Silence

EJ McFall

Someone was shining a light in his eyes and he really wanted them to stop. He tried batting the light away, but a strong hand caught his wrist. "Let me go, you lousy Kraut!"

Carter squinted into the darkness as his attacker removed the light from his eyes and shone it on himself. "Colonel Hogan? What's going on?"

The Colonel looked like he was talking, but he wasn't making any noise. Everything felt unreal. Carter wasn't sure where he was, how he'd gotten there or why his head hurt and his stomach was churning. All he knew was he wanted whatever was going on to stop. "Jeez, Colonel. I feel funny. Am I still asleep?"

Hogan shook his head and pointed. Carter followed the motion and saw a fire burning in the distance. Then the Colonel made a weird gesture with his hands and pointed to his ears. He had to do it three times before it started to make sense. The explosion. The bomb hadn't gone off as scheduled and Carter had started back to check it. He remembered hearing the Colonel yell at him and then everything went dark. And now Hogan was trying to tell him something, but he couldn't understand him. "Colonel, are you ok? You're not making any sense."

Hogan threw up his hands and stood. He tugged on Carter's jacket and helped him to his feet, then gestured towards the path and pantomimed walking. Carter moved slowly, still trying to piece together the night's activities. He knew they weren't too far from camp, though he couldn't exactly place where they were. They walked in silence, with Hogan occasionally pushing or pulling him in a new direction. Carter couldn't shake the feeling that something had gone terribly wrong with their mission, but as long as the Colonel knew how to get back to camp everything would be ok. And the Colonel always knew. No matter how lost everyone else thought they were Hogan….

Carter yelped as he was suddenly tackled and shoved to the dirt. He tried to protest, but Hogan's hand was over his mouth and the older man had him pinned to the ground. He forced himself to lay still. It wasn't the first time a mission had gone bad and they'd had to hide. He remembered one night when he and Newkirk had spent hours lying under leaves in a ditch waiting for the Gestapo to leave the area. If he lived to be a hundred, he'd never forget how loud his heart and Newkirk's had sounded that night. He'd been sure that the patrol would hear them and…Carter shivered as he suddenly realized why everything seemed so weird. He wriggled loose from Hogan. "Colonel, I can't hear anything. The explosion…."

Hogan's hand was back over his mouth in a moment, this time more firmly. Carter closed his eyes and tried not to panic. Boy, he'd done it this time. He'd gotten too close to the explosion and now he was deaf. Part of him thought he might just be having a nightmare, but another part of him was terrified. He started shivering uncontrollably and he had the horrible feeling that he was going to cry or get sick or do something else humiliating. He hardly noticed when Hogan pulled him to his feet and they continued walking. Well, he was sort of walking. Mostly the Colonel was pulling him along. Carter just concentrated on not tripping over his feet and making things worse than they already were. He was too scared to think about anything else.

By the time they arrived at the tunnel entrance, Carter was barely aware of anything but the Colonel's presence and the total silence that cocooned him. Hogan guided him down the ladder and he was suddenly engulfed in confusion as his friends gathered around him, wordlessly shouting at him. Newkirk and LeBeau tugged him up the ladder to the barracks and into the Colonel's room. They settled him on Hogan's bottom bunk and LeBeau fussed over him while Newkirk scribbled on a piece of paper.

Carter's hands shook as he read his friend's note. "Gov says not to worry. He's got Kinch calling London to talk to a doctor. Do you hurt anywhere?"

"I don't know. My head hurts, I guess." Carter stammered. "I can't keep my teeth from chattering."

Newkirk wrote hurriedly. "You're in shock, mate. Gove says the explosion knocked you out cold."

"Guess I was too close." Carter winced as LeBeau examined a bump on his head. "Is the Colonel mad?"

Newkirk laughed as he wrote. "Says he's having you court-martialed as soon as you're on your feet again."

"Oh, boy." Carter allowed LeBeau to take his shoes and jacket and tuck him into bed. The Frenchman pantomimed eating, but he shook his head. LeBeau was gesturing wildly when Hogan entered the room and shooed the others away. "I'm sorry, Colonel. I didn't mean to mess things up."

Carter studied the note Hogan handed him. "Take it easy, Carter. The doc says you're probably just deaf temporarily. Your hearing should come back in a day or so."

"What if it doesn't?"

Hogan gestured for Carter to flip over the note. "If it doesn't, I'll get you back to Bullfrog."

"But what about the 'no escape' rule?"

Hogan produced another note with a grin. "We'll dynamite that bridge when we come to it."

"Ok." Carter grudgingly allowed Hogan to poke and prod him for injuries. Then the Colonel must have told everyone to leave because his friends were suddenly patting him on the shoulder or sending him encouraging signals and then filing from the room.

Hogan handed him another message. "Do you need anything?"

Carter shook his head.

Another note followed. "Then it's time for all good little Sgts. to be asleep. Roll call is in a few hours."

"Right." Carter fought the childish urge to ask Hogan to leave the light on. The room suddenly went dark and the bed shook slightly as the Colonel climbed onto the top bunk. "Night, Colonel."

Hogan might have replied, but all Carter heard was silence. He burrowed under the blanket and willed himself to go to sleep. He told himself it couldn't be too long till morning but the night seemed to last a month. Twice Hogan woke him from a light sleep to check his eyes and his ears. Carter wasn't entirely sure what his commander was doing, but he felt better knowing he wasn't alone.

It seemed like hours later that his ears first started hurting. It began with a weird vibrating sensation, graduated into an annoying tingle and then evolved into full-fledged pain. Panicked, he shook Hogan's arm. "Colonel! Something's wrong! My ears hurt really bad. Colonel!

Hogan slid down from the top bunk, put a finger to his lips. Carter tried to keep silent while the other man examined him, but he couldn't help rambling about the succession of symptoms. Hogan gestured again for quiet and led him into the main barracks to the bunk where Kinch was sleeping. It was only a matter of moments before Kinch was up and they were heading down into the tunnel. Hogan parked him at a table with a 'stay' gesture and went to the radio with Kinch.

Carter was so intent on the radio conversation he couldn't hear, he didn't notice Newkirk and LeBeau until they plopped down next to him. "Jeez, you guys! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

Newkirk grinned and wrote a quick apology. "Sorry, mate. Gov told us to keep you busy with a glass of gin and a game of whiskey. Or was it the other way round?"

Carter laughed, both at the weak joke and at the sight of a scruffy, half-awake Newkirk in his nightshirt. Beside him LeBeau was busy slicing a piece of bread and a hunk of cheese and gesturing for him to eat it or else. Carter nodded, happy for the company and the distraction.

Kinch joined the group a while later, handed Carter a small piece of blue paper. "Don't worry, Andrew. London says your ears are supposed to hurt. It means your hearing is coming back."

"Really?" Carter breathed a sigh of relief. "Gosh! I thought my head was going to explode."

Newkirk said something and everyone laughed. Carter didn't need hearing to guess who they were talking about. He didn't care really. He figured they wouldn't be making fun of him if he was really sick.

Hogan yawned, gestured for Carter to finish his drink, then pointed at his watch and at the ladder.

"Oh, ok." Carter followed the others upstairs and out to roll call. Klink was in a lecturing mood and for the first time he was glad he couldn't hear. He could tell by the way the other guys were fidgeting that he wasn't missing anything interesting. His ears still hurt, but he wasn't scared anymore. After all, Kinch was beside him, the Colonel, Newkirk and LeBeau were in front of him. What did he have to worry about?

The day settled into a comforting routine. Carter played cards with his friends while the Colonel roamed between his office and the barracks. Newkirk created a bizarre version of sign language which included individual gestures for each of their names. Kinch pantomimed German leaders in an odd round of charades and Lebeau hovered about as chief nursemaid and chef. The only bad part of the day was Hogan's order that Carter not go anywhere by himself since he couldn't hear a guard yell 'halt.' This meant he couldn't even venture to the latrine without one –or more –of his friends marching along behind him. He tried arguing with the Colonel about that one, but the man just pointed at the insignia on his shoulder and grinned.

It was during Newkirk's improvised impression of Klink that Carter realized that he could hear the Englishman pounding on the table. Once his friends found out they banged on anything they could find until Hogan came out of his office to demand to know what was going on. By dinnertime he could understand people speaking in their normal voices and the Colonel checked his eyes and ears one last time.

"You sure you feel alright, Carter?"

Carter nodded happily.

"No pain?" Hogan examined the bump on the back of his head. "No ringing in your ears?"

"No, sir."

"You're completely recovered?" Hogan stepped back a pace. "You can hear what I'm saying?"

"Yes, sir. Boy, I was sure worried for a while, but I'm fine now."

"Good." Hogan crossed his arms across his chest. "In that case –Attention! Eyes forward!"

Carter gulped as the Colonel came within inches of him.

"What was that idiotic stunt you pulled, Sgt? Or should I say Pvt?"

"Well, sir…I…"

"You listen to me and you listen good. The next time you do something that stupid I'm going to turn you over to Hochstetter myself. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"I can't hear you, Sgt."

"SIR! YES, SIR!"

"And when Hochstetter gets done with you, I'll have you shot and then hung and then…"

Carter shouted 'yes, sir' and 'no, sir' and nodded and shook his head and wished most fervently that his world was still silent.