He remembered the exact day, the exact time, the exact breath taking moment he had fallen in love. The goose bumps and the tingling sensation, the wave of anxiety and fluttering butterflies that had rose within him, a new part of him that he had just discovered that released itself to Tom's broken heart. He had never felt this way before. Not with Amy, nor with Jackie. The thought of Amy, Tom's dead girlfriend, made him shutter. But that was over a year ago. Hanson had moved on. With this new feeling, he felt shame. He didn't understand why. He didn't look down on or belittle gays. He thought of them just like he thought of, well, everyone else. They were still people.
So why did Hanson feel shame with his newly found realization that he in fact was attracted to men? Was he ashamed of being attracted to men? No, Hanson always new since a younger age that he was attracted to both men and women. He hid that part of him deep down so he could forget. His father had been a police officer; he had enforced laws against gays, blacks, and females. Even though his father never agreed with it, it doesn't mean he never enforced it. Did he feel shame because he thought his father would be ashamed? Maybe, but now Hanson was a cop, and there were boundaries. Maybe Hanson felt a little shame with the fact he liked men. Not because of what his friends or anyone else would think, but because he feared his dead father would hate him for it. He knew his dad loved him, but something tugged at his heart. He knew his dad would have wanted someone to carry on his name.
Again, the fact he was bisexual didn't make him feel as guilty as the idea of whom he'd fallen for. Even thinking about it made him feel guilty. Dennis Booker. Dennis Booker is the man he'd fallen for. The straight man he'd fallen for. He knew Dennis could never love him, of all people. Within his first week of transferring to Jumpstreet, Hanson had ruined any chances he had with forming a valuable friendship, let alone a relationship. Dennis didn't belong at Jumpstreet. He knew it, Hanson knew it, his captain knew it, and so did the three other officers in the department. But that's what broke Hanson's heart. Seeing how much hate Doug had towards him. Doug Penhall is Hanson's partner, brother on most cases, and best friend. When Tom had first transferred to Jumpstreet, about three years ago, Penhall was envious of him. He was the one who solved the case they had been working on for over a month. He was the one who was so neat, so perfect. Penhall was jealous of Tommy's so called perfection. But that passed.
During the summer, all the officers were transferred to different departments until school started. Penhall had stayed with his department, intelligence, within the first few months of the fall. That time was when Booker had transferred over. That's when all the drama began, and to this day Hanson still feels remorse. It was his fault, all of it, so he thought. At that moment he thought he was doing something to help bring justice. Even though they were on better terms now they had been before, he still felt terrible.
It had been Bookers first case, and they had ben partnered together at Wilcox High to investigate who painted 'Nigger' on the football teams bus, and slashed the tires. They had to get with the racist crowd, and politics showed the first difference between Hanson and Booker. Hanson was liberal, and Booker republican.
Later, Hanson had accused Booker of rape. He had evidence to back up that he had raped a student, Tracy Evens, at Wilcox High School. But Judy, another fellow officer, had confirmed Dennis's alibi. He went to Doug to get advice. After badgering him day and night, he told Tom that Dennis was from Internal Affairs. That he was there to investigate Jumpstreet.
In the past, criminals had tried to get out of going to prison by playing the entrapment card. Councilman Davis was already against the Jumpstreet program, so this accusation could have shut down the program. It didn't.
A few cases later Penhall had come back from Intelligence after screwing up a case.
Hanson knows that the accusation still lingers inside Dennis, tearing him to pieces. Booker comes off as the bad boy who doesn't care, but inside he does. Dennis has emotions that Tom wants to unravel and explore. He wants to see what's truly hidden under all that leather and spikes. What secrets does he hide with his smile? Tom can see the pain in Dennis's eyes; he could see past the cement wall of lies he had built up. All Tom could think about was wrapping himself into Dennis having his protective arms over his chest. But they were just dreams, and Tom knew that. But they could still be friends, right?
After his lunch break Tom walked into yet another pile of paperwork from a previous case. He knew he should get around to it before Fuller got onto him for it. He took a seat at his desk, put his legs up, and began proof reading his report. He needed Dennis's signature on it. He got up silently and walked over to Dennis's desk. He was playing aimlessly with a Rubik cube. His mind had the big picture, his fingers all the wrong moves. They moved softly with the plastic, twisting and turning to match up red with red, and green with green. He began to wonder what other things his hands could do.
"Here," Tom said placing the report on Dennis's desk and pilling the Rubik cube out of his hands.
"Hanson!" he protested. Before he could say anything else, Hanson handed back the newly solved puzzle.
"I was getting there," Dennis scowled.
"Yeah, in like a decade" Hanson responded playing a thoughtful smile on his lips.
"Alright Tom, spill it. What do you want?"
"I need your John Hancock, and do you want to grab a few drinks tonight? Catch the game? My treat."
Yes Hanson knew he was basically asking him out on a date, but he just wanted to spend some time with his partner. Dennis looked at Tom, his daze bland, expressionless.
"Sure, Teddy's?" He asked skimming over the report. Dennis didn't seem to notice Hanson's intentions, which put him at ease. He handed the report back to Hanson.
"What's with the sudden change of heart?" asked Dennis, unscrambling the newly solved puzzle. Hanson felt like the Rubik cube, he was so whole; he had a sense of self, until Dennis came in and unscrambled him. Dennis had no clue that Hanson's heart was in the palm of his hand. Too much pressure could shatter it into a million and one pieces.

"I mean, don't you hate me?" he asked putting the unsolved puzzle on his desk. One side was solid. His eyes looked into Toms, and he could see the anxiety swimming around his chocolate ocean. He began to analyze all of Tommy. His sharp cheek bones, chocolate eyes. All of his features were proportionate. His hair had grown from when Dennis first came to Jumpstreet 6 months ago. He was beginning to form some stubble.
"I don't hate you Dennis," his expression remained calm, but he thought his heart was going to burst through his ribs. Thumping so hard, Tom swore Dennis could hear it. Tome resisted the urge to bite at his nails or fidget in any way that showed anxiety.
From an external perspective, it looked like two friends wanting to go see a movie, but within their circle they knew there was much more. Emotions covered all unspoken words. Dennis picked his Rubik cube up, eyeing Hanson as he bounced it back and forth between his hands.
"Alright sure," Booker said. Hanson nodded showing no enthusiasm. Inside he was leaping ten feet in the air, doing summersaults. But then his hopes crumbled when he realised Dennis Booker would never want him. He couldn't show any emotion on his face or any anxiety through his body. Calm was a familiar word to Tom, but it seemed to become jumbled when Booker was near him. Hanson grabbed the report, turned on his foot then stopped when the captain yelled his name. "Hanson, Booker, in my office" There was no annoyance in the older man's voice. He was a tall man, mid-forties. His complexion was very dark, darker than Hoffs, the other African American officer in the department.

He had come as a new captain after the first two and a half months of the program. Their original captain, Richard Jenko, had been killed in a drunk driving accident. That had been three and a half years ago. At first it had been uncomfortable because he had made many changes. Instead of just having the officers at the chapel, there was a whole group of people who dealt with issues that were sent downtown.
The captain closed the door when the two officers were in. They were the last ones there, Penhall, Ioki, and Judy had all squished into the couch. Dennis sat on the armrest, while Hanson stood.
"Hanson, you got that report?" asked Fuller. Hanson nodded, handing it to him. The rest of the team sat patiently. Fuller looked at each of the officers, studying them, their features, their expressions, taking mental pictures of them as if today was his last day alive.

Their lives were precious; anything could happen that could take it away. And that's why they were all gathered around the office, waiting for Fuller to spill the news.
"Guys, I have bad news," said Fuller.

They were silent, half waiting for Booker to make some smart ass remark, but instead he dropped his head to stare at the floor. Fullers eyes were tearing up, he never cried, ever, not matter what the circumstances were. But this was different, personal.

"That previous case you all were assigned to at Douglas, the girl who was raped died in the hospital last night," his voice choked. He could barely say the rest of his sentence.
"Shelly Stevenson was my niece. I was shocked they even gave Jumpstreet this case." He let another tear drop.

"Captain," Judy began softly. "Coach, are you going to take some time off?" Hanson asked. He nodded. "You guys have the rest of the day off, I'll be back after the funeral" he said turning from the officers and grabbing his jacket from the coat hanger. "I'll see you guys next week," he mumbled ducking out of the office.
The rest of the officers looked at each other in disbelief. No one knew what to say or how to say it. Someone spoke, and to everyone's surprise, it was Dennis. "He needs to mourn, and I know I haven't known Fuller for as long as you guys have, but I think he just needs some time." His voice was soft, genuine.
"What would you know Booker?" Penhall growled sourly.
"Doug, he's just trying to help," Hanson intervened.
"Why are you defending him?"
"Why are you attacking him?"
"Guys!" Harry and Judy yelled in unison. Hanson and Penhall looked up at them.
"Fuller said we have the rest of the day off, let's just go home and take a break from each other." Judy said.
"Alright," Hanson said softly getting up and walking out of Fullers officer. Booker followed.
"What's his problem?" Penhall mumbled to himself.
"Doug you didn't have to go and criticize Dennis, he was only trying to help," Ioki said casually.
"I thought he hated the guy"
"Doug did you ever notice that you're the only one still holding a grudge against him?"
"The guy doesn't belong here."

"Dennis, don't take it personally," Hanson spoke softly walking next to Booker.
"What's the deal Hanson? Why do you want to get a drink with me? Why did you defend me in there?"
"You're my partner, that's what we do."
"No Hanson, there's more to it, I can see it." He whispered walking closer to Tom, they were inches apart. Tom could smell Booker, a mixture of cigarettes, beer, and a scent he could only describe as Dennis Booker.
"I know what you want," Dennis whispered seductively in Tom's ear. His lips brushed softly against the stubble on his cheek. He looked into Toms eyes.
"Oh do you?" Tom whispered moving closer to Dennis.
"Yeah, I do," he said closing the gap between him and Hanson.

His lips were soft, the opposite of which they appeared. Hanson crushed into him moving his lips in rhythm against Dennis's. Booker tangled his hand through Tom's hair, playing thoughtlessly with the soft strands. Hanson couldn't believe he was finally kissing Dennis. He couldn't believe it hadn't ended yet. He could taste the alcohol he downed last night. Taste the cigarettes he smoked before work. Taste the mouth wash he had used to drown out the scent of whisky.
Toms hands wandered all over Dennis's arms, back, chest, and stomach. They crawled and scratched all over the hot skin Tom had been dying to explore. "Hanson," Dennis whispered against Tom's lips.
"Yeah Book?"
"I took a wild shot in the dark. I didn't anticipate you kissing me back" he confessed.
"Dennis," Tom breathed.
"You've already gotten yourself into this, you can't just do this to me and leave," he said pulling back to look at Tom.
"Dennis," Tom repeated.
"I know it was a stupid thing to do. But I just couldn't help myself; you were so close to me. But you kissed me back, damn it. You kissed me back!"
"Dennis," Tom said a little more firmly. He looked up at him. He'd never seen this side of him. He'd never seen Dennis look so scared. He looked almost on the verge of tears.
"I kissed you back," Tom whispered, taking him back into their original embrace. The kiss was soft, less intense. Bookers hand caught Hanson's on his hips. He laced his fingers into Toms, holding on to him as if he would soon disappear.