Slipping Away

He's waiting, as the rain falls between them. Seemingly creating even more distance. But in a way he's thankful for it. Thankful because Cas can't truly see how hard he's crying, he tells himself. He doesn't want to break, not anymore. Not again, he shook his head lightly, aiming to take another glance of his angel before he ripped his view, sticking it back to the floor again.

He couldn't risk it, he was never a person for being so open.

"Please" He pleaded, his voice raw and strained. Weighed down with the weight of the world and more.

"I'm no longer needed here Dean" Castiel's voice replied in the usual rough tone that seemed void of emotion.

But, he stuttered, attempting to regain the anger, sadness, the pain that was Threating to fall out from him.

"You said...you promised" He blinked, as he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He couldn't hold back anymore, as a tear trickled down his cheek, when he was met with two blue eyes. Watching him, just like they always did. In that second he knew. there was no hope.

Then he heard it, a flap of wings as the earth gave out beneath him. He was greeted by the cold and wet grass. His knuckles gripping the mud as everything just flooded him, tears fell from his eyes, running down his face till his body grew numb.

A grumbled came before him as he looked forward. Jimmy was back, sitting up watching dean with a look or sorrow. A broken no, fell from Deans lips as he used all his strength to push himself up. He needed to get away from this place. He couldn't speak to him right now, or ever. His feet clumsily brought him to the front of a bar, as he pushed open the door and took a seat.

He was now utterly alone, everyone who ever loved him had left. He was supposed to think they where the unlucky ones, but he truly understood now. He was the cursed one. "Whisky, leave the bottle" he growled to them woman in front of him, a voice void of anything. Sliding over the money he cleaned the glass in a second and began on the bottle. Taking swig after swig. It wasn't long before he found himself staggering back to the motel. Wishing that some one would try and rob him, so he could put up a light fight in order to get himself shot. Or that a speeding car would just hit him, and end his misery. He sighed, when he reached the door unharmed.

Pulling the keys out of his pocket, he twisted them in the lock. Walking into the deserted room, shutting the door behind him. He didn't bother locking it, because what was the point, what did he have to live for anymore.

After finish the last of the whisky Dean collapsed on top of the bed, on Castiel's part. Wishing hopelessly that he was still there, that he could watch him fall asleep once more. Inhaling his scent his eyes closed, taking him into a drunken sleep, in which dreams didn't exist.

3 years later and Deans standing in the showering, letting the water wash away the sweat, the grime and the pain that's took over him. He has a proper job now, as a postal clerk in some up and coming business, It gets him through the day and keeps him busy so he doesn't care. It's now quarter to nine as he walks from the shower into the bedroom he shares with his girlfriend Lucy.

She smiles carefully at him. Because she knows, the pain that weighs him down. The pain that makes him scream at night. Or at least she thinks she does. Dean knows that she only feels a third of his pain. "cos no ones like him" he tells himself.

at nine on the dot he kneels beside his bed, on time just like he does every night. Praying to him, asking like he always does for him to come back. Sometimes he just talks for ages, about his day, about Lucy.

But he never gets a reply, his questions are always unanswered, He's never felt more alone. Till one day, when Lucy's at work and he's called in sick, he's took out all his hunter things. He's running his fingers over them, taking out a pistol, he looks at it. Asking himself if he has the guts, daring himself to fall over the edge he's tried to so many times and never doing it right. The scars that cover his wrist's are testament to the fact he wants to give up. He holds the gun to his head, then pulls it back down. No, you're too much of a coward for that aren't you? He teases himself.

Then points the gun, point blank to his heart, and closes his eyes tighter. He cant do this anymore, it ends here. He states out loud. His skin raises as he dismisses a sound in his ears, and before he can think any further, he shoots. and as he eyes flicker shut, an angel comes into a view, his angel. With tears on his eyes, of joy, Dean believes, and his name on Cas's lips. Before Dean lets that darkness take him he whispers three words.

It feels like years before Dean got to heaven. He was greeted by Sam, Bobby, his mum and dad, Ellen and Joe. He took ages just hugging them keeping Sam last before enveloping him in a large bear hug. He couldn't contain his huge grin as he took Sam in. Clapping him on the shoulder, he looked around, impatient. He's waited to long to see Cas, to feel, touch and kiss the man that took his heart. Deep inside he wishes vainly he still looks like Jimmy.

"So, where's Cas" He nearly screams at Sam, trying desperately not to bounce around like a school girl.

His smile nearly falters when he notices the silence. He turns his face towards his big little brother.

"Sam" He questions.

"You don't know" Sam looks confused towards Dean for a minute, then towards the rest of the gang, as if looking for help.

"Dean, he fell for you" Deans throat goes dry, as he looks for any signs of his brother lying. Sucking in a deep breath he looks towards the others than back to Sam.

"What, when"

"A day or two ago, he was looking for you Dean, he told me he loved you, and he couldn't let you go"

Dean subconsciously backed away from his brother, shaking his head furiously.

"No, please god no" he whispered.

Later in heaven, when he's sitting on his old bed from his family home. He remembers, seeing Cas before he let go. And he wishes furiously, that he just weighted a few more minutes.

But a sad smile appears on his lips as he thinks to himself before he falls asleep.

The strongest of love's, are always the ones that end in disaster, but he's not sad, because all that's keeping him and Cas apart is time.

Then at last they'll be together for eternity, and that's worth all the pain and more he's suffered.

Just a random Supernatural one shot, It's my first proper SPN story and I'm attempting to get rid of this crappy writers block….Anyway, I'm pretty sure this story's CRAp, with those obvious three capitals there. Anyway, try and enjoy and stuff. Much love! Ciao!