Disclaimer: If Hunger Games belonged to me, so many characters wouldn't be dead. So no, not mine.
AN: This is my first published fiction, so please be gentle. Everything that happened in Mockingjay happened here (unfortunately). Except, Madge isn't dead. The body they found in the Undersee house isn't Madge. There will be flashbacks to make this a little clearer.
Back Home
CHAPTER 1: Old Joy
"And you dream of the birds that have flown away
And you hope that you won't see it fall again"
(Noah and the Whale, "Old Joy")
It's morning. I could tell from the gaps in our makeshift roof that the sun is up, and when I turn slightly, there is no one beside me. Luca and Kai are probably long gone by now, hunting and gathering for our next few meals.
I sit up and stretch, wincing at the ache on my back that never seems to go away. Even after endless nights sleeping on the ground, my body still yearns for the comfort of a soft bed it will probably never again have.
A wave of grief overcomes me at the thought of all the comforts I will never again have. Food I will never taste, books I will never read, people I will never see…
CRASH!
I jump at the sound, but don't stop for longer than a second. My father is downstairs, so are the gardener Amos and the housekeeper Lora and whoever it is who charged in a few minutes after we heard District 12 is going to be bombed. They're all there, stuffing as much food as they can in bags, blankets, whatever supplies they can manage to find in five minutes – the absurdly short amount of time my father gave us before we're supposed to evacuate the house.
There is no time to waste, no time to be scared. My mother is in the middle of one of her episodes – tucked in bed with the curtains drawn shut, barely lucid enough to recognize me when I peeked in two hours ago to give her breakfast.
I fly up the stairs, hoping she is well enough now to at least stand on our own. Her attacks usually last several days, and it's only been two, but I don't know how we're going to make it out of the district if my mother is catatonic from medicine and pain.
When I reach the second floor landing, I throw open the door without pausing. "Mother," I gasp – more out of fear than exhaustion. "We have to go."
There is no indication she heard me except for a slight shift under the covers and a barely audible groan. From experience, I can tell she wants me to leave her alone.
My heart sinks. This is exactly what I was afraid of.
No time to waste.
I rush over and pull away the heavy blankets. "We have to go," I say, more urgently this time. "The town is burning."
She stares at me blankly for a second. Her eyes, sky blue and so lovely on regular days, are clouded and vacant. She turns away without saying a word.
The curtains are drawn to keep out the light that irritates my mother, but I can hear the agonized screams outside, nearby.
Frustration floods me at her indifference. I grab her shoulders and shake her violently. She whimpers in pain, but I don't care. "People are dying!" I shout, my eyes filling with tears. Please, please understand. "We have to get out of here, or we'll die!"
She's quiet for a few seconds, but to my intense relief, she nods. I have to practically force her into her robes and she doesn't have the energy to put one foot in front of the other, but it's fine. I place her arms around my shoulders and yank her to the door. It's going to be slow moving trying to outrun the destruction like this, but there's no other way.
Almost there. I reach for the doorknob –
CRASH!
We collapse to the ground out of sheer force, and I know we are too late. The entire house shudders at the impact, and creaks, and sways.
Beside me, my mother groans.
No time to think.
I push myself up, ignoring the sharp pain on my wrist where my mother landed. Dragging her behind me, I make my way out the door. The staircase is still in one piece, but the fire is already snaking up from the bottom. As we stagger down, I can see our house burning from every corner. It doesn't seem possible that only a few minutes passed since I ran up to get my mom.
A strangled sob escapes my lips. "Dad?" I cry out desperately. I don't know how anyone is still alive in this blaze, but he HAS to be. "DAAAD!"
"Baby," a voice croaks from the living room. Or what used to be the living room. I can't make out anything through the fire, but it would have destroyed everything.
I spin around as fast as my mother's weight allows me. The flames surround us now, I can see no way out.
At the sight of my father, the mayor, I gasp. He is in even worse condition than my mother – limping, an ugly gash on his forehead, covered in blood and soot. His breaths come in short wheezes, and my heart constricts. It's hopeless; there's no way the three of us can make it out of the district. I can't carry two full-grown adults on my back for very far.
An explosion from outside jolts me. The staircase squeaks and cracks, pieces of splintered wood falling at our feet.
No time to think.
I shift my mother's weight a little. "Put your arms around me Dad," I instruct, trying to sound as if I know what I'm doing. I don't, but there is a sliver of opening in the fire and we might be able to slip through before it's gone. It's not much, but it's something. Better than sitting here waiting for certain death.
My father reaches over, but instead of holding me, he takes my mother.
"You can barely walk," I protest, grabbing my mother's wrist. "I'll carry her, and you hold on to me."
A ghost of a smile appears on my father's lips. He pulls my mother to her, gently.
"Dad!" I shout, frustrated. "Come on, this is no time to argue!" The flames are already licking our feet, we're about to lose our only chance to get out. Panic threatens to consume me, but I push it back.
"Madge," he says. His voice is raspy, but his words clear. "I'm fine. Lead the way, we'll be right behind you." He thrusts a small pack at me. "Here, carry this instead."
I stare at my father's dark blue eyes. Something in my gut tells me something is wrong, but my father smiles reassuringly, telling me it's okay. And at this moment, I want nothing more than to believe everything is okay, will be okay.
"All right," I agree, taking the pack and turning towards the back door, probably our best chance of escape.
I face my family again. "Stay as low as you can, okay?" I tell them, remembering our fire drills at school.
My father nods. "I love you Madge."
It's a bit odd to get into sentimentalities right now, but automatically I answer, "I love you too." I take a deep breath. "Let's do this."
I dart into the roaring flames, ignoring every instinct in my body to recoil back out. The heat burn my skin, and I feel the flames scorch my clothes and my long blonde hair, but I don't stop. My eyes water from the smoke, and I can barely see. Running blind and trying not to breathe, I stumble forward wondering if I led my family to death sooner, instead of saving them. My lungs are straining. I'm about to pass out…
Just as I think I'm about to give up, I catch sight of something – I'm not quite sure what, but it was something other than the fire. With one last burst of energy, I sprint towards it, and is rewarded by the sudden relief of fresh air – as fresh as air can be in a district that's being bombed.
For a moment, I stand there gasping for breath. I am so relieved to be out of the inferno that I remember my parents only when a mother runs past me, holding a baby in her arms.
Hoping against the sinking feeling in my gut, I turn to face our two-story house…
…just in time to see it collapse to the ground, the fire rising to the sky higher.
"NOOOOOOO!"
"Good morning," a deep voice jars me out of my reverie. "You missed the hunt."
I startle, and then stick my tongue out when I see Luca smirking at me. He knows how much I hate hunting. I would never turn my nose up at a bowl of rabbit stew or squirrel meat, but the sight of animals dying makes me sick. The first time Luca and Kai brought me along the hunt, I managed to send an arrow through a rabbit's shoulder – and then I spent two days trying to nurse it back to health. The poor thing died anyway and the meat filled our perpetually hungry stomachs for lunch, but I never go hunting with them anymore. Luca still tries to get me to come once in a while (says I have potential with the bow), but Kai knows better than to let me.
"I wanted to wake you up but Kai wouldn't let me," Luca continues, shuffling inside the shabby hut we managed to make after it became apparent that this arrangement – three kids in the forest – could very well be permanent. "And it's good because now we have a surprise for you." He wiggles his eyebrows at me, making me laugh.
"What is it?" I ask. I love surprises. Then something occurs to me. "It's not anything dead, is it?"
As a prank, Luca once snuck home a small mouse he found dead on his snare and left it near my stuff – the few belongings inside the pack my father gave me before I ran out of our burning house. Needless to say, it wasn't a very nice surprise, so it is more than understandable that I'm suspicious when Luca brings home a surprise.
Luca chuckles. "Not this time Madge. You'll see when Kai gets here; she's just at the river, getting some water."
Guilt washes over me – fetching water is supposed to be my chore. Luca and Kai are both a year younger than me, but in many ways, they're more mature and experienced than I feel I will ever be. I try to contribute as much as I can, but even I realize that the division of labor in our little group is hardly equal.
I scramble to my feet and rush out the hut. If I hurry, maybe I could reach the river before Kai finishes filling up our bottles.
"Oomph!"
In my haste to get to the river, I don't notice Kai about to walk into the door, carrying the bag we use for gathering fruit and a few bottles of fresh water.
"Hey Madge!" she says brightly. "Where are you off to?"
"I was just on my way to you actually. I'm sorry you had to get water; I promise I'll do one of your chores later. I could…" my voice trailed off and I frown. Obviously, they're done getting food and water. We don't really have a lot of other chores – one of the very few perks of living in the middle of the freaking forest. "I could wash your clothes for you."
Kai snorts. She probably doesn't really care if her clothes are filthy. Growing up at the Seam, she's used at having everything covered with a thin layer of coal dust. "Don't worry about it. Besides, it's your birthday!"
I blink at her. What? "No it's not." My birthday is on March 11, and it's… well, probablynot March 11.
"How do you know? We don't know what date it is," Kai points out, sounding convinced of her logic. "It could very well be your birthday Madge."
That doesn't even make much sense. I tell her this, and Luca barks out a laugh from across the room. "Is Kai really someone you would expect good sense from?"
"Hey," Kai pouts. "I worked really hard to get your birthday surprise, so you should be nice to me."
"Worked hard?" Luca repeats skeptically. "That's not what I call stupidly walking into a…"
My ears perk up, and I can't help feeling a little concerned. Kai is like a cheery version of my old friend Katniss Everdeen – loyal, strong and just a little bit crazy. But while Katniss' recklessness usually has good reasons (survival, familial duty, love), Kai's is often borne out of the desire to have fun. Trying to catch a wild monkey with her bare hands (she wanted a pet), attempting to swing from tree to tree using vines just to prove it can be done (it can't), hunting at night to catch the animals in their sleep (we didn't catch one) – all those were for just for fun. I feel like I've aged ten years trying to keep Kai in check, but I can't say I don't admire Kai's fervor for life, especially considering she grew up with practically nothing.
"It doesn't matter," Kai interrupts, beaming at me. "How I got your surprise. You're going to love it anyway."
It's impossible not to catch her enthusiasm. Even though she probably risked her life again for a birthday present I don't even need, she looks so pleased with herself that I can't help smiling back. "Well, what is it?"
Kai holds out our vegetable bag at me dramatically.
I glance at Luca questioningly, wondering what I'm supposed to do. It's not that I was expecting a birthday pie and sweets, but I don't see what's so surprising about them bringing me cattail and acorns. Luca nods encouragingly, so I reach for the bag.
"Thanks Kai," I say. "This is really thoughtful."
She rolls her eyes at me. "Open it Madge."
Peering inside, I wonder if living in the middle of nowhere has finally gotten the best of my friend. Until I see dozens of the familiar pink fruit that lie inside the vegetable bag.
"Strawberries!" Kai exclaims excitedly. "I found bushes of them just past our creek, and then I remembered you said they're your favorite." She's talking right by my ear, but she sounds miles away. Maybe I'm the one who's transported somewhere else.
I stare at the berries inside. It's a generous bunch; I can tell Kai tried to stuff as much of the fruit inside the bag as she could. She's right, strawberries were my favorite, but not for the reason she thinks. Back home, Katniss and her best friend Gale Hawthorne used to sell me strawberries whenever they could scrounge up some. It was just a couple of handfuls each time, but I saved a big portion of my allowance for it – fresh fruit is a luxury very few people in District 12 can indulge in. I never refused Katniss and Gale though, partly because I know how much the money helps feed their families, but mostly because I didn't want Gale to stop coming to my house. My throat tightens at the thought of Gale.
"Madge?" a concerned voice slices through my thoughts. Luca.
Looking up, I met Kai's anxious gray eyes. "Do you like it?" Kai asks, worry coloring her voice.
I don't hesitate. Whatever strawberries may mean for me, Kai's gesture is sweet. "I love it," I declare, trying to smile as widely as I can. It feels like a grimace, but if my friends notice they don't let on.
Kai breathes a sigh of relief, but she searches my eyes for a moment. Finally she observes, "You looked so sad." For all her cheeriness, Kai can be incredibly perceptive when she wants to be.
"It's nothing," I hasten. "I was just, remembering."
No one answers, but I know they understand. We have no defense against memory; all of us have bouts of "remembering" once in a while.
It's stupid that the memory of Gale still affects me the way it used to when it's unlikely that I'll ever see him again. Even back in District 12, my chances with Gale were nil – the boy has a perpetual scowl on his face whenever I'm around. I didn't think the odds could get worse for my unrequited love story, but now…
"I think strawberries will go well with lunch today," Luca breaks the silence and holds up a carcass of a poor squirrel.
Kai wrinkles her nose daintily at him. "Gross Luca, you're not supposed to bring that inside."
"Like you care," Luca scoffs, thrusting the dead animal at Kai's face.
"Maybe Madge is rubbing off on me," Kai defends. She swats the squirrel away, sending it smack into Luca's cheek. She bursts into laughter at the sight, saying conversationally, "You know Madge, they call that karma in some parts of Panem."
I manage a faint smile to let her know I'm listening, but I am not in the mood for bantering. Thankfully, both of them seem to be in top form today, so my input is hardly needed.
Luca growls at Kai, but he's holding back his own laughter. "Very funny. Just for that, I'm going to let you cook this little guy here by yourself." He tosses the animal in Kai's direction, probably aiming for her head.
Kai snatches it from the air, rolling her eyes. "It's just like you to leave the work to the women. I feel sorry for the poor girl who's going to end up as your wife."
"I worked enough hunting that squirrel down baby," Luca drawls. "And when we get married, you'll be so satisfied you'll want to do the work," he emphasizes, wiggling his eyebrows at Kai suggestively.
"You're disgusting," Kai states, a blush staining her cheeks.
I can't help biting back a small smile at the sight. As far as I know, the two of them have never even held hands. But you would have to be blind not to see how crazy they are for each other. A lot like Gale and Katniss. My smile fades.
This is Luca and Kai you're looking at, I remind myself. Not Gale. Not Katniss.
She marches past him, stopping to look back at me. "Madge, do you want to come?"
"Actually," I clear my throat, hoping they won't ask much questions. "I'm thinking of taking a bath."
"Right now?" Luca asks skeptically. Kai and I usually bathe by the creek in the afternoon, after the harsh heat of the midmorning sun has passed.
I nod. Luca and Kai exchange a look, but I ignore them and begin gathering the things I need for my bath. We've long used up all our soap, but Luca discovered a kind of lily that works just as well.
"Do you want company?" Luca slings a long arm around my shoulders. "Because I'd gladly…"
"Luca," Kai interrupts as I try to wriggle my way out from Luca's grasp. "Leave her alone. You're making her nauseous, see?"
He shrugs and drops his arm, saying, "I'm just being a gentleman."
The quiet of the woods provide me the solitude I seek, so I walk past our usual river and make my way to a smaller creek further down. It's a long walk, further than I expected, but I don't mind. Months of living in vast wilderness made my legs strong, and my thoughts are occupied with strawberries, coal miners and old friends the whole time.