Blaine was 12 years old the first time he realized that bowties had personalities.
He found out that his striped ones were very punctual and neat, and if they were tied just a little too messy then they would complain. He became very aware of the fact that if he didn't switch the reversible ones every time he wore it, the other side would be cranky the next time he was showing.
The ones with animals on them were always joyful; however, he could never wear them around actual animals, their small little shrieks making it awkward for him to walk around other people.
So he always had to keep his bowties happy – he didn't want anyone else to hear them! They were his bowties, his little personal friends who hung happily around his neck.
It wasn't just bowties, he realized though.
When he started at Dalton, the first thing he noticed was that the red and blue striped tie had a very distinct personality. It would constantly snip at him if it wasn't tied perfectly, if there was a stain, if it hadn't been laundered in a while.
And then Kurt had come to spy on the Warblers, and all Blaine's tie had been able to talk about was Kurt's smooth red tie that he was wearing that day.
"Blaine, seriously," he heard it say one day, "Did you see that tie?"
Blaine never responded – because how ridiculous was it to talk to your ties? He merely kept them happy so that they would keep it down.
But his Dalton tie apparently couldn't be happy without Kurt's red tie around, and it was kind of driving Blaine crazy.
When Kurt arrived at Dalton, after having being driven out of McKinley, his tie kept telling Blaine to ask him for the red tie, how it was such a shame he now had to wear another Dalton tie, how Kurt's Dalton tie had absolutely no personality.
Blaine learned to tune his tie out, it's constant whining and complaining and longing for Kurt's red tie soon becoming just a regular buzz in his ear.
And then when he'd finally, finally kissed Kurt, he heard his tie's shriek of joy and its suggestion that he should accidentally leave it in Kurt's closet, hanging next to the red tie.
When their kisses became more heated after a few weeks of being together, and their fingers trailed over necklines and gently removed, Blaine learned to ignore his tie's squawks of protest, his constant fighting that Kurt wasn't being gentle enough, but really, Blaine didn't care when he was practically ripping Kurt's own tie off in order to give himself better access to the boy's beautiful collarbone.
And then, on the drive home from Kurt's house, his tie slung over his shoulder, he realized that something wasn't quite right.
He couldn't place it, at first. He looked in the mirror, thinking that maybe it was the slew of hickeys along his collarbone that Kurt had 'accidentally' given him. But that was nothing out of the ordinary – Kurt just really liked to mark Blaine for his own.
It wasn't until he got home that he realized.
His tie, still slung over his shoulder, hadn't said anything.
Sighing in relief, because its incessant chatter had gotten a little annoying, he draped it over his desk chair and made his way to the bathroom. Once he made it to the door, however, he heard a slight muffle from the tie. Rolling his eyes, he made to go hang the tie up in the closet so he could sleep without disturbance that night.
"Blaine," the tie said. "There's a problem."
Blaine's eyes widened, because that was definitely not what his tie sounded like.
"You took Kurt's tie," it said. "Actually, your tie insisted we switch places so that he could meet Kurt's infamously flirty red tie."
Blaine groaned and threw the tie into the closet, not caring where it landed.
He noted, though, that Kurt's tie had a girl voice. Blaine didn't know why, but he had just assumed that all the Dalton boys would be boys.
Kurt called him a few days later.
"Blaine," he said. "I don't know what happened, but my Dalton tie and that nice red tie I have are seriously knotted together, and I can't get them apart."
Blaine laughed, much to Kurt's questioning.
"I'll have them send you a new tie for Monday," he said in reply once his laughter had died down.
"And…there's something else."
Blaine paused, because Kurt's voice sounded concerned.
"I – I swear that – okay, don't think I'm crazy, please – but I swear that I heard some moaning or something coming from them."
Blaine laughed again, mainly for two reasons.
The first was because Kurt was so obviously concerned about the fact that he heard noises coming from the ties.
And the second was because it wasn't only Blaine now, he wasn't insane.
Well, maybe he was, but he now had Kurt to be insane with him.
I don't even know. It just kind of...happened. I saw some fanart on tumblr of Blaine having a playboy magazine for bowties, and this just sort of came out of me like 3 minutes after that.
And i'm in a Dalton!klaine kick so that helped too
I don't know. I feel like the cracky stuff is easier to write lol.
And I posted this as a separate story because people always seem to want my weird stuff posted separately for reccing purposes.
Also it's my headcannon that Kurt likes to give Blaine hickeys and show the world that that fine piece of man is his and his alone.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
Review? I know this was basically a crackfic, but reviews are always nice :)