This wasn't the first time that Captain McCrea had acted as a minister for a wedding. Back on the Axiom, he'd done dozens of the ceremonies. Weddings were among the only events human beings actually paid attention to.
Of course, this was no ordinary wedding.
Most of the guests were robots, among them five EVE probes, the builder bot who'd made this futuristic-looking metal chapel a few weeks ago, and most, if not all, of the reject bots. The sparse humans, including John and Mary, who had been married in this very spot not long ago, seemed out of place.
Of course, this was no ordinary wedding.
Captain spread his book of vows on the podium. He'd edited some of the words in the endless lines of vows.
After all, this was no ordinary wedding.
Wall-E, the groom, had a ragtag bow tie around his neck. He was humming to himself.
Bum bum ba-dummmm...
Captain looked up. The loudspeakers were blaring an oddly techno-bop bridal march. It was a cue.
The wedding began.
First came D-FIB, the flower girl. Some elements of the wedding, like the bridesmaids (EVE probes two through six) and the best man (John) were mixed in with the audience, but not the flower girl or ringbearer.
It was strange how it all worked out, but this was no ordinary wedding.
D-FIB loped along, her one good arm scattering singed petals along the ground. The ringbearer, M-O, was busily sucking them up as he wheeled along. A blue satiny pillow with two decorative rings tied to it was attatched to the back of his backpack of cleaner fluid.
They both reached the altar before EVE probe one made her appearance.
A lacy veil was the only garment she wore, and even that couldn't conceal her "happy" eyes. She clutched a boquet of half-dead, random flowers.
"Wowwwwwww," said Wall-E before he could stop himself. He had never seen her look so beautifully stunning, so stunningly beautiful.
The music clicked off as EVE reached the altar.
"E-vah!" chirped Wall-E.
EVE giggled.
Captain cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention.
"Dearly beloveds," he recited. "We are gathered here today to join this Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class and this Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator in holy matramony."
Wall-E made a quick grab for EVE's hand as Captain continued.
"These two robots, once insignifigant, both hold a special place in our hearts today. They're not only responsible for snapping us humans out of the trance we had fallen into, they're the first robots ever to love, and the first robots ever to be married."
As he read, Captain's thoughts drifted from this not-so-ordinary wedding to the day that Wall-E and EVE had learned about weddings...
Mary was talking, but probably forgot what she was saying as soon as the words had left her mouth. Then she skipped back along to her fiancee. She'd been like this ever since John had proposed to her.
"Mary!" snorted Captain. "When is the wedding, anyway - next week?"
Wall-E, who had been sifting through one of the few piles of trash still left, EVE, who had been telling him what things were (with frequent breaks for electric robo-kisses, holding hands, and picking him up for quick trips in the air),and M-O, who had been watching them, were all looking at Captain now.
M-O squawked something in robospeak, and Wall-E repeated, "Wehh-diiiing?"
Only then did Captain realize that none of them knew what a wedding was.
So Captain gave the best explanantion of his ability, using phrases such as "together for the rest of their lives," "a token of affection, like a ring," and (on the subject of receptions) "a big party with music, and dancing, and cake." When he was finished, M-O was looking at him like he'd looked at Wall-E and EVE before, EVE looked intrigued, and Wall-E looked...utterly fascinated. After a moment he declared happily, "Joooohhnnn...Maaaaary...wehh-diiiiing!" He had realized that John and Mary would be "together for the rest of their lives."
And, Captain realized, he was dreaming of another wedding - the wedding that would marry him to EVE. And that night, he'd started in on editing his printout copy of the Book of Vows, certain that the wedding would soon be more thana fantasy.
Snapping back into the present, Captain discovered that it was time for the I DOs.
"Wall-E, do you take EVE to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, for better or for worse?"
"Uh-huh!" exclaimed Wall-E, nodding.
"And EVE, do you take Wall-E to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, for better or for worse?"
"I do," said EVE in smooth mechanical tones.
"The by the power vested in me, J. McCrea, Captain of the BNL Axiom, I now pronounce you robot and robot wife. You may now kiss the bride. Or vice versa."
EVE squealed and gave Wall-E a long spark, amidst tremendous applause from the audience.
After everyone had left, Wall-E and EVE remained at the altar, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes.
"Come on, you two," called Captain, laughing. "Time to go to the reception. Music, dancing, cake, remember?!"
"Ooh," said Wall-E, rolling foward. Giggling, EVE scooped him up, and with him in tow she flew low over the ground, her veil billowing out behind her. His head was tucked under hers as the newlyweds vanished from sight.
Captain smiled. This would be no ordinary reception.
But, of course, this was no ordinary wedding.
FIN