Severus remembered it well.

He had feared the day, hadn't wanted it to happen just yet. But he knew it was inevitable. The day when Lily Potter's son would come to Hogwarts.

Already a year before the day, he had been afraid. Afraid of his own reaction, afraid of how the boy would be. He didn't want to be reminded of Lily.

That would hurt too much.

And the day came when he arrived. Severus had seen the small first year students anxiously get ushered into the Great Hall by Minerva, and his heart had been beating hard by nervosity.

Don't let him look like Lily, he prayed silently. Rather James than Lily.

He looked out over the hall, and his cold black eyes searched among the small, wondering and somewhat giggling first year students. They always annoyed him; they didn't understand anything and were only in the way.

And he saw him.

A small, thin boy with untidy black hair, glasses and a scar on his forehead. He had his gaze turned downwards.

Severus drew a deep breath and tried to maintain his calm fasade. Seeing this boy was like seeing James again. Even that hurt, because James reminded him of Lily. His Lily. Severus knew all too well that she'd never been his Lily, never could've been his, but he didn't want to realize it. He wanted to live in denial, because the truth hurt too much. He wanted to believe that he could be something to someone.

The boy looked up, and the memories attacked Severus like sharp knifes. Her smile, how they had laughed together...the secret meetings.

He always returned to the secret meetings in his dreams. And in the dreams, he dared to say all the things he had been too much of a coward to tell her in reality. He had had chances, many chances. He had seen the love shine from her eyes many times. Or maybe his love had only been reflected in them.

Now he looked into those green eyes, so alike hers. They stared back blanky, with a childish wonder and curiosity. He couldn't do it.

The boy touched his scar, as if it ached, and Severus took his chance to look down.

The day she had married James Potter, Severus had flown a long way to a distant, lonely place. He had been invited to the wedding but didn't want to go. Didn't want to see her happiness, didn't want to see her smile against someone else. He didn't want to know what he could've had, but lost.

All because of an idle word. She had forgiven him, and they were friends again, but it wasn't enough. Severus wanted to be more than her friend. He wanted to be her life, because she was his light in a dark world.

He remembered when she had told him she expected a son. It was a chilly day in November and she was visiting Hogwarts. He was studying to become a Professor there because he had to do something with his life. Her smile had been wide, and her eyes shining. He tried to smile back, but it was hard, because the child was Potter's. Severus would've hated any man trying to steal Lily, but most of all he hated James. Because James was everything that Severus wasn't.

Now, he had promised to protect the son, Harry, with his life, and he would do that. Because this was Lily's son, and Lily was the love of his life. Yes, Severus had had others, but in every woman, he had been searching for Lily and become disappointed each time. Severus knew that life is very bad when you're picking up the pieces up what you had.

Severus didn't believe in angels. But he believed in Lily, and she was his angel.