Could one person actually feel this much pain? I thought to myself as I looked down at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I was supposed to be writing a song for Jamie's funeral. Funeral. Oh god, and just like that the flood gates opened.
It had only been two weeks since Jamie died. Jamie, the one person that I could always depend on being there for me, the one person that was rock solid in my life; the person who knew me better then I knew myself, was gone. Pain like I never knew existed coursed through my body, making me ach so bad I thought someone had stuck a knife through me. I wish someone had stuck a knife through me; at least I wouldn't be in this much pain.
A knock came at my bedroom door, I pretended I didn't hear, but then why should that stop Sadie from barging in?
"Hey." She said as she sat on the edge of my bed. "How you holding up?" That had to be a rhetorical question, because when one's best friend dies, you don't ask one stupid questions like that. Apparently Sadie read my mind and switch gears. "Pretty cool that Dolce & Cabana gave you free dresses, right?" When no answer was forth coming I heard Sadie sigh. "What do you want me to say Jude?"
I lay there in my bed for a while thinking that question through.
"I want you to say that you'll leave me alone."
"Jude, you need to talk to someone about this. A therapist, maybe? Me? Anyone." When, still, there was no answer, she got up off my bed. Since I was facing away from the door I couldn't see Sadie's expression, but I knew instinctively that she was frowning. She hesitated before closing the door, as if wanting to say something, anything that would make me feel better; but of course nothing could make me feel better.
Instant Star
Later that day when the funeral began, I sat in a chair listening to the preacher speak about how great a life Jamie had had, and what he had accomplished in his 18 years of life. I looked around at the people around me, Jamie's family, friends, and people from G-Major. They were all wearing black, all wearing expressions of grief. Jamie would be missed by a lot of people. Strangely enough, Patsy wasn't there. And strangely enough, I really didn't care. For once, I really didn't care what Patsy was up to. If she was drunk and slamming beer bottles into the side of expensive foreign cars in parking lots, or hitch-hiking a ride to somewhere far, far away. I didn't care.
And with this revelation came another one. I was totally and completely numb.
Instant Star
Look at this photograph And this is where I grew up And this is where I went to school I wonder if it's too late Oh, oh, oh Every memory of looking out the back door Remember the old arcade We used to listen to the radio Kim's the first girl I kissed Oh, oh, oh Every memory of looking out the back door I miss that town If I could I relive those days Every memory of looking out the back door Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh, god, I
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when
Oh, god, I
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
I know the one thing that would never change
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me...