"I'm sorry, Mr. Smythe." The doctor sighed, shaking his head, looking at Blaine. The look on the doctor's face told Blaine everything he never wanted to know. He had just lost his husband. He had lost entire world. His everything was taken from him by some wretched drunk driver. He could barely hear the doctor say "We did everything we could." over his heart pounding in his ears.
It was like he could feel his heart breaking into a billion tiny pieces, he felt every crack. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't cry, either. He just stood there for a long moment after the doctor left, the sinking feeling inside of him causing him to drop to his knees.
No. This couldn't have happened. No. Just….no.
He didn't even get to say goodbye…or that he loved him…he was just…gone.
He didn't remember how he got home. One minute he was standing there being told that his husband was gone and then the next he was in their bed, clutching Sebastian's pillow, sobbing his eyes out. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He felt like he was going to throw up, which he did later on that night. He was up, sick, the whole night. How was he supposed to do this? How was he supposed to go on? Thankfully Santana had taken Charlie home with her when she left the hospital that day. He needed to be alone tonight. No, actually, he didn't need to be alone. He needed Sebastian. But that wasn't going to happen. He was gone. Charlie was going to be devastated She was such a daddy's girl when it came to Sebastian. How was he supposed to tell her? How was he supposed to tell that sweet, innocent little girl that her daddy was gone and never coming back?
….
Telling Charlie had been the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He barely held himself together as he watched her sweet little face go from hopeful, to confused, "Dad why are you crying?", and even when he told her, she still didn't quite understand. She just frowned at Blaine, he could tell her little mind was trying to make sense of what he told her.
For days, Charlie didn't talk. She barely smiled, she never laughed and she barely played at all. It made it hard for Blaine to keep a brave face in front of her when he saw her like this. She slept in her own bed, which Blaine was thankful for. Because keeping a brave face for Charlie was really hard and when he went to bed his brave face was no where to be found. He cried himself to sleep every night, he felt so empty, so lonely. If it weren't for Charlie, he would just give up. That's how bad this was. But he had to be strong for that little girl. He had to push everything down and not think about how he'll never look into those green eyes again, how he'll never hear that voice calling him an idiot, or telling him that he loves him or that he's his everything. He couldn't think about he'll never feel Sebastian's arms slipping around him as he cooks, or how he'll probably never be able to eat Spaghetti again. There would be no more kisses, no more hugs, no more cuddling, no more bubble baths, no more fighting, no more dates. And no matter what that side of the bed would never be warm again. He couldn't think about all of that around Charlie. But at night, when he was freezing cold in bed, in Sebastian's Dalton sweatshirt, clutching Sebastian's pillow for dear life, it all came raining down on him and he cried. On nights he didn't cry himself sick, he cried himself to sleep. Only to dream of the face he'd never see again.
….
Blaine hated that Charlie had to go to school so soon, he even offered for her to stay home for another day if she wanted, but she disagreed. So he got her ready and took her to school.
"Now, princess.." He knelt down to be at her level, looking at her. "Are you sure you want to do this today?"
Charlie just nodded, the sad frown still on her face.
The sadness in her eyes, how sad she was, how much she was hurting…it just broke Blaine completely. It took everything he had in him to not cry right there and just take her home. He hated that he couldn't protect her from this.
"Love you, dad." She said very softly, looking at him. It was the one and only thing she would still say and he was so thankful for that because every time she said it, he felt just a little tiny bit of hope.
Blaine gave her a small smile, nodding gently. "I love you, too, angel. Try to have a good day."He gave her a soft kiss before she let go of his hand and went on into the room.
Watching after her, he sighed softly. Standing up, he went to talk to the teacher before he left, he let her know what happened and that Charlie hasn't been talking much, if at all, since.
Charlie was very quiet the whole day, just as expected. The only time she spoke was when one of her classmates, a little boy by the name of Jonathan, asked her what she was so sad for.
She just sighed as she stopped coloring the page in front of her, setting her crayon down, frowning a little more. "My daddy…I…I used to have two daddies.." She said very softly. "But now I only have one.."
….
Blaine had just settled into their bed when there was a small knock at the bedroom door, followed by his five-year-old coming into the room.
"Hey lovebug," He sat up a little, looking at her with concern.
Charlie didn't say anything, she just went over to the bed, crawling up onto it and getting under the covers next to Blaine, laying on her side, facing him, sighing softly.
Blaine scooted closer to her, placing his hand on her cheek, caressing it softly. "What is it, princess?" He whispered softly. He didn't expect an answer.
"D-daddy…daddy's never coming back?" She asked in a quiet voice, her big, sad hazel eyes looking at him.
Blaine's heart shattered even more in that moment and tears found their way back into his eyes. He looked at her sadly, shaking his head. Not knowing what to say really. There was nothing he could say to make this better. This was a horrible thing. "N-no baby." He managed to whisper as he pulled her into his arms, hugging her close.
Charlie just frowned sadly. "Dad?" She asked, her voice shaking.
"What baby?" He whispered, sniffling softly, rubbing her back soothingly.
"I miss daddy." She whined softly before she finally started to cry.
Blaine closed his eyes tightly, trying to keep himself from breaking down with her. She needed him to be the strong for her. "I know, Charlie. I miss him too." He whispered as she cried against his chest. He sniffled softly, kissing her head. "It's okay, I know, baby. I know." He whispered. She cried her poor little eyes out that night until she fell asleep in Blaine's arms.
As he watched his precious daughter sleep, he felt more sadness than he had yet. Watching her come to the realization that Sebastian was gone forever had been the hardest thing he had witnessed yet.
….
Some days passed and Charlie got to where she would talk to Blaine a little more. No one else, just Blaine. Which he was so grateful for. She slept in his bed with him every night, which was something else he was grateful for. Being able to cuddle his daughter every night actually let him sleep for a few undisturbed hours.
The funeral itself was a blur to Blaine, he remembered sitting there completely dazed out for the whole thing until it came time to finally say good bye. Something Blaine never wanted to do. You're not supposed to have to tell your soulmate good bye. He didn't cry, surprisingly, as he spoke to the casket that held his husband. When he was finished, he kissed his hand and pressed it to the cold, hard wood before taking his seat again. He did cry, however, when his five year old went up to the casket, placing a picture she drew of the three of them, plus their two dogs, on it. "Here daddy, so you don't forget us."
….
More days passed, it didn't get any easier or any less sad.
The funeral was just something that reopened the wound. It felt like it had happened all over again. Blaine couldn't cry anymore, but it hurt like hell.
That weekend, Blaine was jerked awake from a dream, like always. He dreamed every night, of the accident, of Sebastian. He hadn't had a full night's sleep since it happened. He got up out of the bed, careful not to bother Charlie. Sighing softly he went over to their closet, opening the doors. He ran his hand along the neat line of Sebastian's shirts, he knew that he should probably start getting rid of some of Sebastian's clothes and things but he could not bring himself to do it. It was not happening. He knew Sebastian would roll his eyes at him and tell him to stop being an idiot and to get rid of his stuff and move on. But he just couldn't. Not yet.
He took one of Sebastian's shirts off of the hanger and slipped it on, closing his eyes, letting the familiar fabric hug him.
"Dad?" Charlotte said softly, sniffling as she sat up.
"Hmm?" Blaine hummed, turning towards his daughter.
She got up out of the bed and went over to Blaine, standing next to him, looking in the closet. "Can I wear daddy's shirt, too?" She asked, looking up at him with big eyes.
Giving her a sad smile, Blaine nodded. "Of course, baby." He then took one of Sebastian's short sleeved button shirts out of the closet, the same one Charlotte always loved to wear. He knelt down in front of her, slipping it on and buttoning it up. "There." He whispered softly, smiling a little at her. "Your daddy sure loved seeing us in his shirts, huh?"
For the first time, Charlotte gave him a small smile back, nodding. "He did. Because he loves us."
Blaine nodded, placing his hand on Charlie's cheek, brushing his thumb against it. "That's right babygirl, he does." He pressed a kiss to her forehead before standing up, picking her up. "What do you say we spend the whole day on the couch, just snuggled together, watching movies? Like we used to do with daddy on some weekends?"
"I think daddy would like that." She said softly.
Blaine smiled softly at her, nodding. "I think so, too." He knew Sebastian would like that. He knew that where ever Sebastian was, if he was watching them, that he was so mad at Blaine for how he had handled this whole thing. But doing something, finally, that was something normal for them, he knew Sebastian would approve of that.
So that's what they did. They spent their Saturday the same way they had spent every Saturday since Charlotte was born. They snuggled together on the couch and watched nothing but Charlotte's favorite Disney movies all day. And when he watched his daughter giggle softly as they watched The Little Mermaid, for the first time he felt like maybe they would be okay. He knew that wouldn't be good enough for Sebastian. Sebastian would roll his eyes again and tell him he was an idiot and that they would be just fine. But…just maybe Blaine believed it for a split second.