A/N: This is adopted from njchrispatrick, and this entire first chapter is his work. I am posting it with permission. All further chapter will be my own.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, and Avengers is Marvel

Lily stormed into her apartment, slamming the door behind her. She pulled off her coat and tossed it haphazardly toward the coat rack, her scowl deepening when it fell to the floor. Her scarf, hat, and icy boots landed on top of it.

She stomped into her kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer from her fridge, popping the top off and taking a deep swig of it. This was followed by a loud belch.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" asked a voice behind her. Lily just gripped her bottle tighter and didn't turn around.

"None of your business," she muttered as she took another drink. There was a moment of silence before she heard the sound of shoes clicking on the hardwood floor. Lily could feel her friend coming up behind her, his breath on her hair.

"Don't lie to me," Tony Stark murmured as he pulled her back against him and hugged her. "Tell me what's wrong and Tony will make it all better."

Lily scowled and shoved his arms away, taking a step forward and turning to face him. "Leave me alone Tony!" she snapped, slamming the bottle down onto the counter.

His brow creased and his dark eyes filled with worry. "What's wrong Lily?"

Her anger deflated at her best friend's worry and she sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Men are dicks," she said finally, "and I am so done with them."

Tony paused and raised an eyebrow. "I'm gonna need a little bit more context Lils, or I might take offense to that." He gave her an exaggerated angry glare that made her laugh despite herself.

"Just some asshole. He's a sexist bigot." She clenched her fists and looked down at the floor. "He thought I didn't have any place working in the Department of Mysteries, and told me so. He said," and here she paused to clench her teeth, "that the only way a woman like me could get a job like that was being the boss's bitch."

The moment she said those words the beer can went flying across the room and into a wall, where it shattered. At the same time the kettle on the stove began to whistle, wind began to blow around the kitchen, and dishes started to rattle. When Lily realized she took a deep breath and the chaos stopped.

Tony pretended he hadn't noticed, just eyeing her in confusion. "Why was that insulting?" Lily stared at him in bewilderment and he continued. "I mean sure he was an ass, but the fact that he said that meant he felt threatened by you."

"It's not about that!" The redhead crossed her arms and shook her head. "It's the fact that he was treating me like I am some whore!"

"So? He realized that you are so special he couldn't believe it!"

Lily growled as she tugged on her hair at the thick-headedness of her friend. Unbeknownst to her, a slight static charge was tingling through the air. "What the hell Tony? Do you like people thinking that you are fucking Pepper and that's why she got where she did?"

"No, but it's a valid guess as to why!"

Lily stamped her foot down and the entire room vibrated. "You-you bastard!" She shrieked, shoving him with all her might and sending him stumbling backwards. "You dickhead!"

"Yea well at least I'm not a prude!" he shot back with a sneer.

"Better that than a whore!"

"And you'd know!"

Finally pushed over the edge, Lily let out a scream of pure rage. Her magic, controlled by emotions, swelled like a tsunami and lashed out at the source of her anger: Tony. It slammed into him and sent him flying across the room, cracking the drywall. There was no control to it, just her rippling fury and unconscious mind's drive to punish him. The energy wrapped around his body and made his skin feel like it was on fire as it began to twist and change him.

After what seemed like an eternity it vanished and Tony collapsed face-down on the floor with a groan. Lily was still standing, panting heavily since she had just used all that energy. Her head was clearing and she gasped when she saw Tony on the floor and realized what had happened.

"Tony!" she cried out, her anger forgotten as she ran over to him. Frantic fingers found his pulse and she let out a sigh of deep relief. "Tony I'm so sorry," she babbled as she turned him over. "I shouldn't have lose control like that and-" Lily cut off when she saw Tony.

His nose was broken and he had a few scrapes, but what drew her attention was lower. It was the new additions to his body, the suddenly tiny waist and wider hips. "Oh no, what have I done?" Lily whispered as she grabbed him. "Tony? Please be alright!"

She had never been happier to hear him groan "Lily" then she was now.

"What the hell was that?" he muttered as he opened his eyes. Then he shut them tightly. "Oh God my head!"

Lily helped him onto the couch, apologizing the whole time. "I'm so sorry Tony, I shouldn't have lost control of my magic like that."

He shook his head lightly though he winced at the ache. "No, no, it was my fault. I shouldn't have said all those things to you. I kinda deserved a kick in the balls."

Lily cracked a small smile before pausing. "Um… about that."

Tony's eyes opened and he looked at her worriedly. "What is it? Did something happen?" His eyes widened. "Did you crush my boys?" His hand crept down his body.

She couldn't hold back a small snort but schooled her expression. "Magic is unpredictable, Tony, especially when emotions are running high."

His hand finally reached his destination and he shot up into a sitting position. "What the fuck!?" he gasped. "Where'd it go?" He looked down and his eyes grew huge when he realized that his sight was blocked, and more specifically what was blocking it. "Are those…?"

Lily grimaced and nodded. "Tony, I don't know how to say this but… you're a woman."

The genius's shrill girly scream echoed through the apartment complex.

Tony stepped out of Lily's bedroom, doing the final button on his sweater. He'd had to borrow some of Lily's clothes because, while he had never been a tall man, he was an even shorter woman. "This is surreal. Also, this skirt is very breezy." He shot a grin at Lily as he entered the living room.

Lily didn't notice, hunched over a thick book, obviously near the end of it. She was moving her lips as she read each page, flipping it every few seconds. A quick glance up at Tony had her smirking. "You seem to have really gone all out," observed Lily, leaning back. "Going somewhere special?"

Tony glanced in the mirror and made a face when he(she?) noticed how weird he looked with a female face but short messy hair. "I was gonna go out and explore like this," he answered as he tried to make himself look less like a tomboy. "See the sights, be pretty, and maybe try sex."

It was a good thing that Lily hadn't been drinking anything or she would have spewed it everywhere. "What?" she spluttered, the book falling from her lap onto the floor. "Tony how can you even think of such a thing at a time like this?"

He shrugged as he turned back to her. "Lily, it's been five hours and you haven't found a way to reverse it. Maybe I can just try it out while you look?"

The redhead pursed her lips in disapproval and shook her head. "Even as a woman you are still such a man." But then she sighed and shrugged. "Fine, fine, you go get laid while I try to figure out how to reverse this." She picked the book back up and set it on the couch beside her. "This book is yet another dead-end. There isn't a spell to do this, and the potion is highly illegal."

"Can you make my hair longer?" Obviously Tony hadn't been listening to a word she said.

Lily rolled her eyes but withdrew her wand from her pocket. "Sure Tony. Crinis Maximus," she incanted, pointing her wand at him.

His hair began to grow at an alarming rate, flowing off his head, down past his ears, over his shoulders, and finally stopping almost halfway down his back. Tony shook his head and watched it fly all over. "God that's strange," the billionaire commented as he tugged on it lightly. Then he turned to his friend and offered her a bright smile as he headed for the door. "I'm off then, thanks for the change of clothes."

Lily responded snarkily, "It was the least I could do for stripping you of your manhood."

"Ha ha, you're a regular comedian." Tony opened the door and stepped out.

Lily suddenly remembered something and called out after him. "Don't forget condoms Tony! Being a girl means that you can get pregnant!"

She didn't hear his response before he slammed the door behind him. "I've got a bad feeling about this," she muttered.

Bruce Banner moved his glass back and forth across the bar, watching the amber liquid swirl in it. He lifted it and downed the rest of the alcohol in one gulp, placing it back on the counter and motioning for the bartender to refill it. He cast a glance around the room surreptitiously. No one who was in there looked suspicious, but then if they were a real threat they'd blend in. He was a scientist, not James Bond.

He turned to watch one couple dance to the music. Well, he wouldn't call it dancing; more grinding. Like sex with clothes on, disguised as dancing.

As Bruce took a sip of his new drink he figured that he really shouldn't be getting drunk like this. He should be moving, trying to keep ahead of those after him, but at the moment all he felt like doing was sleeping and relaxing.

A voice drew his attention and he turned to his right curiously. A woman had slid onto the stool next to him and had ordered a drink, watching him out of the corner of her eye. She was kinda pretty, though she seemed almost androgynous, but was clearly a girl. Though he could be wrong and it could be implants. But hey, what did he have to lose?

"Hi there," Bruce greeted with a smile, feeling a bit better when she returned it.

"Hello." An American accent colored her voice. She twirled one strand of hair lightly around a finger, clearly eyeing him. "What's your name?"

It had been a while since he had been hit on and gone with it, and he'd forgotten what it felt like. "Bruce." He held out a hand to her. "Bruce Banner."

She shook his hand. "Antonia, but call me Toni." Toni leaned on the bar and accepted her drink from the bartender as she turned back to Bruce. "So, come here often?" Very forward for a woman but Bruce kinda liked it.

He shrugged and shook his head. "No, my first time. I've been to England before, but never here."

"Same. I was visiting a friend of mine and decided to take a stroll while she did some work." Toni grinned at him again as she brushed her hair behind her ear, giving him a clear view of her neck, and suddenly his pants felt a bit tighter.

Bruce finished his glass and revelled in the slight buzz he could feel at the back of his head as he spoke again. "Last time was for a science convention. Had to give a speech on anti-electron collisions." Then he wanted to hit himself for sounding like a droning old professor.

Toni suddenly looked a lot more interested, which surprised Bruce. "Really?" she asked, turning to face him completely. "I'm more into engineering myself, but I adore particle physics."

That surprised Bruce quite a lot but it was also really sexy. He offered her a smirk. "Sexy and smart, quite a combo."

Toni hummed to herself as she knocked back a shot and slammed the glass down on the table. "Want to continue this somewhere more private?"

Bruce wasn't used to women being so forward but was all for it. "Sure," he answered, standing when she did. "What did you have in mind?"

When Tony woke up the next morning in a hotel room Bruce was gone, just leaving a note saying that he had to catch a plane and that their night had been one to remember. Tony agreed fully even if his lower parts ached from losing his female virginity. But it was worth it; Bruce was a muscular hairy stud and certainly a great fuck.

After taking a long shower Tony got redressed in Lily's borrowed clothes, still not used to the whole 'female' thing, and made his way back to Lily's apartment while trying not to look like he was doing the Walk of Shame.

"I'm back!" he called out in a sing-song voice as he stepped inside and kicked off the heels. God, how did women wear those? "How was your night, because mine was wonderful."

When he walked into the kitchen he was greeted with the sight of his best friend stuffing her face full of pancakes with her head buried in another book. Tony sighed and sauntered over to the table, dropping into the chair across from Lily and making her jump. "Morning," he greeted again.

Lily offered him a wry smile. "Hey Tony, how was your night?"

He just shrugged elusively and felt a twinge of satisfaction when her smile turned into an irritated frown. "Good."

"Anything else? Did you take it like a man, or did you dig in your nails and scream?"

Tony rolled his eyes at her as he swiped a strip of bacon from her plate, much to Lily's irritation. When he had eaten it completely he spoke. "It was an incredible experience, though I have to say I prefer being on the giving end. Speaking of which, did you find anything about that?"

"Yes, I found a way to reverse it. A potion, something I've never heard of." Her inner adventurer was obviously excited by the prospect. "It will take me a few days to gather the supplies for it though, you good until then?"

"Sure."

She stood from the table and turned to go, but looked back at him. "Oh, and Tony?"

He looked up from stealing her unfinished breakfast.

"Don't sleep with anyone else. If you get pregnant then this potion won't work."

Tony gulped, appetite suddenly gone, at the thought of getting pregnant. "Roger that." As he watched her saunter off he thought back to the night before and a chill shot up his spine. In the haze of lust, alcohol, sweat, and heat, he couldn't remember if the guy… whatever his name was, had remembered a rubber. "Well shit," he muttered to himself as he banged his head on the table. "Crap I hope I'm wrong."

Five days later it turned out that he was not wrong. For the first time in a long time he wished that he had been wrong, but the look on Lily's face told him how right he was. He had drunk that filthy potion three times and it hadn't done anything but given him a stomachache.

Twenty days later he woke up by running to the toilet and emptying his stomach into it. Every morning Lily would rub his back and give him a bottle of water to help clean the nasty taste out of his mouth.

Sixty days in his emotions were all over. He started bawling when Obadiah reprimanded him for taking such a sudden break from the company, and when a guy on the street wolf-whistled at him Lily had to hold him back from ripping the man a new one.

At five months he developed the most bizarre cravings. No matter how many times Lily told him it was perfectly normal, in his book craving sushi with mustard, pork rinds with ice cream, and oodles of noodles was not natural.

Except, no matter how much trouble it caused, he was coming to love his unborn baby. He talked to it, stroked his growing stomach, told it stupid stories, and put up with lots of Beethoven for it.

At eight months he looked like he was smuggling a watermelon. The doctor Lily had convinced him to visit told him that he was a bit larger than they'd expected and the baby was probably going to be quite a big one. He'd tried to put off knowing the gender until the birth, but his curiosity overcame him.

It was going to be a boy.

When he was nearing the final stretch he developed an obsession with cleaning. His ankles and back may have been sore and getting up may have been a pain in the ass-literally-but he wanted everything to be perfect for when his son came into the world.

His son, and wasn't that a terrifying thought. Tony wasn't cut out to be a parent, that much he knew. He was reckless, irresponsible, and nowhere near mature enough to take care of a baby.

Tony started calling the baby Bentley. It was the name of one of his favorite car when he was a kid, and it was a stupid choice, but he thought it sounded kinda cute. Bentley Stark.

A week before the expected due date his water broke. Lily had helped the panicking shemale to the hospital, where his doctor was waiting. It took twelve hours of screaming, pushing, and general pain before the boy was out and screaming his little head off. Well, not so little; Bentley had been pretty big at 8.5 pounds, and Tony figured that he got it from his biological father.

His son was adorable. A light dusting of black hair coated the top of his head and his big staring eyes were a shade of nearly neon green that worried Tony. However, the doctor said that it was nothing to be worried about, as bizarre as it was for the boy to not be born with generic blue eyes.

Then came the hardest part of all. Tony knew that him being absent for a year had stirred up the press, and he knew that coming back with an illegitimate son in tow would cause an explosion of media. Everyone would want pictures of the littlest Stark, they would want to know who the mother was, and they would overwhelm Tony. Worst of all, it would put his son in danger. People would kidnap him for ransoms, they would kidnap him for blackmail, they might even kill him to get back at Tony, and that was something Tony would NOT allow.

So he had turned to Lily, his best friend, who had been there for him since day one. She was to marry her long-time boyfriend James in a month. James was a nice man, Tony rather liked him. But the biggest thing was that James couldn't have children because of a spell he had been cursed by during a fight.

Tony entrusted his officially unnamed son to Lily and James to raise. They named him Harry James Potter. Personally Tony didn't love the boring name but never said a word. He would visit once a month, as often as he could. Harry never knew him as a parent, just a sort of fun uncle who brought toys. Surprisingly enough Harry turned out to have magic, which as far as they could guess came from the manner of his conception.

It was as good of an arrangement as Tony could have hoped for, until Lily and James were killed and Harry was carted off to Lily's bitch of a sister, Petunia, and her obese husband and son. Tony knew that they would not take well to Harry and his magical gifts, and so he intervened.

He paid off the Dursleys so that they would keep Harry happy. They would not let him visit, but he could still be a guardian angel to his son. He sent birthday gifts, christmas gifts, and letters every month. He kept an eye on his son's grades and was happy to see that the boy was clever as could be.

Everything seemed to work like clockwork. Until two months after Harry's eleventh birthday, when a white owl appeared at Tony's window.