Author's note: Doomed angel (Doom) and whyistherumgone (Skippy) here! This is a parody of Sweeney Todd that we've been working on! We hope you have as much fun reading it as we've had writing it! And now for the extremely long disclaimer!
Disclaimer: We do not own the following:
Sweeney Todd or any of it's lovely characters
Whose line is it anyway?
Pirates of the Caribbean
Ice Age
Juice boxes
The piano
And I'm sure. there are other things we forgot. We do own: Skippy, Doom and the word sexeh. XD
Enjoy!
The Black Pearl sails into the harbor. A very feminine boy is standing on the deck. This…is Anthony.
Anthony: My God, dramatic pause and hair flip I have awesome hair.
Random audience member: He's gay isn't he?
Sweeney Todd pops out of nowhere
Sweeney: No, my hair is much better.
Two girls walk out. The shorter one is dressed as a pirate. This is Skippy. The other girl is dressed normal…for the time period. This is Mercedes.
Mercedes: My name is not Mercedes!
Narrator: How about Tickle me Emo?
Tickle me Emo: No! Just Doom.
Skippy: Are you arguing with the narrator?
Sweeney: walks up to camera Who are you all talking to? I'm free to play Jack the Ripper.
Doom: You'd best start believing in fan fictions Mr. Todd. You're in one.
Doom and Skippy jump off the ship and into a speed boat.
Skippy: Weee! Faster!
Anthony: Oh, my God! hair flip They're gone!
Sweeney: That was weird…Anyway, back to the story.
They walk off the ship.
Sweeney: You know, I've told this story many times before, I think the only way to really do it is interpretative dance! starts dancing
Anthony: to mirror My God, I love you.
In the background, Skippy and Doom are trying to avoid crashing.
Skippy: Captain! Iceberg ahead!
Doom: That's not an iceberg that's the doooooock!!
Doom and Skippy: AHHHH!!
They both jump out of the boat and land in top of Anthony.
Anthony: My hair!! runs to the bathroom
He comes back out with hair curlers.
Anthony: So, Mr. Todd. When will I see you again? We should have a sleepover! We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles! Mr. Todd? Mr. Todd? Hey!
Sweeney: walks away
Super fast walking scene through London.
Sweeney: Stop the ride!
Skippy: Weeee!
Doom: Ahhhh!
They all come stumbling drunkenly out of an alley.
Sweeney: What just happened?
Doom: Hey, we're on the other side of town already.
Skippy: Again! Again!
All three of them wander into Mrs. Lovett's pie shop. Mrs. Lovett is at the counter pounding the crap out of a piece of dough.
Dough: Ow! Stop!
Mrs. Lovett: Must kill dough. Ah, customers! Wait, what's your rush what's your hurry?
Doom: We were just-
Mrs. Lovett: You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost!
Skippy: with a sheet over her head Wooo!
Mrs. Lovett: Half a minute can't ya sit? Sit ya down sit! shoves Sweeney into a chair
Doom: We really don't have the time-
Mrs. Lovett: All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Sweeney: I wonder why.
Mrs. Lovett: Did you come here for a pie sir? looking at Sweeney
Doom: And what are we, next door neighbors?
Skippy: Oh I'm starving! I'd love one!
Mrs. Lovett: Do forgive me if my heads a little vague. What was that? throws bug on ground
Doom: Oh my God! stomps on bug
Mrs. Lovett: But you'd think we had the plague. From the way the people, keep avoiding, no you don't! smashes bug
Skippy: O.o
Mrs. Lovett: Heaven knows I try sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale.
Skippy: inhales Gak!
Doom: whacks Skippy on back Breathe!
Mrs. Lovett: Right you are sir would you like a drop of ale?
Skippy: Alcohol!
Doom: No alcoholic beverages for you! hands Skippy a juice box
Skippy: Squee!
Mrs. Lovett: Mind you I can hardly blame them, these are probably the worst pies in London!
Sweeney: pokes pie Is this edible?
Doom: stabs pie with fork It's ok! I killed it!
Mrs. Lovett: I know why nobody pays to take them, I should know, I make 'em, but good? No. The worst pies in London.
Doom: Even that's polite.
Mrs. Lovett: The worst pies in London, if you doubt it take a bite!
Skippy: Don't do it Sweeney!
Sweeney: takes bite and chokes
Skippy: I'll save you!
Doom and Skippy begin hitting Sweeney on the back. Mrs. Lovett is oblivious.
Mrs. Lovett: Is that just disgusting?
Sweeney: gasp Yes!
Mrs. Lovett: You'll have to concede it. Here drink this
Doom: You'll need it.
Sweeney: gulps it down
Doom: It looks like it's molting.
Sweeney: And tastes like…
Skippy: Well…
Doom: Stop the singing!
They all look at her.
Doom: hehe
Mrs. Lovett: It's gonna take a lot more than ale to get that taste out.
Sweeney: You could say that again.
Mrs. Lovett: It's gonna take a lot more than ale to get that taste out.
They all walk into the parlor. Mrs. Lovett hands Sweeney gin.
Skippy: Alcohol!
Doom: No down girl! hands Skippy another juice box
Skippy: Weee!
Mrs. Lovett: Ok kiddies! Story time!
Doom and Skippy sit on the floor cross legged, Skippy happily drinking her juice box.
Doom: How long will this take because-
Mrs. Lovett: Once upon a time there was this really sexeeeh barber. Oh yeah, and he had a wife. But she's not important! Because he was…dramatic pause sexeeh!
Skippy: And he was beautiful.
Doom: Just drink your juice box.
Mrs. Lovett: Ahem.
Doom: Sorry.
Mrs. Lovett: And then there was this really ugly man who wanted his wife.
Doom: le gaspe
Mrs. Lovett: So anyway, he sent the pretty man to prison
Skippy: Nooo!
Mrs. Lovett: So the moral of the story is?
Sweeney: Prison sucks.
Doom: So what happened to his wife?
Mrs. Lovett: They say she killed herself.
Doom: So what really happened?
Mrs. Lovett: She killed her self.
Doom: Oh, you need to make that clearer.
Skippy on the piano.
Skippy: Dun dun dun! Hehe sorry
Doom: So how'd she do it?
Mrs. Lovett: Arsenic.
Sweeney: Noooo!
Mrs. Lovett: So it is you. Benjamin Barker.
Doom: That's a gay name. I see why you changed it.
Skippy: Yeah, you're new name is much sexeher
Sweeney: It' Todd now. Sweeney Todd. And he will have his revenge.
Skippy: on piano Dun dun…dun!
Author's note: And there you have it! Chapter two is nearly done and we are always thinking of more ideas for future chapters. Reviews are awesome! And if you review we'll send you a duck and if you review right now you'll also get the packaging it comes in!