Thanks to Astraplain ( .com) for help with betaing. I'll try to post as regularly as possible as I have some chunks of the fic written already.
Title is a quote from "Killer Queen" by Queen.
Breaking up with Blaine wasn't easy. But then again being cheated on didn't feel easy either, and now Kurt was just used to "not easy" in his life. No one knew where he currently was, and they didn't because Kurt made sure it stayed that way. When he broke up with Blaine, at first he mourned. The life he was going to have was slipping away and he needed to get over it. It took him months to completely recover and he still wasn't sure it their relationship was completely over. But he had other problems to take care of soon enough.
Kurt's dad was perfectly fine with paying all his bills but that wasn't what Kurt wanted. That was more Rachel's style. Not that there was anything wrong with Rachel, she was his best friend, Kurt loved her, he did. He just didn't share her views on dealing with life. He would never be comfortable with having to ask his dad for money all the time. Depending on Burt was never an option. Kurt didn't want to depend on this dad for money, Burt was working hard enough for both garage and congress and putting more stress on his father wasn't an option.
It's what got Kurt here. It wasn't easy to get a job in New York. Not the job that would pay the bills, not the one flexible enough to fit in his very few free hours between office hours. He heard about this job opportunity and came. It was a stupid idea, Kurt knew that. He knew his dad would prefer him not to work at all over this. But his dad wasn't there and he didn't know how humiliating it was to ask for money when some emergency happened. After yet another phone call made because he ran out of money too soon Kurt decided he'd had enough.
Kurt closed his eyes and covered his face with a forearm. He'd managed to detach himself from what was happening and not panic. The whole time spent on training he was taught by Jake how not to panic, what to expect from the clients. They never had sex with each other, it wasn't a brothel where people could be treated without any respect. Kurt heard horror stories about trainings in those, where people were left with no choice what they were doing during the training, where there was no way back, where they had to have sex with their co-workers before they were allowed to work. Escort agency Kurt snorted and shook his head. It sounded so fancy and it was, sometimes. Sometimes clients didn't even want anything remotely sexual, sometimes they felt lonely. But most of the time? It ended here, in a hotel room, paid by their clients, people who basically expected to hook up and move on with their life and didn't want to risk anything. Escorts were clean, well mannered, discreet people. Heaven for some more or less desperate guys looking for easy meaningless sex. Kurt sat up and winced. He was sore, which made him chuckle bitterly. Not that Jason, if he remembered that guy's name correctly, was rough but it had been a little too long for Kurt to be comfortable immediately afterwards. Kurt stood up and grabbed his underwear from the floor before going to shower. He needed to freshen up before getting back downstairs. Or going home. Kurt sighed and grabbed a towel from the cabinet in the bathroom and turned on the water, making it quite warm but not scalding. He threw the towel carelessly towards the sink and got under the spray of water. The first few drops made him relax and then he remembered.
Kurt leaned against the shower wall and closed his eyes. He just had sex. He just had sex for money. He got paid for spending an hour on a diner and then an hour in a hotel room alone with a stranger. Kurt felt his throat tighten as the sob ripped through his body and he hit his head against the wall. He was doing it for himself. Certainly not for his father who'd be ashamed if he knew. Not for Rachel, who didn't care how Kurt paid his share of the rent as long as it was paid. Not for anyone else. He was doing it for himself. Because he'd had enough of struggling. It was his own choice so why now he was crying? Why did it feel like something very important was slipping away, like he was losing something? Kurt bit his lip as he sobbed, remembering his dad's words. He did matter, he knew that. What he did physically wasn't ruining his life, wasn't destroying everything. He had sex for money but it was completely physical, it was not going to influence the rest of his life.
Kurt took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It took a few minutes, tears coming back over and over again until he finally felt a little better. He shampooed his hair and soaped his body before rinsing and getting out of the shower. He dried himself with a towel and went back to the bedroom with it wrapped around his hips. Kurt sighed and collected his clothes from the floor. He wrinkled his nose at the state of his shirt before putting it on. He just wanted to go home, he could take a few wrinkles on his shirt for that long.
Kurt left the room, making sure to take the key card and went to the elevators. Seeing how two were currently both taken and on far floors, he looked around and a staircase caught his eye. A good jog, he decided, would be nice as he started getting down the stairs. One floor, two, three, four, after five he stopped counting until he was downstairs. He knew he was going to regret that in the morning but some physical exercise was needed. Especially now, Kurt thought as he made a mental note to look up gym membership in the neighbourhood. He never wanted to make it yet another expense but now he could afford it. And it'd make him look better for his clients and do his job better so it was worth it.
He went to the main hall and sat on the couch, clutching his key card in a hand as he waited for his boss to approach him. Of course hotel staff knew what was happening there. They actually gained from this little business going on in there because the agency made sure all their guests paid for the night, no matter what service they were provided with, as the part of a payment for services. And escorts weren't exactly visible for anyone who didn't want to see them. They weren't disrupting the peace, so no one expected them to be anything more than guests. Everyone was happy.
Kurt smiled as Andrew sat by him.
"So, you got your payment?" the man asked Kurt quietly, putting a paper coffee cup in front of him. Kurt smiled gratefully and nodded.
"I'm about to check out with the reception." he replied calmly.
"Good, kid. Let me know if you want to get into it for good, as we discussed. We'll sign the official contract for the open for public service but as we discussed..."
"It's not exactly that, I know. It's clear. I'll give you a call." Kurt said quietly and stood up, Andrew following him and offering his hand.
"I'm sure you did good job today." he said casually as he shook Kurt's hand, making him snort. "You will get used to it. If you want to." Andrew patted Kurt's back and went to the free couch a few feet away, leaving Kurt alone.
Kurt went to a reception, handing them the key. He smiled politely at the receptionist, knowing very well she was aware of what just happened in that room and trying not to look her directly in the eyes. Kurt left the hotel as soon as she said they were done.
The cab ride home, and he could easily spend some money on it thanks to the amount he had earned in the hotel he left just a minute ago, was a pleasant experience after the daily struggle in the subway. He simply didn't have any energy left for the public transport. Kurt sighed as the cabby drove through the city. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly.
Kurt smiled at the cabby and paid him when they were in Bushwick, not getting a smile back but it's not like he expected one. It couldn't have been a great job in New York, full of angry people and lost tourists. Kurt shut the car door and looked around. The street was dark, already due to the broken lamp by their apartment. He chuckled dryly, good thing to accompany his not so perfect mood.
He opened the door and got into the building, once again choosing the stairs over an elevator, which he regretted halfway through the trip up the stairs as he felt his body ache. Adrenaline wearing off made him finally feel how sore he really is so reaching the top of the stairs was a relief. Kurt opened the door and sighed as he saw Brody and Rachel eating pizza again. He wondered if they were using it as a courtship device.
"Hey, Kurt." Brody smiled and stood up, offering his hand, which Kurt shook and nodded as Rachel squealed and got up, hugging him.
"How was your very first night at work?!" she asked, still having a piece of pizza in her hand.
"Rachel, ew, don't stain my shirt," Kurt smiled tiredly. "It was not actually my first day of work in my life, you know? It's just a part time job."
"I know, buzzkill." she rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, leading him to a table in the middle of a room. "But it's something new, right? Exciting!"
"It is." Kurt nodded absently. "It was good, more physical than office job at , obviously. But it's nice to have something new to do."
"Yeah, I believe you, come on, we have pizza and some NYADA gossip."
Kurt wrinkled his nose and shook his head. He wasn't expecting her to treat him gently because of his own failure but sometimes it felt like he could have come to New York alone and would, at least, meet new people instead of feeling stuck with his best friend who had no time or didn't feel like talking about anything else than her school, the one that hadn't accepted Kurt. He winced quietly, he didn't mean to be bitter over NYADA of all things. It felt a little silly for him not to be able to move on.
"I think I'm going to turn in. I could steal one piece first though, if it's okay?" he looked at Brody with a smile, pretty sure Rachel didn't pay for the food. "Sure, dude. Take two, even, we have too much anyway." Brody shrugged and sat down.
"Are you seriously not going to stay with us? We could have a nice evening; pop open that wine Brody bought earlier?" Rachel looked at Kurt with a smile. She was in a good mood, which was great but it also meant she was going to be very chatty and ask too many questions. And Kurt definitely wasn't up for it, thank you very much. "Rachel, I love you. But I worked two jobs tonight, I'm really tired. And you two?" he pointed at Rachel and Brody. "Please keep it quiet."
Kurt disappeared behind the curtains with his pizza before they could protest. He knew asking them wouldn't do any good and decided to take the earbuds out of a bedside drawer before changing into comfortable clothes, the tee shirt and comfy sweat pants he would never let anyone see him in outside but that were the best for a cold night in New York.
Kurt looked in a mirror and touched his stomach and then let his hand creep on a thigh, pinching it slightly. Someone else had seen him that night, naked. Someone he hoped to never meet again had sex with him. Kurt laughed dryly and shook his head. Not as prudish as people thought he was.
Or was he really? He'd only had one partner in his life. So little experience, so few nights spent in bed with another person. And that evening? It didn't count. Maybe physically, maybe in some weird, twisted "how many guys have I slept with" way, but definitely didn't count as an actual experience anyone would appreciate.
Kurt closed his eyes as he moved his hand to touch the back of a thigh and then a little higher, more hesitantly to touch his asscheek. He bit his lip as he thought about the guy from earlier. His client.
It didn't matter. It was just act, it was just physical. It couldn't hurt him.