This is my first attempt at an English fan fiction (I am not a native speaker), so please don´t be too hard on me. It was intended to be a One-shot but it is currently growing into something more.
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men.
My heart broke the moment I layed eyes on them, embracing, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow, like they didn´t know,that all my dreams shattered in this exact moment into a million tiny pieces.
Maybe they didn´t realize I was standing there in the doorway to Logans room. Or maybe they just didn´t care. I came here to tell my best friend, my protector, my secret crush, that the Professor finally found a way to help me with my mutation. It would need time and a lot of practice but I would be able to do it and then I could touch. But that didn´t matter anymore. Because the one person whose touch I craved didn´t give a damn.
When I finally snapped out of the trance-like state I was in and started to retreat, the Wolverine seemed to notice for the first time, that he was not alone with his prey. I saw his back stiffen before he turned towards me, eyes wide open, an expression of shock on his face. He started to open his mouth but I dindn´t catch what he said because that was when I started to run...
I didn´t realize I was crying, until my whole view was blurred with tears and I ran into something solid and warm that happened to catch my wrist.
"Woah, Rogue, hey, what´s wrong?" I heard the voice of Scott Summers, leader of the X-Men, asking. Why of all people did I have to run into him? I was in no state to tell him that his fiancee ( ! ) just cheated on him with my hero/love/crush. And honestly I didn´t want to hurt him. Although my inner Logan screamed at me to take the perfect opportunity and torment Scooter a little. "Hey Rogue, Rogue? Did you hear me? What´s wrong?", he sounded honestly concerned. I wiped the tears away with my left hand before facing my teacher and preparing myself to lie. But when I saw him, looking down on me, brows furrowed, a questioning look on his face, I couldn´t do it. But I couldn´t tell him the truth either.
"Please, Mr Summers, just let...let me...my room...", I managed to choke out while I was still shaken with sobs. "Ok, Rogue, hush, if you don´t want to talk about it, it´s ok. I´ll escort you to your room then.", he didn´t seem satisfied with my answer but he didn´t push the topic and I was thankful for that. He was always so understanding.
We walked silently to my room and he opened the door for me. He led me to my bed and turned when I sat down and hugged my knees. Somehow the tears just didn´t stop.
"Thank you, Mister Summers.", that was the least I could do. Thanking him for being so kind to me. I felt guilty for not telling him about Logan and Jean. But...
"No problem Rogue. If you need anything or just want to talk, don´t be afraid to ask, kay? I´m probably in Logans room for a while, we need to discuss his last danger room session, so you know where you find me...if there is anything...", he stopped mid-sentence when he saw my horrified expression.
"You can´t go to Logans room.", I spoke before I knew what I was saying.
"Why not?", He was obviously confused. Of course he was. Who wouldn´t be. I was acting like crazy.
"Because...because...you just can´t. Please, Mister Summers don´t go in there. Not now.", I plead. I knew he would still go or at least question me further. He was curious now.
"Rogue, what´s going on?", his eyes were piercing mine. I knew it, even if I couldn´t see his eyes through those ruby-glass lenses. "Come on, you can trust me. Is this about Bobby? Or Logan? Did you two have a fight?", he sat down at the edge of my bed, ready to listen to whatever I had to say and that was when I decided to simply tell him. He would find out sooner or later anyway, and I guess it was better he found out here, with no one around except a weeping girl, than in front of the whole school.
"I...I was with the Professor. He told me that he finally found a way to help me with my mutation. I´ll be able to touch...", Scott interrupted me, "But that is great! Aren´t you glad? That was what you always wanted right?", I smiled sadly. "Yeah...but that´s not the end of the story..." Scott put his finger over his mouth to show that he was going to be silent now and motioned me to go on. He made himself more comfortable and was now fully sitting on my bed. When he stopped shifting around I almost chuckled. He seemed so much younger now after this childish little outburst. But then I remembered what I was going to tell him. I was going to shatter his heart. No, Jean already did. I was trying to limit the damage or that´s what I was saying to myself.
"So I went to Logan to...to tell him...because...uhm...you know...", I didn´t want to admit my feelings for the Wolverine. Not in front of Scott. Not after all this.
"Because he´s your friend.", Scott simply stated. Before he winked at me.
"Exactly because he´s my FRIEND.", he didn´t buy it but he decided to let it go. I guess he knew I loved Logan anyways.
"And well...oh...I don´t want to be the one to tell you Mr. Summers...well he wasn´t alone.", I was afraid of looking at him. Afraid he had already figured it out, but for the X-Men leader he was rather dense at that moment.
"He...uhm...he was...with Dr. Grey.", it was out. And hell did I feet relieved. That was until I heard someone sucking in a breath violently and I focused on Scott. I hoped I didn´t have to say more. I hoped he didn´t ask about the details. I wasn´t ready to talk about that...
"I´m so sorry Rogue. I really am.", Scott looked at me as if I was the one with the cheating fiancee.
"What?", I was shocked to say the least.
"I said I´m sorry. It must have been awful to see the one person you love...with someone else.", he seemed honest about that.
"But what about you? I mean Dr. Grey is your fiancee...aren´t you devastated?", the question was a little blunt but...well...whatever. I just then noticed the single tear sliding down his cheek, before he harshly wiped it away. He clearly was devastated. I never exspected our fearless leader to cry. For me he was this ironwall where nothing could get through, but that was because he always kept his facade up. Until today. Until he just couldn´t do it anymore.
And that was when I first saw him: The real Scott. Not Cyclops, or Mister Summers. Just... Scott.
"What do you feel like?", he asked me. I shrugged. "I feel like my heart is broken.", I knew it was a cheesy line but that was how it felt, the ache in my chest. "You didn´t answer my question. What do you feel like?"
"Me? I feel like crap.", and that was when I started to shake with laughter, because of the irony of it all.. Logan and Jean were together, having fun and we, Scott and me, were here, together, talking about our feelings and crying over our lost loves.
"Why are you laughing?", Scott looked like a confused little puppy with his head popped to the side. He probably thought I lost my mind. But I didn´t care and I just couldn´t stop laughing.
After a few minutes when my laughter had finally subsided. He asked me again. But I couldn´t answer him at first. He didn´t seem like a guy to laugh about something like that. But then again he surprised me by just sitting here with me, of all people. I never expected Scott Summers to sit here with me talking about...well...you know...
"I just thought it´s ironic, you know. I mean Logan and Jean are up there...and...", I stopped when I saw his face darken. "What´s so funny about that?", he looked angry, infact he looked furious. Bad choice of words Rogue. "That´s not what I think is funny...it´s just...well you lost Jean and I ...oh let´s face it I lost Logan and now we sit here together and they are together...am I making any sense?", I seriously doubted it.
"The scary thing is, I think you are.", and that was when he smiled. I saw him smile. And it was breath taking. His whole face seemed to shine then...I felt me breath hitch as I looked into his eyes...or where I thought they would be. Damn lenses.
He was so close. I didn´t realize that we were just inches apart. He leaned forward, placing a ghost of a kiss on my forehead, whispering a "thank you" before he drew back.
He was long gone when I was finally able to think again.
I didn´t make it to dinner. I mean I didn´t have anything important to do...I just skipped it. Because first of all I wasn´t really hungry...I felt more...well...nauseas. Guess why?
And second...I didn´t want to face all my fellow students down in the hall, I wasn´t up to it yet...let alone Logan or Jean...I would probably suck her dry. Not such a bad idea actually. I could picture it in my mind...hope the professor is busy...
When Scott left it felt like I was falling into a hole of depression...It finally sank in: I lost Logan. And for good. I knew that. I was no competition for Dr. Jean Grey. Oh well...maybe I should turn down the sarcasm a little...I was brought out of my brooding by a soft knock on my door and Scott´s voice saying:
"Rogue? Are you in there? I brought you something to eat. May I come in?", he was always so polite. Even now after his heart had been ripped to shreds...
"Go ahead.", I wasn´t in the mood for company but I just couldn´t turn down Scott when he clearly just tried to be nice.
He came in and placed a tray of food on my nightstand. "Thanks Mr Summers.", I managed to say. My throat was sore from all the crying.
"Don´t mention it.", he said while waving his hand to show me it was no big deal. He smiled but somehow it looked fake and I didn´t like it. It was nothing compared to the breathtaking smile he flashed at me a few hours before.
"You brought quite a load here, Mister Summers. I don´t think I´ll be able to eat it all.", in fact load was quite an understatement to describe that huge pile of food. I guess he somehow managed to confuse me with an elephant.
"Well that's because I'm starving.", he winked at me before throwing me a questioning look.
I rolled my eyes. "Make yourself comfortable."
When he settled down I noticed how pale he was. Something wasn't right. I mean apart from his cheating fiancée. "Mr. Summers?"
"Yeah?"
"What´s wrong?", okay today just wasn´t my day. Again: Bad choice of words.
"Are you serious?", his cheerful façade was gone now. And once again I got the chance to see what I called the real Scott. It wasn´t like him to explode like that. Especially with a student around. But I guess he didn´t care anymore. He lost everything that was precious to him. He lost his love. Or actually it was taken. By Logan. Anger suddenly flared inside me. Logan had no right to do this. To destroy Scott's life like that. If he made me feel miserable, well okay, it wasn´t his fault that a little girl fell in love with him. But he knew that Jean was engaged and he did it anyway!
"What is wrong with me? Oh I don´t know…maybe I am a little disturbed by the fact that my fiancee…MY FIANCEE", he was practically yelling by now, "is cheating on me. Or that the guy she is currently with, not only stole my beloved, but also my job."
"What do you mean by "stole your job"?", he didn´t seem to hear me.
"I guess I not only suck as a lover but as a leader as well.", his voice was quiet, almost like a whisper. He seemed to have forgotten all about me, at least if you took his unfocused stare as an indication. I began to hate Jean for what she did to him. And I wondered why the professor did something like that. Why he thought that LOGAN, Mr. I-ONLY-CARE-ABOUT-MYSELF, could be a better leader of the X-Men than good-hearted, selfless Scott. There had to be some mistake. It was the only reasonable explanation.
"Uhm…Mr. Summers? You must have misunderstood something. The professor would never make Logan the X-Men leader."
That got him out of his trance. "No Rogue.", he sighed. "He just told me. He is going to announce it tomorrow.", he was defeated. "And I apologize for my behaviour, Rogue. I don´t know what to say. I shouldn´t have come here now. That was unacceptable. You have enough to worry about as it is, believe me, I didn´t want to burden you with my problems as well. Can you forgive me?", he shot me a sad look.
And with this words something inside me snapped. He didn´t have to apologize. And there was absolutely nothing to forgive. What was wrong with him? Why did he suddenly blame himself for everything? He should be furious at Jean or Logan or the professor but why did he punish himself? It was not his fault, none of it. But then it dawned on me: He was ashamed. Ashamed that he wasn´t good enough for his girlfriend, ashamed that he wasn´t good enough in his job, ashamed that he couldn´t manage to hide hid feelings from a little girl.
"Mr. Summers, now you listen to me, and listen closely, because I am only going to say this once.", my words came out harsher than I had intended. But I had his full attention now.
"It is not your fault that Dr. Grey cheated on you, all right? And the professor must be crazy to make Logan leader of the X-Men, when he has you. Everyone here admires you, Mr. Summers, you are the most selfless and trustworthy person I know, and an extraordinary leader. I don´t know why anyone would choose Logan over you.", Okay maybe that didn´t come out right, for his head shot up and I could feel his eyes on me. "As a leader I mean.", I added and his shoulders seemed to sink a little, but I guess that was just my imagination.
"Thank you, Rogue. That was very kind of you. But I am still your teacher and I shouldn´t come to a student to weep.", with this distant words he stood up and moved towards the door. What shocked me then was my fear to see him leave. I didn´t want him to leave. When he was with me I could forget about my loss because compared to his mine seemed so much less fatal. "No, please, don´t Mr. Summers.", my voice was shaking. Suddenly I noticed tears burning in my eyes. He stopped, hand on the door handle.
"I don´t want to be alone.", when he turned I saw his expression soften. "Of course, Rogue. I´ll stay if you want me to.", I nodded and motioned for him to sit back down.
"Well, you can´t expect me to leave this pile of food untouched.", he said and smiled.
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