Team Bonding

Disclaimer; I don't own Stargate yada yada yada... no money mad etc.

Season; 4- ish

Author's note: Madness in it's purest form.

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'Daniel, what the hell is this?' Said Jack O'Neill commander of SG-1.

'Uh ...' looking closely at the crate and the markings on it. ' I dunno Jack.'

'Teal'c?'

'I believe it is a form of alcoholic beverage O'Neill.'

'Alcohol?' exclaimed Jack optimistically.

Stepping forward Teal'c opened the crate to reveal a chamber filled with about 10 gallons of a deep red liquid that swirled appetisingly with every jolt of the box. Lights from the equipment round Samantha Carter's lab twinkled like stars on the surface of the shimmering solution.

'What are you guy's doing in here?' Sam Carter entered her lab and instantly became wary as the mischievous faces of her teammates looked guiltily in her direction. Rather like three sons who's mother had just caught them with their hands in the cookie jar. But in this case the liquor cabinet.

'Eh...' said Daniel as eloquently as usual. Danny was the little brother, the cute one, the one where his cuteness got him into more trouble than he could handle with out big brothers' or mother's intervention.

'Teal'c recons this is some kinda... what did you say?' Jack looks at Teal'c. Jack was the ring leader [even though he was the middle brother], the attention seeker, the troublemaker. Although Danny seemed to get into just as much trouble, Jack went looking for it, which made it all the more interesting.

'Alcoholic beverage.' Teal'c was the silent one, the one [unfortunately] who was easily led, especially under the leadership of Jack. Which results in situations like this; situations that Jack has knowledge of and Teal'c has none, situations where Jack leads his elder brother right into trouble and face the wrath of Sam Carter.

'Alcohol!' she whispered angrily. 'What do you mean alcohol why didn't you say anything when we picked it up, here was me thinking it would be something which led to the scientific breakthrough of the century but noooo.' she extended in a sing-song motherly matter-of-factly way. 'It turns out to be some fruity, naquada-y wine!' the loudness of her voice increased exponentially as she completed the last sentence.

Three pairs of eyes wide in shock and fear looked upon the quivering Major in the threshold of her lab.

Tentatively stepping forward Jack motioned her to go further into the room, while he closed the door, preventing a scene and the rumours from getting too bad around the SGC.

'Sir,' she said with a distinct tone of authority and lapse in respect, 'I will not permit alcohol in my lab.'

'Carter,' Said Jack his authority coated smoothly in a persuasive voice. 'We should keep it here and do tests on it. I mean look at it. Is it supposed to look like that.'

Jack was entranced as he would be watching his yo-yo spinning wildly on the end of it's string. The flowing liquid shifted with ease the lightness and ...

'It's all floaty' Jack came to the conclusion after watching the swirls for a few seconds.

Her scientific mind kicking in she looked in to the deep crate to get a better look at the mysterious fluid.

Soon all four members were mesmerised by the 'wine's' continuous patterns, as the intoxicating, enticing, alluring fumes filled the lungs of those in the room.

'This is unlike any alcohol I have seen' Said Teal'c.

'Wonder what it tastes like?' Said Sam, thinking out loud.

The three men around her tore their eyes from the contents of the crate and stared at the Major.

Realising that she was now the focus of their attention she tried to justify her words.

'I was just thinking out loud.'

They all looked back in the crate.

Jack, their fearless leader took the point and cautiously dipped his finger into the liquid. Those around him looked on in envy, each drip from his long digit was followed back into the crate, until the source of the drips reached it's final destination. A sound of immense delight then came from the colonel.

'What's it like?' said an awestruck Daniel.

'Wow, it's just wow.'

'Who's going to get cups?' ever the practical as well as theoretical mind Sam came up the answer to each of their internal dilemmas.

'I'll go.' Said Daniel eagerly bolting for the door only to return moments later his task complete and cups in hand.

Each with a cup in hand they proceeded to drink greedily.

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'Homer'sh bald'

'An' Mar'shes hair ish blue!' uttered a pissed Daniel.

'No,' Said Jack drunkenly and annoyed. 'Homer, Carty you'sh noe the homer I talk bout.' His eyelids closing for second too long to considered normal blinking.

'Gen...genreel hammy' replied Sam eagerly.

Daniel giggled unabashedly. 'You'sh call homer hammy!'

A booming laugh of Teal'c sprung from the corner, then suddenly there was silence. The three humans ignored him, he'd been doing that for the past two hours. They had all been drinking for two hours, and the crate was still only half empty.

'I'm sooo bored, wha' we gonnie do?' Said Jack.

'I dun know.' Said Sam.

'It'sh you labritree !' shouted Daniel feeling as bored as Jack.

'Sh'always me, why do I need to thunk, it's too hards.' She whined.

'Musicy chairs!' exclaimed Daniel.

'Yay' came the cheers of Jack and Sam as they jumped to their feet.

But the excitement was short lived as they soon found that their legs had collapsed beneath them and their asses laded firmly back in their chairs.

'Well ma leggys won' move sssho no danshin.' Said Jack.

'Me too.' Said Sam now looking more bored than Jack and Daniel put together.

'We play sh'at musicy chairs when ah can move k?'

'k Jackie.' Said Daniel setting down his fifth empty cup.

'Truth or'sh Dare!' shouted Sam proud of her accomplishment of thinking with out thinking about thinking.

'Carty, thish ish why ya here.' He ginned lazily in her direction.

'Yay Sammie!'

'Truef a dare?' Jack asked Daniel.

'Truef!' he said proudly.

'Wha d'ya keep in ya top desk drawwer?'

'Fluffy pink diary and lot'sh of chocly and coffee!'

Sam and Jack burst into tears of laughter barely being able to stay on their chairs.

'Truef or Dare Sammie!' Daniel cried over the din.

'Truef!'

'Wha' d'ya keep in you'sh top drawr?'

'Chocly and a picture off Jackie.' She said bursting into giggles about her own confession.

Jack sat dumbfounded and almost sobered while Daniel toppled off the stool landing ungracefully on the floor.

At this they all erupted into laughter Teal'c included, in the end it was his laugh which rang on for a few more seconds than necessary.

'Truef or'sh dare?'

'Truth!!' he shouted, knowing what was in his top drawer wouldn't be that funny or incriminating, his grin from ear to ear.

'd'ya really sway it wash ya sidearm?'she leaned forward waiting for the answer.

'Nope, I sway eh wadn't ma sidearm!' he said his eyebrows waging.

Sam and Jack where doubled over with laughter, while Daniel lay confused on the floor.

The game continued like this until Daniel said he had wore women's underwear, then in a desperate attempt to regain his once held dignity he awkwardly tried to take his trousers to his knees to show them he was wearing boxers (today at least), after much protesting from Jack but little from Sam, unless you count hysterically giggling, he got as far as undoing his button and fly before he stopped only cause he could go no further in his striptease. Mutually deciding the game had gone to far they stopped playing and silence descended.

It was a good ten seconds before Jack broke it.

'So'sh what we up to at weekend'sh?' asked Jack lapping at his cup once again.

'Shleep' answered Daniel his eyes could be seen drooping even in his current position on the floor.

'Working...on a naqidy ractor.' Came Sam's echo.

'Carty when you'sh comin fishy wi' me?'

'Somey time sssir.'

'Why you'sh neva come before?'

'Caush we'd...' and she goes into an uncontrollable fit of giggles, falling to the floor.

In the mean time Daniel slumped against the floor passing out with out complaint.

'Samie, Samie!' he said pleadingly. ' Here more'sh' offering his cup to her.

'luv you' she said taking the cup.

Sliding to the floor Jack sat and watched her drink then taking the cup downed the rest.

'Jackie do you'sh luuurrve me?'

'Ye'sh, coursh a do.' then holding his arms wide he said. ' I luuv you'sh thish much.'

Holding her arms wider she said. ' I luv you'sh thi'sh much.'

Suddenly Danny sat up straight and said loudly. ' I don' luv Jackie or Shammie but I luuuuuuv Jannie.' And that was his last moment of consciousness for hours.

'Danny liksh Jannie!' Sam burst into giggles again. Lying on the floor she looked up at Jack who was sitting near by. 'Jash can ah go fishy wi you'

'Yup, yup, yashu'u betchu.' He said lying down next to her staring up at the celing.

' 'k.' she said snuggling into his chest. The uncomfortable concrete floor ignored by both their drunken senses.

It was there they lay passed out.

'I luuuuvv you'sh guysh' said Teal'c, ' You'sh ma family' looking round proudly.

Then he took up the same state as the rest of SG-1.

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'This is how we found them sir'

General Hammond looked painstakingly slowly over the scene before him. Among the lab equipment strategically placed around the room was the unconscious forms of SG-1, supposedly the SGC's premier team. The crate stood inconspicuously in the middle of Samantha Carter's desk.

'Get them to the infirmary.'he sighed

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'I think my ears are still ringing' said Jack as he walked from the general's office as quickly as possible with SG-1 in tow.

'Yeah,' said Sam rubbing her temples in attempt to calm her hang over headache. ' I think we should leave base before he decides that he forgot something and calls us in for round two.'

'Yeah good idea. Why don't we all meet up at my place.' Said Jack.

With that they separated to go and get ready to go to Jack's.

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hey em I know this is totally mad but try to stick with it

it should only be a few chapters long

the next chapter should be fun as they all start remembering what happened last night

mishy