Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

Most of the Washington D.C. night sky was a dark indigo, but there was a slight orange peaking in over the trees in the distance. The water reflected the colors so perfectly that it would be hard for one to tell which way the sky was actually being portrayed. There were a few dimly lit stars in the sky, but a few was enough to make the night shine, though it wasn't quite enough to form a constellation. When did a few stop being good enough?

When you get what you want, but not what you need

The scenery was sort of bittersweet. Bittersweet is just pleasant and painful combined in one. Bittersweet is just what you say when you take a bite into something that your friend spent so long cooking, but it burns your taste buds anyways. You don't want to hurt her feelings so you say the pie was "bittersweet": not terrible, but it could be better; not failing, but barely passing. It's a word used when you have nothing good to say, but have to say something.

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

As Natasha looked out into the night sky wearing a loose fitting SHIELD t-shirt, and sweats she found the view from the roof off her apartment complex breathtaking. The clock was nearing midnight, but she found herself unable to resist the comparisons between herself and the view. Both were beautiful from a distance, but when you got up real close all the factors that once made up all that beauty, would end up mixing together and turn into a disaster.

Stuck in reverse

It was only a matter of time before the nights stars would disappear into a mornings regret. All the scars that laced her body could easily be covered, but that doesn't mean they were no longer there. Natasha could deal with the scars that reminded her of all the missions that went wrong every time she looked in the mirror, but she couldn't deal with the scars that constantly lacerated her heart with so much agony that she often found it unbearable to take a breath.

And the tears come streaming down your face

The red headed spy was not one to let her emotions seep through the cracks that lined her exterior, even to those she trusted most, but on some days she found it challenging to keep it all in. She spent her whole life running from pain, regret, and her troublesome past, that it was difficult to simply settle down with all the red bleeding from her everlasting ledger. Natasha never let too may tears spill from her dark green eyes, but on days like today she felt too alone to keep everything bottled up inside her damaged self.

When you lose something you can't replace

The mission had gone horribly wrong. She was supposed to kill the target, but she wasn't able to accomplish her task soon enough. Not before the bastard killed the little girl that he'd been keeping hostage for leverage. Natasha watched the light slowly leave the little girls eyes, as the blood seeping from her stab wound in her stomach stained her hands. She held the girls petit hand as she took her last breath, and Natasha couldn't stop herself from thinking of all the things this girl would never accomplish, never see, and never experience, all because of her bad luck that the man chose her to kidnap. Too bad you can't put 'bad luck' under cause of death.

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

She sat next to the little girl feeling entirely helpless. She kept telling her that help would arrive soon, but she was lying. By the time back up arrived it would be too late. Hell, it was already too late. Natasha waited for what seemed like hours holding the little girl's hand, unable to leave her side even though she was already gone. She waited, and waited until she felt Steve's gentle touch on her shoulder saying what words could not. Natasha knew that it was time to leave, that it was time to get off the ground and clean up, but she felt as though she was frozen in place. Going meant that all this was real, that all this was her fault, and she was unwilling to accept that.

The only words she could muster out were "She was too young," and everything afterwards was a blur.

Could it be worse?

With all the damn aliens, and magic, and unreal monsters in the world you'd think that it be easy to face all the human crap that this job encountered, but that was far from the truth. Somehow all the aliens, and magic, and monsters made losing a little girl so much worse because with all the things happening that only seemed to appear in comic books, it also makes miracles seem so much more possible, which just ends in disappointment, or tragedy, or in this case both. And as Natasha continued to stare off into the atmosphere she realized she was no different than the man who killed the little girl, that she was no different from any monster, or murderer that walked through the door. Killing is killing no matter who you do it to, so what made her so special?

Lights will guide you home

She was startled from her thoughts by the faint sound of footsteps coming her way. Natasha reached for the gun on her hip, and quickly grabbed it, aiming it at the trespasser.

"No need to do that now," said the familiar voice of Steve Rogers as he stopped in his tracks and slowly put his hands up.

"Not many people can sneak up on me like that," she said sounding slightly agitated, but thankfully setting her gun down.

"I thought I'd find you up here," he said in his everyday honest tone.

Natasha couldn't help the feeling deep in her gut, and the twinge in her heart that she got every time she was reminded how much he cared about her. She didn't deserve a guy like him, and she probably never would.

"Look if you are here to talk, I don't want your pity," she said remembering why she was up here in the first place.

"I'm just here to enjoy the view," he said with that stupid smirk of his that even in the dimly lit night sky Natasha could still see it peeking out.

She turned back around entirely facing the sky once again, as he came and stood next to her. It was silent for a moment, with the only noise coming from the chirping of the grasshoppers until Steve said "It wasn't your fault."

"If I had gotten there quicker none of this would have happened," she said clenching her jaw at the thought.

"If you had gotten there sooner you still wouldn't have had a clear shot. It would have happened to anyone."

"But it happened to me."

"Hey," he said turning to face her, taking her smaller hands into his larger ones. "You are a great agent, and an even better person so stop doing this to yourself. I hate seeing you like this."

And ignite your bones

Natasha looked at her feet, not being able to look him in the eyes because she could feel the tears beginning to blur her vision. Steve then took one of his hands and gently tilted her chin upwards to make eye contact with her.

He knew that no words could make her pain go away, but she was too strong, and too stubborn to talk right now, so he wiped a lone tear that rolled down her cheek with his thumb and said two words.

"It's okay," he said meaning it completely as he then pulled her into his warm embrace.

Natasha buried her head in the crook of his neck despite the height difference, wrapping her arms around his broad torso. She wasn't quite used to this sort of comforting feeling, but that didn't mean she didn't appreciate it none the less.

"I don't deserve you," she whispered.

"I know," he said causing them both to laugh, "I know."

The orange disappeared underneath all the blue in the night sky, and the blue soon faded to black as Natasha stayed buried in Steve's arms. The air got cooler as the streets gradually became emptier and emptier, but for once in Natasha's life she didn't feel alone.

And I will try to fix you

So I've had this idea for a while now and really wanted to get it all out, so I thought why not write it at 2:30 in the morning? Any way I am actually quite proud of my first one shot, and think it turned out pretty well, so please review what you though and whether or not I should write some fics about the upcoming Captain America 2 movie because that movie is pretty much the sole purpose of my existence. Feel free to PM me or follow my tumblr: hold-your-breath-and-fall-apart for any questions or ideas on future fics:)

Thanks for reading!