The last bell of the day was waning in the hallways as Alphonse Elric made his way toward the social studies department of Arwakawa Academy for the Advanced. He walked quickly, but had already mastered the exact time it took him to get from his last class of the day, (Violin) back to the offices of the social studies department and in particular the offices of the world religions teacher, Mr. Scar. He turned the corner and slowed his pace appropriately because he didn't want it to seem like he were rushing to see him, (even though world religion was one of his favorite classes, and Mr. Scar his favorite teacher) he was teased enough by some of the others in class for being a 'teacher's pet'. He bristled a little; just because he was interested in the source material and thought Mr. Scar a highly competent teacher was no reason to try and make him feel belittled. He'd though, once he and his elder brother, Edward, had been awarded scholarships to this very prestigious high school that this sort of mockery would be behind him.
He tried to console himself by thinking of who truly belonged here and who was here because of daddy's bank roll when he came up to the door of Mr. Scar's office. While Alphonse certainly respected Mr. Scar's vision and knowledge in class, it was not an unknown fact that his elder brother, Edward, and Mr. Scar didn't exactly see eye to eye. It was based on this very adversary he'd decided to seek out Mr. Scar's advice on a more...delicate matter. It had all started when Edward, once again, decided Al's love life was not only very much his business, but his personal crusade. Al had met a girl named Kitty; well to be more precise, it was actually Katherine. Kitty, like Alphonse, was attending the academy on an academic scholarship; Kitty was going to be a kick-ass engineer; and failing that? One hell of an alternative clothing lifestyle designer. It was true. The very first time Alphonse had met her she was wearing duct tape. Duct tape all wrapped around her body in the form of a dress, while still really being duct tape. She was so cool Al thought he would die. And despite her obvious coolness? Ed was not impressed. In fact Ed used words like 'trashy' and 'reckless' and he even used 'home wrecker' and before Al could asked what qualified as a home wrecker Ed had made the brash and imposing statement that Al could not date this girl. He didn't say he wished Al wouldn't date this girl, he flat out told Al that he couldn't.
Now Alphonse was a junior, and Ed, only one year older, was a senior. After this statement, well, the argument got a little heated. It was made known to half the students in attendance that not only could Edward not impose such standards upon him, that the very last time he checked, not only could Ed not give birth to anyone, he most definitely was not Al's mother. Ed had reacted in his usual offended and/or wounded way, thinking that Al should not be bringing their mother into this, rest her soul. Ed as usual failed to see the point. Being they were said wards of the state, (mother deceased, father who only knew where) there weren't many adults in Alphonse's life that he could turn to in such matters of crisis, (and that crisis, of course, was his love life). Mr. Scar was an adult that Alphonse has taken to readily. He was not what could be deemed the friendly sort, but he was honest and straight to the point and had an earnest to his actions that made Alphonse trust him more than almost anyone else he knew. Surely Mr. Scar, who always said that they could come to him with anything would at least be able to discuss with candor and reason just what Al should do about his overbearing and meddling sibling. It wasn't that Al didn't appreciate Ed's dedication, he most certainly did. Ed was the pillar he looked to during all his dark times and Ed still stood head and shoulders above all others in his eyes despite his physical stature, (which was short, whether Ed liked it or not). Mr. Scar, with his forthright knowledge into the human soul would devise a plan so comprehensive that Ed would succumb to the pure logic and come to realize Al could date whoever he damn well pleased.
Barring that, a good knock to the head with a sturdy book might do the trick.
He stopped just outside the door of Mr. Scar's office and adjusted his backpack and swung his violin case into his other hand so he could have his right hand free to knock. He waited until a couple of girls, casting speculative glances in his direction and whispering amongst themselves, to pass before he actually applied knuckles to wood and then paused to wait for the sounded invitation.
"Come in," said a deep voice on just the other side, and Al turned the knob as quietly as he could and opened the door just enough to slip himself inside and then closed the door behind him. He then clasped the handle of his violin case in both hands and stood waiting for further acknowledgment with his backpack pressed back to the door.
"Alphonse," Mr. Scar said from his desk not three feet way and Al felt a little thrill to be greeted with such casual acceptance. "What is on your mind today?" Mr. Scar continued, gesturing at the wooden chair in front of his own desk. Al gave a hesitant smile and slipped over silently, perched on the edge of the chair seat and sat his violin case on the floor. Mr. Scar had on his reading glasses, not his usual dark classes he had when he was teaching class. There was much speculation about Mr. Scar and his dark glasses, some of it good, some of it plausible, some of it bad and some of it fantasy. Al himself took the standpoint that perhaps Mr. Scar had a sensitivity to light that required him to wear such intimidating eye apparel, but he'd never found the courage to ask and this of course was not why he'd come here in the first place. He pressed his lips and smiled politely and took a deep breath. What was the best opening to use when asking one's favorite teacher to help one tell his brother to mind his own business?
"Mr. Scar," Alphonse said cheerfully, "I wanted to stop by to day for a couple of things. First off I want to tell you just how much I'm enjoying your segment on Hindu philosophy, especially about the monotheistic schools. While I'm here maybe you could suggest some extra reading materials and also? I need you to help me with my brother. I understand that second statement is out of the blue, but really, I have devised this brilliant plan you see and I'd really like your input and most preferably like your participation. I know this is awfully sudden, and despite my brother's know adversarial attitude toward your class I wanted you to know that I don't think you should take it personally. See, Edward took all the classes he wanted to take early on and now he's having to suffer through the classes he kept putting off in order to get the credits needed to graduate. As you can tell, I'm sure, this makes him very grumpy."
"Grumpy," Mr. Scar repeated but Al plunged on.
"My brother and I are wards of the state at the moment pending the location of our father," Al said, "I'm not saying this to garner any sympathy for myself or my brother's rude behavior but only to enlighten the fact that I myself have very little in the way of authority figures to turn to in these emotional and turbulent teenage times. I have read up on hormones and I have not only experienced them but seen them in action myself. Therefore I'm confronted with this baffling mystery as to why my brother, Edward, seems to be afflicted with some sort of a immunity to them. I have consulted a number of anatomical text and can find no true physical description to describe it and of course I drive myself crazy with any sort of psychology books; because who am I to truly judge the inner workings of the human mind? That is where you come in," Al leaned forward intently, palms pressed to the seat of the chair he was sitting in as not to be to forward by having them directly on Mr. Scar's desk. "You are a man who teaches courses on faith. I believe my brother has over the course of the events of our earlier life, had his faith shaken to the point he no longer registers his own basic needs, and instead, in order to avoid his own inner turmoil he focuses on me. Like a form of disconnect, only not as clinically precise as a psychology book would have it explained. In other words, my brother would much rather supervise my own dating affairs rather than have his own. As you can imagine this is very annoying. So here is what I have devised; Edward looks to you as some for of...," Al lifted his hand and made a rolling motion, "opponent to be bested for lack of a better term. Therefore, all of my needling that he should find himself his own date goes unheeded, but where he to hear this from you, he might take more notice. I mean, he seems to think you're the standard to exceed, so if you were to put forth the suggestion, in a slightly condescending way, that Edward were falling behind par because he wasn't dating...that might get him to go out and date. What do you think?"
Mr. Scar looked grim and sincere, like he always did. He was rubbing the corner of a sheet of paper that was on his desk between his forefinger and his thumbs. He seem to give a little start when Al finished his summation and asked his question, but instead of speaking he let his silence signal his intent and philanthropic pondering of Al's proposal. Al squirmed in his chair, pleased that he had managed to impress Mr. Scar with the very first draft of his 'get Ed off my back' argument. He kept looking at Mr. Scar expectantly.
Mr. Scar lowered his eyes briefly, seemed to clear his throat then looked back up at Alphonse.
"For your first question," Mr. Scar started off slowly, "I highly recommend the Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. It's a fairly common text and should be available at any range of bookstores."
Al held up his finger for Mr. Scar to pause as he unslung his backpack and quickly pulled from it's front pocket a small, latched closed leather notebook. He carefully opened it, withdrew a pen from the same pocket and made a quick note. Then he closed the book and laid it on Mr. Scar's desk, tucked his pen behind his ear and folded his hands on top of his notebook and gave Mr. Scar his rapt attention.
Mr. Scar reached up to take his reading glasses from his face. He laid them on the desk before him, opening his top desk drawer and pulling out a neatly folded handkerchief. Then he picked up his glasses and using the handkerchief he began to clean them. Al kept leaning forward over his folded hands and Mr. Scar never changed expression, just slowly cleaned each lens of his reading glasses.
"As for your second question," Mr. Scar started in his methodical way, "I do appreciate your thought and logic in presentation. I've always thought you would make an excellent orator. I also appreciate the fact that you see me as a competent authority figure and have put enough trust in me to come to me with what must be a frustrating and personal problem; however, I'm not sure I'm the person with whom you should be conspiring in such a plot. First I am a teacher and a role model, and I should not be given to the baser urges such as goading a student, whether it is for his own good or not. Second, I am not sure what makes you think I might have some particular insight into the social interactions of the average teenager. While I do have a method for training the mind, it is put in practice for the dispensing of knowledge in such a fashion as to pass on concepts and open minded curiosity for the subject which I teach. It would therefore more beneficial for you to approach a fellow student who might have more of a feel for the situation; being the same age and hormonal state after all, and someone with whom you share a more intimate friendship bond. It should not be hard to find someone who sufficiently antagonizes Edward, such as you believe I do, because Edward is easily antagonized. What about your friend Ling Yao? Edward seems to have some form of competitive issues with him."
"You make such excellent counter narratives," Al sighed. "But I can say I took all factors into account before presenting you with this idea. As much as Ling does antagonize my brother and enjoys doing so, their arguments are usually ended by a good sparring match until neither of them can move. Despite outward appearances I think my brother does have a somewhat, incomprehensible to the rest of us, friendship with him. I don't think it would work. Ling suggesting that Ed date would just end up in the Ling and Ed dating death match or something. Then I'd have to carry Ed home on my back again. Not my favorite thing to do."
"It's an interesting conundrum," Mr. Scar said carefully, "but still not something I see as suited to myself. Edward could just be socially awkward enough to be a late bloomer. If I could make a few suggestions...," but Mr. Scar was interrupted by a loud rap on his outer office door, then the door swung inwards and someone poked their head and shoulders through.
"Al, here you are, not like I'm surprised or anything, come on, we gotta go," Ed half yelled, jostling his own backpack on his shoulder. "I got things to do and if I leave you here you'll end up hanging out with... people." And with that he finally acknowledged Mr. Scar with a little bob of his head.
Al turned to look back at his brother, sputtering at his severe lack of manners then whipped around quickly to apologize for him.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Scar," Al rushed, gathering up his things. "My brother doesn't mean to be intentionally rude, see we've only had each other since our mother died and I think he gets separation anxiety if I'm away to long," Al stuffed his notebook and pen back in the front pocket and tugged at the zipper, which of course in his rush got stuck. He sat there tugging it pathetically looking between his now glowering sibling and his stoic, unshakable worlds history teacher.
"I don't have any anxiety, you just like to run around with questionable girls," Ed half snarled, "come on, get a move on, I'm sure Mr. Scar, (forced between gritted teeth) has got stuff he's got to do, too. Let's go."
Al looked up at Mr. Scar with resignation and finally got his zipper unstuck. He stood and nodded to Mr. Scar, giving him a half smile and turned toward his brother.
"I don't see where you might be an authority on the young ladies in this academy, Edward. It's sort of common knowledge in the teacher's lounge you've yet to be seen with one," said the man sitting at the desk behind Al. Al's eyes flew open wide and he struggled to keep the grin off his face.
Ed, naturally bristled as his mortal enemy called him out. He hesitated there in the doorway before pushing his way into the room and jutting his jaw forward.
"That's because it isn't any of your business. Maybe I keep my stuff of academy grounds," Ed challenged.
"As my student it is my business, Edward. Do you think being your teacher discharges me of the duty of overseeing you in every aspect of education the moment you set foot beyond my classroom? I would have to differ with that opinion. When one becomes a teacher than one should be aware of all aspects of a pupils life and in this awareness they should be ready to lead beyond teaching the subject. It's a simple fact I have recently been reminded of," Mr. Scar said, giving Al's back a significant look, "and I don't want to seem derelict in my duties. So you're overcommitment to your brother is leaving you little time for yourself, I think you should remedy that."
Ed did an impressive double take and then gathered himself up for a flail. Al winced a little, because a flail including yelling and Ed really shouldn't be yelling at yet another teacher. He certainly hoped that Mr. Scar would carry the charade through long enough for the message to have some impact.
"Oh yeah?" Ed said, winding up, "Well what makes you such an expert on me and my brother?! What did you tell him Al? Huh? What do you do, come in here and use this as a confessional? He's a worlds religions teacher not a priest and besides what can a priest tell you I can't?! It's about that girl, isn't it? You came in here and slobbered about how I don't like that girl and now you gotta tell him all this personal and embarrassing crap and you know what?! I can get a date if I wanted! I can! I've turned down a lot of dates! Ask Al! I got higher standards and Al should have higher standards, but he's a hormonal wreck and someone has to watch him since we ain't got nobody but ourselves to watch each other but he thinks I'm being a jerk and I'm not, I'm only trying to make sure he doesn't get taken advantage of because he's just a kid! Girls in duct tape are bad news, you tell him that," and Ed leveled a finger at Mr. Scar. "I see he comes here and whines to you so you tell him that girls in duct tape only lead to trouble and possible hairs caught in duct tape! Tell him that! He won't take that from me! And you know what?! I can date anyone I wanted to I just ain't got time because he is out there making all these bad dating choices and you know what? I ain't seen you with any girls either and I know you ain't married so you know, you shouldn't be casting any aspersions at me because you can't teach what you don't know! How about that? Huh? Huh?"
Mr. Scar neither moved or flinched the entire time Ed sucked up all the room's oxygen. The grim reality here was that Ed was being much more insightful than was usual. It was unlike Ed to be so clever while windmilling about a room and making his displeasure known at the top of his lungs. Al glanced nervously at Mr. Scar to see what his reaction might be; however the man was so fatalistically unreadable he really had no clue. Mr. Scar put his reading glasses back on at just that moment, then he clasped his hands together and laid them on the desk before him. Ed was panting, his backpack slipped down his arm and landed with a dull thud on the floor next to him.
"I am not above such lessons, Edward. I know that life is an ever changing learning experience and to be a whole in life you must grasp all the things that life has to show you. That being said you are correct, I should not endeavor to teach what I myself have not been taught," Mr. Scar paused and Al turned to look at him, wondering what he had in mind. Was he backing out? Surely he wasn't going to let Ed best him this way. Ed would be absolutely insufferable afterwards and if Al thought of his life as an brother overshadowed imprisonment now, what would it be like then? No, Mr. Scar would not do this to him, he would not leave him to the clutches of an oh so smug elder brother.
"Yeah, see," Ed said, getting his breath back. "I got it all covered, so it's fine. I may not have a track record but I got what counts," and Ed tapped his temple. "So come on Al, you've bothered him enough, let's go home."
"Not quite so fast," Mr. Scar said, and Al's heart started to beat again. "Here is what I propose; you and I should take it upon ourselves to see what it is Al sees in such activities and as such you and I together should find a date."
Ed did another double take, but this time there was no accompanying rush of indignation, instead there was dumbfounded staring. Ed made a few false starts at speaking and when he finally did he said: "Are you serious?"
Well that was a misnomer if ever there was one, because Al knew that Mr. Scar was always serious. If Mr. Scar was anything, he was a bluntly honest and serious teacher. If Ed hadn't picked that up by now, being in his class and all, maybe Ed really was socially awkward if he couldn't pick up on that fact.
"Ed," Al said, " you should listen to Mr. Scar. He is rising to your challenge and making a rational offer to not only benefit himself but you as well. He's taking his role as teacher seriously by offering you a chance to teach him. You said you got what counts," and Al tapped his own temple, "so Mr. Scar is willing to bank on your supposed knowledge. You can't back down from that, brother, you threw the gauntlet yourself."
Ed kept looking back and forth between them and the look on his face reminded Al of those horror movies when the victim finally realized the time for the monster to eat him had come. But Al also knew Ed. He knew Ed in ever nuance and detail of Ed's existence, because what made them work as brothers was the fact they did share a very familial bond, right down to the very roots of their hair. Ed would also take this seriously, while making it seem that he thought of this as some huge put-upon or joke. Ed didn't back down from challenges.
"O..okay, fine," Ed half mumbled. "You're on, and whoever gets a date first gets to prove to Al they know what they are talking about, deal?"
"I think Alphonse is capable of making his own fair and impartial judgments, however, I would see the outcome of this as a proving point that Alphonse has somewhere to turn for sound advice," Mr. Scar looked at Al then and Al felt warm and pleased that his plan was working so beautifully. There was no way Ed could really win this because there really wouldn't be any winning. So therefore, Al could take Ed's advice into account and still make his own decisions. Mr. Scar was a master strategist and Al would have to compose just the perfect thank you note when he got home.
"Well, until the outcome of whatever this is," Ed pressed on, "would you please tell him girls in duct tape have questionable morals, I'm sure you can see your way to that conclusion. Besides, like I said, duct tape pulls out hair and he hasn't got much down there to begin with."
"ED," Al shrieked in mortified embarrassment.
"What?" Ed said, "You don't like fair play? You don't think this embarrassing enough?"
"Appearances are rarely factual indicators, Edward," Mr. Scar said, "so until we have reached a conclusion I believe Alphonse should continue to carry out his social interactions as he sees fit."
"Thank you, Mr. Scar," Al said, a lovely shade of crimson, "we've taken up enough of your time, come on Ed, let's go home." And Al pushed around the chair and pushed around his brother and stormed out into the hallway. Ed watched him go, then he slowly turned his head to regard Mr. Scar, still sitting there behind his desk as if this whole, ludicrous episode had never occurred. Mr. Scar looked as detached as always. Who was he fooling here? Was this some show for Al so he could stay on Al's favorite teachers list?
"You're going down," Ed said pointing at him, then he let his finger drop toward the floor and he snatched up his backpack and grinned widely, turning toward the door, "I mean after all, who can resist me?" And he sauntered out into the hallway where his younger brother snorted at him in anger and he made some half mumbled apology.
It was then, and only then when they were so far down the hall that their voices could not be heard that Mr. Scar allowed him self one, and only one, twitch of his left eyebrow. He had yet to meet a teenage boy who did not idolize him as the ideal of male fortitude or find him so intimidating as to be an exemplary student in his class. Until he'd met Edward Elric, and until he has met Edward Elric he had to admit he'd not felt very challenged in his authority of mind and soul.
But just because the boy's perseverance and courage made an impression; it did not mean that Mr. Scar meant to take this challenge lightly.
No, it did not mean that at all.
tbc