Just Like a Pill
Summary: AU. After Edward leaves her, Bella is a hollow shell, nothing but the hole in her heart to keep her company. Until the hole shrinks and breathing becomes a bit easier. ANTI-Bella/Edward. Oneshot.
Category: Twilight, AU
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Pairings: Anti-Bella/Edward, that's right, no Belward.
Time-Line: Two months into New Moon, when Bella was going through her depression.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters mentioned.
Why doesn't he love me anymore? WHY?! Am I not good enough? Why did he leave me broken and tainted right where I stand? Why did Edward Cullen hate me so much now? We used to be in love, what happened?
I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think, I took too much
I'm cryin' here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
That was my first thought when he took off with his stupid, heartless words of 'I don't want you anymore,'. Did he expect that I would move on with my life? If so, he was more pathetic than I thought. How could I just forget everything we had went through for the past year? How could I forget how irreversibly in love with him I was? How could I just throw a year of love away? A year of affection? How could I forget him and move on with my life?
I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine, 'cuz its makin' me itch
I said, I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
I had thought it a joke at first, when he said didn't care. When it turned out to be true, the hole began to deepen. I had thought that I couldn't love anyone else. I had begun to feel the hole that now infested everything I did. I couldn't not think about him. He was my one and only. How could I just let him go? How could I run from him and never turn back? How could I let go? How could I not love him with every fiber of my being? How could I get rid of the hole in my heart he left behind? Could I really forget about my soulmate? How does one go about doing that? I thought it was in finding other men to share my affections in, but really all that did was leave me more hollow than I was. I could not let go of Edward. He was my sun, my life, my light my everything. I could never forget him.
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill
You keep makin' me ill
My obsession for him was unhealthy I knew that, yet I could not let go of it. Edward, oh Edward, how I miss you! How sick I get when you aren't around. It was one of the saddest things I've ever went through. Even worse then my parent's divorce. I was too young to remember that, but I did know that even though my mom never showed it, I knew she regretted leaving Dad, even if it was a short time. She still missed him before she found Phil, who healed her heart. I likened my breakup to that, even though I knew it couldn't compare. Maybe I was being selfish, maybe I should get some help.....
I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help
It wasn't long after that, I begun to see. The hole in my heart was there all right, I could feel it, I can still feel it, but it's smaller now. I don't need him anymore. Thanks to Jacob. I had begun to realize just what my life was worth. Was it worth slaving over someone who had so obviously moved on? Just what was worth the pain of all of this? For a man, a man who couldn't even admit he was wrong? A man who had to tell me every little thing I did wrong just because he thought it was amusing? Did I really deserve to be bet upon by his family like I was some sort of prize? Did I deserve to be treated like shit because some vampire said so? Did I deserve to feel his angry stares whenever I acted like a normal girl and wanted to kiss him? I knew he could kill me, yet that didn't mean that I was an idiot for wanting my boyfriend to kiss me! I'm a human being for Christ's sake! I deserve to be treated like one. Not like some submissive little twit, but a real live human being. It was Jacob that taught me that. He taught me the truth about my boyfriend.
Edward. I didn't need him to feel complete. I could complete my own life on my own terms. No longer did I feel the need to aplogize for every little mistake I made. I didn't have to hear Edward's words of distaste. I knew he loved me, he wouldn't of strung me along if he didn't. I just no longer needed that love. I no longer needed him to be whole again. The hole grew smaller. As I begun to spend more and more time with Jacob, I begun to realize that Edward was lovely, and sweet, but he wasn't coming back. And if he wasn't coming back, then there was nothing I could do for that. I needed to move on.
And the hole shrunk even more. I didn't have to put up with Edward's bullshit. I was a human being and deserved to live like one. Jacob, Dad, everyone, were right. I did not need to center around Edward.
He was my sun and earth, but not anymore.
Sorry Edward, you make me ill.
I really don't like Belward. However, I LOVE Alice/Jasper. I think they are sweet without trying to hard.
PLEASE DO NOT GET YOUR UNDERWEAR IN A TWIST BECAUSE IT WAS ANTI-BELWARD. I did warn you after all. It's common sense that if something isn't your taste you tend to stay away from it, right? Although if you have any critisim toward my writing, feel free to respond. Not, 'Oh my God, your writing fucking sucks,' How about try, 'Well this could be improved', so on and so forth. Honestly, I'm sick of Belward freaks bitching out authors because they portray the characters in a different light. Okay, rant over.
I wanted to write this because I was dying to read some Independent!Bella stuff. Sadly all I ended up with was more stories where she doesn't have a shred of say. Anyone wanna recommend stories where Bell has a backbone? And an actual backbone, not the 'I'll pretend to have one so Eddie can save me'. I'm talking about the one, 'I don't need you to protect me all the time, Edward.'
Anyway, enjoy.
Tangerine Goddess, over and out.