Hi everyone! Thank you for clicking on this! I have decided to start a new series here on this website! It is called "Amerikidized Anime"! Now, you may be asking yourself, "What is Amerikidized Anime?" Well, you know how years ago there were companies who licensed anime and did a horrible dubbing job? You know, they edited out violence and character development, pretended that characters did not die, took out religious symbols, and much more. Basically, they tried to turn these animes into kid cartoons when they really were not. What I will be doing with this series is figure out what would happen if these dubbing companies got ahold of some other anime we know. I had actually done this series on Deviantart, but it wasn't really getting any support so I decided to come back here I see if it would be successful on this website. I used to write regular fanfiction but I wasn't very good at it. I keep my old stories up only because I don't know how to take them down.
But anyway, enough of that, let's ruin some anime! Today's victim is Vampire Knight episode 1. Now let's get this out of the way, I do not own Vampire Knight or any of the characters or the dubbing companies that have ruined anime in the past. I am just making this parody for fun.
Characters:
Yuki Cross is now Jessica Massey
Kaname Kuran is now Kaname Woods
Hanabusa Aidou is now Hanabusa Foster
Akatsuki Kain is now Akatsuki Clark
Zero Kiryu is now Garry Chambers
Seiren will keep her name
Ruka Souen is now Sophie Durand
Senri Shiki is now Robert Shiki
Takuma Ichijo is now Ernesto Brock
Rima Touya will keep her name
Kaien Cross is now Kaien Massey
Sayori Wakaba is now Carolyn Henry
By the way, one thing I recommend doing is watching the episode while you read this.
Episode 1: The Vampire Fight
Young Jessica: Hello? Is anybody there? I don't know where I am, I think I'm lost. I cold too. Excuse me mister, do you know where I am?
Old Vampire: Yes, I do, little girl. And I know where your blood will soon be.
(Short second where there is a close up of Yuki's face looking in horror has been cut out.)
Young Jessica: (Backing up and falling to ground) Go away, you're scary!
(The part where the vampire grabs Yuki has been cut out. Instead we see the blowing scarf and the snow on the ground. All blood has been edited out. The part where Kaname attacks the vampire has also been cut out. So the next shot we see is Kaname close up. His face and hand are bloodless.)
Kaname: You call yourself a true vampire? Ha! (There is still no blood anywhere on him) Are you okay?
(Scene ends after their hands touch.)
Jessica: (Narrating) This is my school, Massey Academy. We have a TON of students here. And we all get to stay in dorms.
Background-filling girls: (Incessant chattering as Jessica runs by)
Jessica: Alright, all of you girl better get back now! You all know that Day students aren't allowed to go in there. Everyone back to their own dorms.
Random girl 1: Don't play games with me, Jessica, you just want to keep all of the Night Class guys to yourself!
Random girl 2: You think because you're the Principal's daughter, you can just have whatever you want?
Jessica: No, I making you leave because…
Background-filling girls: (Unenthusiastic fan-girling) Oh, Akatsuki, when will you come out.
Jessica: No! Stop it, girls! Oh man, I couldn't get them out on time. (Sees the girls standing in two lines) Hey, what are you all doing now? Are you waiting for a parade or something? (Looks at Night Class, looks back at girls) And here they come…
Background-filling girls: Akatsuki! Hanabusa! Kaname! What took you so long to come?
Hanabusa: Sorry, ladies. We got held up because Akatsuki here was in his room playing video games, and he wouldn't come out until he beat the final level. There's just no controlling him, you know?
Random girl 3: No, it's okay. Really.
Hanabusa: Yay!
Akatsuki: Quiet down, will you?
Hanabusa: Oh, don't be so mad at me just because I'm the coolest!
Random girl 4: Actually I think Akatsuki is cooler.
Random girl 5: Me too.
Hanabusa: (There is a big black oval around his mouth to make it look like he's speaking. His thumb is missing and the words in the background are missing) Maybe you two would like to pull my finger.
Random girl 6: (Falls over laughing)
Random girl 3: (Laughing too)
Random girl 7: That's so funny!
Hanabusa: (Thumb is still missing) Yes! Yes! I am the funniest one around here!
Kaname: Jessica? Are you okay? (In Jessica's flashback, Kaname is not covered in blood.)
Jessica: (Close up on Jessica's face and frame freezes until her dialogue is over. She is thinking to herself) You know what's really funny is that I don't remember anything before the night that Kaname saved me.
(Cuts to next close up of Kaname.)
Kaname: It must be tough trying to deal with these annoying people every day.
Jessica: It's not really… Of course! It's my duty as a school disciplinarian!
Kaname: You actually like to call yourself a school disciplinarian? You are too funny.
Jessica: No, I'm not trying to be funny. My father told me that I need to start standing up for myself and not always ask you for help.
Kaname: Don't sweat it. I like to help. (Kaname is only seen patting her head. The shot stop before he goes any further.)
(Next frame shows Kaname, Garry, and Jessica together with Garry holding Kaname's hand.)
Jessica: Garry!
Garry: Why don't you keep your slimy hands to yourself?
Jessica: Garry, stop being mean to Kaname. He's my friend, you know.
Kaname: I agree. You need to learn some manners fast… Mr. Hothead.
Random girl 8: Wait, Kaname. We uh… got these gifts for you.
Kaname: Oh, thank you.
Garry: Listen, you screaming nutheads! Go back to your dorms right now! I'm probably going to go deaf soon if they keep up all that jabbering.
Jessica: If you're going to complain like that then don't come at all! I'm tired of hearing how being on the school disciplinary team gets in the way of your "Garry Time"!
Garry: What about you, you little doormat. You let all those other girls walk over you.
Jessica: Huh?
Garry: I thought you said you were going to stand up for yourself. But I still do this job way better than you do.
Jessica: You know I'm trying. It's just really hard.
Seiren: (From nowhere) Kaname, you do know the rules regarding items touched by humans, don't you?
Kaname: Yes, Seiren. I know. I cannot bring items touched by humans into the school.
Seiren: (Comes out of tree) Then you better destroy it now, unless you want trouble.
Kaname: Okay, okay. (The flower is destroyed) There, are you happy now?
(Scenes transition as usual)
Night Class Teacher: This candy has been specially developed to control your thirst for human blood. I expect you all to eat one before every meal. If your parents complain, tell them that this snack has been approved by your teachers.
Sophie: Ugh… But I don't even like candy.
Kaname: That attitude of yours is why you're no fun, Sophie.
Hanabusa: I still can't believe that guy! Who does that Garry Chambers think he is?! He thinks he can just insult Kaname like that and get away with it?
Sophie: Cute drawing. Trying to win the award for world's lamest artist? You already have my vote.
Hanabusa: Who asked you, Sophie?! Why can't you ever let me express myself in peace?!
Robert: I think… that girl who's always shouting at the other girls… she must hold some very good blood.
Night Class: (Gasps)
Robert: At least I think so.
Ernesto: Now, was that necessary?
Rima: Here, eat this.
Sophie: Speaking of that girl, why do you always have to talk to her during our walk, Kaname?
Kaname: Well, that because… there's something about her that's special. It makes her different from anyone else.
Hanabusa: Owie! Owie… Owie! Owie! Sophie! Watch where you drop your notebook!
Kaname: I see that the moon is behind the clouds tonight.
Ernesto: It's like a symbol, telling people that this is our night.
Kaname: The night of the vampires.
Night Class: (Strange laughter)
(Scene transitions to Kaien Massey's office)
Garry: I'm ready to quit. You expect us to wait by the gate for the Night Class every day and be their personal escorts?
Kaien: It must be big trouble, evening after evening…
Garry: If you knew it was such trouble, then you should have gotten someone else to be a school disciplinarian.
Jessica: Now Garry…
Garry: And she can't even do the job right.
Jessica: Don't say that when you're always either late or not even there!
Kaien: Sorry, Garry, no can do. (Sips drink) I mean their true identity is supposed to be a secret. Our school system is perfect! The humans like us, go to class during the day as Day Class students. And the vampires who make up the Night Class getting their schooling during the night. We can't let any of our Day Class students learn that all the Night Class students are vampires. And that's where you guys come in. You two are the only Day Class students who know that they are vampires. You are the only ones who could handle such a fact. So it must be you two who are entrusted with keeping this secret safe.
Jessica: Hm.
Garry: Grrrr.
Kaien: You two are always helping even if you hate it or get tired of it. If I can leave this job in the hands of my loving daughter and her adorable friend, I know I will always be at ease.
Garry: I've spent years putting up with you two, but I don't remember even considering her as my friend.
Kaien: Watch out, Garry. Or I may need to give you double detention.
Garry: He's your dad, Jessica, so say something.
Jessica: Huh? Um… Well, I think that the Night Class students are getting along pretty well with the Day Class students. So I'm just glad to help out.
Kaien: What a relief! I'm lucky my kid turned out so well!
Jessica: (Nervous laughter) Principal Massey?
Kaien: School's out. Call me 'Dad'.
Jessica: Okay… Dad?
Kaien: As I thought! You're the only one who understand the need for peace here, Jessica! My dream… My dream is for humans and vampires to live together in peace! And I hope that today's kids will help me realize this dream and open the barrier that separates us! And that's why I started this school in the first place! That's why there's a Day Class and a Night Class!
Garry: Does he ever stop talking?
Jessica: Garry! Again…
Kaien: It's fine, Jessica. I already know what Garry wanted to say. It's sad but true. Among vampires, there are still many who hunt on humans.
Jessica: Well, Kaname isn't like those vampires! He and the other Night Class students are all trustworthy! They wouldn't even hurt a fly!
Kaien: Jessica! Again…
Jessica: Garry and I have everything under control. Here I go!
Kaien: It's 'Dad'…
Jessica: (Thinking to herself) My mind always fogs up when I try to remember anything from before the time that Kaname saved me. It was snowing that night, and Kaname brought me to Principal Massey's house. Principal Massey adopted me- no questions asked. I would have become a sports drink if Kaname hadn't come to rescue me. That day marks the beginning of my current life. That's right. I owe Kaname big time for what he did.
Ernesto: Hey! It's you! The patrol girl!
Jessica: Ah yes! Well, I'm on my way now, bye!
Ernesto: I like that girl. Maybe we could get her to join the Night Class.
Kaname: Yeah. It's not like her secret can be locked away forever either. Sooner or later, everyone will know, and then she'll have to join us.
Ernesto: You know, the other vampires are really starting to like it here. But don't forget; while we have become more civilized around humans under your guidance, there are still vampires out there who won't listen to reason.
Kaname: I already know that Ernesto. You don't need to keep pointing out the obvious to me.
Jessica: I'll never understand. I'll never understand what it's like to be a vampire. Ahhh! Water in my ears!
Garry: (Thinking to himself) Oh, great… that biting pain is back. Stupid vampires can never mind their own business. I'll never be like them. Hey, where did I put that candy?
Day Class teacher: Jessica! Jessica, wake up!
Carolyn: (Loud whisper) Hey, Jessica, the cafeteria is loaded with chicken tenders.
Jessica: Mine! Mine! It's all mine!
Day Class: (Obnoxious laughter)
Day Class teacher: You and Garry keep falling asleep in class.
Jessica: Huh?
Day Class teacher: I don't care if you two are busy with your disciplinarian duty. Pay attention.
Jessica: Ahahahaha! Come on! Cut us a break!
Day Class teacher: That's detention for both of you!
Jessica: Aw man!
(The scene where Yuki and Yori exchange dialogue has been removed. We are now at the horses' stable.)
Garry: Do you mind, Ms. Horse? I'm trying to sleep. Oh…
Jessica: Hey! You can't sleep here too! Don't forget that the reason we got detention was because we both fell asleep in class. And then because you fell asleep in detention, we both have to clean up the horses' stable!
(The part where the horse tries to attack Yuki and Zero calms it down have been removed. We now see Jessica looking angry with her right fist in the air.)
Garry: I don't know, the stable looks pretty clean to me.
Jessica: If you keep up that attitude, the teachers are going to hate your guts. You'd better do something about it. Come on, it's time for the Night Class to come out.
Garry: I know that. …So what are you waiting for? Let's get this over with.
Jessica: Pffft! And this guy's my friend?
(The remainder of the scene has been deleted as well as Yuki's monologue. Jessica and Garry are now in front of the school at night.)
Jessica: Why must you always walk so fast? I can't keep up with you! Okay then! All of the Night Class students are in the library studying. And there aren't any Day Class students wandering around the premises. Tonight will be a breeze! Almost makes me think I can get an early sleep tonight.
Garry: Is that what you really think?
Jessica: What?
Garry: Humans and vampires will never find peace.
Jessica: I disagree with that. Garry, one day, humans and vampires will learn to live in peace. I know that my hopes will come true eventually.
Garry: Are you sure you're not just buying into what your dad believes? Even if they do look refined on the outside, they're nothing but monsters on the inside.
Jessica: Hey!
Garry: There's only one reason why I accepted the job as a school disciplinarian. That is to find the most effective way to defeat those beasts who take on human form. I'm going to patrol inside.
(Yuki's entire inner monologue and childhood memories have been deleted. In the part we are at now, Jessica has noticed that some Day Class girls are not in their dorms.)
Jessica: Huh? (Sighs) Man, what are those Day Class students doing here? You two, please state your names and grades. You both should know that our biggest rule here is that Day Class students must never wander around the school at night. It's dangerous out here. Go back to your dorms immediately.
Random girl 8: We just came to take some pictures of the Night Class students!
Random girl 9: What's so bad about taking a few? Oh, Ow!
Random girl 8: Are you okay? Can you walk?
Jessica: Hey! You're bleeding! This is so not good! Get back to your dorms now!
Random girl 9: Hey! Don't push me!
Jessica: Just do as I say! Go back! Who there?
Akatsuki: Oh? So you're the holder of the Stretch Stick? Well, of course. I should have known the principal plays favorites, especially with his daughter.
Random girl 9: It's Akatsuki Clark and Hanabusa Foster from the Night Class!
Random girl 8: I'm glad we came!
Hanabusa: Whoa! Whoa! We just came out here because we smelt some blood. You don't have to attack us. We just want some of the sweet, sweet blood we're smelling. Can we have some?
Random girl 9: Oh no, what should we do?
Random girl 8: We don't have any gifts for them!
Jessica: You'd better knock it off, Hanabusa, if you know what's good for you.
Hanabusa: Did you fall somewhere?
Jessica: What?
Hanabusa: The blood I was talking about… belongs to you Jessica.
Jessica: (Thinking to herself) Wait a minute, did I scape my hand on the tree? Don't come any closer, Hanabusa.
Hanabusa: You know what… I have to do now… don't you?
Random girl 8: Are those fangs?
Random girl 9: Like a vampire?
Jessica: (Thinking to herself) No, not here! (Talking out loud) Hanabusa, stop that! Do you hear me?!
Hanabusa: I still want more. May I drink the blood in your neck?
Jessica: No way, you can't! I'll never let you take what's mine!
Akatsuki: Hanabu-
Garry: Drinking someone's blood at school is against the rules. And you foolishly revealed your true form in front of two unsuspecting Day Class students.
Jessica: Not now, Garry!
Hanabusa: I didn't do too much harm. (Laser noise comes from the 'gun') (Gasp) That was scary!
(The pink cross has been replaced with a white ball of light and the 'gun' looks like a toy.)
Jessica: What did you fire that Light Orb for? I had everything under control!
Kaname: Please refrain from using the Light Orb Blaster here, Mr. Hothead. We would not want to create an even bigger mess.
Jessica: Hey! Kaname's here!
Kaname: Yes, yes. I'm here. I take care of Hanabusa while you two take care of those girls.
Hanabusa: Oh, my goose is cooked.
Kaname: Does that sound like a plan?
Jessica: Whadda ya say, Garry?
Garry: I guess we can let the pretty boy do his thing.
Kaname: Akatsuki.
Akatsuki: Yes sir?
Kaname: You were standing right there and you didn't stop Hanabusa? Well then, I'll deal with you later.
Seiren: Before you take these two girls to the principal's office, I will erase their memories of what happened. (The pink light surrounding her finger is gone.)
Jessica: I'm just glad this is over.
Kaname: I'll see to it that Hanabusa never bothers you again, Jessica.
Jessica: No, it's fine. He hardly did anything.
Garry: We're leaving!
Jessica: Ugh! Garry! What's wrong now? Let go of me? What's with you? You're always so rude to Kaname!
Garry: It smells too much like blood over there… It was making me sick.
Jessica: I'm pretty sure we're away from the smell now.
Garry: If they like the smell of blood so much, then I have even more of a reason to call them monsters.
Jessica: I don't understand what it's like to be a vampire. And I don't think I'll ever understand what it's like to be Garry.
(This next scene was edited very heavily. The bathroom was edited to look like a hallway. The mirror is now an open window. There is no hairdryer in Jessica's hand. Jessica is still in uniform.)
Jessica: (The frame is frozen to her staring out the 'window' during her inner monologue) I've known Garry since we were kids and I always thought that I knew how he felt. Why are things so complicated between us now? How can I change this?
(Cuts to Garry walking through the 'hallway'. He is in his pajamas and is not holding a towel.)
Jessica: Hey! Don't scare me like that!
Garry: I've forgotten where my room is, do you know, Jessica?
Jessica: Why are you taking off your shirt, here, in the hallway?! You're just asking for trouble, do you realize that? (Sigh) You know what? I don't care anymore. I'm just going to continue looking out this window.
Garry: (Sniffs)
Jessica: What the…?
Garry: At least you don't smell like blood anymore.
Jessica: Don't smell me! Would you just forget about what happened already, it's over. Funny, legends have it that humans bitten by a vampire also become vampires. But I feel just fine. It's just like years ago when this really mean vampire attacked me. What is it about my blood that makes all these vampires go crazy? But I better start shaping up! If I'm not able to defend myself in battle, then I can't possibly wear my school disciplinarian sash with pride.
(Heavy footsteps)
Jessica: Where's he in a rush to?
(Garry is outside.)
Garry: (Heavy breathing) Enough… (Heavy breathing) I don't want to hear about blood…
(Hanabusa's wine glass has been edited to look like a milkshake. He drops a 'candy' in but it does not affect the 'milkshake' in any way)
Hanabusa: We have detention ten days in a row? Oh well, I guess I can work on my spitball technique.
Akatsuki: If Kaname hears you, he'll get mad again.
Hanabusa: I don't care what he thinks! Sweet candy alone won't get me by. I need the sweetness that only human blood can provide.
Akatsuki: Fool!
Kaname: Shut up, you idiot! Think before you speak!
Hanabusa: I will! I promise!
Akatsuki: Aren't you just trying to get more attention?
Hanabusa: Who asked you, Akatsuki? Think before you speak! (The blue balloon that is usually above his head is gone.)
Jessica: (Thinking to herself) Today is a new day. What adventures await me now?
End
Okay, thank you all for reading this. I hope that this can become a regular series here on FanFiction.