Spike was sitting at a table at the Bronze, waiting for Willow to return
from the bathroom, which she had made a mad dash for when she had gotten
a little queasy.
She slowly walked back to the table.
Willow gulped down the first glass she got her hands on. When she finished, she looked at it with a dazed look. "That's the best soda I've ever tasted."
Spike slowly took the glass from her. "Red, that was my whiskey."
"Oh. Agghh," she cried, gripping her head, the drink going straight to her head.
"Yeah, that's what you get for guzzling my drink."
Willow sat down at the table next to Spike, rubbing her temple. She gave him a pathetic look. "I'm drunk, aren't I?"
"If you're not, you're getting very close," he admitted.
She groaned.
"Does any of your scooby friends know your here?" he asked.
Willow snorted. "Are you kidding? They would have a fit. After what happened no one wants to let me out of their sight."
"At least they'll let you be around them. If I showed my face anywhere near Buffy or the Magic Box, I'm dust."
"And if I wasn't drunk and feeling really bad, I would be yelling at you for leaving and doing that to Buffy."
"S'okay. I deserve it."
"But, I'll just skip that part and enjoy the good tme I'm having despite the major headache and the fear that one of them is going to bust through the door and find me here with you. Just don't act like you did with Anya. I may have lost my lover, but I'm still a lesbian."
He chuckled. "Don't have to worry 'bout that, Red. I'll never make that mistake again. And if I ever do, Xander will be right there to chop off the first thing he gets his hands on."
Willow groaned. "I so didn't want to hear that."
"It's true."
"I don't care." She rubbed her head. "I need another drink."
He ordered her another drink, which she sipped slowly this time.
"So, you're an Angel wanna-be now, huh?" she teased.
"I am not! Why would I want to be like Peaches? All broody and sad."
"Yeah. Wouldn't want that to happen to you. You come in here and pour out your heart to me about everything you've felt about Buffy since you first met her, then I did the same with Tara, now we can get drunk and feel bad for each other."
"You got that right." Spike gulped down the rest of his drink.
"So, when are you going to tell them you're back?" asked Willow.
"If I can help it, never. But, I'm sure as Hell bound to bump into the Slayer while she's patroling. Then, I'll just get my ass kicked and have to limp back home."
"I don't think she would kick your ass. Or, at least not to the point that you couldn't walk. She'll just yell alot. I would just suggest you keep your distance. Oh, and if you bump into her, you're probably going to bump into Dawn too."
"Nibblet? Why would I bump into her in the middle of the night?"
"She's been patroling with Buffy. Buffy's been teaching her to fight and they train together."
"Since when does Buffy let Bit within a footbal field of a vampire?"
"Since Dawn showed Buffy she could fight demons."
"And how did she manage this?"
Willow gave him a sheepish look. "I sorta sent a big fire ball to kill everyone and they got stuck in the big crater it left behind and a bunch of demons started to attack them and Dawn helped kill the demons."
"Oh." Pause. "You really did some damage, huh?"
"Yeah. I was blinded by rage and just wanted everyone to feel the same way I did."
"I know the feeling."
"So, why did you come back if you don't want to see Buffy?"
"Oh, I want to see Buffy. I just don't want her to see me. The girl needs someone to watch her back and sometimes she's too stubborn to see it."
"You got that right. The summer she came back after killing the Master, she was a te-totale bitch. She made Cordelia look like a sweetheart. Then, she decided she didn't need anyone's help and could take care of herself, and almost got me, Giles, Cordelia, and Miss Calender killed."
"Well, big deal. Everyone in your little scooby gang has almost gotten killed before. By me, a bunch of times."
"We've been threatened more by Angel than you. Of course, he was Angelus then."
"Yeah, and I was useless in that damned wheelchair."
"You kept Angel from killing Giles."
"That wasn't exactly my intentions at that time, pet."
"It's never was our intentions when we do stuff that affects people so much."
"Yeah," he agreed softly.
"I mean, it wasn't my intentions to make the world extra crispy when Tara died, I just wanted to make Warren suffer the pain and torment that I was feeling."
"And it wasn't my intentions to do what I did when I wanted to talk to Buffy that night."
"I'm sure she knows that," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "She's just confused and stressed and I'll admit, what you did didn't help at all."
"Probably just made it worse."
"No, what you did to make it worse, was leaving. They could have really used you when I was going wonky."
"I was just so tired of her. I loved her so much, but she drove me crazy. I would have never done...that, intentionally. I didn't mean to hurt her."
"Love makes you do the wacky."
"What?"
"Love makes you do things you wouldn't have ever even thought of doing."
"Ain't it the soddin' truth."
The waitress came with more drinks, which Willow had gotten used to and gulped down faster than Spike could.
"It ain't a contest Red," he said as she set the glass on the table. "You'll end up making yourself sick."
"I'm already sick. I'm drunk and sick and I'm talking to someone I should hate at the moment."
"Well, I would stop right now if you want to be sober when you leave this place, cause I ain't driving you home."
"I wouldn't ask you to. Xander would have a fit and call Buffy the second he saw me."
"And all I have is that motorcycle, so nothing to keep him from seeing me."
"Well, I'm not going to worry about that now. I just need an hour or so to sober up."
"You do that."
Willow crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down on them.
"So," she said once she had gotten settled down, "what's your worst fear that will happen when Buffy finds out your back?"
He shrugged. "That she shows apathy torwards me. I would rather her hate my guts and kick my ass every night, then to not get any emotions from her at all. But, I don't want her to hate me. I just hope she doesn't kick me out of her life and never give me a second glance."
"I don't think she would do that. I don't think she could."
"Why?"
"You made a great impact on her life. When she was feeling like the living dead, you made her feel alive again. Even if she didn't like the way it happened."
"She said she was using me, and it was killing her. But she kept on coming back."
"And she knows that. And, not to make you feel bad, but she feels bad that she didn't just put a stop to it in the first place and kept leading you on."
"It *was* confusing. I know she'll never feel the same way about me as I do her, especially now, but I'll never just stop loving her."
"That's good. You know you really love someone when they go half-cocked on you and you don't love them any less."
"And I would know. I've got the scars to prove it."
"It's how I know my friends love me. I almost destroyed the world and they still loved me. That's got to mean something."
"All the scoobys care about you more than anything. Hell, even I care what happens to you. Of course, it's probably this damned soul."
"That soul is driving you crazy, isn't it?"
"More than you can imagine. I have all these emotions towards people now. I even care about what happens to Harris, and I hate his guts more than anything. This thing is making me lose my mind."
"Do you care about what happens to Angel?"
He thought about it. "No."
Willow smiled. "Then you haven't lost your mind yet."
Spike grinned, then downed the rest of his drink. He closed his eyes as the achohol made its way down his throat.
Willow hit his arm. "Hey. Don't you go getting drunk on me, too. I need someone to make sure I don't get raped or something by some sick pervert."
He opened his eyes. "That's not exatly the best thing you could have said if you were trying to be funny."
She had a confused face, the realization hit her. "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot about that. I didn't mean anything by it, you know that, right?"
He gave a half-smile. "S'okay, Red. I know you didn't mean anything."
"I didn't, really. But, seriously, don't get drunk. I feel much better knowing that no one's going to try and get me while you're sitting here."
"Glad to be of service," he said with a grin.
There was a few minutes of silence.
"Have you always been this easy to talk to?" asked Willow. "Or is this just the soul talking?"
"I don't know. The Slayer would talk to me sometimes. I'd like to think that those few months after her resurrection, she didn't hate me."
"I don't think she did."
"Do you hate me?"
She thought about it. "I should, but I don't. Because all of the good you've done and the times you've helped us, outweighs the bad you've done. Minus everything you did before we met you."
"And this soul makes up for that part. Every time I try to sleep, I see faces and flashbacks of things I've done. It's not that bad, I can push those to the back of my head. Unless I think of what I did to Buffy. I can never make that memory go away."
"I know it's not as bad, but I can't make the memory of killing Warren go away. The look on Buffy's face when I skinned him alive. It's unbearable."
"At least you only had the chance to kill one person. If you had killed anyone else before you friends had stopped you, you might not be able to live with yourself."
"How do you? You've killed so many people. How can you just make yourself push it away?"
"Because everytime I think of someone I killed, I tell myself, that's what I am. It's what I do. I can't change what Drusilla did to me over a century ago. You don't have that excuse. You're a normal girl that was mad because her lover died, so you decided her killer should die, too. Along with the rest of the world. It's something you decided to do, not something someone made you do."
"Is that why you can't push away the memory of Buffy? Because it's something you did by yourself, not because you're a vampire?"
"Pretty much. Every night I think of something I could have done different that wouldn't have led to what happened."
"Like you did with Buffy's death."
"How'd you know that?"
"She told me." Willow giggled. "She said she didn't know wether to be flattered or wigged."
"Either one would work for me."
Willow giggled again.
"What are you going to tell the Whelp when you get back home?" he asked.
"I'll tell him I was here. If he gets mad that I was alone, I'll say I was with a friend."
"Since when do I qulify as a friend?"
"Since you sat down here with me and talked to me like a normal girl, not someone who just tried to destroy the world."
"Probably cause I wasn't here to experiance that event."
"Probably, but still. It was nice talking to you."
"You, too."
Willow sat up and yawned, looking at her watch. "It's almost one in the morning. If Xander comes home and I'm not there, he'll have a fit."
"You're still not very sober, Will."
"Could you drive me? Just to the street. Xander won't see you all the way up in his apartment."
"Red, I.."
"Please," she pleaded, sticking out her lower lip.
He glared at her, then sighed. "Come on."
They stood up.
"Thank you," said Willow.
"Save your thanks for someone who needs it."
He led Willow outside to his motorcycle.
"I don't have a helmet," he said. "So, if we crash, it's not my fault if your head gets bashed in."
"You won't crash."
He climbed onto the bike. "How can you be so sure?"
She climbed on behind him. "Because I trust you."
He looked startled, but turned around and started the engine. Willow wrapped her arms around his waist and he sped off.
He came up to the street just in front of Xander's apartment.
"This is my stop," said Willow, climbing off the bike.
"Yeah. Guess it is."
"Thanks for talking to me and buying me drinks."
"Sure."
Suddenly, Willow threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big hig. Then, she pulled back started to jog up to the building.
"Bye, Spike," she yelled over her shoulder.
"Bye, Will," he said softly, completly confused. He shook his head then sped off into the night.
She slowly walked back to the table.
Willow gulped down the first glass she got her hands on. When she finished, she looked at it with a dazed look. "That's the best soda I've ever tasted."
Spike slowly took the glass from her. "Red, that was my whiskey."
"Oh. Agghh," she cried, gripping her head, the drink going straight to her head.
"Yeah, that's what you get for guzzling my drink."
Willow sat down at the table next to Spike, rubbing her temple. She gave him a pathetic look. "I'm drunk, aren't I?"
"If you're not, you're getting very close," he admitted.
She groaned.
"Does any of your scooby friends know your here?" he asked.
Willow snorted. "Are you kidding? They would have a fit. After what happened no one wants to let me out of their sight."
"At least they'll let you be around them. If I showed my face anywhere near Buffy or the Magic Box, I'm dust."
"And if I wasn't drunk and feeling really bad, I would be yelling at you for leaving and doing that to Buffy."
"S'okay. I deserve it."
"But, I'll just skip that part and enjoy the good tme I'm having despite the major headache and the fear that one of them is going to bust through the door and find me here with you. Just don't act like you did with Anya. I may have lost my lover, but I'm still a lesbian."
He chuckled. "Don't have to worry 'bout that, Red. I'll never make that mistake again. And if I ever do, Xander will be right there to chop off the first thing he gets his hands on."
Willow groaned. "I so didn't want to hear that."
"It's true."
"I don't care." She rubbed her head. "I need another drink."
He ordered her another drink, which she sipped slowly this time.
"So, you're an Angel wanna-be now, huh?" she teased.
"I am not! Why would I want to be like Peaches? All broody and sad."
"Yeah. Wouldn't want that to happen to you. You come in here and pour out your heart to me about everything you've felt about Buffy since you first met her, then I did the same with Tara, now we can get drunk and feel bad for each other."
"You got that right." Spike gulped down the rest of his drink.
"So, when are you going to tell them you're back?" asked Willow.
"If I can help it, never. But, I'm sure as Hell bound to bump into the Slayer while she's patroling. Then, I'll just get my ass kicked and have to limp back home."
"I don't think she would kick your ass. Or, at least not to the point that you couldn't walk. She'll just yell alot. I would just suggest you keep your distance. Oh, and if you bump into her, you're probably going to bump into Dawn too."
"Nibblet? Why would I bump into her in the middle of the night?"
"She's been patroling with Buffy. Buffy's been teaching her to fight and they train together."
"Since when does Buffy let Bit within a footbal field of a vampire?"
"Since Dawn showed Buffy she could fight demons."
"And how did she manage this?"
Willow gave him a sheepish look. "I sorta sent a big fire ball to kill everyone and they got stuck in the big crater it left behind and a bunch of demons started to attack them and Dawn helped kill the demons."
"Oh." Pause. "You really did some damage, huh?"
"Yeah. I was blinded by rage and just wanted everyone to feel the same way I did."
"I know the feeling."
"So, why did you come back if you don't want to see Buffy?"
"Oh, I want to see Buffy. I just don't want her to see me. The girl needs someone to watch her back and sometimes she's too stubborn to see it."
"You got that right. The summer she came back after killing the Master, she was a te-totale bitch. She made Cordelia look like a sweetheart. Then, she decided she didn't need anyone's help and could take care of herself, and almost got me, Giles, Cordelia, and Miss Calender killed."
"Well, big deal. Everyone in your little scooby gang has almost gotten killed before. By me, a bunch of times."
"We've been threatened more by Angel than you. Of course, he was Angelus then."
"Yeah, and I was useless in that damned wheelchair."
"You kept Angel from killing Giles."
"That wasn't exactly my intentions at that time, pet."
"It's never was our intentions when we do stuff that affects people so much."
"Yeah," he agreed softly.
"I mean, it wasn't my intentions to make the world extra crispy when Tara died, I just wanted to make Warren suffer the pain and torment that I was feeling."
"And it wasn't my intentions to do what I did when I wanted to talk to Buffy that night."
"I'm sure she knows that," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "She's just confused and stressed and I'll admit, what you did didn't help at all."
"Probably just made it worse."
"No, what you did to make it worse, was leaving. They could have really used you when I was going wonky."
"I was just so tired of her. I loved her so much, but she drove me crazy. I would have never done...that, intentionally. I didn't mean to hurt her."
"Love makes you do the wacky."
"What?"
"Love makes you do things you wouldn't have ever even thought of doing."
"Ain't it the soddin' truth."
The waitress came with more drinks, which Willow had gotten used to and gulped down faster than Spike could.
"It ain't a contest Red," he said as she set the glass on the table. "You'll end up making yourself sick."
"I'm already sick. I'm drunk and sick and I'm talking to someone I should hate at the moment."
"Well, I would stop right now if you want to be sober when you leave this place, cause I ain't driving you home."
"I wouldn't ask you to. Xander would have a fit and call Buffy the second he saw me."
"And all I have is that motorcycle, so nothing to keep him from seeing me."
"Well, I'm not going to worry about that now. I just need an hour or so to sober up."
"You do that."
Willow crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down on them.
"So," she said once she had gotten settled down, "what's your worst fear that will happen when Buffy finds out your back?"
He shrugged. "That she shows apathy torwards me. I would rather her hate my guts and kick my ass every night, then to not get any emotions from her at all. But, I don't want her to hate me. I just hope she doesn't kick me out of her life and never give me a second glance."
"I don't think she would do that. I don't think she could."
"Why?"
"You made a great impact on her life. When she was feeling like the living dead, you made her feel alive again. Even if she didn't like the way it happened."
"She said she was using me, and it was killing her. But she kept on coming back."
"And she knows that. And, not to make you feel bad, but she feels bad that she didn't just put a stop to it in the first place and kept leading you on."
"It *was* confusing. I know she'll never feel the same way about me as I do her, especially now, but I'll never just stop loving her."
"That's good. You know you really love someone when they go half-cocked on you and you don't love them any less."
"And I would know. I've got the scars to prove it."
"It's how I know my friends love me. I almost destroyed the world and they still loved me. That's got to mean something."
"All the scoobys care about you more than anything. Hell, even I care what happens to you. Of course, it's probably this damned soul."
"That soul is driving you crazy, isn't it?"
"More than you can imagine. I have all these emotions towards people now. I even care about what happens to Harris, and I hate his guts more than anything. This thing is making me lose my mind."
"Do you care about what happens to Angel?"
He thought about it. "No."
Willow smiled. "Then you haven't lost your mind yet."
Spike grinned, then downed the rest of his drink. He closed his eyes as the achohol made its way down his throat.
Willow hit his arm. "Hey. Don't you go getting drunk on me, too. I need someone to make sure I don't get raped or something by some sick pervert."
He opened his eyes. "That's not exatly the best thing you could have said if you were trying to be funny."
She had a confused face, the realization hit her. "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot about that. I didn't mean anything by it, you know that, right?"
He gave a half-smile. "S'okay, Red. I know you didn't mean anything."
"I didn't, really. But, seriously, don't get drunk. I feel much better knowing that no one's going to try and get me while you're sitting here."
"Glad to be of service," he said with a grin.
There was a few minutes of silence.
"Have you always been this easy to talk to?" asked Willow. "Or is this just the soul talking?"
"I don't know. The Slayer would talk to me sometimes. I'd like to think that those few months after her resurrection, she didn't hate me."
"I don't think she did."
"Do you hate me?"
She thought about it. "I should, but I don't. Because all of the good you've done and the times you've helped us, outweighs the bad you've done. Minus everything you did before we met you."
"And this soul makes up for that part. Every time I try to sleep, I see faces and flashbacks of things I've done. It's not that bad, I can push those to the back of my head. Unless I think of what I did to Buffy. I can never make that memory go away."
"I know it's not as bad, but I can't make the memory of killing Warren go away. The look on Buffy's face when I skinned him alive. It's unbearable."
"At least you only had the chance to kill one person. If you had killed anyone else before you friends had stopped you, you might not be able to live with yourself."
"How do you? You've killed so many people. How can you just make yourself push it away?"
"Because everytime I think of someone I killed, I tell myself, that's what I am. It's what I do. I can't change what Drusilla did to me over a century ago. You don't have that excuse. You're a normal girl that was mad because her lover died, so you decided her killer should die, too. Along with the rest of the world. It's something you decided to do, not something someone made you do."
"Is that why you can't push away the memory of Buffy? Because it's something you did by yourself, not because you're a vampire?"
"Pretty much. Every night I think of something I could have done different that wouldn't have led to what happened."
"Like you did with Buffy's death."
"How'd you know that?"
"She told me." Willow giggled. "She said she didn't know wether to be flattered or wigged."
"Either one would work for me."
Willow giggled again.
"What are you going to tell the Whelp when you get back home?" he asked.
"I'll tell him I was here. If he gets mad that I was alone, I'll say I was with a friend."
"Since when do I qulify as a friend?"
"Since you sat down here with me and talked to me like a normal girl, not someone who just tried to destroy the world."
"Probably cause I wasn't here to experiance that event."
"Probably, but still. It was nice talking to you."
"You, too."
Willow sat up and yawned, looking at her watch. "It's almost one in the morning. If Xander comes home and I'm not there, he'll have a fit."
"You're still not very sober, Will."
"Could you drive me? Just to the street. Xander won't see you all the way up in his apartment."
"Red, I.."
"Please," she pleaded, sticking out her lower lip.
He glared at her, then sighed. "Come on."
They stood up.
"Thank you," said Willow.
"Save your thanks for someone who needs it."
He led Willow outside to his motorcycle.
"I don't have a helmet," he said. "So, if we crash, it's not my fault if your head gets bashed in."
"You won't crash."
He climbed onto the bike. "How can you be so sure?"
She climbed on behind him. "Because I trust you."
He looked startled, but turned around and started the engine. Willow wrapped her arms around his waist and he sped off.
He came up to the street just in front of Xander's apartment.
"This is my stop," said Willow, climbing off the bike.
"Yeah. Guess it is."
"Thanks for talking to me and buying me drinks."
"Sure."
Suddenly, Willow threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big hig. Then, she pulled back started to jog up to the building.
"Bye, Spike," she yelled over her shoulder.
"Bye, Will," he said softly, completly confused. He shook his head then sped off into the night.