Chapter 18

Ray woke up to the quiet clattering coming from the kitchen. He didn't want to wake up really but a crash and a curse made his heart jump and shook sleep from him – and Georgie who dashed beside him, eyes huge and tail like bad bottle brush. "Bodie? What the hell was that?"

To Ray's immense relief, black-haired head peeked in. "Sorry mate, the kettle slipped. Luckily it was only water. Did that wake you up?"

"Thank god I was awake already, would have got a freakin' heartattack..."

"Just a sec, I only dry the table a little. We'll get breakfast soon."

A moment later Bodie appeared to sight and Ray winced seeing the tube and cans. Without a word the lethal ex para got gingerly himself down on his knees, and started to clean his mate gently, almost tenderly, with the towels and warm water he had managed to bring beside Ray's mattress without waking Ray. This time he was more thorough, cleaning every square inch of bare skin he could reach without moving his partner, and wiping it dry immediately. He was inspecting his mate at the same time, and noticed a tender spot on the left side of Ray's head, almost entirely covered with curls. "This hurt?"

"Just a bit, hardly noticed it with everything else..."

"Well this probably caused you to knock out." Bodie felt relieved, finding the answer why Ray had ended face in water without waking up, and so he totally missed embarassment Ray felt for his mate surveying so intently face that would for hours bear marks of tears.

All the other injuries were pretty much the same under Bodie's gently probing hands, although the bruises had started to gain colour. Bodie didn't much want to think what his own skin must look like, he had managed to avoid looking at the mirror in the bathroom.

Finally he was happy with the cleaning he had managed to perform, along with quick but thorough massage of Ray's thighs and legs to stimulate the circulation, and to his amusement Bodie noticed Georgie vigorously trying to groom Ray's stubble along the chin. He was glad for that distraction as Ray wouldn't certainly like what he needed to do next...

And Ray definitely didn't. Somehow, though, the humiliation felt a little less than it had felt the previous evening. Anyway it was nothing compared with what had happened before he fell asleep the last time... oh chrissake... and that cat... Ray swallowed, his eyes burning again. Bloody fucking falling apart. He wouldn't be able to work with Bodie, ever again. Not even if he would make it back to squad.

He heard Bodie's "right, here goes..." and flinched involuntarily, next gentle cleaning touch not bringing much comfort.

Ray hadn't been able to watch his partner the whole time, and had stayed silent, and it wasnt' that hard for Bodie to guess why. Bodie gnawed his lip until twang of pain reminded him it had already been bitten to bleed, and tried to decide if he should talk with Ray now, or wait for a better moment. Scent of tea made him decide to leave it at least for a moment... so he gathered his gear and took it to bathroom, emptied and flushed the cans and washed his hands thoroughly before moving to kitchen where almost everything was neatly ready and even the ancient looking toaster behaved and accepted the slices of bread, and Bodie burned his fingers snatching the first bits of toast after he had loaded the tray to go to living-room. He took the second set when he returned to get Georgie's plate, but returning to the living-room he saw that his mate hadn't even touched the food.

Bodie sighed. He had a hunch that he wouldn't get anywhere by coaxing. "Right, mate. You may not have appetite but still you have to eat. I won't have any fancy gastric side-effects of those pills if you take them to empty stomach. This is the situation now: Either you eat at least your toast, and the egg, and drink your juice, or then I stuff them into you with me little hands. Your choice and you have one minute to decide."

The glare that met Ray's eyes was so grim that in his exhaustion Ray was not able to resist but silently accepted the offered piece of toast in his hand.

For once in his life, Bodie had to force himself to swallow his breakfast, to make his mate follow his example. And when the last drops of juice had disappeared through the straw, Bodie managed to suppress the need to scruff those unruly curls. Oh god... this would be the longest day ever in his life. Ever.

And even worse for Ray.

Ray listened to his mate moving about, do the dishes, lit the fire with the last pieces of wood, move their things, check their clothes and spread the moist ones to dry... tidy man he was, Bodie, and seemingly didn't want to upset the owner of the cottage. And now he even appeared with a broom, chrissake...

"Oh dammit, no use swiping the floor before I get more wood in here".

Ray looked up to the man towering beside the mattress. Half-naked, bruised, scraped, scarred, one of the most feared men... maybe THE most feared after Cowley himself – well all right, and Mackin - in the whole CI5, broom in one hand, dust pan in the other, looking awfully annoyed... suddenly the sheer absurdity of that picture came through to Ray, and he couldn't suppress a chuckle. Pained and painful chuckle, but chuckle nevertheless.

Bodie looked down on him and put hands on his hips. "Sir it ain't nice ter laugh if I've forgotten me lil apron!"

Ray cracked. "Bodie don't do that..." the rest vanished into broken, halting, spasmic laughter. And a moment later neither of them knew if it was laughter or cry, Ray hand on his eyes, tears streaming down his face, barely able to breathe as it hurt like hell. A few minutes later he started to gain control over his breathing, soothed by a hand wiping his brow and soft hushing sound. "You're a bloody moron, Bodie."

Wiping didn't stop. "Sorry mate, just wanted to give you a smile. Wasn't thinking. Bloody hell, your chest must be in fire... sorry..."

Ray was quiet for a while apart from the sobs. "It wasn't the pain... dunno what happened, must have broken me wit too. Me nerve." He heard Bodie sigh.

"I know what it is. You should know that too, from your copper times if not from else. You've seen accidents. You're in shock, that's what it is. Plain and simple. Body and mind don't always take that at the same time. There's nothing wrong with your wit or nerve otherwise. It's just the shock."

Ray frowned. "Why not you then?" he managed to sound accusing. Still Bodie didn't stop the caressing movement.

"Well first, I wasn't hurt even close as bad. Besides when I woke up yesterday, I had to move quick and I guess that fiddling with you kept me focused. And here the pills knocked me out for most of the night. Who knows what happens when we get out from here then." Actually, Bodie didn't definitely want to know.

"And it's back to fiddling, mate. I may need help in getting dressed, have to go out and search for more firewood." He started to get on his feet again, stopped and looked down at his mate. "Listen Ray... you're the only one tough enough to be my partner. And the only one who can really take me. And the only one I trust. So for once in your life, please have some trust in me, will ya?" And although all his instincts told him to turn away, or at least try and make a joke, he stayed still and for once in his life, allowed someone to see inside of him.

Ray looked at the man kneeling beside him. He was feeling baffled... this was no Bodie. "I trust you... you know that. Wouldn't work with you if I didn't" Ray finally said, frowning.

"That's not what I mean!" Bodie sounded exasperated.

"Whaddya mean then?" Ray felt tired and frustrated, and oddly, intimidated.

Bodie was silent before he let out a deep sigh. "Just... trust. Trust me. Me as I am."

Again there was silence and Ray tried to read that face and posture with all the experience his years in police had given him – still he remained puzzled.

In the meantime a tiny face peeked out from under the quilt where Georgie had snuggled after his breakfast. The strange episode had frightened him some because he recognized the pain involved in the spasms and he didn't want to get bitten, but now things seemed to have settled down again. Tiny tabby felt that he could use some fluids again. And for him it was the most natural thing to go to the one that had bled, and ask for attention by gently pawing the feeding finger of the hand resting on thigh, and when the hand moved to stroke his chin, tug and lick it.

Ray saw Bodie look down at the little feline, and realised that the smile, genuine warm smile on that bruised face was born from some deep sadness. Hand capable of crushing the little animal in an instant, caressed the unproportional ears, fine underjaw, rubbed the thin cheeks, between the eyes... most gently and tenderly, and Georgie enjoyed the strength and touch, pushing his head deeper into the grip of the hand.

"You've got it right, Georgie... yeah you're the one who's got it right."

Ray saw Bodie swallow before lifting the kitten in his hand and against his chest... and bow his head to receive a purring sweet push against his stubbled chin that made him close his eyes for a moment. Bodie looked again at the face of purring tabby, gave Ray a glance he failed to comprehend, and said to kitten in a very serious tone: "Looks like I've got to leave it to you to explain".

And later, after quiet Bodie had eventually managed to get himself worked inside a pullover, trousers, boots and anorach, and left it to Ray to try and teach playful Georgie the art of drinking, Ray still wondered.