I don't own Fairy Tail

Coming to Terms

"Hi Erza," I say.

She is just as caught off guard as I am to see her, but replies politely nonetheless.

"Hi Lucy, good to see you."

Seeing her face after such a long absence makes me feel so raw, all the emotions that I had forgotten and pushed down, resurface.

Ten years later, as I stand awkwardly with a bag of frozen peas in my head, I'm still wondering: "What if I had said 'yes' that night?" The frozen aisle of the grocery store in Albany was the last place I would expect to see my biggest regret- no, I don't know if I really regret it- my biggest "what if."

It was a night of my seventeenth summer. We were at sleep-away bible camp, "we" being my best friend Erza and I. Nothing hinted to it happening before the fact, but at the same time, when it happened, everything that occurred before made sense.

"Psst! Lucy! Hey! Wake up!" Erza whisper yelled at me.

"I'm awake!" I said.

"Let's go, the counselors have gone to sleep," She said.

I threw my covers aside and slinked out of bed, the creaking of the wood floors beneath our tiptoes in the cabin made our excitement audible.

"Follow me," She said.

We followed a familiar path through the forest. The soft lights of the campsite faded as we ventured further into the darkness. Ancient trees loom around us, blocking the silver moonlight and blanketing us in darkness. The darkness makes my heart pound and palms sweat but it doesn't deter us, especially not Erza, every step is certain as she weaves through the trees towards that fixed, but non-visible point. This ritual of sneaking out began the second night. Once we were far enough away I began to speak:

"It's kinda cold out tonight."

"I know, and I have you covered," Erza said. She turned back and grinned, her eyes crinkling at the corner, revealing the bundle in her hands that was a plush comforter.

"Ahead of the game per usual, thanks," I said.

"You're welcome, we at Erza Enterprises strive to be better than the best in customer satisfaction!" She chirped, the response laced with sarcasm.

"Consider this customer satisfied."

We both giggled as we reached the end of the path. The treeline ended, fading into a clearing with giant boulders stacked upon each other like fruit in a grocery store. We climbed up our path, to our spot, a nook carved smoothly into the face of the highest rock. It was a glove, the perfect size, and shape to fit our bodies side by side. We cozied in together, Erza draping the comforter over both of us.

The heat of our bodies created a wonderful pocket of warmth immediately, I snuggled in closer to savor it.

"This is so nice," I said.

"I know."

"You know, this is one of the best parts about this boring camp," I said.

"You mean the only good part. I swear these nights are the only thing that keeps me sane at this bible-slash-indoctrination camp," She said.

"Ha ha, so rebellious," I said.

"Laugh all you want, you know I'm right. Besides, I don't believe in any of this crap, God probably doesn't even exist," Erza said.

"Aw, Erza, don't be so pessimistic."

"I'm serious!"

"I know it may seem stupid of me, but what makes you say that?" I said.

"There's no proof, plain and simple. Science explains everything, there is no need for some sort of God. You know I'm only here because my parents forced me, and well, you're here too."

I smiled at that. We shared a look.

"I get where you're coming from, but I don't think I totally agree with you. I like to have a little bit of faith, a little bit of hope," I said.

"And I appreciate that about you, I just can't agree."

I wasn't quite satisfied with that answer. In every aspect of our lives, Erza and I were on the same wavelength. We were perfect together. Why was this different?

"I like to think about it this way: the creation of the universe, every natural law, every interaction of the smallest level works together to make this world habitable for us so that we can live and thrive. If even one aspect changed about our universe, we wouldn't exist. How can you say that there is no higher being up there that made perfectly so so that we could exist?" I said.

Erza didn't say anything for a while, but I appreciated that. I knew she was carefully considering what I had said.

Finally, she said, "It's tempting to believe an argument like that, it makes you feel so special, but it seems circumstantial, it could just as easily be a matter of chance."

I frowned at that, it was so hard arguing with her.

She continued, "Besides, we are talking about a God depicted by Christianity. If God is all-powerful and benevolent, then why does evil even exist in this world?"

"Well, I guess the Bible would say it is so that we can persevere and choose to be good. But…" I said.

"But?" She said.

"... I don't know. It seems foolish when I say it." I said.

"Yeah it does, doesn't it? I think I came to this realization when I discovered something about myself," She said.

I blinked in surprise. We knew everything about each other, but I didn't know what this "discovery" could be.

I didn't want to scare her off, gently, I said, "What do you mean?"

Erza looked away but then meet my eyes once again. She peered at me in a way that was different than looks we had shared before. I was looking into a completely different and untouched part of her soul. At that moment I was scared, scared of how her eyes reflected the moonlight and how beautiful her scarlet hair fanned across the rock like a halo around her head. I was scared because I knew what she was about to say.

"How can I believe in a God that supposedly condemns my very being? I'm bisexual, and I don't think that is a sin."

I didn't hesitate, I could never do that to her.

"Of course and you're right, it's unfair," I said.

She smiled in relief, and I felt the same.

"It feels good, to finally tell someone," Erza said.

"I'm glad. I'm also happy I could be that person you could share it with," I said. And I meant it.

"What about you?" She said.

"Huh?"

"Are you attracted to girls?" She asked. It seemed passive, but there was an unmistakable strain behind her voice, the insecurity of a pubescent girl.

I couldn't hesitate, a million thoughts flew by at that moment, and I ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

"No. I mean, I don't think so."

"Oh." She said.

The connection we had broke at that moment. I had looked her in the eye and lied to her. That feeling I had then is still so vividly awful. I lied to her. My best friend. And as I later realized, the one I loved. What if I had been honest with myself and her, and just said "yes?" Maybe things would have turned out different, for the better. It's just wishful thinking.

Honestly, everything seemed fine after the fact, nothing had changed. Cut to several months later when we both left to college, and we lost touch too quickly. I texted, she texted back, I again, and then she didn't. She never initiated conversation, and it hurt to participate in something that felt so one-sided. Something I thought would be forever faded so easily.

My father said it was because she liked me, I refused him at the time, of course, but he continued on to say that Erza couldn't bear talking as just friends, so she stopped talking altogether. I was silent. My father didn't voice it, but he seemed happy about the fact. Glad her daughter wouldn't be exposed to temptation any longer. The conversation left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Good to see you too." I smile.

We continue to talk, only skimming the surface of everything that has happened. I distinctly feel, and I know she does too, that it isn't the same. I can't believe how little effort it took to make my best friend into an acquaintance, a complete stranger.

And I realize, how little effort I put in, what did I really do to save our friendship? I knew that there was something more wrong, and I was too afraid to talk about it. I am a coward. As I gaze at the woman before me, standing a little nervous and still holding a pint of Cherry Garcia, I realize how much I miss her. I don't want to anymore.

"Hey, you know, we should get coffee sometime, like, to catch up," I say.

She smiles, I don't know what it means anymore, "I would love to sometime."

There it is again, sometime, that word is like trying to catch the clouds. And I used to let her say that, let it be pushed to the back of my mind. No more.

"Then we should do it this Saturday, how is 11 am?" I say.

I let out an inaudible breath. It is so easy, just to take that extra step. Why had I ever been so afraid to do it?

"Works for me," She says.

All of my doubts wash away at those words. It is that easy. This is all I ever had to do, and now that I am doing it, I feel so much better.

"Yay! I'll text you details later tonight. I have to jet, but it was great seeing you again!" I say.

"Wait!"

I turn back in surprise to see a confident smile on her face, her eyes have wrinkles on the corners and she purses her lips to keep from showing her teeth.

"I'm really glad I saw you today, I missed you," She says.

That was the Erza I knew.

It was a frigid winter day of our junior year winter break. We sat on a bench side by side, lacing our ice skates. Every time winter rolled around, the pavilion in the center of town turned into an ice rink. They strung yellow lights and played Christmas music to give the place a warm ambiance, even on a cold day like that one.

"What made you think that going outside in below freezing weather with wet hair would be a good idea?" I teased.

"You know I honestly had no idea this was going to happen," She said.

"I think that's what makes it even funnier."

Erza picked up a frozen shard of her hair hilariously stuck, stiff in the shape of spears. Snow and frost had accumulated on her head, giving her the overall look of an ice witch (I already told her so several times).

"Why don't you just call me the White Witch?" She said, playfully barring her teeth.

She grabbed a piece of hair with red-tipped fingers and using it, incessantly poked my cheek.

"Don't think it's so funny anymore huh?" She said.

The strand was cold against my warm cheek, and the more she poked me, the more the ice melted and the hair became limp. Several more attempts at annoyance later, Erza was just holding a limp piece of hair, and she looked incredibly silly.

A grin immediately split across my face, I could tell for the sake of the running gag that Erza was trying to keep a straight face, but only seconds later we both burst out laughing.

When I finally calmed down, I realized that Erza was seriously cold. Her cheeks, ears and fingers were red and I could see her breath shake slightly from her shivering. I felt a little guilty for laughing that hard at her moments ago.

"Here, put these on. You're much colder than me," I said.

I took off my hat and hand it to her. She looked like she wants to refuse, but I pushed it into her hands anyway. Once she put the hat on, I took my scarf off and carefully wrapped it around her, nice and snug. It covered her face up to her nose and she looked adorable all bundled up.

"Now that's better," I said.

"Are you sure I should have this… Aren't you gonna be cold?" She said.

"It's OK, my blood runs hot."

We stepped out onto the rink. I was a good skater, not amazing, but I could do some mediocre tricks badly. Erza however, was not best, not awful, but she never was that balanced.

"Do you need some help?" I ask.

She was clutching the railing and her body is stiff as a board.

"Yes."

I swirled around and held out both of my hands, she didn't hesitate to take them. Her unbalance caused me to pull her closer.

"Just let me take the lead," I said.

I shifted my weight to my toes and turned my feet with deliberate sways of my hips. With that familiar motion, I began to skate backward, pulling Erza along with ease. Less than half a lap later, she was already relaxing into the motion.

"Showoff," She pouted.

"I try," I reply.

I let go of one of her hands, despite her protests, and skated back to her side, still holding the other tightly. We skated hand and hand for a while. Her hand was cold, clasped in mine, and I no longer had my hat and scarf, but somehow I still felt so warm.

Erza and I did end up getting coffee, in fact, we constantly spent time together after that. Whether it was going out to eat or just watching a movie at home, our relationship is flourishing.

We are currently walking through the city after leaving a nice Chinese restaurant. The air is the same as that night at the ice rink, I can see her breath as I look over to study her expression. She must feel my look because she looks back and immediately gives me a smile, one which I return. She definitely doesn't know that I am thinking about back then. About how I'm doing what I didn't have the confidence to do before.

I reach out and take her hand, and it's cold as I remember. This time, she interlaces her fingers with mine and pulls me closer by putting our hands in her pocket.

"There. That's better," She says.

"Mhm."

I never knew it could be this easy, this wonderful. We continue to talk about nothing in particular as we walk down the dark streets. The dim street lamps seem to shine a spotlight on just the two of us. Although there is a faint bustle of people around us, I feel like I'm walking on a cloud, and it's just Erza and me.

Although we don't have any "labels" quite yet, we both know that we are more than just friends. And I know that we have as much time as we would like to figure those things out because if I have any say, she's going to be stuck with me for a while. I grip her hand just a little tighter and lean my head against her shoulder. She looks down at me, a little puzzled, but pleasantly surprised.

"What's that for?" She asks.

I meet her look with a grin.

"Nothing. Just felt like it."

The End.

A/N: I know a lot of people are probably waiting for my other story to update, but this one was an assignment for a class I really wanted to post and see if people liked it. I enjoyed writing it and it is very close to my heart. Though the characters were obviously changed, I hope Lucy and Erza didn't seem too OOC. Thanks for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts!

~Pug