With Open Arms

Aaron sighed heavily as he was stopped short in the doorway of the pub upon seeing Robert holding his son as he sat together with the Whites, minus Lachlan on the far side of the pub. They were all smiles. Well it looked more like huge grins the more Aaron was looking. The sight of them all happy didn't anger him, instead it saddened him more than he could say. Not that anyone was interested in how he felt, no one thought to ask.

He shook his head as he continued walking through the pub. As he reached the end of the bar he stood still and turned his attention to the table where Robert and the White's were sat. His eyes suddenly met Rebecca's, he hadn't set out to bring any attention to himself he didn't know how it happened. Aaron quickly turned away.

Chas hadn't noticed her son walk into the bar and instead was surprised to see him standing behind the door, he had a busy day ahead as far as she was aware and wasn't expecting him until the evening. Chas noticed her son's demeanour straight away and frowned. "Aaron?" she asked. "You alright love?"

"Er, yeah" he nodded quickly but avoided eye contact as he tried to hide his full eyes. "Just picking up Liv's school bag"

Her frown deepened. "Okay love…" and just as soon as those words left her mouth he had disappeared into the back room and a few seconds following the back door was slammed shut.

The slam of the door was loud enough for Chas to hear and it seemed as Rebecca had too and both her and Chas shared a look between one another. The look from Chas seemed to make Rebecca feel guilty and she looked away very quickly.

Back home Aaron slammed his front door closed, the rest of the world was dead to him and shut out completely - he didn't want to know, he wasn't interested and he certainly didn't care. Enough was enough. He couldn't take it anymore. His teeth as well as his fists were clenched, the sadness from moments ago had changed dramatically to anger, a deep seated anger that exploded without a second's notice and in a fit of rage he stormed through the living room like a hurricane destroying everything in his path.

At least a minute later Aaron was sat slouched against the upturned sofa. Fresh tears fell re covering the old tear stains on his cheeks. Blood dripped from his hand he was gripping onto a shard of glass from a mirror or a photo frame, it could have been from anything he'd smashed a lot of stuff in his rage. He was in a daze completely worn out from outburst, he was staring down at his bloodied hand unaware still of how tightly he was holding the glass.

Not even the sound of the door opening brought him back to the real world.

Robert was stopped still in his tracks. The chaos before him wasn't something he was expecting to see. He didn't know what to think, he couldn't hear anyone in the house, had the place been burgled? He hadn't a clue. He stepped forward cautiously, crunching from the pieces of glass beneath his feet were the only sound in the room. Seconds later he jumped with shock and stopped again as he had walked around the sofa to see Aaron, slouched down in a mess.

"Aaron! What the hell are you doing?! Put the glass down" he demanded with a raised voice and knelt down in front of him.

Aaron tutted and rolled his eyes as he threw the piece of glass away from himself. "Get out of here Robert. I don't want you here" Aaron spat nastily and a few seconds of silence fell upon them. "...I wasn't going to do anything with it" he told him quietly.

"You already have" Robert replied followed by a deep breath. "Look at ya! You're bleeding!"

"It was an accident" Aaron told him as he glared across at him.

Robert nodded as he looked around again at the mess then back at Aaron. "What's all this in aid of then?"

Aaron sighed and shook his head. "Are you having a laugh?" he growled. "You really have no idea do you?"

Robert did know, he just didn't want to mention it, he didn't want to fuel Aaron's anger any further. "...I know it must be hard fo-..." before he could finish his sentence he was interrupted.

"Hard?" Aaron asked through gritted teeth. "You have no idea! Every where I go he's there, they're there and you're there...I just can't seem to get away from you all no matter how hard I try. It's like you're making a point of rubbing it in my face"

Robert sighed. "It's a small village Aaron, we're going to run into each other more often than not and some of those times...yes Seb will be with me"

Aaron let out a laugh an shook his head. "I don't think I can cope with that"

"Well you're gunna have too!"

"Why should I? I didn't do anything wrong Robert yet I'm the one suffering. How does that work? I don't suppose you care really do ya? You've got a son and a sick and twisted plan of revenge to keep you busy, whatever that is and I don't really care either, actually you know what?" Aaron said and began to laugh. "I hope it backfires and you get burnt, just like I am!"

"I know you are and I see it in your face everytime I see you and it kills me, it breaks my heart...do you not think that I wish I could go back and change things? I used to but then I held him..."

Aaron sighed.

"I know...you don't want to know but I wouldn't want to go back now, couldn't even. This is just the way life is now, our lives"

"And I can't stand life right now!" Aaron raised his voice. "I didn't ask you to come walking in here to see all of this, this was meant to be private"

"I didn't really have a choice Aaron, Rebecca told me she saw how you were at the pub and that I should come and see you, she seemed concerned actually"

"Well now you have you can jog on" Aaron told him quickly. "I'll be alright, I have to be"

"You don't have to be at all. We might not be together but we could still be friends...you can come and talk to me about anything"

"You don't think that's a bit weird? After everything we've been through?"

Robert smiled and let out a laugh. "No I love you" he told him quickly. The words came out so easily that it resonated with Aaron instantly and he locked eyes with Robert and in a second he broke down into tears and uncontrollable sobs followed.

Robert froze, did he leave him? Did he hug him? He wasn't quite sure for a couple of seconds before choosing the latter and quickly reaching out his arms and pulling him in closer and Aaron's head rested against his shoulder and he held him tightly. Robert didn't need Aaron's explanation of why he'd trashed his home or why he'd broke down crying; Robert knew why.

"I just lost it" Aaron began as he pulled himself away from Robert and wiped his tears away. "It's just built and built until...well you can see"

Robert nodded. "What can I do?"

Aaron shrugged. "Nothing. As weird as this might sound, this has nothing to do with you really, it's more about me and how I learn to deal with everything"

Robert moved and got to his feet quickly. "At least let me clean that hand of yours up" he stated and headed to the kitchen.

When Robert came back he sat back down in front of Aaron and put the bowl of warm water between them and used some cotton wool pads to clean the cut up. "It's not too bad, it looks worse than it actually is"

"I'm going to leave Robert" Aaron blurted. "I don't see how I can get through any of this right now. No one seems to understand or care what is happening with me and by right why should they? They all have their own lives, a lot is going on around here, a lot more important isssues than my ex-husbands baby being born"

"But it matters to you, it shouldn't be any less important"

"Oh it's not, not to me, not in my mind. One of us has to go and I don't see that being you" Aaron said then smiled a little. "You said you loved me before? That has been all I've wanted to hear for months but it hurt too. I could stay we could try and move on, maybe even get back together but that wouldn't work - I'm not going to be the one stuck in between you Seb and Rebecca"

"How long for?" was all Robert could say.

Aaron shrugged and let out a deep breath. "Permanently for now...maybe if I sort my head out I'll come back but you have to realise something Robert...everytime I look at you I want you, I want you back here with me but then I feel anger and resentment and its trebbled when I see you with your son and I shouldn't feel like that"

"I get it, I do..."

Aaron nodded and smiled, but sadly. "I need you to go now. I need to sort things out, speak to Liv"

"I could stay and help you tidy this place up-"

"No, no it's fine"

"And if Liv doesn't want to go with you, I could help watch out for her while you're gone" Robert's tone quickened, it was one thing to lose Aaron in the way he already had but to potentially never see him again sent him into a panic.

"She hates you Robert, even you know that. Not a good idea."

"Please Aaron, I know I messed up massively but we can fix this"

"Until now you've never really given me any idea that you'd want to fix any of this. No! I already told you this is about me, not you. Get out Robert"

Robert shook his head slowly and stood up. He couldn't find the words to make Aaron stay. He sighed after a few seconds and started to retreat back to the door. When he got there he stopped and looked back. "I'll er...I'll see ya..."

Aaron didn't reply, he was sat frozen, completely numb and exhausted after getting it all out of his system. The slam of the door brought him out of his thoughts and he pulled himself to his feet. He had plans to organise, where to go, how long for and he needed to tell Liv and just as important he needed to tell a few more people that were close to his heart and that in itself would be a struggle.

His decision to leave wasn't a one off quick thought, he'd been thinking about it for a while and telling his mum, Paddy and Adam wasn't going the easiest thing to do he knew that, he'd been through it all once before.