Dear Sadiq,
Even though letters are supposed to be filed with meaning and love (along with other corny stuff), I really don't know what to write. This has caused me to hate you, since you made me waste 16 sheets of paper; and now because of this you will not be receiving any "I love you's". You may be thinking 'What are you talking about you have plenty of paper', but you're wrong. Being stranded on an island, paper is not an everyday resource. All the paper I've written on so far has been stolen from your office or on the back of some important document…that I stole from your office. Anyway I feel that I should say something nice in order to make you feel better about yourself.
I ate some salmon…
That tasted like your vital regions…
Sincerely,
Greece
Dear Heracles,
Contrary to your dumb belief, not all letters are meant to be positive and the fact that you have come to this ignorant assumption has caused me to hate you just as much as you hate me. I don't really know what's wrong with you and believe me I (and many other people who believe you need professional help) have tried very hard to figure this out; but you are NOT stranded on an island. Setting up chair tents and playing Hawaiian music in our living room does not constitute your belief that you are somewhere on an island. For you to deny this means you are more mentally unstable that I had originally thought. Also, stay out of my office. I don't know nor do I care what important documents you stole, but if my boss finds out he's gonna beat my ass with a king size bottle of Raki.
P.S. I'm glad you like my gift, I know salmon is your favorite~
P.S.S. You get all that goddamn sand of my Persian rug; my sister didn't give it to me so that you could pour copious amounts of sand on it, so you can make sandcastles and sand angles.
Sincerely,
Turkey