Letter To A Man.
The sound of the rain pelting against my sobbing back didn't in the least register into my thoughts as I sat upon the cement of the road. My tears mingling with the fresh water streaming down my face. My whole body quivering not only from my shedding tears but the fact that it was freezing. The rain making my body become numb. Numb. I wanted my mind to become numb, or quarantine my memories, keep them from beating at my already battered conscious. Memories. Worthless, worthless. Just remembering him hurt.
Like a rose wilting and dying,So feels my heart.
I had thought he meant no harm. Coming off nice. Oh so nice. He had never treated me so in years. Years since we had been naive children. Well I suppose I never grew out of being naïve. I suppose it was him that learned the ways of life. He had left me here. My heart breaking. I remember the scene only moments ago so vividly it hurt.
You trampled the most fragile thing in my body,And you didn't even know it.
"How dare you!" My beautiful raven yelled to me. "How dare you come along and turn my hardened heart into clay!" His hand balled into threatening fists he stared me down. His cheeks flushed form anger. The lightening flickered and not long after was followed by a long drawn on clap of thunder. Rain was coming… How cliché.
"I- Then why did you let me get close!?" I screamed back, my throat felt like it was closing off but I couldn't think anything of it. Rather the fact that I was loosing him. The one precious thing I never wanted to loose.
"Because I never thought you would love me again!" His words were like a lashing to the face. The air rushed form my lung as I stared.
I thought you felt the same as me,You smiled, touched my arm, and stood up for me.
"Why would it matter?" I murmured. My head hanging low, my heart facing.
There was no answer but the shuffle of feet against the pavement warned me of his approach. I cautiously lifted my head to see him. So much taller then me now. How could that be? How long ago had we all been only but the same height?
My thoughts cut short when his lip collided with mine. His hand upon my cheek and his arm about my thin waist. He pulled me into his body. I thought I would die then and there. From pure pleasure.
My sprits were lifted.
This was the first time anyone did this.
"Because…" He muttered letting go and taking a step back from me. "I love you too." He made the words sound like a crime the way he spoke them. The way his face twisted into disgust and horror of what he just said. My heart broke. It broke and shattered and was stepped one over and over right there.
He loved me, but he didn't want to. He hadn't had a choice. It happened. Fate; what a elegant, cold hearted whore…
For a time, I felt beautifulBecause you made me.
And there it was he walked away. Leaving me to writher. My pain ever growing as I repeated so many memories over and over. Fresh ones. Old ones. So many, many memories. Who'd of thought they be the end of me? Who'd thought?
I never wanted to leave your side,Afraid I would lose you.
He was walking over the tree though I couldn't fathom why. What was so interesting about a stupid tree? "You have to keep your eyes closed, OK?" His soft voice murmured din my ear as he held my hand, guiding me.
"Sure, sure." I mumbled impatiently as he guided me, I couldn't help but to try and peak. He caught me.
"Hey now!" He said agitatedly covering my eyes with his hand. "Behave." I giggled. It took us not long to reach the tree of which he wanted to show me. "OK." He removed his hands from me. "Look."
I opened my eyes, my breath coming out in a rush. "Oh." The tree was a cherry blossom! And in bloom! "So early in the spring." I muttered dazed as I picked up a fallen blossom.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" He asked, though he was looking not at the tree but at me.
But then the reality hit:You never felt the same.
How could he think everything would be OK? I had just lost him. Lost the one thing I couldn't lose. Lost the on man I could ever love.
I had been floating on a fake cloud.
His now long grown out hair caught the gentle breeze as I gripped his hand. The water form the lake reflected the setting sun. Making the beautiful array of lights bounce back. He was fighting the smile I knew was coming. I could tell because I was watching his every move. The sides of his lips twitched as he resisted the urge. Still acting all high and mighty. "Let it out." I said it jokingly, but he knew I meant it. I had only seen his beautiful heart stopping smile a handful of times and oh how I yearned to see it now.
He scoffed but none the less turned his head to give me the smile I asked for. "Anything for you." He said it sarcastically, but deep down I yearned so badly for it to be true. So badly.
You trampled the most fragile thing in my body,And you didn't even know it.
He left me…
But maybe, just maybe, he might come back to me.
Maybe…
It was the last thought as my body and mind slipped into the numbness. Welcoming the dark with open, eager, arms.
Authors Notes: Sorry, wanted to write something angsty. Tell me what you think!