The Duo Horror Fanfiction Show
By: Death By Chicken
A/n: I don't own the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It belongs to Richard O'brien. I don't own
Gundam Wing either. Any other reference to anime such as Tenchi Muyo! Etc. are not mine
either. All of the parodies were done by me. Some songs were easier to do than others, so bare with me.
I am not making money off of this, so if you sue, you will get jack shit. Oh yeah. About the fic. The title speaks for itself, does it not? Those of you who are not familiar with the Rocky Horror picture Show might be confused.
Don't say I didn't warn you. It gets pretty weird. Rated R for mild sex and mature content
and in this case, yaoi. If you are too young to be reading this, you should close the
window now. But it's not like you'd listen to me anyway. Here it goes:
The Duo Horror Fanfiction Show
Cast:
Narrarator- Death By Chicken
Brad- Trowa Barton
Janet- Quatre Raberra Winner
Frank 'n Furter- Heero Yuy
Rocky- Duo Maxwell
Magenta- Releena Peacecraft
RiffRaff- Milliardo Peacecraft
Colombia- Lady Une
Eddie- Treize Kushrenada
Dr. Scott- Instructor H
Floating lips (Usherette)- Chang Wufei
::Backstage::
Wufei I am not putting on this lipstick! INJUSTICE!! THIS IS A TOOL OF THE ONNA!
DirectorWUFEI!! We're on in ten minutes!!! Just work with me! Please!!
Wufei FINE!!! IT IS NOT FOR YOU, FOOLISH DIRECTOR!!! I'm doing it for my
paycheck.
StageHand Mr. Director! Were on now!
Director Roll 'em . . . ACTION!
Wufei::Tune of "Science Fiction/Double feature"::
All these authors are ill,
They write with no skill,
But we'll show them where they stand,
And then they post them there,
Edited with no care,
These fics should really be canned.
Something's written wrong,
Like Trowa smoking a bong.
Or Quatre being depressed .
Then at a deadly pace
Gundams From... Outer Space.
And the flames will not be suppressed.
Chorus: Cheesy Lemons, pointless plot holes
Like Treize Kushrenada, going out with Bob Dole.
See Gundams fighting, Mariemaea,
And Releena humping, Princess Leia
Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
At late night, dirty citris, fanfiction show.
Wufei That was so humiliating.
Director Alright Wufei. Off the set.
Wufei Hmph.
Director Trowa and Quatre! Are you guys ready yet?
Quatre Oh yes we're ready. I love this dress!
Trowa . . . Why are we doing this again?
Quatre Oh Trowa, it'll be nice to be intellectual!
Trowa Whatever.
Director You're On!
::At Tenchi's and Sally Poe's wedding::
Quatre Oh Trowa, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Sally look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe
it. An hour ago she was just plain old Sally Poe and now... now she's Mrs. Tenchi Masaki
::sigh::
Trowa Yes Quatre, Tenchi's a lucky guy.
Quatre Yes.
Trowa Uh, everyone knows that Sally is a wonderful little preventer.
Quatre Yes.
Trowa Why Tenchi himself, he should be back on toonami in a year or two.
Quatre Can't say the same for us, huh Trowa?
Trowa Too bad.
Quatre Yep.
Trowa Hey Quatre.
Quatre Yes Trowa?
Trowa I've got something to say.
Quatre Uh huh.
Trowa I really love the... skilful way... you beat the other girls . . . Oh, I'll get to the point.
Quatre Uh, okay then.
Trowa::Tune of "Damnit Janet!"::
The river's length is hard to match-ra . (Quatre)
I'd swim it just to get ya. (Quatre)
But please, don't blame me if the song sucks-a. (Quatre)
I've one thing to say and that's Damn-ra, Quatre, Your name is hard to rhyme.
The song may be hard to sing-a. (Quatre)
But I know, I probably, can-ya. (Quatre)
Uh, your name is Quatre. (Quatre)
I've one thing to say and that's Damn-ra, Quatre, I love you.
Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
There's three ways that love can grow.
That's good, bad, or mediocre.
Oh, Q-U-A-T-how does your name go?
Quatre Oh, My name may be hard but ya know-a. (Trowa)
Your's is no better so haha (Trowa)
And don't complain cause I don't care-a. (Trowa)
I've one thing to say and that's Trowa, you know-a, I love you too. . .
DirectorCUT! Off the stage!
Quatre We should change our names. That was hard.
Trowa I like our names.
Director Death By Chicken! We need a Narrator now!! GET ON THE SET!
Death By Chicken Wait!! I'm fighting Gannondorf!
Director OUT NOW!
Death By Chicken Oh fine. Zelda will have to wait.
Death By Chicken I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly
ordinary night when Trowa Barton and his fiance Quatre Winner, two young, ordin-nevermind, healthy kids, left Colony X1190 that late November evening, to visit Instructor H, gundam modeler, and now friend to both of them. It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were flying. It's true, also, that the spare Engine
they were carrying was dead, but, uh, they being norm-nevermind kids and, on a night out... well, they
were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening, were they?... On a night out...
it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time.
Quatre Gosh, that's the third Mobile Doll that's passed us. They sure do take their existance
in their hands, now that the war's over and all.
Trowa Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type.
Quatre Oh. ...What's the matter, Trowa darling?
Trowa Hmmm.. we must have taken the wrong course a few miles back.
Quatre Oh, but where did that Mobile Doll come from?
Trowa Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.
Quatre Oh! What was that bang?
Trowa We must have an overheating. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten that engine
fixed. Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll take the escape pod for help.
Quatre But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?
Trowa Didn't we pass a colony back down the course a few light years? Maybe they have a telephone I could use.
Quatre I'm going with you.
Trowa Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us going.
Quatre I'm coming with you! Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again.
Trowa Heh, heh, heh, heh I'm gay. Remember? With you?
Quatre Oh yeah. Hehe. I'm coming anyway.
TrowaWhatever.
Death By Chicken And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Trowa and Quatre and that
they had found the assistance that their plight required. ...Or had they? Ooh, I can't stand the suspense!
Quatre Trowa, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened...
Trowa Stop being a pussy Quatre, they might have a phone.
Milliardo Hello.
Quatre Zechs? You're in this too? As Riff-Raff?
Milliardo I was in debt. Needed the money.
Trowa We'll just play along then.
Trowa Hi! My name is Trowa Barton, and this is my fiance, Quatre Winner. I wonder if
you could help us. You see, our ship broke down a few miles up the Course... do you have a
phone we might be able to use?
Milliardo You're fiance is a male.
Quatre Yes.
Trowa Yes.
Milliardo Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside.
Quatre You're too kind. Oh Trowa, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?
Trowa Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for galactic millionaires.
Quatre Oh yeah. My father was part of those.
Milliardo This way.
Quatre Are you having a party?
Milliardo You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs.
Trowa Oh, lucky him.
Releena You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha... Where's Heero!
GET DOWN HERE!
Quatre Releena? You're doing this too?
Releena I did it because Heero was doing it and I like this wig, but I can't find Heero
and the wig doesn't look that good on me- HEEROOOOOO!!!!
Milliardo uh. Releena. Time to do the song.
Releena I don't want to do that!
Director Tough.
Releena Oh alright.
Milliardo ::Tune of "Time Warp"::
It's astounding;
How'd it happen;
They took us off TV.
But listen closely...
Releena Not for very much longer.
Milliardo I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the time-warp
going back in time to watch
the show and see me.
Milliardo&Releena And Tom the robot would be calling...
All Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's watch gundam again.
Death By Chicken It's just a gundam cartoon.
All And some bad explosions.
Death By Chicken With people philosophizing
All While killing each oth-ER!
But it's the Heero Yuy
Releena HEERRRROOOO!
All That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's watch gundam again.
Lady Une Well I was riding out in space just a-having a think
When this guy name Treize gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a Tallgeese II, and the devil's eyes.
He said be classy and I felt a change.
I became a scitzo, never the same again.
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's watch gundam again
Quatre Trowa, say something.
Trowa Say, do any of you guys know how to pilot?
Quatre Trowa, please, let's get out of here.
Trowa For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Quatre.
Quatre But it... it seems so unhealthy here.
Trowa It's just a party, Quatre. Like at the circus.
Quatre Well - I want to go.
Trowa Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
Quatre Well then ask the butler or someone.
Trowa Just a moment, Quatre - we don't want to interfere with their partying.
Quatre These aren't OZ officials, Trowa.
Millirado Some of us are!
Trowa They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some
more... folk dancing.
Quatre Look, I'm cold and I'm just plain scared!
Trowa I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.
::Heero Comes down on an elevator wearing fish net stockings, high heeled shoes, and
something resembling a female's bathing suit.::
Releena HEEEEEEERO!!!!!
Heero Wha? Releena?
Heero ::Tune of "Sweet Transvestite."::
How do you do,
I See you've met my
Faithful lieutenant man. ::winks at Milliardo who rolls eyes.::
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were a single man. ::Milliardo Protests.::
Hah. You suck, Zechs. Anyway,
Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a guy by his gundam.
ReleenaHEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Heero::Ignoring Releena::
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But don't say it aloud, cause I carry a handgun!
I'm just a perfect soldier
From a perfect, colony.
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound.
You look like you're both pretty groo-uh. . .gay.
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old cheesy movie.
Trowa I'm glad we caught you at home,
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
Quatre Right.
Trowa We'll just stay for a dip,
Quatre DIP?
Trowa Then go back to the ship.
We don't want to be any worry.
Heero The engine went boom? You might have met your doom!
Well, babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'm just a perfect soldier
From a perfect, perfect colony.
Why don't you stay for a fright?
Milliardo Night.
Heero Or maybe a bite?
Lady Une Kite.
Heero Wuh? Kite? Never mind.
I could show you keen profession.
I've been making a man
With braided hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my......tension
I'm just a perfect soldier
By the way, I'm a Transsvestite!!!
Quatre Oh! Trowa!
Trowa It's all right Quatre. We'll play along for now and pull out the gatling guns when the time is right.
::Milliardo and Releena start taking off Trowa's and Quatre's clothing.::
Quatre This is a bit awkward since he's our arch enemy
Trowa And she's Releena, a total bitch. I know.
Releena Hey!
Lady Une Oh, slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush.
Trowa Hi, my name is Trowa Barton, and this is my fiance, Quatre Raberra Winner; ah.. you are...?
Lady Une You're very lucky to be invited up to Heero's laboratory. Some people would give their
gundam for the privilege.
Trowa People like you maybe.
Lady Une Ha! I've seen it.
Milliardo Come along - the *master* doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Releena HEERO!
Quatre Is he, um, Heero I mean - is he your husband?
Releena Oh, I wish. HEEEEEERRROOOOOO!!!!
Milliardo The *master* is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are simply his
servants.
Quatre Oh.
Heero Releena, Lady Une - go assist Milliardo. I will entertain ...uh huh huh... the gay guys.. .
Trowa Trowa Barton. This is my fiance, Quatre Weiner.
Quatre Winner.
Trowa Winner? Um.
::Heero kisses Quatre's hand.::
Heero Enchante.
::Quatre giggles::
Heero Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But I fear Quatre is lacking the boobs for that bra. . Quatre. . .I'm working on it.
Heero But here. Put these on. They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.
Trowa Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable
request which you've chosen to ignore!
Quatre Trowa, don't be ungrateful.
Trowa Ungrateful!
Heero How forceful you are, Trowa. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant. You
must be awfully proud of him, Quatre.
Quatre Well, yes I am.
Trowa That's right. *I'm* the man.
Quatre Well, I could be he man if I wanted to.
Trowa No you couldn't.
Quatre Oh. . .
Heero Do you have any tattoos, Trowa?
Trowa Certainly not! Well, theres the one of Heavy Arms on my ass. . .
Heero Oh well,.. how about you, Quatre?
Quatre No.
Milliardo Everything is in readiness, *master*. We merely await your... word.
Heero Tonight, my Gundam conventionists... you are about to witness a new breakthrough
in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine! It was strange the way it
happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces seem to fit into place, not a sign
of being.. what a fool! The answer was there all the time, sitting beyong the stupid war.
It took a small accident to make it happen... AN ACCIDENT...
Releena & Lady Une An accident! Like when-
Heero Sh!..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient. . . GUNDANIUM, that SPARK that is the
breath of life... Yes, I have that knowledge... I hold the secret... to life... itself! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN! Up now! ...throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power input THREE MORE POINTS!
::Duo comes out of the machine, wearing nothing but underwear.::
Quatre Oh, Trowa!
Trowa It's all right, Quatre!
Heero Oh! Duo!
Duo::Tune of the sword of Damocles.::
The scythe of my gundam is hanging over my head,
And I think the soliders are gonna be dead. . . Wait. . . I'm in my UNDIES!
Heero You IDIOT!!
Duo What I do?
Heero Never mind.
Duo Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
Oh, can't you see, that I'm just a worthless fighter. . .
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
All That ain't no crime.
Duo And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.
AllThat ain't no crime.
Duo 'Cause I'm in for a life of misery,
And all I know is I'm a worthless fighter. . .
Heero Oh, Duo!
::Heero starts chasing Duo::
Releena WAAAAHHH! HEEROOOO! CHASE ME!
All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Duo Oh ho no no!
Heero Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out.
Duo Screw you, Heero.
Heero Not yet. You're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you.
Duo Um, okay. . . .
Heero Oh, I just love success.
Milliardo He's a credit to your genius, master.
Heero Yes.
Releena HEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOO!
Heero Okay. No.
Releena Sorry. I mean, he's a triumph to your will!
Heero Yes!
Lady Une He's O.K.
Heero O.K.? O.K.?!? I think we can do better than that. Humph! Well, Trowa and Quatre, what
do you think of him?
Quatre Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.
Trowa Hey! Are you saying I'm a weakling?
Quatre No, but. . . oh whatever!
Heero Well, Quatre, I didn't make him FOR YOU! He carries the Wing Zero seal of approval.
Heero::Tune of "I can make you a man.::
A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get dirt in his face
When kicked to the ground;
Duo Hey! A weakling can drive a gundam, ya know!
Heero Shut up!
Duo Err. . .
Heero And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
Will make him into shinigami... he'll gleam!
And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,
He'll be a destroyer, and quite clean
He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...
Duo I will?
Heero Damn right you will!
Duo Uh, okay. Did I ever agree to this?
Heero No, but so what?
Duo No fair!
Heero He'll eat nutritious high protein. And swallow raw eggs...
Duo EW!
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
Duo*Gulp* Plan? Is that like operation meteor?
HeeroIn just seven days...I can make you a man.
Releena HEEEEERRRRRROOOO! SING TO ME!
Heero Shut up!
Duo Wow. you're mean.
Heero He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand,
When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a man!
Duo Do I want to be a man?
Quatre I don't, well, I kinda am, but not really. . .
Trowa *Ahem* Yeah. . .
::Treize crashes through the wall on a motor cycle.::
Lady UneTREIZE!!!!!!!!
Treize How un-classy of you, Lady Une!
Lady Une Uh. . . sorry.
Treize That's okay. . .
Treize::Tune of "Hot Patootie"::
Whatever happened to Saturday night,
When you hopped into gundams and you felt alright?
It don't seem the same since that cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I could lead OZ. . .
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
Lady Une I'd go!
Treize And listen to the music on the radio;
A violin was playing in a classical show.
Quatre Yay!
Treize You climbed in the Tallgeese II, you really had a good time.
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Lady Une Oh TREIZE!!!!
Treize Shut up and be classy!
Lady Une. . .uh. . Okay. . .
::Wufei runs in holding a kendo.::
Wufei HAHAH! It's Treize! I knew I didn't kill you totally! DIEEEEE!!!!
::Wufei hits Treize over the head with his kendo and kills him.::
Lady Une NOOOO!
Heero Uh. . . I was gonna kill him, but. . . That works!
Wufei Hahah! JUSTICE AT LAST!
::Wufei runs out.::
Duo More killing? Shinigami reigns again. . .
Heero One from the vaults. Oh baby!.. Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing... he had a
certain naive charm, but no muscle... Oh!
Heero::Tune of "I can make you a man."::
But a deltoid and a bicep.
A hot groin and a tricep. . .
Duo OH SHUT UP! I HATE THAT SONG!
Heero Err. . . alright. Now, Duo. . . We marry!
Duo WHAT? But we just met. . .
Trowa Not *another* wedding.
Heero Come, Duo. this way.
::Heero leads Duo by the arm as confetti falls from the ceiling::
DuoOh well. . .
Death By ChickenThere are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of
the imagination. If this is so, then Trowa and Quatre are quite safe, ... however, the
sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his sombre
bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which
grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms. In other words,
time for the SEX!!!
::Heero, disguised as Trowa knocks on Quatre's door.::
Quatre Who is it? Who's there?
Heero(Trowa): It's only me, Quatre.
Quatre Oh, Trowa darling, come in. Oh! Trowa Oh... Yes, my darling...but what if...
Heero(Trowa): It's all right, Quatre everything's going to be alright.
Quatre Oh, I hope so, my darling.
::He jumps on Quatre::
Quatre Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you!
Heero I'm afraid so, Quatre, but isn't it nice...
Quatre NO, WHERE THE HELL IS TROWA? Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with him?
Heero Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?
Quatre Do it with Releena. She wants it, ya know.
Heero Uh. . . I think not.
QuatreYou tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...
Heero Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really found it quite
pleasurable.
Quatre Oh, stop...I mean help...Trowa Trowa!..Oh Trowa!!
Heero Shhh. Trowa's probably asleep by now, dreaming about. . .whatever the hell clowns dream about.
Do you want him to see you like...This!
::Heero jumps on Quatre again::
Quatre Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... I was saving myself...
Heero Well, I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...
Quatre Promise you won't tell Trowa?
Heero Cross my heart and hope to die... I'd Omaeo Kouros myself!
Quatre That made no sense, but whatever.
::Heero goes to Trowa's room.::
Heero(Quatre): Oh, Trowa darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us.
Trowa Don't worry Quatre, we'll be away from here in the morning.
Heero(Quatre): Oh, Trowa you're so strong and protective.
Trowa Hey. . . Quatre never admits that I'm* the man. . . YOU!
Heero I'm afraid so, Trowa, but isn't it nice...
Trowa YOU! What did you do with Quatre???
Heero Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
Trowa You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never never...never...
Heero Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I think you really
quite enjoyed it.
Trowa Releena would have enjoyed it more.
Heero Ugh! Quit the Releena thing! It's turning me off!
Trowa. . . . . . .
Heero Oh... so soft... Silent. . .and soft.
Trowa. . . . . Stop it...stop it...oh Quatre! QUATRE!
Heero Shhh! Quatre's probably asleep by now, do you want him to see you... like this!
Trowa Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought it was the real thing!
Heero Oh come on, Trowa, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself
over to pleasure, Trowa, Oh Trowa, you've wasted so much time already... Quatre needn't
know, I won't tell.
Trowa Well, promise you won't tell...
Heero On my mother's handgun! gauuuuuu....
Trowa uh. . . Okay.
::Milliardo appears on a screen::
Milliardo Master, Duo has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere
on the grounds. Releena has just released.. the Mobile Suits.
Heero Mmmmm? Coming!
::Quatre left his room, looking for Trowa::
Quatre What's happening here? Where's Trowa? Where's anybody? Oh, Trowa. Trowa, my darling, how
could I have done this to you? Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... if only the
ship hadn't broken down... oh, if only we were amongst friends... Or sane persons, Oh
Trowa, what have they done with him... Oh, Trowa. . .
::Quatre sees Trowa and Heero together.::
QuatreOh Trowa-How could you? Even if *I* did the same thing. . . NO FAIR ANYWAY! WAA!
::Quatre looks around to see Duo hurt in the corner.::
Quatre Oh, but you're hurt...Did they do this to you? Here, I'll dress your wounds... baby there...
Death By ChickenRar! Kinkiness! Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited mental state. It is
also a powerful and irrational master...and from what Releena and Lady Une, the HENTAIS eagerly viewed
on their television monitor there seemed little doubt that Quatre was, indeed, ... its
slave.
Lady Une and Releena Tell us about it, Quatre.
Releena Yeah, cause you're the only one getting any play!
Lady Une Seriously. . .
Quatre::Tune of "Touch me"::
I was feeling done in, couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before.
Lady Une You mean he's. . .
Releena Uh huh.
Lady Une Aww. . That's so cute!
Releena Not really.
QuatreI thought there's no use getting
Into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting.
Now all I want to know is how to go.
I've tasted blood and I want more.
Lady Une and Releena More, more, more. . . TREIZE!!! HEEROOO!
QuatreI'll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch
I need assistance.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night.
Then if anything grows, while you pose,
I'll oil you up and rub you down.
Releena and Lady Une Down, down, down.
QuatreAnd that's just one small fraction of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand and I need action.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night.
Lady Une Toucha toucha toucha touch me TREIZE!
Releena I want to be dirty. HEEEEEEEERRRRRROOOO!
Lady Une Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, TREIZE!
ReleenaCreature of the night. HEEEEERRRRO!
Lady Une Wanna take a walk on the wild side?
Releena Okay!
Quatre Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night!
::Heero enters and starts kicking the shit out of Milliardo::
Milliardo Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!
Heero How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching!
Milliardo I was only away for a minute...master! I had to tape the new G Gundam episode!
Heero Well, see if you can find him on the monitor. And HOW DARE YOU WATCH G GUNDAM AND NOT GUNDAM WING?
Milliardo Uh. . .
::Instructor H knocks at the front door.::
Milliardo Master, master...we have a visitor.
Trowa Hey...Instructor H!
Milliardo You know this earthling ...person?
Trowa I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine. Quatre's Gundam scientist, to be exact.
Heero I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose.
Trowa I told you, my engine broke down. I was telling the truth.
Heero I know what you told me...but this Instructor H, his name is not unknown to me.
Trowa He was a scientist-
Heero And now he works for OZ, doesn't he, Trowa?
Trowa What the? No! You have Gundam Wing Withdrawl, Heero.
Heero Yes. . . I am forgetting the plot lines of my own show. . . NEVER MIND THAT NOW!
Milliardo The intruder is entering the building, master.
Heero He'll probably be... in the mecha room. Shall we inquire of him in person?
Trowa Great H!
Instructor H Heero Yuy, we meet at last.
Trowa Instructor H!
Instructor H Trowa! What are you doing here? Where's Quatre? I heard you two were *ahem* togther. . .
HeeroNow now now. . . Don't play games, Instructor H. You know perfectly well what Trowa Barton is doing here.
It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his. . . female should check the layout for
you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Instructor H. I know Trowa is.
Instrustor H I can assure you that Trowa's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came
here to find Treize.
Trowa Treize! I've seen him!
Heero Treize! What do you know of Treize, Instructor H?
Instructor H I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see Treize happens to be my
nephew.
Heero What? That doesn't even make sense!
Instructor H Hey! I didn't write the script, moron!
Heero Well, at least I don't look like Chuck E. Cheese in human form!
Instructor H WHAT!?! Errr. . .
Trowa Cool it!
::Heero draws back a curtain to find Quatre and Duo.::
Quatre Ah!
Instrucor H Quatre!
Quatre Instructor H!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Instructor H Quatre!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Releena HERRRRRO!
Heero DUO- Huh? Go away, Releena!
Releena Oh fine. . .
Instrucor H Quatre!
Quatre Instructor H!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Instrucor H Quatre!
Quatre Instructor H!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Trowa This is getting us nowhere!
Heero Duo! Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.
Duo Just try it, scary boy!
Heero Scary boy? Err. . . I'll show you. . .
Releena Master, dinner is prepared!
Heero I said GO AWAY! Oh. . Dinner? Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.
Death By ChickenFood has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. Well, that makes sense.
The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal.
However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little.. bon ami.
Heero A toast... to absent friends... and shows that are no longer on TV. . .
All To absent friends. . . . TO GUNDAM WING!
Heero Oh Duo. . . I can't stay mad at you! It is your birthday after all.
Duo Whoopie.
Heero Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Duo. . .
Shall we?
Instructor H We came here to discuss Treize.
Lady Une TREIZE?!?!?
Heero Well, that's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?
Lady Une Excuse me...
Instructor H I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined... Hentai,
psycho, transexual alien things.
Duo Hey? Don't I get any presents? It's my birthday, right?
Trowa and QuatreInstructor H!
Heero Go on, Instructor H, or should I say, Instructor H of OZ?
Instructor H WHAT? I'm not in OZ!
Heero Oh, just play along!
Instructor H Um, okay. Yes, I am the OZ champion!
All. . .
Heero I knew it!
Quatre But Instructor H!
Instructor H That's all right, Quatre!
Quatre Since when were you in OZ?
Instructor H To be closer to Treize, in perspective. But mostly because Heero just told me to say it. . .
you see:
Instructor H::The tune of "Eddie"::
From the day he was born
He was trouble.
He was the beam sabre
In his mother's side.
She tried in vain...
but he never caused her nothing but shame.
He left home the day she died.
From the day she was gone
All he wanted
Was classy-like porn
And a mobile suit,
Shooting up junk...
He was a low down cheap, yet *classy* little punk!
Taking everyone for a ride.
All When Treize said Lady Une was no fun,
You knew he was a no-good kid.
But when he threatened your survival, with a blaster rifle,
Heero What a guy!
Quatre Makes you cry.
Instructor H Well, Une did.
::In Lady Une's room::
Lady Une Everybody shoved him.
I very nearly loved him.
I said, hey, listen to me;
I'd go scitzo for you! I'm talking insanity!
But he locked his gundam and threw away the key.
::Back at table::
Instructor H But he must have been drawn
Into something called OZ,
Making him warn
Me in a note that reads...
Treize's voice I'm out of my suit,
Oh, hurry, I gave OZ the boot,
For they these guys mustn't carry out their evil deeds.
All When Treize said Lady Une was no fun,
You knew he was a no-good kid.
But when he threatened your survival with a blaster rifle,
HeeroWhat a guy!
Quatre Makes you cry.
Instructor H Well, Une did!
Heero. . . Oh Duo! How could you!?
Duo Do what?
Heero GUESS!
Duo You said you forgave me!
Heero Well. . . I WAS JOKING!!!
::Heero chases them all out of the room.::
Quatre It wasn't a big deal, Heero!
Heero What?! You listen here. . .
Heero ::To the tune of "Wise Up".::
I'll tell you once; Only one, you sinner,
You'd better wise up, Quatre Winner,
Your skills in bed, are that of a beginner,
Trowa Huh? Hey! You were in bed with. . . HEERO?
Heero You'd better wise up, Quatre Winner.
Quatre . . .sorry. But you were too, Trowa!
Trowa. . .
Heero I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
When we made it, didja hear a bell ring?
Ya gotta block? Well, how was dinner?
You better wise up, Quatre Winner!
Trowa Dinner. . .? Wait. . . what *did* you serve us, Heero.
Heero uh. . . Treize, duh!
Trowa Ehhhhhh!!! Gross!!!
Quatre Yuckie!!!
HeeroThe transducer will seduce ya.
::Heero presses buttons.::
QuatreMy feet! I can't move my feet!
Instructor H My feet! My God, they're stuck in place! This is getting weirder and weirder. . .
TrowaIt's as if we're glued to the spot!
HeeroYou are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
Quatre We're trapped!
Heero It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice.
Instructor H You won't find Colonist people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer...it
is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device?
Trowa You mean...
Instructor H Yes, Trowa, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. But it
seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A device which is capable of
breaking down solid gundanium and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps
even time.. itself!
Quatre You mean he's going to send us to another planet?
HeeroPlanet, shmanet. . . uh, Quatre. That doesn't even rhyme. Wow, Quatre. Get a normal name.
Quatre Um, excuse me! What kind of name is Heero?
Heero. . .Shut up.
You better wise up, Quatre Winner,
You better wise up, build your thighs up,
You better wise up
Death By Chicken And then she. . . no he. . . ughh. . . she cried out...
Quatre Stop!
Heero Don't get hot and flustered!
Use a bit of mustard.
Trowa You're a hot dog, but you really are quite gooey, Heero Yuy. What the?
::Trowa is zapped away to some dimension.::
Instructor H You're a hot dog, but you really are quite gooey, Heero Yuy. *sighs* why exactly are you gooey?
Heero You ask me? Oh, bye-bye.
::Instructor H is zapped::
Quatre You're a hot dog --
::Quatre is zapped away. Lady Une comes in::
Lady Une My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Treize, and then you throw
him off like an explosed gundam for Duo! You chew people up and then you spit them out
again...I loved you..do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll
tell you: a big nothing. You're like cartoon network! You promise, promise, promise, promise,and break them
all at the end. Yeah, well, I've had enough You're gonna choose between me and Duo!
::Heero zapps Lady Une away.::
Heero It's not easy having a good time... even smiling makes my face ache
Duo Yeah. You never do it. Ever, sour puss.
Heero...and my children turn on me...
Duo Ehh, you know you don't care at all, Heero.
Heero True, but shh!
Heero. . .Duo's behaving just the way that Treize did. Do you think I made a
mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?
Duo Huh?
::Duo gets zapped away. Releena enters::
Releena HEEEERRRRRROOO! Ahhhh! I grow weary of this world! When shall we return to the Sanc Kingdom, huh?
Heero Releena, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Milliardo. You have both
served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood
takes me, I can be quite generous.
Releena I ask for nothing...nothing. Goddamn it, Heero!
Heero. . .And you shall receive it...in abundance! Come, we are ready for the floor show!
Death By Chicken And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Trowa and
Quatre should keep that appointment with their friend, Instructor H. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. It would be something out of a bad lemon. A very bad one. Just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Trowa and Quatre had both tasted forbidden fruit. Well, at least they were *almost* married! This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals...and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken of? On an empty colony? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan had been shaped by Heero's crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic. Sit back and enjoy the rest of the spontaneous sex!
::Lady Une, Duo, Trowa and Quatre are wearing fishnet sockings, heels and what resembles a female bathing suit.::
Lady Une::The tune of "Rose Tint my World."::
It was great when it all began.
I was a regular Gundam fan.
But it was over when they had the plan
To replace us with MS Gundam. . . Damn!
Now I'm in this insane phase,
I'm still in love with a deceased Treize,
Gundanium tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
Duo I'm just seven hours old,
And truly beautiful to behold.
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled.
It's a lemon come true, it's a must,
For it to be filled with the orgasmic rush of lust.
Gundanium tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
Trowa It's beyond me; help me clownie!
I'll be good; you'll see.
Take the circus away. . .
What's this? Let's see,
I feel funny!
What's come over me?
Wo! Here it comes again.
Trowa Huh? Why was my whole verse about the circus???
Quatre Who cares. . .
I feel released; good times decease.
My confidence has decresed. . reality is here.
Gundam Wing has been disbanded; MS Gundam is expanded.
Whens *our* PS2 game gonna be landed?
It's *really* not FAIRRRRRRRR!
::Heero enters::
Heero::Tune of "Don't Dream it.::
Whatever happened to the good animators?
And their awsome, high grade sketches,
As they were taken off TV,
I really couldn't see,
Why MS Gundam would be respected the same!
Quatre Uh, yeah, it sucks we were taken off Toonami and all, but we can get over it!
Heero No we can't.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
Can't you just see it?
Duo Not really. Sounds like Heero's got a case of 'lemon-itus.'
Heero Oh, oh, oh... oh!
Don't write it, be it.
All Don't write it, be it.
Instructor H Ach! We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps our wills. I've got
to be strong, and try to hang on, or else my mind may well snap, and my life will be
lived... for the thrills! Well. . . Heero *does* look good in tights.
Trowa It's beyond me; help me clownie!
Quatre God bless. . . Oh who cares.
::They all have spontaneous sex in a swimming pool. Use your own hentai imagination.::
Heero::Tune of "Wild and untamed thing."::
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
I'm a wild and an untamed guy,
I self destructed my gundam, and didn't die!
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna watch our show 'till the life has gone.
Gundanium tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
AllHe's a wild and an untamed guy,
He self destructed Wing and didn't die!
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna watch our show 'till the life has gone.
Gundanium tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
Gundanium tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain!
::Releena and Milliardo enter::
Milliardo Heero Yuy, it's all over.
Your mission is a failure;
You can't get over that,
They all loved *me* best,
Zechs was higher than the rest,
We return to the Sanc Kingdom,
Prepare the time machine!
Heero Wait! I can explain!
Heero::Tune of "I'm going home."::
On the day I went away...
AllGoodbye...
Heero Was all I had to say...
Quatre Wait. . . *you* didn't live in Sanc Kingdom!
Heero Uh. . . now I do.
All Now I...
Heero I want to come again, and stay.
All Oh, my, my...
HeeroSmile, and that will mean I may.
'cause even though I *don't* smile,
Or there are no tears in my eyes,
I realize, I'm going home.
All I'm going home.
Heero My whole life have been a fog. . .
All ...feeling...
Heero ....I'm losing that girl and her dog,
All ...wheeling...
Heero ...free to try and find the end. . .
All Of the war. . .
Heero It's cards for sorrow, and for pain.
Even though I don't smile,
And there are no tears in my eyes,
I realize, I'm going home.
All I'm going home.
ReleenaHow sentimental.
Heero Ah. . . Releena. You'd *never* betray me, right?
Relenna Hah! I'm through with you, Heero Yuy!
Heero Never thought I'd see the day. . .
Milliardo How presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were to return to the Sanc Kingdom,
I referred only to Releena and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words
misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.
Instructor H Great heavens! That's a. . . laser!
MilliardoYes, Instructor H. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. It can break down even pure gundanium!
Trowa You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime?
Instructor H You saw what became of Treize. Society must be protected.
Quatre But Heero *didn't* destroy Treize! Wufei did it, remember?
Releena Shut up, girly boy!
::Quatre whimpers.::
Milliardo And now, Heero Yuy, your time has come. Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!
Duo Nooo!
::Lazer sounds. Both Duo and Heero get fried.::
Quatre Oh! You killed them!
ReleenaOh. . .Milliardo. . . I thought you liked them. They liked you.
Milliardo They didn't like me! He never liked ME! NO FAN OF GUNDAM WING LIKED ME!
Instructor H You did right. Heero and Duo were too popular in Gundam Wing anyway. . .
Milliardo Yes, and decision had to be made.
Instructor H You're O.K. by me.
MilliardoInstructor H, I'm sorry about your nephew.
Instructor H Treize? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh. He's not even my nephew, really!
Milliardo yes. . . well. . . You should leave now, Instructor H, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the
entire colony to the Sanc Kingdom.
Trowa But. . . wasn't is destroyed???
Releena We go back in time! DUHHH!
Trowa. . .
Milliardo Now, our noble mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the
peace-obsessed shores of our beloved kingdom!
Releena Ah, sweet Sanc Kingdom. . . land of. . . peace! To sing and dance once more to your peace refrain...
To take that - step, to the right...
Releena and Milliardo HAH!!
Milliardo But it's that Heero Yuy!
Releena Ah, screw him.
All Let's watch Gundam Wing again!
Quatre Wow. You two are weird.
Trowa Seriously.
Milliardo Hah!
::The castle blasts off, leaving Quatre and Trowa wallowing in smog.::
Death By Chicken And crawling on all anime's face
A genre called the 'Gundam' race...
Now lost in time, and lost in space,
And meaning.
Quatre Yeah. We were the best Gundam series ever!
Trowa Seriously.
Heero Can I stop being dead now? Not being in the spot light sucks.
Wufei Hey!!! Now it's my song's reprise!!! MOVE OFF THE STAGE!!!!
Cheesy fanfiction,
Pointless plot holes,
Like Treize Kushrenada
Going out with Bob Dole,
The MS Gundums conquered,
Gundam Wing,
And we've gone away to,
Dance and sing,
Quatre::To himself.:: Seriously. If we still were on TV, I wouldn't be doing this!
Wufei Shut up! My SONG!
Wo, oh, oh, oh.
At the late night, dirty citrus,
Fanfiction show!
Wufei Hah! I rock!
Quatre. . .okay.
Director CUT!!! Okay people, same time tomorrow. That really stunk!
Trowa Well. . . next time tomorrow, Quatre?
Quatre Ya know what Trowa? Screw being intelectual!
Trowa Now your talking!!
::everyone leaves, leaving Wufei alone.::
Wufei Hey! Wait up! You can't just leave me, the star here alone!
END
By: Death By Chicken
A/n: I don't own the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It belongs to Richard O'brien. I don't own
Gundam Wing either. Any other reference to anime such as Tenchi Muyo! Etc. are not mine
either. All of the parodies were done by me. Some songs were easier to do than others, so bare with me.
I am not making money off of this, so if you sue, you will get jack shit. Oh yeah. About the fic. The title speaks for itself, does it not? Those of you who are not familiar with the Rocky Horror picture Show might be confused.
Don't say I didn't warn you. It gets pretty weird. Rated R for mild sex and mature content
and in this case, yaoi. If you are too young to be reading this, you should close the
window now. But it's not like you'd listen to me anyway. Here it goes:
The Duo Horror Fanfiction Show
Cast:
Narrarator- Death By Chicken
Brad- Trowa Barton
Janet- Quatre Raberra Winner
Frank 'n Furter- Heero Yuy
Rocky- Duo Maxwell
Magenta- Releena Peacecraft
RiffRaff- Milliardo Peacecraft
Colombia- Lady Une
Eddie- Treize Kushrenada
Dr. Scott- Instructor H
Floating lips (Usherette)- Chang Wufei
::Backstage::
Wufei I am not putting on this lipstick! INJUSTICE!! THIS IS A TOOL OF THE ONNA!
DirectorWUFEI!! We're on in ten minutes!!! Just work with me! Please!!
Wufei FINE!!! IT IS NOT FOR YOU, FOOLISH DIRECTOR!!! I'm doing it for my
paycheck.
StageHand Mr. Director! Were on now!
Director Roll 'em . . . ACTION!
Wufei::Tune of "Science Fiction/Double feature"::
All these authors are ill,
They write with no skill,
But we'll show them where they stand,
And then they post them there,
Edited with no care,
These fics should really be canned.
Something's written wrong,
Like Trowa smoking a bong.
Or Quatre being depressed .
Then at a deadly pace
Gundams From... Outer Space.
And the flames will not be suppressed.
Chorus: Cheesy Lemons, pointless plot holes
Like Treize Kushrenada, going out with Bob Dole.
See Gundams fighting, Mariemaea,
And Releena humping, Princess Leia
Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
At late night, dirty citris, fanfiction show.
Wufei That was so humiliating.
Director Alright Wufei. Off the set.
Wufei Hmph.
Director Trowa and Quatre! Are you guys ready yet?
Quatre Oh yes we're ready. I love this dress!
Trowa . . . Why are we doing this again?
Quatre Oh Trowa, it'll be nice to be intellectual!
Trowa Whatever.
Director You're On!
::At Tenchi's and Sally Poe's wedding::
Quatre Oh Trowa, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Sally look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe
it. An hour ago she was just plain old Sally Poe and now... now she's Mrs. Tenchi Masaki
::sigh::
Trowa Yes Quatre, Tenchi's a lucky guy.
Quatre Yes.
Trowa Uh, everyone knows that Sally is a wonderful little preventer.
Quatre Yes.
Trowa Why Tenchi himself, he should be back on toonami in a year or two.
Quatre Can't say the same for us, huh Trowa?
Trowa Too bad.
Quatre Yep.
Trowa Hey Quatre.
Quatre Yes Trowa?
Trowa I've got something to say.
Quatre Uh huh.
Trowa I really love the... skilful way... you beat the other girls . . . Oh, I'll get to the point.
Quatre Uh, okay then.
Trowa::Tune of "Damnit Janet!"::
The river's length is hard to match-ra . (Quatre)
I'd swim it just to get ya. (Quatre)
But please, don't blame me if the song sucks-a. (Quatre)
I've one thing to say and that's Damn-ra, Quatre, Your name is hard to rhyme.
The song may be hard to sing-a. (Quatre)
But I know, I probably, can-ya. (Quatre)
Uh, your name is Quatre. (Quatre)
I've one thing to say and that's Damn-ra, Quatre, I love you.
Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
There's three ways that love can grow.
That's good, bad, or mediocre.
Oh, Q-U-A-T-how does your name go?
Quatre Oh, My name may be hard but ya know-a. (Trowa)
Your's is no better so haha (Trowa)
And don't complain cause I don't care-a. (Trowa)
I've one thing to say and that's Trowa, you know-a, I love you too. . .
DirectorCUT! Off the stage!
Quatre We should change our names. That was hard.
Trowa I like our names.
Director Death By Chicken! We need a Narrator now!! GET ON THE SET!
Death By Chicken Wait!! I'm fighting Gannondorf!
Director OUT NOW!
Death By Chicken Oh fine. Zelda will have to wait.
Death By Chicken I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly
ordinary night when Trowa Barton and his fiance Quatre Winner, two young, ordin-nevermind, healthy kids, left Colony X1190 that late November evening, to visit Instructor H, gundam modeler, and now friend to both of them. It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were flying. It's true, also, that the spare Engine
they were carrying was dead, but, uh, they being norm-nevermind kids and, on a night out... well, they
were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening, were they?... On a night out...
it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time.
Quatre Gosh, that's the third Mobile Doll that's passed us. They sure do take their existance
in their hands, now that the war's over and all.
Trowa Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type.
Quatre Oh. ...What's the matter, Trowa darling?
Trowa Hmmm.. we must have taken the wrong course a few miles back.
Quatre Oh, but where did that Mobile Doll come from?
Trowa Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.
Quatre Oh! What was that bang?
Trowa We must have an overheating. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten that engine
fixed. Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll take the escape pod for help.
Quatre But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?
Trowa Didn't we pass a colony back down the course a few light years? Maybe they have a telephone I could use.
Quatre I'm going with you.
Trowa Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us going.
Quatre I'm coming with you! Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again.
Trowa Heh, heh, heh, heh I'm gay. Remember? With you?
Quatre Oh yeah. Hehe. I'm coming anyway.
TrowaWhatever.
Death By Chicken And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Trowa and Quatre and that
they had found the assistance that their plight required. ...Or had they? Ooh, I can't stand the suspense!
Quatre Trowa, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened...
Trowa Stop being a pussy Quatre, they might have a phone.
Milliardo Hello.
Quatre Zechs? You're in this too? As Riff-Raff?
Milliardo I was in debt. Needed the money.
Trowa We'll just play along then.
Trowa Hi! My name is Trowa Barton, and this is my fiance, Quatre Winner. I wonder if
you could help us. You see, our ship broke down a few miles up the Course... do you have a
phone we might be able to use?
Milliardo You're fiance is a male.
Quatre Yes.
Trowa Yes.
Milliardo Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside.
Quatre You're too kind. Oh Trowa, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?
Trowa Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for galactic millionaires.
Quatre Oh yeah. My father was part of those.
Milliardo This way.
Quatre Are you having a party?
Milliardo You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs.
Trowa Oh, lucky him.
Releena You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha... Where's Heero!
GET DOWN HERE!
Quatre Releena? You're doing this too?
Releena I did it because Heero was doing it and I like this wig, but I can't find Heero
and the wig doesn't look that good on me- HEEROOOOOO!!!!
Milliardo uh. Releena. Time to do the song.
Releena I don't want to do that!
Director Tough.
Releena Oh alright.
Milliardo ::Tune of "Time Warp"::
It's astounding;
How'd it happen;
They took us off TV.
But listen closely...
Releena Not for very much longer.
Milliardo I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the time-warp
going back in time to watch
the show and see me.
Milliardo&Releena And Tom the robot would be calling...
All Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's watch gundam again.
Death By Chicken It's just a gundam cartoon.
All And some bad explosions.
Death By Chicken With people philosophizing
All While killing each oth-ER!
But it's the Heero Yuy
Releena HEERRRROOOO!
All That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's watch gundam again.
Lady Une Well I was riding out in space just a-having a think
When this guy name Treize gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a Tallgeese II, and the devil's eyes.
He said be classy and I felt a change.
I became a scitzo, never the same again.
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's watch gundam again
Quatre Trowa, say something.
Trowa Say, do any of you guys know how to pilot?
Quatre Trowa, please, let's get out of here.
Trowa For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Quatre.
Quatre But it... it seems so unhealthy here.
Trowa It's just a party, Quatre. Like at the circus.
Quatre Well - I want to go.
Trowa Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
Quatre Well then ask the butler or someone.
Trowa Just a moment, Quatre - we don't want to interfere with their partying.
Quatre These aren't OZ officials, Trowa.
Millirado Some of us are!
Trowa They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some
more... folk dancing.
Quatre Look, I'm cold and I'm just plain scared!
Trowa I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.
::Heero Comes down on an elevator wearing fish net stockings, high heeled shoes, and
something resembling a female's bathing suit.::
Releena HEEEEEEERO!!!!!
Heero Wha? Releena?
Heero ::Tune of "Sweet Transvestite."::
How do you do,
I See you've met my
Faithful lieutenant man. ::winks at Milliardo who rolls eyes.::
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were a single man. ::Milliardo Protests.::
Hah. You suck, Zechs. Anyway,
Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a guy by his gundam.
ReleenaHEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Heero::Ignoring Releena::
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But don't say it aloud, cause I carry a handgun!
I'm just a perfect soldier
From a perfect, colony.
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound.
You look like you're both pretty groo-uh. . .gay.
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old cheesy movie.
Trowa I'm glad we caught you at home,
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
Quatre Right.
Trowa We'll just stay for a dip,
Quatre DIP?
Trowa Then go back to the ship.
We don't want to be any worry.
Heero The engine went boom? You might have met your doom!
Well, babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'm just a perfect soldier
From a perfect, perfect colony.
Why don't you stay for a fright?
Milliardo Night.
Heero Or maybe a bite?
Lady Une Kite.
Heero Wuh? Kite? Never mind.
I could show you keen profession.
I've been making a man
With braided hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my......tension
I'm just a perfect soldier
By the way, I'm a Transsvestite!!!
Quatre Oh! Trowa!
Trowa It's all right Quatre. We'll play along for now and pull out the gatling guns when the time is right.
::Milliardo and Releena start taking off Trowa's and Quatre's clothing.::
Quatre This is a bit awkward since he's our arch enemy
Trowa And she's Releena, a total bitch. I know.
Releena Hey!
Lady Une Oh, slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush.
Trowa Hi, my name is Trowa Barton, and this is my fiance, Quatre Raberra Winner; ah.. you are...?
Lady Une You're very lucky to be invited up to Heero's laboratory. Some people would give their
gundam for the privilege.
Trowa People like you maybe.
Lady Une Ha! I've seen it.
Milliardo Come along - the *master* doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Releena HEERO!
Quatre Is he, um, Heero I mean - is he your husband?
Releena Oh, I wish. HEEEEEERRROOOOOO!!!!
Milliardo The *master* is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are simply his
servants.
Quatre Oh.
Heero Releena, Lady Une - go assist Milliardo. I will entertain ...uh huh huh... the gay guys.. .
Trowa Trowa Barton. This is my fiance, Quatre Weiner.
Quatre Winner.
Trowa Winner? Um.
::Heero kisses Quatre's hand.::
Heero Enchante.
::Quatre giggles::
Heero Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But I fear Quatre is lacking the boobs for that bra. . Quatre. . .I'm working on it.
Heero But here. Put these on. They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.
Trowa Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable
request which you've chosen to ignore!
Quatre Trowa, don't be ungrateful.
Trowa Ungrateful!
Heero How forceful you are, Trowa. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant. You
must be awfully proud of him, Quatre.
Quatre Well, yes I am.
Trowa That's right. *I'm* the man.
Quatre Well, I could be he man if I wanted to.
Trowa No you couldn't.
Quatre Oh. . .
Heero Do you have any tattoos, Trowa?
Trowa Certainly not! Well, theres the one of Heavy Arms on my ass. . .
Heero Oh well,.. how about you, Quatre?
Quatre No.
Milliardo Everything is in readiness, *master*. We merely await your... word.
Heero Tonight, my Gundam conventionists... you are about to witness a new breakthrough
in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine! It was strange the way it
happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces seem to fit into place, not a sign
of being.. what a fool! The answer was there all the time, sitting beyong the stupid war.
It took a small accident to make it happen... AN ACCIDENT...
Releena & Lady Une An accident! Like when-
Heero Sh!..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient. . . GUNDANIUM, that SPARK that is the
breath of life... Yes, I have that knowledge... I hold the secret... to life... itself! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN! Up now! ...throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power input THREE MORE POINTS!
::Duo comes out of the machine, wearing nothing but underwear.::
Quatre Oh, Trowa!
Trowa It's all right, Quatre!
Heero Oh! Duo!
Duo::Tune of the sword of Damocles.::
The scythe of my gundam is hanging over my head,
And I think the soliders are gonna be dead. . . Wait. . . I'm in my UNDIES!
Heero You IDIOT!!
Duo What I do?
Heero Never mind.
Duo Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
Oh, can't you see, that I'm just a worthless fighter. . .
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
All That ain't no crime.
Duo And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.
AllThat ain't no crime.
Duo 'Cause I'm in for a life of misery,
And all I know is I'm a worthless fighter. . .
Heero Oh, Duo!
::Heero starts chasing Duo::
Releena WAAAAHHH! HEEROOOO! CHASE ME!
All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Duo Oh ho no no!
Heero Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out.
Duo Screw you, Heero.
Heero Not yet. You're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you.
Duo Um, okay. . . .
Heero Oh, I just love success.
Milliardo He's a credit to your genius, master.
Heero Yes.
Releena HEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOO!
Heero Okay. No.
Releena Sorry. I mean, he's a triumph to your will!
Heero Yes!
Lady Une He's O.K.
Heero O.K.? O.K.?!? I think we can do better than that. Humph! Well, Trowa and Quatre, what
do you think of him?
Quatre Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.
Trowa Hey! Are you saying I'm a weakling?
Quatre No, but. . . oh whatever!
Heero Well, Quatre, I didn't make him FOR YOU! He carries the Wing Zero seal of approval.
Heero::Tune of "I can make you a man.::
A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get dirt in his face
When kicked to the ground;
Duo Hey! A weakling can drive a gundam, ya know!
Heero Shut up!
Duo Err. . .
Heero And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
Will make him into shinigami... he'll gleam!
And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,
He'll be a destroyer, and quite clean
He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...
Duo I will?
Heero Damn right you will!
Duo Uh, okay. Did I ever agree to this?
Heero No, but so what?
Duo No fair!
Heero He'll eat nutritious high protein. And swallow raw eggs...
Duo EW!
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
Duo*Gulp* Plan? Is that like operation meteor?
HeeroIn just seven days...I can make you a man.
Releena HEEEEERRRRRROOOO! SING TO ME!
Heero Shut up!
Duo Wow. you're mean.
Heero He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand,
When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a man!
Duo Do I want to be a man?
Quatre I don't, well, I kinda am, but not really. . .
Trowa *Ahem* Yeah. . .
::Treize crashes through the wall on a motor cycle.::
Lady UneTREIZE!!!!!!!!
Treize How un-classy of you, Lady Une!
Lady Une Uh. . . sorry.
Treize That's okay. . .
Treize::Tune of "Hot Patootie"::
Whatever happened to Saturday night,
When you hopped into gundams and you felt alright?
It don't seem the same since that cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I could lead OZ. . .
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
Lady Une I'd go!
Treize And listen to the music on the radio;
A violin was playing in a classical show.
Quatre Yay!
Treize You climbed in the Tallgeese II, you really had a good time.
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that gundam show!
Lady Une Oh TREIZE!!!!
Treize Shut up and be classy!
Lady Une. . .uh. . Okay. . .
::Wufei runs in holding a kendo.::
Wufei HAHAH! It's Treize! I knew I didn't kill you totally! DIEEEEE!!!!
::Wufei hits Treize over the head with his kendo and kills him.::
Lady Une NOOOO!
Heero Uh. . . I was gonna kill him, but. . . That works!
Wufei Hahah! JUSTICE AT LAST!
::Wufei runs out.::
Duo More killing? Shinigami reigns again. . .
Heero One from the vaults. Oh baby!.. Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing... he had a
certain naive charm, but no muscle... Oh!
Heero::Tune of "I can make you a man."::
But a deltoid and a bicep.
A hot groin and a tricep. . .
Duo OH SHUT UP! I HATE THAT SONG!
Heero Err. . . alright. Now, Duo. . . We marry!
Duo WHAT? But we just met. . .
Trowa Not *another* wedding.
Heero Come, Duo. this way.
::Heero leads Duo by the arm as confetti falls from the ceiling::
DuoOh well. . .
Death By ChickenThere are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of
the imagination. If this is so, then Trowa and Quatre are quite safe, ... however, the
sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his sombre
bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which
grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms. In other words,
time for the SEX!!!
::Heero, disguised as Trowa knocks on Quatre's door.::
Quatre Who is it? Who's there?
Heero(Trowa): It's only me, Quatre.
Quatre Oh, Trowa darling, come in. Oh! Trowa Oh... Yes, my darling...but what if...
Heero(Trowa): It's all right, Quatre everything's going to be alright.
Quatre Oh, I hope so, my darling.
::He jumps on Quatre::
Quatre Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you!
Heero I'm afraid so, Quatre, but isn't it nice...
Quatre NO, WHERE THE HELL IS TROWA? Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with him?
Heero Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?
Quatre Do it with Releena. She wants it, ya know.
Heero Uh. . . I think not.
QuatreYou tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...
Heero Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really found it quite
pleasurable.
Quatre Oh, stop...I mean help...Trowa Trowa!..Oh Trowa!!
Heero Shhh. Trowa's probably asleep by now, dreaming about. . .whatever the hell clowns dream about.
Do you want him to see you like...This!
::Heero jumps on Quatre again::
Quatre Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... I was saving myself...
Heero Well, I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...
Quatre Promise you won't tell Trowa?
Heero Cross my heart and hope to die... I'd Omaeo Kouros myself!
Quatre That made no sense, but whatever.
::Heero goes to Trowa's room.::
Heero(Quatre): Oh, Trowa darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us.
Trowa Don't worry Quatre, we'll be away from here in the morning.
Heero(Quatre): Oh, Trowa you're so strong and protective.
Trowa Hey. . . Quatre never admits that I'm* the man. . . YOU!
Heero I'm afraid so, Trowa, but isn't it nice...
Trowa YOU! What did you do with Quatre???
Heero Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
Trowa You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never never...never...
Heero Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I think you really
quite enjoyed it.
Trowa Releena would have enjoyed it more.
Heero Ugh! Quit the Releena thing! It's turning me off!
Trowa. . . . . . .
Heero Oh... so soft... Silent. . .and soft.
Trowa. . . . . Stop it...stop it...oh Quatre! QUATRE!
Heero Shhh! Quatre's probably asleep by now, do you want him to see you... like this!
Trowa Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought it was the real thing!
Heero Oh come on, Trowa, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself
over to pleasure, Trowa, Oh Trowa, you've wasted so much time already... Quatre needn't
know, I won't tell.
Trowa Well, promise you won't tell...
Heero On my mother's handgun! gauuuuuu....
Trowa uh. . . Okay.
::Milliardo appears on a screen::
Milliardo Master, Duo has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere
on the grounds. Releena has just released.. the Mobile Suits.
Heero Mmmmm? Coming!
::Quatre left his room, looking for Trowa::
Quatre What's happening here? Where's Trowa? Where's anybody? Oh, Trowa. Trowa, my darling, how
could I have done this to you? Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... if only the
ship hadn't broken down... oh, if only we were amongst friends... Or sane persons, Oh
Trowa, what have they done with him... Oh, Trowa. . .
::Quatre sees Trowa and Heero together.::
QuatreOh Trowa-How could you? Even if *I* did the same thing. . . NO FAIR ANYWAY! WAA!
::Quatre looks around to see Duo hurt in the corner.::
Quatre Oh, but you're hurt...Did they do this to you? Here, I'll dress your wounds... baby there...
Death By ChickenRar! Kinkiness! Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited mental state. It is
also a powerful and irrational master...and from what Releena and Lady Une, the HENTAIS eagerly viewed
on their television monitor there seemed little doubt that Quatre was, indeed, ... its
slave.
Lady Une and Releena Tell us about it, Quatre.
Releena Yeah, cause you're the only one getting any play!
Lady Une Seriously. . .
Quatre::Tune of "Touch me"::
I was feeling done in, couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before.
Lady Une You mean he's. . .
Releena Uh huh.
Lady Une Aww. . That's so cute!
Releena Not really.
QuatreI thought there's no use getting
Into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting.
Now all I want to know is how to go.
I've tasted blood and I want more.
Lady Une and Releena More, more, more. . . TREIZE!!! HEEROOO!
QuatreI'll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch
I need assistance.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night.
Then if anything grows, while you pose,
I'll oil you up and rub you down.
Releena and Lady Une Down, down, down.
QuatreAnd that's just one small fraction of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand and I need action.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Creature of the night.
Lady Une Toucha toucha toucha touch me TREIZE!
Releena I want to be dirty. HEEEEEEEERRRRRROOOO!
Lady Une Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, TREIZE!
ReleenaCreature of the night. HEEEEERRRRO!
Lady Une Wanna take a walk on the wild side?
Releena Okay!
Quatre Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night!
::Heero enters and starts kicking the shit out of Milliardo::
Milliardo Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!
Heero How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching!
Milliardo I was only away for a minute...master! I had to tape the new G Gundam episode!
Heero Well, see if you can find him on the monitor. And HOW DARE YOU WATCH G GUNDAM AND NOT GUNDAM WING?
Milliardo Uh. . .
::Instructor H knocks at the front door.::
Milliardo Master, master...we have a visitor.
Trowa Hey...Instructor H!
Milliardo You know this earthling ...person?
Trowa I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine. Quatre's Gundam scientist, to be exact.
Heero I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose.
Trowa I told you, my engine broke down. I was telling the truth.
Heero I know what you told me...but this Instructor H, his name is not unknown to me.
Trowa He was a scientist-
Heero And now he works for OZ, doesn't he, Trowa?
Trowa What the? No! You have Gundam Wing Withdrawl, Heero.
Heero Yes. . . I am forgetting the plot lines of my own show. . . NEVER MIND THAT NOW!
Milliardo The intruder is entering the building, master.
Heero He'll probably be... in the mecha room. Shall we inquire of him in person?
Trowa Great H!
Instructor H Heero Yuy, we meet at last.
Trowa Instructor H!
Instructor H Trowa! What are you doing here? Where's Quatre? I heard you two were *ahem* togther. . .
HeeroNow now now. . . Don't play games, Instructor H. You know perfectly well what Trowa Barton is doing here.
It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his. . . female should check the layout for
you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Instructor H. I know Trowa is.
Instrustor H I can assure you that Trowa's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came
here to find Treize.
Trowa Treize! I've seen him!
Heero Treize! What do you know of Treize, Instructor H?
Instructor H I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see Treize happens to be my
nephew.
Heero What? That doesn't even make sense!
Instructor H Hey! I didn't write the script, moron!
Heero Well, at least I don't look like Chuck E. Cheese in human form!
Instructor H WHAT!?! Errr. . .
Trowa Cool it!
::Heero draws back a curtain to find Quatre and Duo.::
Quatre Ah!
Instrucor H Quatre!
Quatre Instructor H!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Instructor H Quatre!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Releena HERRRRRO!
Heero DUO- Huh? Go away, Releena!
Releena Oh fine. . .
Instrucor H Quatre!
Quatre Instructor H!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Instrucor H Quatre!
Quatre Instructor H!
Trowa Quatre!
Quatre Trowa!
Heero DUO!
Trowa This is getting us nowhere!
Heero Duo! Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.
Duo Just try it, scary boy!
Heero Scary boy? Err. . . I'll show you. . .
Releena Master, dinner is prepared!
Heero I said GO AWAY! Oh. . Dinner? Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.
Death By ChickenFood has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. Well, that makes sense.
The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal.
However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little.. bon ami.
Heero A toast... to absent friends... and shows that are no longer on TV. . .
All To absent friends. . . . TO GUNDAM WING!
Heero Oh Duo. . . I can't stay mad at you! It is your birthday after all.
Duo Whoopie.
Heero Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Duo. . .
Shall we?
Instructor H We came here to discuss Treize.
Lady Une TREIZE?!?!?
Heero Well, that's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?
Lady Une Excuse me...
Instructor H I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined... Hentai,
psycho, transexual alien things.
Duo Hey? Don't I get any presents? It's my birthday, right?
Trowa and QuatreInstructor H!
Heero Go on, Instructor H, or should I say, Instructor H of OZ?
Instructor H WHAT? I'm not in OZ!
Heero Oh, just play along!
Instructor H Um, okay. Yes, I am the OZ champion!
All. . .
Heero I knew it!
Quatre But Instructor H!
Instructor H That's all right, Quatre!
Quatre Since when were you in OZ?
Instructor H To be closer to Treize, in perspective. But mostly because Heero just told me to say it. . .
you see:
Instructor H::The tune of "Eddie"::
From the day he was born
He was trouble.
He was the beam sabre
In his mother's side.
She tried in vain...
but he never caused her nothing but shame.
He left home the day she died.
From the day she was gone
All he wanted
Was classy-like porn
And a mobile suit,
Shooting up junk...
He was a low down cheap, yet *classy* little punk!
Taking everyone for a ride.
All When Treize said Lady Une was no fun,
You knew he was a no-good kid.
But when he threatened your survival, with a blaster rifle,
Heero What a guy!
Quatre Makes you cry.
Instructor H Well, Une did.
::In Lady Une's room::
Lady Une Everybody shoved him.
I very nearly loved him.
I said, hey, listen to me;
I'd go scitzo for you! I'm talking insanity!
But he locked his gundam and threw away the key.
::Back at table::
Instructor H But he must have been drawn
Into something called OZ,
Making him warn
Me in a note that reads...
Treize's voice I'm out of my suit,
Oh, hurry, I gave OZ the boot,
For they these guys mustn't carry out their evil deeds.
All When Treize said Lady Une was no fun,
You knew he was a no-good kid.
But when he threatened your survival with a blaster rifle,
HeeroWhat a guy!
Quatre Makes you cry.
Instructor H Well, Une did!
Heero. . . Oh Duo! How could you!?
Duo Do what?
Heero GUESS!
Duo You said you forgave me!
Heero Well. . . I WAS JOKING!!!
::Heero chases them all out of the room.::
Quatre It wasn't a big deal, Heero!
Heero What?! You listen here. . .
Heero ::To the tune of "Wise Up".::
I'll tell you once; Only one, you sinner,
You'd better wise up, Quatre Winner,
Your skills in bed, are that of a beginner,
Trowa Huh? Hey! You were in bed with. . . HEERO?
Heero You'd better wise up, Quatre Winner.
Quatre . . .sorry. But you were too, Trowa!
Trowa. . .
Heero I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
When we made it, didja hear a bell ring?
Ya gotta block? Well, how was dinner?
You better wise up, Quatre Winner!
Trowa Dinner. . .? Wait. . . what *did* you serve us, Heero.
Heero uh. . . Treize, duh!
Trowa Ehhhhhh!!! Gross!!!
Quatre Yuckie!!!
HeeroThe transducer will seduce ya.
::Heero presses buttons.::
QuatreMy feet! I can't move my feet!
Instructor H My feet! My God, they're stuck in place! This is getting weirder and weirder. . .
TrowaIt's as if we're glued to the spot!
HeeroYou are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
Quatre We're trapped!
Heero It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice.
Instructor H You won't find Colonist people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer...it
is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device?
Trowa You mean...
Instructor H Yes, Trowa, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. But it
seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A device which is capable of
breaking down solid gundanium and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps
even time.. itself!
Quatre You mean he's going to send us to another planet?
HeeroPlanet, shmanet. . . uh, Quatre. That doesn't even rhyme. Wow, Quatre. Get a normal name.
Quatre Um, excuse me! What kind of name is Heero?
Heero. . .Shut up.
You better wise up, Quatre Winner,
You better wise up, build your thighs up,
You better wise up
Death By Chicken And then she. . . no he. . . ughh. . . she cried out...
Quatre Stop!
Heero Don't get hot and flustered!
Use a bit of mustard.
Trowa You're a hot dog, but you really are quite gooey, Heero Yuy. What the?
::Trowa is zapped away to some dimension.::
Instructor H You're a hot dog, but you really are quite gooey, Heero Yuy. *sighs* why exactly are you gooey?
Heero You ask me? Oh, bye-bye.
::Instructor H is zapped::
Quatre You're a hot dog --
::Quatre is zapped away. Lady Une comes in::
Lady Une My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Treize, and then you throw
him off like an explosed gundam for Duo! You chew people up and then you spit them out
again...I loved you..do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll
tell you: a big nothing. You're like cartoon network! You promise, promise, promise, promise,and break them
all at the end. Yeah, well, I've had enough You're gonna choose between me and Duo!
::Heero zapps Lady Une away.::
Heero It's not easy having a good time... even smiling makes my face ache
Duo Yeah. You never do it. Ever, sour puss.
Heero...and my children turn on me...
Duo Ehh, you know you don't care at all, Heero.
Heero True, but shh!
Heero. . .Duo's behaving just the way that Treize did. Do you think I made a
mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?
Duo Huh?
::Duo gets zapped away. Releena enters::
Releena HEEEERRRRRROOO! Ahhhh! I grow weary of this world! When shall we return to the Sanc Kingdom, huh?
Heero Releena, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Milliardo. You have both
served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood
takes me, I can be quite generous.
Releena I ask for nothing...nothing. Goddamn it, Heero!
Heero. . .And you shall receive it...in abundance! Come, we are ready for the floor show!
Death By Chicken And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Trowa and
Quatre should keep that appointment with their friend, Instructor H. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. It would be something out of a bad lemon. A very bad one. Just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Trowa and Quatre had both tasted forbidden fruit. Well, at least they were *almost* married! This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals...and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken of? On an empty colony? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan had been shaped by Heero's crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic. Sit back and enjoy the rest of the spontaneous sex!
::Lady Une, Duo, Trowa and Quatre are wearing fishnet sockings, heels and what resembles a female bathing suit.::
Lady Une::The tune of "Rose Tint my World."::
It was great when it all began.
I was a regular Gundam fan.
But it was over when they had the plan
To replace us with MS Gundam. . . Damn!
Now I'm in this insane phase,
I'm still in love with a deceased Treize,
Gundanium tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
Duo I'm just seven hours old,
And truly beautiful to behold.
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled.
It's a lemon come true, it's a must,
For it to be filled with the orgasmic rush of lust.
Gundanium tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
Trowa It's beyond me; help me clownie!
I'll be good; you'll see.
Take the circus away. . .
What's this? Let's see,
I feel funny!
What's come over me?
Wo! Here it comes again.
Trowa Huh? Why was my whole verse about the circus???
Quatre Who cares. . .
I feel released; good times decease.
My confidence has decresed. . reality is here.
Gundam Wing has been disbanded; MS Gundam is expanded.
Whens *our* PS2 game gonna be landed?
It's *really* not FAIRRRRRRRR!
::Heero enters::
Heero::Tune of "Don't Dream it.::
Whatever happened to the good animators?
And their awsome, high grade sketches,
As they were taken off TV,
I really couldn't see,
Why MS Gundam would be respected the same!
Quatre Uh, yeah, it sucks we were taken off Toonami and all, but we can get over it!
Heero No we can't.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
Can't you just see it?
Duo Not really. Sounds like Heero's got a case of 'lemon-itus.'
Heero Oh, oh, oh... oh!
Don't write it, be it.
All Don't write it, be it.
Instructor H Ach! We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps our wills. I've got
to be strong, and try to hang on, or else my mind may well snap, and my life will be
lived... for the thrills! Well. . . Heero *does* look good in tights.
Trowa It's beyond me; help me clownie!
Quatre God bless. . . Oh who cares.
::They all have spontaneous sex in a swimming pool. Use your own hentai imagination.::
Heero::Tune of "Wild and untamed thing."::
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
I'm a wild and an untamed guy,
I self destructed my gundam, and didn't die!
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna watch our show 'till the life has gone.
Gundanium tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
AllHe's a wild and an untamed guy,
He self destructed Wing and didn't die!
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
We're gonna watch our show 'till the life has gone.
Gundanium tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
Gundanium tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain!
::Releena and Milliardo enter::
Milliardo Heero Yuy, it's all over.
Your mission is a failure;
You can't get over that,
They all loved *me* best,
Zechs was higher than the rest,
We return to the Sanc Kingdom,
Prepare the time machine!
Heero Wait! I can explain!
Heero::Tune of "I'm going home."::
On the day I went away...
AllGoodbye...
Heero Was all I had to say...
Quatre Wait. . . *you* didn't live in Sanc Kingdom!
Heero Uh. . . now I do.
All Now I...
Heero I want to come again, and stay.
All Oh, my, my...
HeeroSmile, and that will mean I may.
'cause even though I *don't* smile,
Or there are no tears in my eyes,
I realize, I'm going home.
All I'm going home.
Heero My whole life have been a fog. . .
All ...feeling...
Heero ....I'm losing that girl and her dog,
All ...wheeling...
Heero ...free to try and find the end. . .
All Of the war. . .
Heero It's cards for sorrow, and for pain.
Even though I don't smile,
And there are no tears in my eyes,
I realize, I'm going home.
All I'm going home.
ReleenaHow sentimental.
Heero Ah. . . Releena. You'd *never* betray me, right?
Relenna Hah! I'm through with you, Heero Yuy!
Heero Never thought I'd see the day. . .
Milliardo How presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were to return to the Sanc Kingdom,
I referred only to Releena and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words
misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.
Instructor H Great heavens! That's a. . . laser!
MilliardoYes, Instructor H. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. It can break down even pure gundanium!
Trowa You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime?
Instructor H You saw what became of Treize. Society must be protected.
Quatre But Heero *didn't* destroy Treize! Wufei did it, remember?
Releena Shut up, girly boy!
::Quatre whimpers.::
Milliardo And now, Heero Yuy, your time has come. Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!
Duo Nooo!
::Lazer sounds. Both Duo and Heero get fried.::
Quatre Oh! You killed them!
ReleenaOh. . .Milliardo. . . I thought you liked them. They liked you.
Milliardo They didn't like me! He never liked ME! NO FAN OF GUNDAM WING LIKED ME!
Instructor H You did right. Heero and Duo were too popular in Gundam Wing anyway. . .
Milliardo Yes, and decision had to be made.
Instructor H You're O.K. by me.
MilliardoInstructor H, I'm sorry about your nephew.
Instructor H Treize? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh. He's not even my nephew, really!
Milliardo yes. . . well. . . You should leave now, Instructor H, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the
entire colony to the Sanc Kingdom.
Trowa But. . . wasn't is destroyed???
Releena We go back in time! DUHHH!
Trowa. . .
Milliardo Now, our noble mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the
peace-obsessed shores of our beloved kingdom!
Releena Ah, sweet Sanc Kingdom. . . land of. . . peace! To sing and dance once more to your peace refrain...
To take that - step, to the right...
Releena and Milliardo HAH!!
Milliardo But it's that Heero Yuy!
Releena Ah, screw him.
All Let's watch Gundam Wing again!
Quatre Wow. You two are weird.
Trowa Seriously.
Milliardo Hah!
::The castle blasts off, leaving Quatre and Trowa wallowing in smog.::
Death By Chicken And crawling on all anime's face
A genre called the 'Gundam' race...
Now lost in time, and lost in space,
And meaning.
Quatre Yeah. We were the best Gundam series ever!
Trowa Seriously.
Heero Can I stop being dead now? Not being in the spot light sucks.
Wufei Hey!!! Now it's my song's reprise!!! MOVE OFF THE STAGE!!!!
Cheesy fanfiction,
Pointless plot holes,
Like Treize Kushrenada
Going out with Bob Dole,
The MS Gundums conquered,
Gundam Wing,
And we've gone away to,
Dance and sing,
Quatre::To himself.:: Seriously. If we still were on TV, I wouldn't be doing this!
Wufei Shut up! My SONG!
Wo, oh, oh, oh.
At the late night, dirty citrus,
Fanfiction show!
Wufei Hah! I rock!
Quatre. . .okay.
Director CUT!!! Okay people, same time tomorrow. That really stunk!
Trowa Well. . . next time tomorrow, Quatre?
Quatre Ya know what Trowa? Screw being intelectual!
Trowa Now your talking!!
::everyone leaves, leaving Wufei alone.::
Wufei Hey! Wait up! You can't just leave me, the star here alone!
END