Modern Myth
by unfailingtwilight
Disclaimer: Characters of Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me. I just play with them like puppets and I am the master. I just own these particular thoughts that have been brought together an an interpretation.
Modern Myth
There are times in my immortal life that I feel like a black hole.
I feel as if there is a void of nothingness in my past; those scattered human years I know nothing truly of. And then there is my future. Something I am confident in, yet utterly scared of. Nothing is certain, save the weather, and that includes the decisions of eight vampires, a human-vampire hybrid, and a smart-mouthed shape-shifting wolfboy. Especially wolfboy.
I never give myself the chance to think about this. My brother would hear it immediately and act upon it in various ways. I've seen three (all of which horrify me to no end) and have had shadows of two more. And my beloved must never know. He's too sensitive to especially me and there are times when he still struggles with his own inner demons. I would never burden him, or anyone in my family, with something I don't see them carrying well. Visitors that aren't vegetarian: everyone's perfect. The psychic having an emotional issue: not quite the same outcome. Once, I saw Emmett call me 'emo' and Jasper growled, making Rose nearly as hostile.
Nothing runs smoothly when I even think of airing my darker thoughts. And I suppose I am content with this arrangement. But there are times when I have to do something. I can't let it build up—my husband and his emotional tentacles would notice immediately. Before, I would use the guise of a shopping trip. But with the addition of our newest sister, I have asked her to use her gift and shield me from the others so I can let it out.
Dear sister, best friend. I adore how you see the look on my face and know. You know immediately that I need my security blanket, of sorts, and you don't say a word. Or think to ask, or tell your lover. You follow me to my yellow sanctuary and throw your protective layer over me and ignore me as I let out my pent up fears and frustrations, my worries and my insecurities. I admire how you are also able to keep this from my mind reading brother, as he is now occasionally given access to your mysterious enigma of a mind.
And I love that you can even keep these secrets from even my husband, who is always curious as to where we go every few years. He's noticed something. How I carry myself with less burden than the years before your coming. How I seem less pensive and brooding at times. Bless you and your thick head, lovely sister. Without it....
Once, only once, I dared to think about what would truly happen if I let out my emotions to my loving family. They would be heart-stricken, sadness would encompass them. Our bear of a brother would be less playful, thus resulting in his wife's temper, my sweet niece would ignore me when she could...and you, friend, would convince yourself the burden was all yours. Our parents would whither and my love would revert to the bloodlust and the know-it-all would wonder forever why he didn't hear it.
An I would be left alone once more, too ashamed to associate myself with the people I'd broken. The knowledge that I had brought us all together and had torn us apart would break my silent, cold heart. You, favorite sister, are the glue that hold us together, but I am the reason why we fit together so perfectly...Our mismatched jigsaw of a family.
The hole of my past is something I shall never gain. I feel that I didn't remember much towards the end of my human chapter; whatever was done to me in the asylum made sure of it. I will never be able to remember my birth parents or my little sister. Certainly. And those times I feel myself gravitating to the hole in my chest, sense the darkness sucking me in, I can see that void, too.
The Void is something that never comes to light, but it is always there, lurking. Waiting for the day my impatience gets the better of me. But it forgets I have the Sight. And I am able to put it to rest with one gentle sigh from you—the signal that tells me it's okay and cry. I cry all the tears I can't, the sobs wrack me for every year I lost in the asylum. The shame for having to hide the less cheerful side of myself from those I love most. The anger at how they think I should always be happy. Happy Alice is only a myth.
When I feel the blackness lift from my soul, I give you a small, timid nod (so unlike me, but very much me), and you wait a beat to bring up your shield. My mind and heart clear, we come back to our family, our loves. We come home.
And the black hole I feel is my life, dissipates for the time being. And I see the world, present and the future, much clearer.
A/N: Please please review! Reviews are my crack and tell me you like my stuff! If I think no one likes it, I'm not gonna write! :-o
unfailingtwilight