It was a regular day on the Nintendo Based Trade Server, like any other. Moon was busy spamming dispensers in the skybox, Lukas wasn't online and Noiz was busy killing the tryhards.

"Fucking hell," Plunkett said, as he joined the server, "today's a right wanking arse of a day."

Plunkett was disgusted by how boring and tedious the server had become. He decided, to have some fun. First, he resized his lower torso to +50. This however, attracted the unwanted attention of another admin, Audi. Audi gazed upon the dripping, juicy meat skewed upon a stick, in Plunkett's soft, pale skin.

He could smell the enchanting smells and aromas tickling his nosebuds, begging him to wander closer and take a further examination. Audi had to resist. He knew that the kebab was not his, but Plunkett's. Any provoking could cause him to crash the server again. But how the kebab was tempting his poor soul! It whispered smoke trails of fatty meats and unpronouncable spices…

Audi was convinced by that point that the kebab was rightfully his. He needed to distract Plunkett however in order for him to drop his kebab. But how?

"Hello!" cakedup said, cheerfully smiling into Audi's soldier's bright, red cheeks. 'Perfect...' Audi thought, this was the distraction he needed.

"Could you spam some lenny binds for me? Just until Plunkett kicks you. I'll… give you a strange weapon."

"Oh boy! Would I!"

As cakedup proceeded to spam the living hell out of the chatlog, Plunkett hopped off of his great, vast anus and proceeded to deal with the situation. In a flash of a second, Plunkett's kebab was gone, and into Audi's greasy hands.

The kebab was more delicious than he had ever imagined! Its savoury juices complimented the sweet spices garnished generously all over. Once cakedup was kicked, Plunkett returned to his ginormous ass sofa to find a lack there-of of a certain kebab. He was furious. He screamed on mic, spamming racist jokes in the chatlog and forcing everyone to explode.

Audi saw the error of this ways. What had made him commit such a considerable offense? He needed to return Plunkett his kebab, and quickly. He was only a few furfag jokes away from crashing the server...

It was a race against time, Audi noclipped as fast as his £10 keyboard allowed him to reach the now provoked and irritable Plunkett. Plunkett was about to increase the rtd explosion radius when he saw a familiar face. It was Audi, trying his darnest not to crack a smile as he tried to hand over Plunkett his beloved kebab.

Plunkett was overjoyed to see his familiar meat-based friend. And, there were minimal nibbles from Audi. However, his mood wasn't completely un-soured. He had a surprise waiting for whoever had dared lay a finger upon his sacred kebab. He opened a can of Irn Bru, the fizzy, carbonated drink of legends, and threw it right in Audi's smug face. Disgusted, Audi retaliated and threw a six-pack of the sweet, sugary froth to Plunkett's new trousers. They were a Strange Collector's edition too!

Before anyone could have predicted, the whole server was in a free-for-all Irn Bru battle. After some moments of orange-juice soaking fun, all the members were exhausted - and wet through.

"Hmm, you know, since we're all wet and soggy… lets have some fun," Moon suggested, probably out of nowhere.

Due to the lack of protesting, everyone began to engage in an all-out fuckfest. There were soggy dicks and tight assholes all over the map. Bladement was meleeing another Demoman with a Eyelander-shaped dildo, before they both began to wrestle in a fit of angsty, enraged anal sex.

Plunkett and Audi, both soaked to the bone and full of kebab meat, looked into each other's eyes.

"Today went great."

"CONSOLE: you can say that again ;)"