened room was the living room, so I headed there, as it was where they had to be. Getting closer, I felt that salty smell of blood – yes, I could smell blood. After all, I dealt with it a lot and that way I got more used to it. In contrast, Bella, my wife, started feeling nauseated only when she saw it.
In spite of that smell, I tried to be optimistic and not to accept what I had already suspected – she just might've cut her finger. Right?
It wasn't like she cooked much in order to have some dexterity in using a knife, isn't it so?
With these somewhat positive thoughts in my mind I pushed the already ajar door open. The next thing I saw was something that would remain burned in my brain forever, just like acid.
Alice, my little Alice, was lying on the floor, her body twisted in an unusual way, the wooden floor soaked in her dark-red blood. Her beautiful black eyes held no life in them, her mouth hung slightly open, her face wearing a mask of shock.
What I found even more repulsive was that the freak, the monster responsible for this was sitting next to her, caressing her spiky hair and looking at her with a smile glued on his face, his eyes empty of any emotion.
I know I should have done something, anything.
I should have killed that monster who took my baby sister's life then and there.
I should have strangled him, killed him with my bare hands, and watched life leaving his pathetic form.
But I couldn't. In part because I knew Alice would never agree with this revenge, in part because I wasn't able to make a single move.
My whole body felt as if it was made of stone and soon after, I felt as if I was just a guy in a cinema theatre, watching some stupid horror movie, too scared to even move.
It felt like it wasn't my life.
It felt like I was just a witness of a tragic event.
I knew oh-so-well that I should make a move, but I couldn't.
I wasn't able to tell how much time I spent there, doing...nothing, nothing at all, just staring. I couldn't tell when the police or my Bella arrived.
I only knew that after some time, my Bella was holding me tightly, slowly crying and the police officers were asking me several things. In the end, after I'd recovered a bit, I had to make statements, and that was the moment when I realised I couldn't utter a single word.
No matter how hard I tried, it was useless. My body wasn't listening to my brain and all of my efforts were fruitless.
Since then, people have always been around me, supporting me, comforting me, although they were suffering too. They had to deal with the loss of a daughter and a friend. Nevertheless, they put their pain aside and were next to me in almost every moment.
However, in my selfishness, I greedily took everything they had to offer, without understanding their pain or even realising there was any of it.
I didn't want to have therapy, despite my better judgement and my knowledge as a doctor. Time was supposed to make everything as good as before.
Finally, it was half a year ago when I realised I was just a burden for everyone.
Then I decided the only thing I had left to do was leaving them live their life in peace. This way they wouldn't need to worry about me and maybe they would be happier.
It would have never been like before, but I was sure that without me in their lives everything would be better. The only thing that I needed to worry about was the time I left.
I knew my Bella, she was quite stubborn and she wouldn't let me leave, nor would she understand this was the best for her. Also, I knew that she would plead with me not to leave and I was never able to resist her.
This way, one night, when Bella was asleep, I started packing a few clothes.
I grabbed an empty backpack from the back of my closet, stuffed some clothes, my toothbrush, my toothpaste, and two photos, both taken at our wedding.
In one of them, there was Bella and I, happily smiling, with so much love in our eyes... In the other one was our whole family: Bella, our parents and I.
It broke my heart leaving her, but I had to, it was for the best.
In spite of this, I knew deep inside this would not solve our problems, but I acted cowardly, choosing the easy way.
Since then, I have been living on the streets, out of people's mercy, sometimes, although not often, getting drunk. It was one of the most stupid things to do, but I despised myself, and there was no reason for I should stop.
Also, I knew drinking wouldn't make me forget my sorrow and what I've lost.
I missed Bella.
I missed Alice.
I missed my family.
I missed them all, but I wouldn't, I couldn't go back.
I was so grateful for being able to see her almost daily, because I never could leave the neighbourhood. I did try going to another part of the town, but I always came back.
It was getting colder and colder, and rain started pouring from the sky – November weather.
I was quite drunk and more miserable than usually, so I decided it was not worth going on.
I was not worth it, so I didn't even bother finding a shelter for the night.
I wanted the pain to be over, so I just sat down, on the cold, wet pavement, closing my sore eyes, thinking that maybe everything should end then and there.
A few minutes passed and a woman passed down the street – the steps were much too quiet for a man. She stopped in front of me, probably thinking if she should try to help me somehow or to leave. I waited for her to go, but she didn't.
Instead, a soft voice that I knew very well, called me.
"Baby? Edward?" It was my angel's voice.
"Edward, love, please, please, look at me," she pleaded, and I reluctantly opened my eyes. I did not want to meet her pained gaze, well-knowing I would do anything she'd ask me to.
Her beautiful big brown eyes looked at me with so much love, but also so much pain. My heart clenched in my chest, knowing that I had been the one to cause that pain, to make her suffer.
I despised myself.
"Darling, please, come home. Come with me, don't do this again! Don't hide from me," she softly cried.
My brain stopped functioning and my breath hitched. I couldn't believe it...did I hear her well?
Did she want me to go home with her?
Would she be able to forgive me, after all that I'd done to her?
My beloved one had always been a caring, forgiving person... maybe, just maybe...
I snapped out of it, deciding to tell her somehow the only thing that came into my mind.
"I love you," I mouthed and she smiled.
God, how much I missed that smile!
"I love you too, Edward. Please, come home with me," she said and I suddenly realised that she still loved me.
I was so damn happy to hear those five words coming out of her mouth... And she asked me to go home with her...
Maybe there still was a chance for us... However, I knew I had to ask for her forgiveness, even though she might not give it to me right then. I wouldn't forgive myself.
"Forgive me?" I mouthed again, anxiously waiting for her answer.
"I forgave you a long time ago, darling," she said, shivering.
I slowly smiled, then remembered we were sitting in the freezing rain and we were both soaked.
I rose, hesitantly took her hand and we started walking home.
She was quiet all the way, and I feared I had done something wrong, that I had misunderstood her words.
Nevertheless, after we got in and she locked the door, my beautiful girl hugged me tightly. I understood exactly what she meant, and I encircled her waist, giving her a bear hug and touching her lips with my own for a few seconds.
"We're gonna catch a cold if we don't change quickly, love," she barely breathed out.
I laughed, remembering the effect my bear hugs had on her, and I swiftly threw her over my shoulders, making her cry out and then laugh, slapping me. I carried her upstairs, so we could take a hot shower and change our clothes. Then we would eat something and go to bed.
I had missed sleeping next to her, holding her, I had missed everything.
Later that night, while I was listening to my girl's rhythmic breathing, I finally understood that although Alice's death affected all of us, we needed to go on.
This was what she would have wanted and maybe she knew what was about to happen to her and that was with all her cryptic words.
I decided to change some things and the first one would be going to my parents' house the next days and asking for their forgiveness.
In addition to this, I planned on trying therapy, both for my PTSD and for our relationship.
I would not let Bella go again, nor would I leave.
I knew we weren't going to be like we before immediately, but I also knew we were going to work it out.
It wouldn't be like magic, it wouldn't be easy.
It would take time and there would be lots of tears, but the most important thing was that I loved her and she loved me back, so maybe we'd be able to do this.
Together.
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