So This Is...
A Lizzie Bennet Diaries fanfic by Aisling Yinyr Ngaio
Pairing: William x Lizzie
Chapter 1: Heartbreak
He had not thought love could feel this painful.
He didn't truly feel it at once though.
It was a dull sense of disbelief at first - did she really just reject him? - but then the feeling was quickly replaced by mortification mixed with righteous anger and he just couldn't help his brutal honesty as the vitriol continued. And yet, despite having seen them together before, he couldn't help the loathing that immediately infused him the moment his name was mentioned.
It didn't quite come close to the hatred he felt once he'd seen how much he'd been vilified in her videos however.
The letter had at first been written to strike back at her, written in the first passion of anger and disgust. However, barely was his first paragraph on paper that he forced himself to cool down. It was a long bike ride, another round of vlog replay, and four drafts later that he was able to compose himself enough for the finally legible letter. He considered himself tolerably calm and collected when he handed over his letter, when he submitted his report, and even when he booked his, Fitz and Brandon's flights out.
It wasn't until he was already halfway back to San Francisco with Fitz and Brandon chattering non-stop in the background that it truly hit him.
He was right, but so had she been. He had been proud and judgmental, but while he had been brutally honest with people around him, he hadn't been with himself. And because of himself and no one else (not even him) he had lost his chance with the only woman he had ever loved.
The woman he still loved, despite her own faults.
Perhaps he had even lost his chance forever.
His red rimmed eyes as he disembarked the plane were the only indication he showed to the world that he grieved the loss of her, even when she had never been his to lose. He kept the mourning private in his heart, and resolved right then that he might one day be a man who could have been worthy of her.
- To Be Continued -