Chapter 1
An Inevitable Reunion
For the first time in recent memory Rey was finally alone.
Sitting cross-legged in the cockpit of the aging Millennium Falcon, she stared out onto the crowded launchpad with a tiredness she could finally convey without heavy-handed concern from the other members of the Resistance. The green fabric of her most recent outfit matched the hue of the tall jungle trees surrounding her. She kneaded her new and improved staff with her hands, a uniform steel rod wrapped in leather bindings, freshly built on a green ocean planet two worlds ago when she had time to spare.
Or was it three? It was hard to keep all of the places the Resistance visited recruiting new members to their cause. First it was a forest planet speckled with hardy stone villages, next it was a city planet with dull steel towers scraping a dull gray sky. Outer Rim territories blended together one after the other. Even constant conversation and banter with Finn and Rose started to grow less and less common as time passed, as Finn and Rose often went off by themselves, leaving Rey alone with the others troops she didn't know as well. Every day more and more starships with even more crew members seemed to materialize from nowhere. There was still plenty of resisting despite the iron fist of the First Order military. Their enemy had become more powerful since the battle and escape from Crait, but they weren't all powerful. Not yet anyway.
A plonk of a raindrop on the glass of the cockpit signaled the start of a storm. The green jungles of their present settlement looked drained of color under the rushing gray clouds and small lights flickered on in the surrounding wooden buildings as darkness moved in. Rey felt a small rush of joy at the sight of it all, but the water-starved desert dweller couldn't find the energy to open the doors and step outside to enjoy it. Hopefully the atrium or court Leia and the others were in right now was air conditioned, as this humidity could weight down anybody, even the most seasoned rainforest inhabitant. The cockpit she now sat in was luckily cool and dry, lacking the usual body heat of her Wookie co-pilot, Chewbacca. While his company was slightly missed, what Rey really craved was a cup of cool nightblossom tea, a delicacy among the scavengers of Jakku and the only thing about Niima Outpost that she truly longed for after her departure, after she had admitted to herself that no one was coming back for her on that dustbowl of a planet.
Her mind sleepily reflected on her last talk with Finn before he and the other members of the Resistance filed into the jungle palace. Leia had organized negotiations with a local king, who wanted to discuss the possibility of an alliance with the general's forces and her own. Hundreds of pairs of boots hammered down on the wooden bridge leading up to the massive carved stone palace. Large colorful bird-like organisms chirped and crowed in the trees, sending a wild wake-up call to the sleepy soldiers. Dusk was only a short way away, it seemed like, and each trooper was talking with another about the rumored feast this king was going to hold for his many guests. Finn and Rose hovered near the back, their hands clasped and the faces close as the chatted and giggled. Rose walked with a slight limp now, a consequence of her rescue of Finn back on Crait. Rey walked in the very back, not wanted all those eyes on her as they made their way up.
A moment of dread and apathy took ahold of her, a feeling so intense that she couldn't shake off, not this time. She needed to keep going, for Leia and her other friends. But did she really need to be there? Leia's quick wit and strategy should be enough for a negotiation for an Outer Rim king with everything to gain from an alliance with the Resistance.
Rey fell back even more and turned around, walking as quietly as she could. Just as she thought she had gotten away undetected, a hand landed squarely on her shoulder.
"Hey," Finn said carefully. "Where are you going? We're supposed to be inside with Leia and Poe and the others." His brown eyes locked onto hers, a serious look on his face that forced her to feel a twinge of guilt. That was the thing about Finn. He was so trusting and understanding that you have no choice but to be as honest as he was with you.
Rose was staring back at them in concern, but Finn waved to leave him behind.
"I… can't do this right now Finn, I'm… sorry." Each break in Rey's sentence lined up with a slow step away, towards the safety of peace and solitude of the Falcon.
"Is this like what was going on last week?" he asked. His tone was thankfully non-accusatory.
He must have interpreted her unwarranted ferocity during sparring, recent decrease in conversation with him and Rose, and constant underlaying anxiety a different way than everyone else was. She was so thankful for his understanding nature.
She hesitated. "Yes. I-I don't know what's gotten over me, I've just been feeling so low and lonely I guess." She rubbed at the back of her neck. "I'm sorry if this is totally inappropriate, I can go and join if you…"
"No, it's okay." Finn held out his hands in a calming gesture. Rose and Poe and the other pilots were already lost from view as they had already made their way up the path into the palace, but Finn stayed to make sure Rey didn't feel rushed. Rey felt a surge of relief flow over her. Or it was the sweat from the humid air running down her skin. She was never a fan of biomes such as this.
"Thank you. I just want things to go right—"
"It's totally fine. If you need to go and recharge your batteries, I understand." A joking smile crossed his face. "Y'know, I don't really blame you. I'm exhausted from having to remember every new face that pops up around here. We could all use a break from time to time."
Rey smiled and let out a small chuckle.
Finn continued, "But what we have is good for the Resistance, and bad for the First Order, and we're doing just fine right now, so don't worry about it." He patted her shoulder and shrugged.
"Thanks, Finn. I'll see you later" Rey returned his smile and began to jog toward the Falcon with more and more urgency.
It had been half an hour since she has slumped down in the pilot's seat and allowed her foggy mind to relax and wander. The rain had certainly helped in creating the serene atmosphere she most definitely needed.
But still, even in the closest thing Rey could call her home and safe place, something felt off. Something tickled at the back of her mind. The half-bun she wore her hair in suddenly felt tight and uncomfortable. It began to get quiet, the air going still.
Her blood ran cold. The last thing she needed right now was a force bond session with the new Supreme Leader of the First Order. The sensation in her head felt like the first stage of the space-bending phenomenon she and he both underwent. Rey gripped the sides of her seats, gritting her teeth as she focused on ridding that feeling from her mind. Go away. Go. Away.
They had not seen each other since her escape with the Resistance from Crait. His gaze permeated her thoughts even now. The pout of his lips, the raggedness of his hair. His tired eyes staring up at her, pleading, begging her to stay with him. It was a look Rey had erased with a push of a button, the ship's doors sliding closed over him. But why was something she had worked so hard to bury finally decided to resurface now, when she was vulnerable? How could she allow that traitor to occupy any more of her thoughts?
The quietness passed, and the normal hums of the ship's hardware began to normalize. Rey took a deep breath, releasing her tightened grip on her seat. She just wanted a chance to sit and collect herself without anyone around, was that too much to ask of the universe? Just one moment alone that wasn't passed in sleep.
She swiveled her head around and her eyes caught on the remaining Jedi texts she had smuggled from Ach-To, sitting on one of the back seats, thrown there in frustration. Every few days she broke open one of the ancient books and worked to decode the dead languages the secrets of the Jedi were buried under. Each try began with a manic hope that this would be the day, and each try ended with her tossing the books back on a shelf or on a chair, consumed with anger. She had the Force and she could do all of these amazing things but reading some old books was out of the question, for whatever reason.
Rey lifted one of the books through the air to her, where the rough carved wooden cover chafed against the skin of her hands. She blew air through her nose and opened it up, know full well that nothing new would be revealed to her. The twisting symbols seemed to dance in the dim light of the cockpit, their meaning so tantalizingly close. Each turn of the coarse pages uncovered more and more writings, and a heavy feeling in Rey's chest grew and grew until she couldn't take it anymore. She set the book down on the floor with a loud thump that echoed through the ship.
Rey buried her head in her hands and breathed in to clear her head. A loneliness more potent than before burned at her insides, as if she had just swallowed pieces of poisonous starship fuel. She had all of these new friends and allies, a new ship and co-pilot, a new family, and still she felt empty. She was in possession of everything she had ever wanted. But one thing always kept itself out of reach. A sense of true belonging.
The ambient noises of the pattering rain and resting ship all at once disappeared, as if a vacuum had sucked them away. Rey's breathing felt louder in her ears and the air around her sat more still than it had before. Her eyes widened under her fingers, knowing full well that what she had dreaded finally decided to take place. She peeked out through her splayed fingers with resignation.
Ben Solo almost mirrored Rey's position in the seat next to her, his gloved hands covering his face, hunched over so that his elbows were on his knees. His black hair, unkempt and ragged, fanned over the face he hid from everyone. His black assembly was identical to the one he wore when they had last seen each other, but the addition of a dark red cape highlighted the broadness of his shoulders. She had forgotten how tall he was.
She swallowed down those last two thoughts in shame. Rey didn't even want him here in her safe haven, and his closeness was even more infuriating.
A few seconds passed, and neither one of them moved. Had he even noticed Rey was there? She kept her mouth shut and her body absolutely still in her seat. Maybe if she kept to herself and they didn't talk he could just disappear like he always did.
To her dismay he took his face out of his hands and looked weakly into her eyes a few moments later.
"Rey…" he murmured in his deep voice. His eyes widened, and his mouth took the shape of a surprised o. Rey couldn't be too sure, but she thought she heard hints of relief in his tone.
"Shut up." Rey clenched her jaw and she felt a twinge of pleasure through her burst of anger at the sight of his frown deepening. "This the last thing I wanted to do right now." She folded her hands in her lap, forcing herself to stare at the scars on her fingers. She had already seen enough of him and wanted him gone.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Anger gave way to curiosity as Rey glanced back at Ben. He had done the same action that she had, giving much more attention to his gloved hands than was really needed.
She let out a little snort. "What are you sorry for, your Highness?"
"Everything." He turned back to her. She only now noticed the redness of his eyes and the puffiness of his face. A blush crept up on her cheeks. She hoped he didn't see it across the lightyears they were communicating.
The two were silent for a number of minutes, one desperately trying to attract the other one's gaze while that other one bitterly resisted. Ben's shallow breaths echoed across space, loud in Rey's ears. He did not try to argue or reason with her but waited to let Rey figure out his words for herself.
"All you're going to say is 'I'm sorry?'" Rey growled.
He hesitated for a bit, still staring intently at her.
"What else can I do?"
"Abandon the First Order." Rey was on her feet and her voice increased in volume with each word. "Give up the Dark Side. Join to Resistance! Do everything you should have done before you came to Crait and forced Luke to sacrifice himself and almost destroyed my friends!"
"I can't do that."
"Why not?! You've had every chance to!"
"I don't want to live my life for other people anymore." For the first time in their session his tone turned icy and dangerous, his eyes shooting daggers. "You only wanted to use me for my power, just like my parents and Luke and Snoke." Now he was on his feet, his towering dark figure engulfing the smaller scavenger.
"I—that's not true!" Rey curled her hands into fists, her heart hammering.
"You know it is. So why don't you go ahead and admit it?" he shouted, pointing a finger at Rey's chest.
"I can't admit something that's not right!"
"Is that all I was to you? Some sort of weapon that can be turned at the touch of a hand?"
Rey gulped and sat roughly back into her seat. She felt hurt and betrayed. But these weren't her feelings; it must be what Ben was experiencing and ripples of it passed to her through the bond.
"No," she protested quietly, cringing at the slight quaver in her answer.
"Then what was I?" Desperation laced his every syllable.
Rey bit her lip and gathered up the courage to look Ben straight in the eye.
"I don't know! But what was I to you? Just some stupid garbage-picker that could be twisted and manipulated to your needs?"
"No, of course not—"
"Someone who could be told that they were nothing so they would just walk right into your arms, hoping you'd make them something more?"
"You know that's not what I meant back there."
"I couldn't take it any other way!"
His lips pursed. "I just wanted you to know you were not alone."
"And I thought I wasn't until you betrayed me!" shouted Rey. She now realized what she had said, and the resulting panic choked her like a big bite of bread. She turned away to hide her face.
"I was just so lost back then, and I had no one else to talk to but you. I started to trust you."
Tears pooled in her eyes and it took everything to hold them back. She would not allow herself to cry in front of him again.
"Everything is so empty now." she added. A single tear trailed down her cheek.
Ben's expression immediately softened. He sat back down and rubbed at his neck with one hand, looking down at the floor. "I feel that way, too."
His pale face looked redder than before, but Rey blamed that on a trick of the light.
"Maybe that's why the Force bonded us again after all this time," Rey said, slouching in the pilot's seat, looking out into the silent rain outside, "hoping to make us feel less empty." Her anger drained away despite her best efforts. A gray tiredness remained.
Ben bowed his head in agreement, but he didn't add anything else. Now they sat side by side, an awkward silence ballooning up in the space between them.
"Where are you right now?" asked Rey. She couldn't see his surroundings, just him. Part of her wanted to know, but mostly she just wanted to break up this nasty quiet.
"In a new throne room on The Finalizer. You're sitting next to me."
"Have you fixed this one up how you like it since we burned down the last one?" Yellow flames and red sparks flashed in Rey's vision. Their fight in Snoke's throne room caused more devastation than either of them planned on. The Supremacy splitting in half didn't help matters either.
"A little bit," he answered. "They put up different colored hangings that I wanted."
"Let me guess, black?" Rey couldn't help but smirk slightly.
"You're absolutely right. How could you have known?" Was this sarcasm? From a man Rey regarded as the most serious and humorless person she had ever met?
"Maybe it's my new powerful Force deduction skills," she returned.
"You didn't end up needing me to teach you after all."
"I guess not."
"Where are you?" His dark brown eyes stared straight ahead, potentially trying to pick out Rey's location.
"We're on some sort of jungle planet in the Falcon. To be honest I don't even remember the name of where we are. It started raining a bit before you showed up. It's a shame you can't see it, though."
"I haven't seen rain in a long time. A part of ruling the First Order means you have to stick to the chair a lot of the time. Snoke had that part down to a tee."
Rey suppressed the smallest of smiles and another silence passed, this one thankfully much more comfortable than the last.
Their circumstances finally made themselves apparent to Rey, and fear clenched her chest.
"What are we doing?" asked Rey.
"What do you mean?" Ben replied, his voice husky with confusion.
"You're the Supreme Leader, and I'm an ally of the Resistance. We shouldn't be seeing each other, let alone make small talk like we're friends."
"Just because we're obligated to strike each other down sometime in the future doesn't mean we can't have one moment of peace," Ben countered. "I won't ask about Resistance plans if you don't ask me about what I'm planning. Is that fair?"
Rey pursed her lips. The tapping of the rain outside had slowed, and streaks of white sunlight flowed weakly through the dark storm clouds.
"I guess." She took a deep breath and ran her fingers along the grooves of her weapon.
Ben noticed this and asked, "New staff?"
"Yeah, it was about time my old one was retired, and the lightsaber we broke is still split in half. New cape?"
Ben ran the fabric of his new addition through his thumb and forefinger. "Yes. If you thought they could stuff me in that awful gold robe, you thought wrong."
A harsh bark of a laugh escape Rey's lips and her hand rushed to her face. Her cheeks burned with shame.
"You can laugh at me if you want. I'm funny, you know," Ben deadpanned. Traces of a smile flashed on his lips but were gone as soon as Rey noticed. She didn't even know if it truly happened at all.
Her unease had almost vanished completely, but the lack of unease went back around to making her slightly uncomfortable.
"This is just so strange." Rey turned and met Ben's eyes. "It's been so long, and I've been so angry at you all this time. How can we speak to each other so easily again?"
Ben shrugged and ran a hand through his wavy hair. An embarrassed look crossed his pale, angular face. "I might have an answer, but you may not take kindly to it."
Just before he could say another word, Ben blinked of existence, and the mechanical whirs of the Falcon hit Rey's ears with the intensity of blasterfire. Sunlight fell on the glassy raindrops dotting the cockpit, causing the most beautiful shimmering effect, a nice end to a rather interesting encounter. Rey breathed in shakily. Everything about that conversation caused her confusion. Sure, they had argued, but they had moved on when they both admitted to feeling down. He even cracked some small jokes, a first from the dark, dangerous leader of an unstoppable military power.
Rey's heartrate quickened but the burning in her chest subsided. Her mind was buzzing but clean, like the dunes of her home planets after a smoothing wind. She felt…better. Better than she had felt in weeks.
Her attention turned to three figures who were strolling from the wooden bridge onto the launchpad. The tousled hair of one, the ponytail of another, and the leather jacket of the third revealed them to be Poe, Rose, and Finn, respectively. Rey grinned widely for the first time in what seemed like forever. Her friends were back and judging by the smiles and laughter on their faces the deal had gone well. She was excited for everyone, but her improved mood wasn't all because of the new alliance. Ben Solo's appearance helped her more than she cared to admit. But, in the end, would it be help or irrevocable hurt that they would put upon each other?
Rey pushed this question out of her mind for later consideration and raced out of the cockpit to open the hanger doors of the Falcon. Maybe she could invite her friends up for some Dejarik chess and talk about the events of the evening, not including secret Force connections with enemies of the Resistance.
Author's Note: This is my first work on this site and I'm excited to see where it goes! I'll try to update consistently, but school is coming up and it could mess with my schedule. Thanks so much for checking this out!