A small story wrapped around the Nella Darren episode. This assumes that the Nella/Jean-Luc relationship lasted a few months which means that I'm kind of playing with the order in which the episodes were shown. This first chapter takes place after the Season 6 Amanda Rogers episode: True Q.

On loan from CBS.

Q, with all his accompanying usual mayhem, was gone. But, as is often the case with the being, his presence, or in this case, Amanda's presence was a long way from being considered forgotten; as much as it pertained to Dr. Beverly Crusher at least.

She had been defenseless, stripped bare in the face of young Miss Roger's question. "If she could, would she bring Jack back?"

No matter how much she tried, the question had been impossible to banish from her mind. Beverly needed to talk to someone, and discussing it with Jean-Luc over breakfast was not an option. Deanna was of course the obvious choice, but the Betazoid would automatically switch to her "counselor mode"; something Beverly preferred to avoid. She'd had her fill of counselors after Arvada and then, when Jack had died.

But wise women know when to quit, and Beverly Crusher likes to think she inherited some of her Nana's wisdom. She already felt better as she made her way to the Counselor's cabin. There is after all, solace to be found in admitting defeat.

Deanna Troi sensed the conflict in her best friend even before she let her in. She braced herself. Navigating through Beverly's stormy feelings is never easy, but tonight it would be like running an obstacle course through barbed wires. The Counselor patiently waited while the Doctor walked around the room a few times, finally stopping in front of the viewport.

"When Amanda realized she had the powers of the Q, she asked me if it were me, would I bring Jack back."

Oh yes thought Deanna, that would definitively upset you. "How did that make you feel?" she asked her.

Beverly's reaction was quick, angry, and brutal. "Deanna, could you not be a counselor for once."

The other woman stood her ground: "When you see a bleeding wound, can you turn off being a doctor?"

She had her there. "You know Deanna, for a Betazoid, you can be annoyingly logical at times." A pause, then a plea. "Please Deanna, just for tonight?"

Deanna debated for a few seconds. Finally she got up, left the room and came with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"I can't really counsel someone if I'm having a drink with them, can I?" More gently. "Come on Beverly, come sit down."

She poured them both a glass and was not shocked when Beverly immediately took a long drink of hers.

"I loved that man Deanna. Despite the distance, the long absences, I never regretted marrying him. Everybody told us we were too young, but we knew it was right for us." Deanna did not need to hear the words, the feelings of love and longing coming from the Doctor spoke for themselves. "When he died, it was as though the lights shut off. Had it not been for Wesley, I don't know if I could have carried on like I did."

"But you did Beverly. Even without Wesley you would have. It probably would have been more difficult, but you would have."

For the first time since she sat down, Beverly looked Deanna in the eyes: "How can you be so sure Deanna? I'm not even sure of it myself."

Deanna did not hesitate: "Because you're a fighter, a survivor Beverly. You survived Arvada. You would have survived that also. "

"After Jack died, so many nights I cried myself to sleep." The remembered despair and still very present sadness flowed in waves from the doctor. Deanna leaned forward and took her friend's hands in hers. Moisture formed in Beverly's eyes. Deanna could barely hear her next sentence, so low was her voice.

"I didn't say yes. I couldn't."

Suddenly Beverly became angry: "What kind of wife am I? How can I not want my husband back?"

Deanna's response was immediate: "It's been fifteen years Beverly. You're not the same person. You've grown, changed. It's perfectly normal to feel that way."

The counselor allowed Beverly a few moments before tackling the obvious. "And more importantly, it would throw a wrench in the pseudo-marriage you have with the Captain."

Shocked and angry, Beverly barked: "My what? What are you talking about?"

Deanna had a little smile on her face as she lifted both her eyebrows. She took the time to take a sip of her wine, letting her words sink in before answering: "You did want me to take my counselor hat off, you know. Be your friend you asked. Well your friend tonight is telling you that the main reason you hesitated is because deep down you know that if Jack were to come back, you'd have to give up the Captain."

"Deanna. Jean-Luc and I are friends. Nothing more. That friendship would still be there."

Deanna shook her head: "Not the way it exists now. Just because you're not physically intimate, doesn't mean you aren't emotionally intimate. When you need to talk to someone, he's your first choice, and it's the same for him. The only reason you're here tonight is because Captain Picard himself is part of your problem, otherwise you'd be discussing this with him."

Deanna hesitated; breaking professional confidence is never easy, but sometimes, as in tonight, unavoidable. She forged ahead. "It's part of my duties to report on the number and the type of counseling sessions I provide the staff. Statistically speaking, both you and the Captain have the same counseling behaviours as officers who have spouses on board."

Deanna, sensing confusion in Beverly, explained further.

"You, the Captain, Will, have the highest stress jobs on the ship. Yet, both you and the Captain rarely seek my counsel. Instead, you talk to each other, seek each others advice, comfort, and support. You are each others sounding board, confidante... In a sense, you are each others "spouse".

Deanna watched as Beverly paced around the room for several moments. Finally she turned around and came and sat down in front of the Counselor. She lifted troubled eyes to her friend.

"I never saw it like that." A small laugh came out. "To be honest, I've avoided trying to analyze what we've become to each other. It's simpler that way."

Deanna refilled both their glass. She had another bombshell to share. "You do realize that outside of the senior staff, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't believe you two are lovers."

Beverly nodded. She had long suspected that her relationship with the captain was perceived differently then it actually was.

"You have breakfast together nearly every morning. You attend functions together." The Betazoid paused to make sure her next statement was well understood. "And for a while now, even in front the crew, you have been using each others first name. Nobody else would ever remotely think of calling the Captain, Jean-Luc."

Beverly continued to stay silent as she looked down at her glass of wine.

Deanna continued: "If there were any doubts left, they were erased by Wesley's Nova squadron accident."

The mention of her son did manage to force Beverly to look up at Deanna. "What do you mean?"

Deanna gently took her hand again: "Beverly... He attended the hearing with you. He never left your side. He even committed his ship's resources to the investigation."

Beverly tried in vain to deny it: "Jack was his best friend. Wesley is Jack's son."

Deanna looked her directly in the eyes: "Yes, but more importantly, Wesley is your son Beverly. You may have both tried to fool each other into thinking he was doing all of this because of Jack, but deep down you must know that it was for you, for you and for Wesley."

Deanna looked at her friend. She and Beverly gossip about every topic under the sun except for one: the Doctor's relationship with the Captain. Now that for once the subject was on the table, Deanna was not going to waste the opportunity.

"You do know Beverly that this relationship you have with the Captain is fragile."

"How can you say that Deanna? We've been friends for twenty years.

Deanna shook her head. "People change Beverly. Up until a few months ago, this intimate friendship you share, along with the occasional discrete flings you both indulge in, worked for the both of you. I am not sure it's still true for him anymore. The Kattan probe, it changed him. There, he married, loved his wife, had children, grandchildren. Having lived that, he may want to do so again, for real this time."

Beverly's panic hit Deanna like full on phaser hit. Normally the doctor was more careful around the Betazoid. This time, the feelings had erupted before Beverly had the time to control them. Deanna put her arm around her friend.

"What scares you most Beverly? Him having an intimate relationship with another woman or with you?"

It came out as a whisper. "I don't know…and I'm scared to find out."

Deanna opened her arms to the older woman. "Come here."

And late into the night, Deanna Troi listened.

Several days later during lunch, Deanna noticed how quiet the doctor was. "Hey Beverly. What is it?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about what we talked about the other night."

Deanna patiently waited for Beverly to continue. When the doctor stayed silent, the counselor raised her eyebrow. Beverly let out a long sigh. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

The Betazoid put on her most innocent face: "Say what Beverly?" She ducked just in time to avoid the bread roll.

Beverly took a few moments to gather her thoughts. "After Jack died I was so busy just coping that I didn't see the years go by. Somewhere along the way, I quit being Jack's wife and became his widow. But, the thing is, I never realized it until the other night. Oh, I've had a few encounters…" The doctor lifted her head and smiled. "… and you know about all of those Deanna. But I never really allowed myself to love someone like I did Jack. Even with Odan, I knew that it wouldn't last. "

Deanna leaned back in her chair, tilted her head and crossed her arms. "So now what?"

Beverly took her time folding her napkin. "Now, I go on."

"And the Captain?"

Beverly allowed a small secret smile to shine through. "Well, we are attending the concert tomorrow night." Then after a pause. "We are dining together before."

"And how does that differ than from what you normally do?"

Beverly lifted one of her eyebrow. "It differs, my vertically challenged friend, because now I know differently."

In the five years, Deanna had known the Doctor, she had never seen her this carefree, this happy.

"Well, it should be a good concert; Data was telling me that the astrophysicist we picked up at the last crew rotation is a brilliant pianist….."

TBC