Title: Little Acts of Disobedience

TV Show: Supernatural

Pairings: None this chapter

Chapter 1: Half Moons, Spit, and Fingers

He wanted to get out of here and never come back, but he kind of brought this on himself. Still, Dean didn't have to be such a jerk about it. After going off with Ruby, getting hooked on demon blood, and starting the apocalypse, Dean didn't trust him to do anything right anymore. On food runs, Dean takes Sam because if he leaves him alone, he'll try to run away. Since Sam's opinions are now disregarded, Sam doesn't speak anymore. Hell, his bathroom breaks are even timed, for fear that he'll sneak out the window and take someone's car and go.

Dean would lose his mind if he knew how many times Sam had committed suicide in these passed few months. He keeps popping back up like a daisy a few minutes later though, and he doesn't understand why. Why must he be punished so that even death cannot be of any comfort?

What causes Sam to secretly clench his fists so tight that half moons carve into his palms, though, is the fact that Dean is so normal about all of this. He is a prisoner, and Dean is acting like all of this is normal.

"Hey, Sammy? We're not getting take out today. Let's just go and eat somewhere," Dean said. It wasn't a suggestion, it was a command.

"Are we going right now?" Sam asked, faking normal. If he seemed normal, he could catch Dean off guard and escape at some point, is what the younger brother guessed.

"Yeah," Dean said. They then went to a random diner. Dean ordered some sort of heart attack on a bun with fries, and Sam ordered a salad. Due to his depression, Sam wasn't hungry. He'd rather starve and have his freedom than to have to stay with his brother. To be normal, though, he ate like usual, faking normalcy.

Sam is not aloud to keep secrets anymore, which is why he fakes normalcy. He hates having to tell the truth all the time. He had perfected lies, not that that's something one should be proud of, and never had problems with his personal life as long as he kept certain things under the radar. Now, he had two secrets: the half moons in his palms, which burned and ached and formed bruises, which he'd never let Dean notice… and the suicide.

There was something about the half moons that brought Sam some kind of mental stability and physical pleasure. It was something he had control over. He never let himself bleed. If he started doing that, Dean would surely watch him even closer than before, and Sam did not need that. Moreover, it was something Dean didn't know about at all. It was his final remaining secret, as he decided that the suicide didn't count nearly as much. He tried not to think about the fact that he may never rest in peace. He'd go truly insane if that was the case.

"Going to the bathroom. Don't you move from this spot or—"

"Yeah, yeah," Sam finished the sentence. "You'll lock me in the panic room, and I'll never see daylight. I know." He didn't even look at Dean as he said it.

"'Kay then," Dean said, as he walked away. When the older brother was out of sight, Sam spat in his food after he was sure that nobody as looking. It was nasty, he knew it… but these last few weeks, it has become a second, smaller secret below the half moons. Sometimes, he'd even squirt a little ketchup on his brother's seat so he'd have a stain on the back of it that made people think many disturbing things about him. It was something else to stay sane. Secrets are Sam's life. Without them, he feels that he has nothing left anymore.

When he saw his brother coming back, he was calm. Dean never noticed what he did to his food. He knew that after what he had done these past few months he didn't deserve what he was going to ask for after they left, but he decided he'd be brave and ask anyway.

In the impala on the way back to their room, they drove in silence until Sam had the nerve to speak up.

"Dean?" he asked, not looking at him. They wouldn't be having this conversation if he could keep things to himself. Really, this would be somewhat of a punishment for Dean.

"What?"

"I'd like to be left alone in the room for about an hour."

"What? No!"

"Dean, there's something I haven't done in a while that I need to do."

"And what might that be?"

"You're not and idiot," Sam said. Actually, he wanted to call Dean lots of names, but he held himself back. "You understand that there are things that men need to do every now and then. Please don't make me elaborate. It's really awkward." The silence told Sam that Dean got it.

"I'll be in the parking lot in the car. Then again, I could be anywhere nearby. Since I know guys need this, I'll let you do this when you need to, but if you screw this up, I won't let you do this ever again, you hear me?" Sam hated when Dean took that tone with him. It made him feel like a child in special education that was dropped on his head when he was just born.

"I hear you."

"I'll give you exactly an hour after you get into the room, and then I'll come knocking. So don't lose track of time."

They reached the room and Sam went into the room, closing and locking it behind him quickly. He heard Dean walking away and let out a sigh of relief, removing his clothing: shirt, pants, socks, shoes, all in that order. It wasn't a lie when he said he needed to do this. He's only been aloud five minutes in the shower and five minutes to use the restroom, so he hasn't had any time to get off. He can't when he's under that kind of pressure.

He lay down on his bed, rolled over so that he could get his lube from his bag and slicked his hands with it, grabbing his member right away. He moaned. He was so pent up. He worked his cock for a while, and played with his nipples a bit, and traced cool, lubricated patterns along his waist and muscular chest, awakening nerves and making him shiver with pleasure and let out whimpering noises. He loved teasing himself. He is very into foreplay, and tickling sensations are some of his favorite stuff.

Something else could be his favorite though. Little acts of disobedience that wouldn't be considered normal in the eyes of his brother. Little acts of disobedience that would make Dean think that he wasn't right in the head. Such things that he could have for secrets. He could have more secrets. They would just have to be small at first.

He touched his backside and thought about it. It wasn't that he was into dicks, men, or anal play (when being on the receiving end, anyway), but this could be a defiance. He could secretly branch out and try new things that aren't detrimental to his health, and have new secrets so that he could live in this pent up, awful, enclosed environment easier.

He gently slipped his middle finger inside of himself. He winced. This was weird, and a little uncomfortable. His touched his member again while he fingered himself, making himself adjust more easily. Then, at the thought of having more freedom in doing this and having more control in his life… a little shockwave of pleasure jolted through him. He started chanting over and over in his mind things that were along the lines of, "I'd be in trouble if I were caught", or "I shouldn't be doing this, but I like it". He managed to make it to two fingers (which was quite a bit due to the size of his hands) before he cried out in pleasure, shooting out bursts of cum onto his stomach. He panted and slowly removed his fingers from his hole. He couldn't believe the he had really done that.

He looked at the clock and saw that he had time left. If he wanted to, he could take a thirty minute long shower. So he unlocked the door so Dean could get back in, put a note on the bathroom door so Dean wouldn't freak out about him not being in his sight, and did just that.

.X.O.X.O.X.

I like this idea. I'm gonna eventually turn this into Samifer, and each chapter, Sam will be doing new things for secrets and will slowly get a longer leash from Dean. I have a LOT of stories that I should be working on (*cough* Whisper of Wings *cough*) but I've been busy. Me and my collab friends have a group formed for the creation of a new anime. The anime has all genres in it, angels, demons, all creature types pretty much, and all of the humans have powers according to hair and eye color. We're working on some things to straighten out how the town and schools are before we start writing season one, so the writing process hasn't begun yet, but we've been busy. We have most of the pictures and bios for characters we need so far, but we could ALWAYS use more members. Look up Samiferismyotp on deviantART. I'll be the one with the group MakeMoneyinAnime.

Also, I'm not saying that I'll update this right away, but reviews MIGHT help me update a little faster. I had this idea stuck in my mind, and have been DYING to write it… And this will NOT be Wincest!