Title: Lover I don't have to love
Author: Libertyne
Summary: "You fall in love with me." Not bloody likely.
Pairing: Simon/Alisha
Author's note: Wow, I wrote this waaaaay back when for a random prompt. Feelings were still fresh with Future Simon's presence.
It doesn't occur to her until after a conversation with Kelly that she's never going to get married, not that she wants to (too much to deal with; monogamy and all that.) but when one's robbed of the choice, well that's an entirely different matter isn't it?
It starts with a conversation about Pretty Woman. Alisha remembers watching it when she was younger and being absolutely in love with Richard Gere. There was something magical about the movie, she remembers. A prostitute that finds her Prince Charming in the form of a wealthy man. She and Kelly were talking about the movie and how Edward was ideal ("You talkin' about that twat from those vampire movies?" Nathan butts in and Kelly shoots him down with a look, "Fuck off already. And no, not him. Somethin' not right about a dead guy who stalks you while you sleep. S'not romantic; that's just creepy.") and for a second, she can remember changing channels on the telly and stopping on the movie. She spent the rest of the night in her room dreaming that her knight in shining armor coming for her. She could do without the whole prostitution bit though, but bonus points if he were a self made millionaire.
By the age of 12 she's got breasts and curves in the right places. Boys look twice, and girls look at her with disdain. She's got no idea what to do with what she has so she ignores it.
It's when Malcolm Owens offers to carry her books for her that she begins to see certain things. It's when she smiles at Tommy Nichols and he approaches her at lunchtime, offering to help her with her studies, she knows. So she spends the rest of the year wearing skirts just a bit shorter than usual and showing more skin than normal. It's worth it, she thinks.
When Matt Campbell asks her to the school dance she soaks in the envious looks from boys and ignores the hateful glares of girls.
So worth it.
She loses her virginity when she's 16 at a party at Chloe's house. It wasn't planned or anything. Just sort of happened. She once imagined (a quick thought. Nothing pivotal or anything.) that she would be married before she went all the way with a guy, but quickly dismissed the thought. What if she never got married? What if she doesn't want to get married? Whatever. Sex isn't that big of a deal and if two people consent to it, then that's all that matters.
She's tired of hearing her friends talk about sex and she knows nothing about it. She's been with guys but hasn't been with guys. Sometimes she feels like everyone knows she's a virgin. Like she has something hanging over her head, flashing brightly "Virgin." "Tease." "Nun." so she makes the decision to just, well, do it. So when she meets Chris at Chloe's party and he gets that look that says he's clearly interested, she smiles a smile at him. She touches his arm whenever she needs to get his attention, grabs his knee when she laughs at one of his awful jokes.
They wind up in the loo (all the rooms are taken.) three hours later. He's got her skirt bunched up around her waist and her knickers are dangling from her ankle and her bum is perched (uncomfortably) on the edge of the sink. When he pushes himself forward, she sucks in a breath (wants to says 'Stop. no.' or 'Ow. hurts too much. hurtstoomuchhurtstoomuch.') but bites on her lower lip instead. He takes this a sign of arousal and moves a bit faster.
When it's all done and over with, the pain is ebbing away and she feels like a woman. A different person.
**
Sex is an escape for her. She doesn't deal with relationships well (tried with Charlie but it got too much. For the month they saw each other she hated the feeling of being tethered down.) Relationships just aren't her thing. Not everyone wants to see the same person day after day. It's not like she needs substantial conversation, cuddling and all that bullshit. So she goes for what she wants; no strings attached. She's happy (sometimes) and it works for her (sometimes).
It's all she needs.
Until she meets Curtis.
**
Curtis is... well, Curtis is different. When she first meets him, she recognizes the look in his eye and she immediately turns on her charm. He's resistant and barely bites back. She thinks of it as a challenge. It'll be a fun one.
Then the fucking freak storm happens and everything changes. Curtis touches her and starts spewing things that are just not right and then Simon (ohmygod, he wants to what?) as well. She feels sick and... and well mad. They're all trying to cope with the idea of having powers, oh and killing their probation worker. It's all too fast too soon. When she goes home that night, with dirt wedged beneath her fingernails and tear tracks down her cheeks, her parents are immediately concerned. She makes up some bullshit story and retreats to her room.
After she gets out of the shower she lays on her bed in a fetal position and does something she hasn't done since she was 11. She wishes desperately for comfort. Someone to hold her while she cried.
But no one does. She realizes belatedly that no one might ever be able to touch her again. So she goes to sleep with her arms wrapped around herself, fresh tears on her face with one thing floating through her mind.
Untouchable.
**
The thing about Curtis, yeah? Is that he's fun and so like her and he cares. He calls her and they hang out. She finds that she doesn't mind seeing him all the time, even when they don't have to do their community service. She doesn't think she's in love with him but she knows she cares deeply for him. He knows she hates an idea of a relationship and he respects that. So they have an agreement (stemming from a situation that happened that she refuses to speak of again. So wrong on her part; never again, she swears.) to try to stay monogamous. Their relationship isn't perfect (for starters not being able to have sex fucking sucks but the mutual masturbation thing is working for the most part).
She's not sure if it's because he's rubbed off on her, or if she's grown a bit from being with him but when they argue, she doesn't shut down like she normally would. She doesn't dump him on his ass and become a bitch (well maybe she does become a bit of a bitch). She sticks around and deals with it. She realizes that she wants to make an effort. An effort to become more patient, an effort to make things work.
So while she may not be in love with him, she appreciates what they have together. Two people who just really want to focus on the present while overcoming the pain of the past.
**
She doesn't understand people who love comic books. She thinks they're nerdy and downright boring. One time, though, Gemma and Chloe dragged her to see that Spiderman movie (not so bad, not that she'd ever tell them that.) and they walked away talking about how unlikely it was that Mary Jane could ever go for someone like Peter Parker.
"But it's not really Peter Parker is it? It's Spiderman she falls for." Chloe says.
"It's still him, though." Gemma points out. "He's not that different. Just more confident. That can make a difference."
"It's the masked man thing." Alisha says. "That can make someone loads more attractive. I mean, just imagine being rescued by this super hero and having this fascination with him. I feel sorry for her in the next movie. She's gonna take off that mask and realize it's been him. What a fucking disappointment."
**
When he touches her, she flinches, expecting the usual filth to start spewing out.
Nothing.
She releases a breath she's been holding and asks him how it's possible for him to touch her.
He turns and jumps off the ledge.
She watches in a haze of confusion and fascination.
**
She's always been a risk taker. Out of all her friends, she's the first to go on the rollercoaster's with no hesitation. She was the first to shoplift from the shop down her street, so it was no surprise that she was doing this.
When the man turns around and makes his way towards her, she immediately starts regretting her decision to instigate this situation. He's closer now and she's tripping over her own feet to get away. She doesn't see the steps when she turns to flee. The last thing she remembers is the pain in her back and head before she surrenders to the darkness.
**
He's so different. She can feel an air of confidence vibrating off of him. She watches with speculation as he moves towards her, eyes full of concern.
When he touches her hand, she flinches. Suddenly it's as though she overwhelmed and she can't breathe. She moves to leave and knows he's watching her. Barely registering what he's said, she nods and slams the lift door shut.
It's not until she's on the street that she stops, leans against a wall and breathes.
**
"You fall in love with me."
She wants to laugh. Wants to ask if it's possible for him to have hit his head while traveling 'through the dimensions of time' or whatever it is that he's done.
Shit like that freaks her out. So she tells him to fuck off. She doesn't know whether to laugh or scream at the look of amusement (affection?) he gives her before he heads to her window.
She immediately feels bad, but can't bring herself to apologize.
Fall in love with him?
Sure.
Right.
Whatever.
**
He's really starting to freak her out. No one has ever looked at her the way that this Simon does (She's mulled over the different ways to reference him, but none really sounded right. )
He stares at her with something akin to reverence, and yeah... that sort of freaks her out.
When he touches her (still not used to it; doesn't know if she ever will be) her skin feels like it's on fire. When he kisses her, she feels herself holding her breath until she feels like she's going to pass out. Her body responds to his touch, to his lips and suddenly they're on the bed. Thoughts float through her head (It's Simon. It's Simon. It's Simon but it's not Simon.)
She comes back often. Sometimes they talk. Sometimes they don't. They always touch. She thought she was supposed to be the teacher, but he's proving otherwise. Every night it's something different. He takes his time with her body, touching and tasting. Soon he conquers every inch of her.
She stares at Other Simon more now. His words still fresh in her mind (I've never thought you were a bitch.) and she finds herself comparing the two. Physically they still look at the same, but this Simon is just so different from her Simon.
(She can't believe she just referred to Not Simon as her Simon.)
She looks at his mouth and remembers the things he does (will do) with it; marvels his hands and how strong they are.
His eyes, wide and so blue, meet hers and he looks confused before becoming completely self conscious. His brows knit together and he pats the front of his hair down.
Alisha feels the corners of her mouth turn up before she looks away, choosing to focus on what Nathan and Kelly are arguing about.
You fall in love with me, he'd said.
Not bloody likely.
**
Curtis ends it and beneath the relief, she can feel the pain and guilt. She cared for him, still cares for him - always will. She makes a note in her head to invite him for a drink with her soon because this is one friendship she wants to keep.
**
She feels her throat tighten but not before another sob escapes. He's getting heavier in her arms as though his bones are coated in lead. Her fingers grasp tight onto him, feels her heart pound against her chest as she struggles to breathe (Oh God, why can't she just breathe?)
Her mind is in a frenzy, one word echoing endlessly in her head until it all runs together (No, no, no, no, God, nonononono) and his ragged breathing is growing quieter.
Her heart aches with so many things she wants (needs) to say and only one makes it through. As soon as she says the words, she feels anguish. Why wasn't this like the movies? When you tell someone you love them, they always seemed to recover or something miraculous happened. Not now.
Her heart aches and she swears it's gonna stop beating (is that possible? to die from complete and utter heartbreak?) . That's fine, she thinks. Dying of a broken heart is a better alternative than the suffering she feels. His voice is low and she barely registers what he's telling her. She's protesting (that's one thing she'll never stop doing, she realizes later. Putting up a fight.) and when her eyes find what he's pointing at, she feels like she's going to just fucking break.
This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening.
He stills in her arms and she knows he's gone.
**
Marmite
Driving Drunk
Seafood
Burning the body of the one you love.
Those are some of the things Alisha hopes to never experience again.
**
"You alright?"
She nods, just barely before looking away.
Hesitation and then, "Alright."
"Kelly?" She speaks softly and Kelly turns around. "Can you not... you know? Do your thing with me? It's just... I'm going through some shit right now, yeah? I don't really want to bring you into it. Way too depressing for me to deal with. I'll get over it." She adds when Kelly starts to say something; Smiles a small smile, for conviction more than anything. "Stupid shit anyway."
"Yeah," Kelly nods. "Okay. If you need to talk or anything, just let me know, yeah?"
Alisha nods, "Thanks."
She's watching him again. She's being more discreet this time, lounging on the roof of the community center with sunglasses on. She watches as the corners of his mouth lift up slightly over something Nathan's said. Watches as the wind blows some of his hair out of it's perfect place and he doesn't move to pat it down.
He moves to sit by her and she barely acknowledges him. When she tires of watching Nathan demonstrate the many sexual positions he's 'invented' (she's pretty sure number 18 is not physically possible) she turns her head towards Simon, to see his reaction.
"Are you alright?" Simon asks slowly.
(No. Not by a long shot.) "Peachy." She says instead.
"It's just..."
She looks at him, eyebrows raised, waiting for his analysis. "Yeah?"
"Nothing." He says with a shake of his head.
"Just say it, yeah?"
"It's just... after that whole thing with the video game guy, you seem different. I don't know..."
She pulls her sunglasses off her nose and to the top of her head. She looks at him hard, daring him to try and understand a single thing about her.
Instantly he averts his eyes, swallows and stares at his hands. "You seem sad." he finally says.
She blinks and let's out a huff, almost a laugh. "Yeah well, kinda going through some shit right now. Not really feeling chatty about it."
He nods a curt nod and swallows again, "If you need anyone..."
She stares at him, eyebrows raised. He looks doubtful, stands up and starts to head towards the others before he turns around, walks two paces, and puts some confidence in his voice; says, "I know we're not the best of mates and I'm probably the last person you want to talk to. I just wanted to let you know that if you ever needed to... you know, talk, I'm here."
She nods, smiles a small smile. "Thanks."
He nods, pats his hair down and shuffles to rejoin the group.
You fall in love with me.
Sure.
Right.
Okay.