Why Grocery Shopping With the Goblin King Is Never A Good Idea
Sarah had disappeared. He couldn't find her.
At first, Jareth was able to maintain his composure fairly easily. He just blinked, staring at the spot she had been a moment earlier, and then continued on his way down the aisle of brightly colored cereal boxes.
However, after maneuvering down tightly enclosed lanes that smelt of harsh lemon cleaner with people jostling the annoyingly rickety buggy Sarah left him in charge of, Jareth began to become slightly less composed. He still hadn't found her, and he was positive he'd swept through the entire store.
The Goblin King had recently moved in with Sarah after five years of silence, one realization of his feelings for her, six weeks of stalking and declarations of intent, then three months of dating before the mutual decision that he would move into her apartment while she finished school. Things were going smoothly between them. Of course, they fought, and there was that incident with her closet opening into another dimension when he first moved in. But, if anything, Jareth was actually enjoying his time Above. There were no needy goblins, demanding subjects, or whiny runners to worry about. There was only Sarah. She was the first thing he saw in the morning and the last thing he saw at night. She was always there — near and warm and smiling.
Only when she had classes were they apart. And that wouldn't even be an issue, however, Sarah banned him from attending lectures after he spent an entire hour of class tracing the top of her thigh while whispering about all the different things he was going to do to her when they got back home. Every other moment, though, they spent in each other's presence. He would read by her silently as she worked on homework, and they would spend the evenings out around the city, Sarah leading him by the hand, showing him all the little wonders that her own world had to offer.
The store, he was in now, wasn't a large building. Hardly a place that should have caused this feeling of worry and dread that came over him. But this was the first time he was unintentionally separated from her. They were always together when going out. And it wasn't that he didn't like going out on his own, Jareth just found the cacophony and bluster of human society more tolerable in Sarah's presence.
So, it wasn't like he panicked. He was only concerned in regard with her well-being. The title of Goblin King had more than its fair share of enemies (really just those Jareth might have insulted, and who would love to see his glittery-hide taken down a few notches). And those enemies were not above using any means necessary to see to his downfall, including using Sarah to gain an upper hand (actually most of his enemies found Sarah to be quite pleasant, especially seeing as she did kick his glittery-ass, being a fifteen year-old human at that. And they would never do anything so nefarious or rude as to kidnap her).
Although, looking back a few weeks later, Jareth was inclined to admit that perhaps calling on the goblin horde en masse was a little over the top.
Once the screaming began, Sarah knew something was wrong.
The young woman was currently in the fruit area, picking out the ripest of raspberries she could find to make sauce for Peach Melba later tonight.
Jareth had a fierce sweet tooth, and she had been trying many different recipes since he moved in with her that fit his tastes. He didn't have much experience with human food, and she enjoyed introducing him to new things to see his reactions. Well, that, and she didn't really enjoy the effects processed sugar had on the fairytale king. Really, it was like watching some deleted scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that had been too disturbing to be released to the public.
Sarah picked up a box of red fruit with a satisfied nod and went over to examine the peaches, when she heard a loud crash that sounded like someone knocked over a fairly large display of canned goods. She gave a mental shrug and went back to inspecting fruit when an ear-piercing shriek made her start, peach falling from her hand, down to the ground, where it proceeded to roll away.
Heart thumping, Sarah listened to the sounds of increasing panic throughout the store while she watched the peach roll away to finally stop in front of the vegetable display on the other side of the room. Her eyes slowly trailed up the metallic stand and met with where a goblin sat under a spray of water. The creature was using a piece of lettuce like a loofah to scrub its grimy body and occasionally turn its head up to catch the water in its mouth. When the goblin finally noticed her, it gave an enthusiastic wave and then continued on with its bathing.
Fruit forgotten along with any and all plans for dessert making, Sarah turned around to see goblins swarming all throughout the store.
The breaking of glass and tearing of cardboard accompanied the sounds of middle class consumer terror as the goblins broke into whatever they could get their hands on. The shrill cries of suburban mothers pierced the air as some of the goblins decided that their time would be better spent collecting the sequins and rhinestones that liberally decorated some of the women's tracksuits. Middle-aged men attempted to retain some semblance of dignity as they worriedly skirted to the nearest exit, toppling over senior citizens on their way out. The children who weren't being hauled off by their hysteric guardians joined in the pandemonium, stuffing their mouths with as many sugar-filled treats they could get their hands on.
Now, it wasn't like Sarah was unfamiliar with the goblins' antics. She was dating their king after all. She'd learned very early on in their relationship to never become too attached to her intimate clothing or those lovely fuzzy socks of hers that kept her feet warm from the bitter chill of winter air. Heck, she no longer questioned it when she'd get up in the middle of the night to find goblins passed out on her kitchen counter or curled up in cabinets and drawers.
However, letting goblins loose in a grocery store full of unsuspecting humans went past adorable mischief and crashed headfirst into horrific chaos.
Sarah was able to gather what remained of her wits after some of the initial shock wore off, and strode promptly past the goblins, tossing produce like snowballs and downing barbeque sauce like it was ale.
She silently cursed. How did these things always end up happening to her? She was sure she must have done something in a past life for her present to be in this constant state of chaos. Maybe she was cursed, doomed to suffer eternal torment in the form of small, smelly imps.
Although, after rounding the corner, Sarah realized she was being completely unfair to herself and the goblins, because the king standing ten feet away from her in full regalia deserved her ire much more.
"Jareth!"
The Goblin King turned his attention away from the pimply youth he had dangling a good three feet above the floor. The air was pulsing and cracking with magick. Darkness radiated from his form, slithering out onto the checkerboard tiles and cocooning him in a shadowy haze of malevolent energy.
"What are you doing?" Sarah shouted.
Jareth's initial relief at seeing Sarah quickly melted, replaced by a cool façade of indifference.
"I couldn't find you," he stated simply.
"So you unleash the horde," she said, whipping her hand around to indicate the goblins. A group of them zoomed by in a shopping cart. The king's cool façade remained nonplussed.
"It worked, did it not?"
"Jareth…" Sarah said wearily. She glanced pointedly at the boy he still had a hold of. Jareth turned toward the kid, looking at him surprised he still had him dangling up in the air.
"I was attempting to obtain your location," he said hesitant.
"And why exactly would you expect the bagboy to know where I was?"
"He bears the insignia of this establishment, Sarah," he spoke defensively, while pointing out the Safeway logo on the boy's apron. "If anyone is capable of traversing this labyrinth of foodstuffs it is one who bears the mark of its chieftain."
"Why didn't you just scry for me with a crystal?"
He blinked and then brought himself up to full height, attempting to give off an imposing air. "Really, Sarah? Do you think me so obtuse?"
She opened her mouth to retort, but then paused, feigning to contemplate her answer.
"Sarah," he hissed.
The corners of her lips twitched. "No. But you tend to overreact and cause pointless chaos."
To confirm her statement, a man wearing a gaudy Ed Hardy shirt ran by yelling in terror as a trio goblins clung to his back while yelling, "Piggyback ride!"
"So, how exactly do you plan on fixing this mess, your majesty?"
Jareth gave her a flat look.
But the next moment Sarah blinked, he was gone. As well as the goblins and the panic and the mayhem that had previously encompassed her vision.
It was as if he'd flipped a switch. Suddenly everything was back to its normal, ordinary, magick-less state. People walked past her with dull eyes, completely absorbed in their own minds and worlds, oblivious to what they had just been exposed to. Even the canned display was back in its previous lackluster arrangement.
"So little faith."
Warm breath wafted down her neck, sending chills spiking up her body.
Sarah turned to find Jareth leaning on their buggy, still filled with every last one of their was back in his mortal attire, his hair short and choppy.
Maybe it was because she knew what he was, but she couldn't get used to him posing as human.
His eyes still had that predatory glint, and his skin and hair retained that unearthly sheen that made him glow. But he was passable.
"Cute trick."
He sneered at her words. "Must you be so curt? I'll have you know that cute trick was actually quite taxing."
Sarah had trouble holding back her expression of surprise. Jareth wasn't one to admit weakness so readily.
"Yes, well, you make it look all too easy," she said magnanimously.
"I can assure you, even I have my limits. Why do you think I crave so much sugar?" he said, with a teasing smile. "All those carbohydrate-filled goods are perfect for restoring my magical energy. Speaking of, I believe the ice cream is this this way, yes?" he said, angling the cart in the opposite direction.
Sarah took in his casual expression, clashing with the eager look in his eyes and laughed softly under her breath. "How did you know what I was making?"
"Do you really need to ask?"
They both fell into sync as they walked beside one another towards the frozen foods section, neither noticing the bagboy eying them as he handed off groceries to customers with shaky hands.
A/N: I would like to thank dmacabre and dmacabre's story "En Fuego" for inspiring this fic; although, if you've read that story, you probably have no idea how this travesty was spawned from that marvelously delicious piece of art. Go over to livejournal, check it out if you haven't and leave a review. It's a crossover for Dresden Files and Labyrinth, but honestly if you aren't familiar with the series or have read it, the fic is still a great read.
Also, Jareth likes to pretend he's mysterious. He only knew what she was making because he saw Sarah's shopping list while snooping through her purse.
This fic was inspired by dmacabre's story, "En Fuego." I had mistook part of the dialogue, and had the wonderful mental image of Jareth overreacting and needlessly calling on all the goblins to find Sarah after losing track of her in some common Aboveground setting.