A.N) this is my life all I can say is that my name is…..J…. find the rest later, hope you read this and just to tell you this is a real life story which is real and has happened no wait is happening right now.

Enjoy

My life.

I sat in my lesson staring at my arms this was going to happen I know it, but then again no one seams to see me so what's the point what was it worth to live when you have your self to talk to no one else and the people you love and are your best friends hate you just because you changed your style, just because your a Goth, just because you like black, just because…. Your yourself and you cant change it. You hold back tears because you want to show them that this is you this is the way you are the way you live and you cant change it even if you want to if you try you break and if you try to explain they still don't get it they still hate what you become, and you fell like you don't belong?

Well I do that the reason I'm here writing this. I was 11 years old when I went to my first year in secondary school and it was going so smoothly, yes we had a half a year break and some new people in the group, and I nearly choked my best friend, yeah I got blamed by a friend now best friend, yes I went to different group, but it only made us stronger.

But as time passed some of us were having a few ups and downs ok we had lots of ups and downs.

It felt awkward to be together after that big fight so me and Tila stayed away from each other, but then came Christmas I brought every on of them presents but Tila only gave a gift to me and not to Sasha even if she gave her a gift, it was confusing ad I was in the middle of it. Later on it was normal but then she came and made it confusing and different, some of you are thinking Tila right? Well you are soooooooooooooooooooo wrong. It was the new girl the nice golden hair, the jokes, the eye lashes, and the body that guy can fall for. (And this is getting weird on with my life story.)she was every thing perfect if your thinking that, then you know SHIT.(I know some one I know is reading this so I will not be too rude) she was a total opposite she was mean, secretive, painful, making jakes that hurt someone else and last ad the most defiantly not least, she can make you come close to cutting your self without even looking at her just with her movement and the way she looks at you but mostly with taking your best friends, wait let me explain a bit more.

Before she came I was starting to get along with Tila and become best of best like the other 2, I started to like punk, rock and Gothic things I totally loved it and though it was cool back when I was little and now I had a chance to be one, oh yeah and I dyed my hair at the start of the year to red ends then blue ends then black and now red highlights and black ends. (true story) It felt like me and this was the way it was spouse to be, I looked nothing like a Goth or punk then but she came, ok I'm not going to call her thing though the whole story so I'l tell you the real name (this is a real person just a different name) Lala, so she came and I know there was something wrong when she started to take my best friends to the side and ignoring me except the person that surprised me the most Tila, she was right next to me side by side, hand by hand, together the better, the more we were pushed away the closer we got the more things we liked together. I was trying to be nice to Lala so was Tila but it wasn't working she kept on pushing us away and dragging Salina and Quinn.

Every one changed every one changed. First she came then our 2 other good friend went away because of her, she called Tila a asshole, when I wasn't there, I know I told you we are always together but there's the thing our school is puten on 2 sides the younger kids on one that's me and my class and the older ones on the other, but also in the upper as I call it we also go to have science and same of us D+T, buy D+T is in 3 groups in one is Quinn and our 2 good friends, in the second one is Tila, Salina and Lala, and last me and my ex-best friend Kasha, so every half term we go around last term it was group 1 and 3 this term its 1 and 2 so I'm going lower with Kasha during lunch, and leaving Tila with Salina, Quinn and Lala. That was when she called Tila Asshole and didnt speak to all of them for the rest of the day I heard, but the next day we were all together with Lala as always now, so anyway Tila had to go Dentist at break, so I felt a bit left out that I didn't know what they were talking about at lunch. I talked to Salina in science how I felt about how hard it is to have my life and how hard it is to be me, she said she knows she was there once and yeah she did hang out with Tila some time ago before X-mas, but this was different so different. Like when I cut vegetables I break down and want to put the knife up to my wrist and just cut and let all the emotions out, hope, love, hate, hurt, tears, fear and everything. Sometimes when on the news the talk about people suicide themselves I am the only person that knows how they fell I know, I fell the same way but also I live that way.

I also think if I do self harm it will not matter no one will see because I wear arm warmers, but they don't know why there are 2 reasons 1) there really cool, 2) to hide the bruises of my dogs bites, they don't hurt at all…….. Now. Well this was a bit of my life I hope someone can help me I know you are confused and thinking. "what the hell is this girl about" well this was my life and I think of ending it soon, I will still not tell you my name, thank you for reading it

Peace

WTF I'm Just Me