A/N: I HAVE DECIDED RE POST THE STORY NOW THAT I HAVE FOUND A BETA. Sorry for all the confusion!

I own anything!

Damn it all to hell. My life. My husband. My marriage. Most of all me.

It wasn't a huge secret in the wizarding world that after the war ended Ron and I were planning on getting married and starting our own life together. It also wasn't a huge secret that the Ministry was activating the Marriage Law in order to re-populate. Harry, Ron and I thought that we, being the Golden Trio, might be able to ignore the Marriage Law. The sad part of this Marriage Law is that it mostly entails for all single muggleborns, half-bloods, and pure-bloods to take a survey and let the Ministry pick their match. When it was time for us to fill ours up it was a miracle for Harry and Ginny. But for Ron and I it wasn't the same. We weren't compatible in the eyes of the Ministry. The way I found out was the worst way possible. I had yet to get the owl with the results and Ron comes in with the model-wannabe, Lavender.

"Oh, Mione…didn't know you were still here," Ron said holding a very smug looking Lavender.

" Yeah, Mione. You should get out more." The she-dog said.

"Last time I checked, this was still my house and I can have whomever I want in it!" Said a very angry Mrs. Weasley.

The smug grin fell as soon as Mrs. Weasley stepped into the room. At the time I didn't know what to feel hurt, confused, broken. The only thought swimming through my mind was, who the hell was I going to marry?

My answer flew through the Burrow window as soon as Ron and his whore left the room.

When I opened the letter I skimmed through the first few paragraphs giving their most sincere apologies due to Ron and I not being compatible. But as soon as the options were given at the end of the letter I knew that my days of freedom and life were numbered. The list held the names of both Malfoys, Professor Snape, Gregory Goyle, Vincent Crabbe, and Oliver Wood. I have never seen a shorter list of names than that of those that I could choose from to marry.

"Oh, Albus what in Merlin's name are you doing here?" I heard Mrs. Weasly ask.

"I am here to talk to Ms. Granger if you don't mind." He said kindly.

"Sure, sure she's in the library. Through there," she said and left to finish supper.

"Hello, Hermione how are you?" he asked kindly. But I knew him too well and when his eyes sparkled like that it could only mean he had a plan and that was not be good, especially if he was here to talk to me about it.

"Hello Albus what brings you here?" I asked trying to stay calm.

"I came by to talk to you about your choices. I was actually going to suggest you choose Severus," he said.

I was awestruck. Was he seriously suggesting that? I would take Remus over Snape any day! At least Remus would treat me right.

"And why would I?" I asked knowing the answer.

"Because the most you have there are deatheaters' sons who want revenge for what you did to their families and for your contribution in the war. Even though Mr. Wood is a skilled wizard we both know he wouldn't be able to go against a raid of Deatheaters trying to get to you. It would be a loosing battle. With Severus you would have a better chance of surviving should the need arise." He said kindly and warmly.

I nodded knowing it was the truth.

The following months came and went and all of the sudden I found my self in a white gown walking down an isle (alone because my parents disowned me when I returned their memories) to a life that would surely kill me.

The wedding came and went and the rules of how it was suppose to be for the next three years, weekly intercourse to try for an heir.

That was seven years ago. At first I had loved him for his gifted knowledge, bravery and whether he knows it or not courage, his skills as a potions master and his ability to remain strong through two great wars. And with that hidden admiration came the thought that he might love me back. But days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and those months gave me no sign of Severus ever opening up to me. I have never thought anyone could break me the way he did. I have been nothing but a ghost since the wedding.

He had never paid any attention to me. His attitude towards me never changed; he still remained the cold piece of ice he always was. We slept in separate rooms and when it came to our weekly meetings we would to it in my room and afterwards he would always say.

"I love you Lily. Never doubt that." At first I thought I was just imagining it. But I then discovered that I wasn't. He believed me to be Lily. After that I would leave to sit in front of the fire to let the tears fall and let the all too unbearable pain consume me. At the crack of dawn I would get up from the sofa and make coffee for when he decided to come out.

This morning was different I could feel it but didn't really know what it was.

"Good morning Severus," I said as evenly as I could as he walked out of my room in his pajama pants and robe. He just nodded.

"Coffee?" I offered trying to fight the tears from coming. He also nodded.

I left the little makeshift kitchen and walked into my sex smelling room. As I closed and warded my room adding a silencing spell I let my tears fall and as if on autopilot I changed the sheets on the bed not bothering to wipe away the tears. As soon as the bed was done I walked into the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was pale, my normally bright chocolate brown eyes now seemed dead somehow and the smile that would normally grace my all too plain features was gone.

So, this is how it felt to be truly alone, I thought to myself. And I was right. I was alone. Married to a man in love with a dead woman who will more than likely never notice me for me and will never seem to notice that I am still living. After I showered and dressed I bid Severus a good day and went to see Remus.

"Hermione what brings you here on a beautiful Saturday like this?" Remus asked with a smile. But as soon as he saw the state I was in the smile fell and his arms opened. I all too willingly walked into his warm and comforting arms. And as soon as I was wrapped in his warmth the tears came back and this time I didn't hold anything back and I sobbed on his shoulder for what seemed like forever. As soon as I calmed down I told him all that had happened (all that I had been hiding all these years).

"Oh, Mia I'm so sorry." He said holding me to him.

"I was ready to pick you the moment the letter came but your name was not on the list. Damn those Ministry officials and their prejudice against Werewolves." I said knowing that I would have been just as safe with Remus and would have been loved no matter what.

"I'm sorry for that too Mia I would have loved you no matter what." I nodded and stayed with him most of the day talking of everything that didn't have to do with my marriage and to whom I was married to.

It was close to midnight when we came back to reality.

"Remus is it ok if I stay the night? I'm sure Severus won't even notice I'm gone. And if he does pass by and ask for me don't tell him I'm here please?" I said.

He nodded understanding and gladly gave me the guest room. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I awoke to the sound of someone pounding on the door. I quickly got dressed and took a peek at who was knocking this early in the morning.

"Severus, what in Merlin's name are you doing here?" Remus asked his voice thick with sleep.

"Have you seen Hermione anywhere? Has she told you where she might have gone?" Severus asked his voice actually holding some type of emotion.

"No, I haven't. Why?" Remus asked, not letting him in.

"I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. I'm worried about her Remus." He said his voice saddening.

He was worried about me! That's rich. The only time he seemed to worry about me was when he didn't have any clean clothes or a new bottle of Firewhiskey.

He only seems to worry when his maid and fuck toy weren't around!

Realization hit me like a stunning spell to the chest. I was his fuck toy, nothing else.

The pain came back and this time my heart and will were permanently broken.

"Well, I'll tell you this if I see her I'll tell her that you need her at home. That alright?" Remus asked.

I didn't hear Severus answer so I guessed he nodded. As soon as Remus closed the door I walked out and told him I was going for a walk and to not worry that after the walk I was going home, no not home, I was going back to him.

"Thanks for yesterday Remus I needed it." I said my voice strangely hollow.

"Anytime and I do mean anytime you need someone to talk to or just escape you know I'm here for you Mia." He said giving me a warm hug.

I transfigured my robes in to muggle clothes and made my way to the park. It was Sunday and a gorgeous day. It almost seemed to be punishable to stay indoors on a day like this. As I made my way through the park I didn't miss the families and couples that were spending the day together. Tears stung at the realization that I would never have that. I spent the day walking and thinking of what it would be like to be loved by someone, cherished and held, and noticed.

I laughed softly knowing that those were just shadows that my broken heart was still waiting for. It was sunset when I returned to Hogwarts. I quietly made my way through the cold and empty chambers to my rooms where a clean bed was waiting for me. I closed, warded and silenced the room. I changed and tucked myself in. Sleep never came.

"Hermione?" I voice came from outside the door. It was his voice.

"Hermione, are you home?" he called again.

Home? This isn't a home, not mine anyway. I never answered him. And he never called again. And finally that bad feeling that was haunting me yesterday revealed itself to be the pain and remorse that came with me even thinking that he would notice me. I will never love again.

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Hermione?" his voice came through. I didn't answer. And then the world went black.

I awoke to the sound of people's voices.

"Will she awake soon?" a warm voice said, Remus.

"She will wake soon Remus don't worry." Poppy said.

"But when? And why did she faint?" a worried voice said. He (Severus) was here. Damn it, I needed to strengthen the ward on my room.

"As to when she will awake I am not completely sure but soon. And what caused her to loose consciousness was the fact that she is with child. Congratulations Severus you and Hermione are having twin girls." She said cheerfully.

"She's pregnant?" Both he and Remus said in at the same time.

"Yes, did you not know?" she asked. No, I didn't.

"No, I didn't and I don't think she knew either." He said. Was that sadness and worry laced in his voice.

Why would he worry about me now?

"She has been strange this past few months…I don't know why. She won't smile, laugh or do anything anymore," he said. Then I felt the warmth of his hand holding mine.

"Maybe it's the fact you keep comparing her to a dead woman," Remus said in an angry whisper.

"What!" He yelled.

"Hermione wrote to me awhile back and what she had to say was no pick nick to take in. How could you do this to her? How can you treat her the way you do?" Remus asked in shock, anger and disbelief.

"I have no idea what you are talking about wolf." He said.

Seriously! You have been treating me like I'm some kind of fuck toy since we got forcibly married! The anger that filled me was unbearable and I couldn't just lie there while Severus tried to play the good husband.

"What do you mean you have no idea what we're talking about?" I asked sitting up on the hospital cot.

"Oh, Mia I thought something bad had happened to you when Minerva sent word to me about you." Remus said coming up to sit next to me on the bed. I gave him a small smile and leaned into his warm body. I turned my gaze to Severus who was staring at us in amazement.

"You have never been a husband to me Severus." I said looking at him in the eye.

"What do you mean?" he asked in disbelief at what I was saying.

"You have never seemed to put any effort into this marriage. You just wake up, work, eat, more work; there seems to be room for everything in your life but me. We have no interaction whatsoever until we have our weekly "meetings" to try for an heir. And even then you compare that sexual "session" to that of a dead woman's." I said my eyes growing wet.

He looked at me as if I was crazy.

"Lily," was all I said, "You say her name every time we finish. You also say how much you love her and for her never to doubt that." That was all I had to say and the tears fell slow at first but they fell faster.

"I…" he said.

"Don't. You have done nothing but treat me like I'm nothing but a ghost and a fuck toy. You know I had loved you once and had dared to hope that one day you might open up even a little and get to know and love me even a little, because that would have been enough. That would have given me a sign that you knew I lived. Because I didn't know you cared at all for me until you passed by Remus' to check if I had passed by." Once I started there was no stopping me all of these pent up emotions, all the pain and anguish needed to come out.

"Hermione, I–"

"No! You don't get to say anything. I loved you for you. I admired you for your brilliance, strength and courage, and for the loyalty that kept you fighting this war. I had thought that if I got know you that we could have talked about everything and anything but I guess these seven years of you treating me like nothing has proven to me that you care for nothing and no one. Lily is dead she is not coming back and you have to get it through your thick skull that you have to move on." I said now sobbing.

"Hermione, I didn't know…"

A/N:CH.2 COMING UP!

REVIEW PLEASE!