Patient Number 0988765#

Sabaku No Gaara

Journal Summary of Entries 1-18# -

I don't know when the obsession started. All I know is that it started, and now I must deal with this longing and desire for another. I can't say I'm happy admitting this to myself, but it's been so long and I can't push it off any longer.

Everyday I would see her; I could smell her from where I sat. The very sight of her made my blood boil. Of course at first, I thought those feelings were of pure heat and I tried several times to destroy her life. I came close to it many a times, framing her, beating her in a fight…but in the end she only got more attention, and that was not what I wanted.

Her attention should be mine! I had been working so hard to destroy her, and now she won't even give me a passing glance! I think not!

After that, I took matters into my own hands. I refuse to admit that I became her stalker, as stalkers prey on others because they have deep feelings for them. I was stalking her because I wanted to see her in so much pain that even her screams would not release themselves from her lungs.

It did not work to say the least. My rage grew as others comforted her in ways my body started to crave for that kind of need, for that kind of desire and love. I came upon her house one evening, not knowing of her company, of her boyfriend. I could feel my desire to kill her heighten; I was NOT jealous! Growling, I watched as my pink haired bitch giggled and laughed before quickly leaving to get something from her room.

This was my chance! I could have gotten him. I could have been the one to make her giggle and laugh, but that wasn't what I wanted at that time. I wanted her pain, I wanted her tears, and so I stayed where I was watching as the blonde male followed after his own prey.

I knew what was going to happen, and yet I stayed. I continued to need the sight of her, need the sound of her and yet I denied myself the very thought of love.

Switching to her bedroom window, I couldn't rip my gaze away from the sight before me. I should've just left; I shouldn't have plagued my mind with such images. Her slender legs, trim waist, soft pink hair, I could feel all of them, and even knowing none were close to me. They were all in the reach of that blond haired idiot. He didn't know what he was getting into!

Panting, I could feel her very warmth through the windowpane, her thrashing head, thrusting hips, heavy breaths. How I wished I could capture those lips with my own, how I wish I was the one drowning her in pleasure, but I wasn't. Maybe it was then that I knew I loved her all those years, maybe it was the few days later when I attacked her in the hallway. Either way, I finally realized it after it was too late.

My attacking her landed me in the principals' office with that horrid blonde man that she goes around with. I could have gotten him then as well, but the thought slipped my mind when she entered the room with us. I had never felt like hugging her then until that moment. Her emerald green eyes glared into my soul. I could feel her hatred for me, and I could feel any chance I would ever have with her leave at that moment.

My suspension gave me time to think, time to realize what I must do to gain her back For in my mind, she would always be mine, no matter who would lead her around. While sneaking back to the school wasn't the greatest idea I had to see her, I couldn't let one day go by now without seeing her. I caught her giving that less of a man, Deidara, a kiss. My kisses! If I had paid more attention to her, I would have caught her sadness in doing so, I would have caught her longing for another, and I would have caught myself in the reflection of her eyes.

It was only a kiss. I couldn't understand why I became so enraged after just a kiss. I mean I had watched them do far worse! But those were MY kisses! I couldn't stand by and watch her any longer. I wouldn't allow myself to watch this torture!

Of course, thinking back on my actions now, I believe I could have handled things differently. But the end result would have been the same and therefore I do not regret what I did, I only regret I didn't do it sooner.

Rushing to the school; of course on one of the days I was suspended, I ran into one of the classes I knew to find her, only she wasn't there. Everyone was staring, and that only made my need for her grow as I rushed out of there, checking everywhere I knew to find her. I did find her though; she was in the men's bathroom with her dumb ass boyfriend. At that moment I finally realized I wouldn't be allowing anyone to touch what was mine. I wouldn't allow another soul to even gaze upon her fair skin, for she was mine and mine alone.

Convincing Deidara of that was harder than I thought, and it took bloodshed to rid Sakura of that disgusting piece of filth she called her boyfriend. No I didn't kill him, though that would have made a better story than this one. I merely beat some sense into him.

I believe being forceful is a quality that helped me that day. Wrapping my arms around that slim waist, feeling her warming skin through those useless clothes, I knew she was done for. And finally after so long I was able to feel her heart, really feel it through those tender lips of hers. Surprised she didn't fight back? Me too, but who cares? When you're in love, you don't question logic. I surely didn't.

And well after that, I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened.

-Journal Summary End

A/N: A friend of mine edited this for me, I know there are a lot of things wrong with it don't complain just read it and get it over with. Hope you like it.