As she sat there in her room Emily couldn't help but repeat those words over and over in her head. 'You're going to go weeks... months even, feeling fine. Then you're going to have a bad day. Just let me know when you do.'. She knew Hotch really meant what he said, but verbalising her feelings had never been one of Emily's strong points.
She was having a bad day, she was always having a bad day. Things hadn't been the same since she had returned to the BAU, the team weren't anywhere near as close to her as they had been before all of this had happened.
Reid felt betrayed, deceived, angry. He had spent endless nights crying himself to sleep because he hadn't had the opportunity to say goodbye to Emily. He even thought about taking dilaudid again.
Garcia didn't understand why this stuff was kept from her, although she had never felt like a vital part of the team she still loved Emily to pieces, spending each and everyday only having a cat to remind her of her friend.
As for Morgan, well he was the first of the team to see Emily after the attack, he talked to her as she was drifting in and out of consciousness, he carried her coffin. He truly believes it was his team member, colleague, and friend that he was carrying, and he can't just simply forget all the things he felt whilst carrying out that honourable yet horrible task.
And it's all of these reactions and feelings from her team that left Emily desperate. She resorted to such destructive ways as punishment for what she allowed her team to go through.
This is my first attempt at a fic, and I wrote it on the train on the way home so please be nice. Think it's pretty obvious where I'm going to go with this story from the summary.